He wasn't a gambler
Anything risky with his heart he didn't take
Feelings compromised by false mistakes
All the chips he has
Kept safe
To selfish to place them on the table to play
Past bets almost emptied his bank
Lessons taught him what you lose isn't greater then what you gain
Always rolled snake eyes
Seven or elevens he didn't see
Until one day
He met the one
Promises of love brought out his chips
Now he was back in the game
At the gambling table
Chips in a neat row
But one by one they started to go
Every roll or a play of cards
He start to see she wasn't what he wanted
He lost more then what he wanted to get
Her promises of love
Didn't win him any chips
She was a counterfeit

She smokes
She chokes

She laughs
She cries

Blue eyes
Blue sky

Salty tears
Stained eyes

French inhale
Exhales soot

Laughter
And death

Clouded lungs
Foggy room mixed with ***

She can't admit she's hurting
She can't accept he's gone

She smokes
She chokes

She cries
Gets high, she French inhales

Drip drip
Was all I could hear
From the faucet
Coming from downstairs
The noise like poison
It echoed off the walls
Down the halls
And leaped into my ears
Under the bed I laid stale with fear
Drowning in a pool of tears
Drip drip
Was all I could hear
As it pierced through the silent air
No longer muted by the sound of her screams
Or the sound of the ax
Being whipped through the atmosphere
While it hacked
I heard bones crack
Skin split
Muscles tear
As they were attacked  
Drip drip
Was all I could hear
The smell of blood was so loud
It lingered over my head like a cloud
As I remained hidden
Until your footsteps
Finally went away

I stare at you from behind the glass
Freshly from your mothers womb
You lay there peacefully in this room
Wrapped in white
Your an angel no doubt
There's my baby girl
Mine
Your perfect
Even the heavens rejoice
The sky weeps in joy
Rainbows pierce the clouds
Staring at you warms my heart
Nothing would tear us apart
The memories we will create
Your first steps
Your first words
Even your first heart ache
From the **** you use to date
Will be all on tap
Your fates good deed
I'll protect you forever
I will endure your pain
As I stare at you from behind this glass
All I can say
There's my baby girl

Where did I go?
Well if you must know
I'm here right here
In the lines you read
These words your reciting
I made myself apart of this poem
Now we are one in the same
I put a piece of me in these anyway
Why not go all the way
Imprinted here
Forever I'll stay
If you ever need me or wonder where did devante go
I'm here right here
In between these sentence
I am each word
So now you know

How she felt

Could never compare to his

Feeling miserable shouldn’t be a competition

But if it was

He’d surely win

He couldn’t escape his emptiness

It was hooked to his ankles

And his wrist like chains

He would hide in music

Blast it in his ears

Hoping to rebuke it

He only felt emotions as the songs played

And as soon as they ended, he immediately felt alone

But he didn’t know where to turn

And often flirted with death

In the form of a loaded gun and a bottle of pills

Sitting on the shelf

He could never do it

As much as he hated life

He wanted to live

So he’d laid in bed and wondered

Why he felt dead inside

Are you even real
Or was it in my loneliness and seclusion
That my imagination created you
Her eyes bright green
As if she knew
How much I find them so attracting
They’re suffocating and almost crippling
It’s weakening
But are they even real
Because when I look in your eyes
It’s almost as if they’re telling me
Go and hide
Behind this coloration
You’ll find deception
But I don’t know
I can’t go
I’ve been entangled in her words
As if she knew what I wanted her to say
I’m her first love
She only wants me
How can I turn and leave
When these words are so poisoning
They race through my veins
Rotting me
And only she holds the cure
Are you even real
I need to know
My mind says no
But when she speaks her voice melts me
And I can’t help but get lost in her ocean
But I don’t understand
To me you’re perfect
From your hair to your smile
But I can’t even hold your hand
Which leads me to believe
You’re just my imagination

Hush
Don't say a word
Just sit back an observe
And watch everything I do
As the thirst for my body grows inside of you
You fight to control
What doesn't belong to you
That burning desire you feel inside
It's mine and doesn't belong to you
Trying to fight it is futile
The wicked truth
Is revealed by the flashes in your eyes
And the sweat
Climbing ever so slowly down your neck
Don't be ashamed
It can't be tamed
Instead give in
And let me guide you
Keep your hands fixated on my hips
And your eyes locked on mine
As I bite your lips
And tease you
With short breaths to your chest
While one of your hands venture to my breast
But this is only the beginning of the test
How far are you willing to go
This one time won't **** you
And our wives don't have to know

I don’t want to fight
Or be at war
But you
You drew you sword
Ready to charge
Contempt in your eyes
You rather us shed blood
Just to protect you pathetic lies
And there I stand
Pen in hand
Fueled by anger
Slowing pulling me under
Hate building in my heart
Eye swollen
Because of the inability to cry
You’ll never know how I feel
Unless I put them between the lines
Ive alway hid how I feel
But even faced by your steel
I still
Rather write my truths
Pass them on
Then directly expose my secrets to you
Hypocritical
Blamed you
Like I’ve done no wrong
I could at least commit them to paper
But you chosen to slash
And split my skin
Then expose what you’ve kept within
And even if I die
What I’ve wrote will always be found in between the lines
But your sword will eventually rust and crumble to dust

You’re a man
Taught you must be strong
Dig some more
Are you feeling sad ?
No that’s wrong
So dig some more
That better be sweat
Or are you crying
I don’t want to see a drop
So dig some more
You’re hurting
Missing her bad
So dig some more
You’re winching In pain
Is that from the splinters
Are the blisters
So dig some more
I don’t want you to feel anything
Not anymore
There’s no time to be sore
Become numb to it all
So dig more
You’re only 6 feet down
But we’re not done now
So dig some more

If you needed help
I was there to save the day
No superpowers
No cape
But I’d carry your pain
Off into the folds of space
And sacrifice my happiness
Just to see a smile or your face

Whenever you felt like you had nothing left
And wanted to give your last breath
Just to walk on the side of death
I was there
To offer my life force
Just so you could live on

If you felt weak
I was there
To be that pillar for you to step on
I’d be your strength
I could handle it all
I thought I was that strong

But when I slipped and fell
Could no longer deflect bullet shells
When my flesh was under destress
I couldn’t count on any of you
There was no one there
To yell
To encourage
Or motivate me to get up

Defeated
No longer devoted to his crusade
Broken
No longer in the business to save
You’re so called hero
Has joined the other side
Where stealing, hurting and pain pays

There's nothing better then pain
Wanting to be happy was to much of a strain on her
She wanted to take a gun a lodge a bullet In her brain
But she's a Christian
So she's scared of the everlasting pain
Well that's what she'd been taught
****** to hell
If she was the one to cut the string to her own bell
But she's confused
Wanting to be happy caused her strain
And this strain lead to pain
Now she's wanting to end her life
But she's afraid of everlasting pain
In her heart is Confliction
She doesn't know where to turn
So use to pain
She became numb to happiness
But in her heart of hearts just just wanted to feel loved
But this thing called pain can cause addiction
And hurt was her drug
She felt like a walked on rug
A hand me down
She was the one not seen in the crowd
To her the was nothing more better then being alone
At least when it hurts she could feel comfort in her own arms

Her favorite color is purple
But I don’t know how to write a poem about that

When the earth is at a perfect stand still
I can feel the tilted axis
Gravity hugs me before the sunlight kisses me
I can feel it weighing me to the ground
When it's so quiet
The presence of no sound is the only sound
I can feel the earths core beating beneath my feet
Pushing and pull
As I walk along the fault lines
I'm up before the birds
Out of my whole before the worms
There's a storm in me
But mornings are to peaceful
To wake up angrily
As I wonder through the darkness
The world never seem so bright

She was so excited
It's been awhile since she's been on this kind of ride
Wishing it would last forever
Nervous like she's never done this before
Her palms are sweaty
Insides feel like they've been tied in a knot
All she can do it think of the terrifying drop
She's next
Closes her eyes to gain composer
When she opens them
It's already over
And she's laying on the ground
Still screaming thinking she's ∩dsᴉpǝ poʍu

Your promises were like glass
I watch them get brush off the counter
And landed on the ground with a smash

Good news is all they want to hear
So I lie when their near
All the while what I’m suffering with
Whispers in my ear
But my pain you’ll never know
Peering in
But you can never see passed the closed door
Pills gulped behind it
Red
To take away the aches
White to relax
Down the hatch
Splash
What an impact
On the couch I crash
Closed eyes
Helps stop the world from spinning
Motionless
Keeping the contents in my stomach from spilling
Groggy
To weak to adjust my laying arrangements
Text shows I’m needed
Everyone’s so damage
What I’m feeling is back seated
I have no time to hurt

Should I hate you
Or date you
Should I take you back
Or throw you away like a old mat
I'm not sure how I should feel
This doesn't seem real
You use to make me happy
But now I feel ******
I'm confused
Felt like I was used
For you to be amused
I want to believe that you could do better
But you words were like a feather
Easy swept up in the wind
Never have I been this confused

If I needed you
Right this second
I've been shot
Stabbed
Hit by a reckless driver in a cab
It's an emergency
My life isn't just on the line
I feel myself dying
Bodies becoming cold like the pavement
My heartbeat
Is starting to fade
I'm fighting to stay conscious
But everything seems to be in a daze
And there's only one person I can think of
You said you'd miss me when I'm gone
Is that really true ?
Because I'm calling
Because I'm dying
And all I wanted to say
Is I love you
But as usual
I can never get through
"I'm sorry the person you have called has not set up there voicemail, goodbye"
**** oh well

Its 42 degrees out
For Texas weather
That’s considered cold
To me
It’s just a reflection
Of my heartbeat
And if you want to know the temperature of my soul
The weather would have to be below zero

I’ll never forget how this started
A simple compliment
Nothing fantastic
Or dramatic
A didn’t swoop in fast
With some sort of smooth line
I wasn’t trying to sweep you off you’re feet
I just couldn’t keep my words to myself
Contemplation in the way
But I’m going to say it anyway
This all started
Because I said you had pretty eyes

Clears throat
Even when I try to breath it hurts

Because inside everythin is broke
I want to be helped

But afraid of being healed
Slam shut my eyes, and pretend everything is not real

Control by my vicious thoughts
Trapped in my **** mind

I want out
Have the key to the locked door

But barricaded myself in
I’m In pain

It’s stiffing
Pretending no, delusional maybe so

It’s as real as the wind
And I’ve been at war inside my own skin

Almost beating into submission
But I refuse to give up

I’ll fight my demons two by two
Welcome them aboard my ark

And I’ll win
No matter what

Or til death
Do us part

Teeth chipped
From when I was clipped
Love is hell
And as I fell all
All I could do was yell
And on my way down
There was no soft ground
Only the concrete
Which eventually I would meet

Hurt more times then I’ve expressed
There are things I should’ve let go
But instead I’ve put them to bed
And let them rest in me
Cuffed to past pains
Betrayals turned to chains
That I remain shackled to
So I close
Rather then be exposed
To the world and those that still see life in me
Swatted away attempts to be rescued
As a man hurt is often my companion
Raised and swayed to think that way
But once my perspective is flipped
Failures and lessons turn to small victories
Now I see
How rewarding it can be
To live and to love
Even while hurt
Not completely healed
But still
If necessary a man should live with a hearting heart
Rather then closed one

Its been awhile sense we last talked
Dont get me wrong you've still been in my thoughts
At night I ask myself
Should I do it now?
No not now
I've done things im ashamed of
You probably won't listen anyway
The things I say wont reach you
You too far away
I've been shot into another dimension
Where there's no you
And anyone that knows you is a fool
So I walked the same path with my primitive brothers
Lusting after girls who batted there eyes toward me
Corrupted thoughts in my head error error
They shouldn't be there
But I can't help it  
I am week
The path I chosen is an cheap illusion
And this world is a failed magician
Its final trick is to get me to commit to its wicked ways
I know what I must do
Commit suicide to this illusion
I wont be so easily wooed
Tonight I start a new
Its a new day
When I finally pray

Dragons breath
Nothing left

Cheap wine
Quick death

Lonely man
Bad rep

Rumor mills
Loved spilled

Broken hearts
Empty chest

6 long years
Disappeared

Now he's alone
Wishing she'd come back home

Until then

He sips dragons breath
Hoping it'll light a fire

Deep in his belly

She took my hand and escorted me to this cliff
Drawn by the words I loved you and I wish you were here
She was the late night whispers in my ear
But just before he words held value she disappeared
She wanted me to die for her
Loving her was like cutting my veins
The bleeding constant like a stream
She clutched an empty pill bottle
Drowning me in water hoping I OD
Often she was there when I was sleep
With a pillow glued to her hands
I want you bad It's suffocating
Like a plastic bag
She introduced me to misery and we became close friends
But love always stuck by my side
Poking me in the back with a stick
Hoping I'd fall off the cliff
And even though she tries to **** me
Her failed suicidal attempts keep me

Assume everyone will betray you and you will never be disappointed

-Tobias Beckett

You won't find a tag hanging from my body
And inscribe on it the word black
No in fact i am not black
I am me

Perfectly sculptured by the gods
She was a sight to see
Eyes glowing under the moonlight
Our meeting was something like a fairytale
I fell in love the first time she looked at me
The first time she smiled at me
The first time we kissed our hearts intertwined
Beating in unison
She said we would always be
She promised she would never leave me
Two girl in love ready to take on the world
Then she left
She abandoned me
But I will not give up so easily
She will always be mine
Whoever gets in my way will meet there demise
Always watching from the shadows
Lurking behind every corner
The memory of her face color of her skin
Branded in my mind
I can't stop thinking of her
How much she hurt me
And if I can't have her
No one can
She will only live on
In my memories

I can take that feeling away
Of you wishing you were never born
I can give you purpose
You know you don't have one
I can give you peace
Excitement
A reason to want to live
Do you want a glamorous life
Do you want power, money and fame
I can take away the shame
That disappointment shackled to your back
I can erase the pain
The heart aches
The embarrassment of others doing better in life then you
I got what you want
You have something I need
But I can't give you all this for free
First there's something you got to give to me
You won't even know it's gone
Like it wasn't ever there
Just sign here
Grant me permission to take something from you
What's a lifetime of happiness
Vs a little soul

The Good
Promises of ever lasting happiness
Two beings intertwined by faith
“It’s destiny”
You constantly remind me
Dreams of me and you
I was a lonely flower
Never watered
Never nurtured
Until you walked into my garden
Placed me in your hand
Planted me on fertilized land
I accepted your love
Finally we were good
Maybe to good to be true
Two people in love
On a mission
To prove to each other, our love was true

Bad
But doubt was never far behind
It stood back at a distance
Watching
Waiting for the perfect time
For it to invade my mind
It crept into my thoughts
Switched wires
Pushed the wrong button
Flipped on random switches
Made me believe
You’d never love me
What if you leave
What if this is all a lie
I don’t think this is meant to be
But you were diligent
Determined to prove your love
You’d fight to the death
And wouldn’t rest
Caught a case of the love bug

Ugly
Where’d you go ?
We can make it
But you were a no show
You’re gone
Left
Without a reason
Without a trace
Now I’m haunted with memories
Tortured by Visions of your smiling face
And your greens eyes
What happened to us?
Where did it go wrong
I believed every word you said
Hung on every I love you
Like lyrics from a song
I was prepared to hand you my heart
Gift wrapped it
Shipped it to you
I guess I was wrong
Now I sit here
Sad and stuck
Friends tell me to move on
Others say **** it up
Pain heals with time
You’ll get over it
But how can I forget someone that just vanished

People always leaves
There friendship and love weak as the summer breeze
Torn themselves off your woven sleeve
Nothing is forever
Their only here for a moment
Quick to disappear as a sneeze
Offered to be around for whatever you need
But can't be found
Promises to help you tear away your suffocating past
But when times get tough gone in a flash
Nothing is forever
Helped you build a foundation of new love
But never there to finish the construction
When they leave it's always in distruction
Turns out they were really here for nothing
Nothing is forever

It's your turn to hurt
And to feel betrayed
I'm going to make sure this kills you
And puts you in a grave
What you made me feel
For you
It's going to be ten times worse
As our lips touch
I'll be thinking of you
Hoping from this angle you'll get a perfect view
My hands trace the lining of her pants
I envision the look on your face
Watch close as this unfolds
She tightens her grip on me
As I begin to unbutton her clothes
I think of you shaking your head no
I hope you disapprove of what I'm about to do
Because I'm doing this for revenge
To get back at you

My demons are like wolves
They run in a pack
Snarling and growling
Ready to attack
And the hairs on their back
Stand up like blades of grass
Foaming at the mouth
Snapping their teeth  
And biting at my feet
No matter how far apart my strides
I can’t outrun them
Anymore then I can outrun the sun
That streaks across the morning sky

I’ve lasted this long
But the hunt is still on
Cries for help
Get lost in the night
Blood leaks from rotted bites
Wounded from past fights
The woods stained red
All over the branches, leaves and trees
Even on the twigs that snap underneath my feet
And ever so often
If you’re close enough
You can hear echos of my shrieks
Whispering through the air
Because now one has ahold of me
It’s teeth rips and tear at my flesh
I can tell as I scratch at its eyes
It’s goal is my demise
Canines all the way to the bone
And as I look back
Here comes the pack
I must free myself
Of what has a hold of me
Because if I don’t..

Happiness is but a fleeting light
For some
It’s like trying to catch lightning in a bottle

I’ll cry for you
Ball out my heart
So much so
That my heavy tears
Just my split the pavement apart
No more hiding
No more lies
I’ll cry for you
Expose the feelings
That’s been hiding in the dark
I’ll cry until my eyes are no longer red
I’ll cry until the black lines under my eyes give
I’ll cry until the hidden scares are healed
I’ll cry for you
That’s something I usually don’t do
I’ll cry for you
Maybe I already have

I can’t look at myself in the mirror because I’m scared of what I might see
The man looking in
Outspoken and proud
Artistic and witty
His head seems to be in the clouds
And man he’s got a great smile
But the man that’s looking out
Pouts
Bags hang low like luggage
Eyes redder then freshly killed shark prey
You can tell his been crying for awhile
His lips sealed shut
His one black tooth makes him ashamed to smile
But the man looking in says
This tooth makes me unique
Yeah only and idiot would believe that too
I can’t look at myself In the mirror
It’s to easy to peak into my broken soul
I’m corrupted down to my roots
And I’ve tried yanking them out
But there’s no use
My reflection is so ugly
But i guess I did this to myself

I thought I just saw god
But I was wrong
It was just headlights from a car
I was searching for something good
That’s when he sent me an angel
And it’s angle
Fix the loneliness in my heart
For a moment it worked
I submitted to love
Entirely
Foolishly
Once my loneliness was gone
My angel
Sent from heaven
Turned into a demon
An agent from hell
And its goal
Was to leave me depleted
It snatched away the love
Leaving my soul
Empty
Not broken
Not in pain
Not full of rage
No it’s goal was for me not to feel anything
I felt the heat from love
Only for a moment
But now
I’m cold

I stopped chasing rainbows because they didnt lead to you

I shoved her into the closet
Shh don’t make a sound
My mom is home
And I don’t want her to know you’re around
I’m not ashamed of you
Even though
I keep you hidden like a ******* magazine
It’s just I’m not use to this
So for now you can’t be seen

Ok the cost is clear
I’m sorry I had to hide you
But you know the routine
It’s been drilled in me to show no emotions
No love
No fear
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs
Quick
Under the bed
Don’t talk and hide your head
It’s not that I’m afraid
But I’m just a broken person
It might be to late for me to be saved

I have to go to work now
So you’re free to roam around
Just don’t let anyone know you’re involved with me
I’ve already brag to the guys
Me and you will never be

I came home today
You were no where to be found
I checked underneath the bed
Even between the sheets
You weren’t in the closet
I threw out all the clothes
And in my frantic panic
I exposed who you were
You were the loved I kept a secret
The feelings I denied
The emotions I tried to hide
I tried to keep it on the low low
But now
Everyone knows

Her lipstick smeared and slightly faded
Some of the curls in her hair sweated out
She takes a long inhale
Then exhale a toxic smoke from the cancer she's smoking
Her eyes sparkle from the moonlight seeping between the blinds
But there dead, empty
She's bored
And as she lays in bed
She thinks of ways to ****** the next
While there's a guy laying beside her she just met
He rolls over wanting to cuddle
Like a puppy wanting a treat
She waves him off not wanting to commit
She takes one more inhale
An lets the smoke sits and gather in her lungs
Then gets dressed
Not even a goodbye
Her interest burns fast
Like a encent  
On a windy day
And even though he wants her to stay
She walks away not looking back
Baiting him
She knows he'll never forget this night
But she will, she always does
Wait what's his name?
Forgetfulness is one of her greatest skills
She does this just for fun
To feel the void while she's on break
Can't do this with the boys at school
No
They think she's a good girl
But tonight there's an extra twist in her walk
A deeper stride in her steps
She wants everyone to watch
Like they always do
An tomorrow she'll just do it again

I don’t know how to feel
I smile
But that grin you see on my face
Yeah it’s not really real
I laugh and chuckle
Even clutch my abs tight
So you think the emotional I’m showing is true
It’s fabrication
Fiction
But your unable to see
That the happy expression on my face
Really isn’t me
The jokes I crack are just a distraction
In reality
There’s sadness stuck in my throat
But I’ll do everything I can so it won’t show

I mean well
But I can’t stop my mind

I want to be left alone
Not because of you

Because loneliness is what I’ve always known
Currently how I am

I don’t deserve happiness
And happiness is a package deal that comes with you

Visions of us hugging, cuddling
It plagues my thoughts

You’ve invaded my mind
I must stay away from you

That’s what the saddens in my heart say
But my conscious wants you to stay

I don’t know what I should do
So I do what I always do

I’ll distance myself
And hope I don’t lose you

I was lost
Felt like a *** of paper
Tossed to the side
To unimportant to be picked up
I've never felt so low
I was broken
Like fire fly
Who's **** didn't glow
Maybe I should buy a gun
And scattered this wicked thoughts in my brain
But I've never been the one
To hurt myself
By my own hands
I couldn't slit my own wrist
Or even punch myself
With my fist
Even if I ever did contemplated suicide
I couldn't commit

I don't know which way to turn
Or to go
I picked a trail we could walked together
Hand in hand
But we switched lanes
Taking us each In a different direction
Now I'm walking away from you
As you see me go I ask why should I stay
But you just stare pass me into empty space
I try to smile this pain away
But it's like trying to stay dry when it's pouring rain
You were my beat up umbrella
I still tried to make you work
But as time pass we both feel hurt
So this path I'm on now I'll walk alone

I won’t be a victim of this love ****
Either hate me
Or love me
Date me or forget me
That’s it