I've been here before
Stood in front of this door
The suns out
It's open but inside pitch black
I remembered what happen if I venture inside  
I died
So why am I going inside

What are we
I can't put this in a title
Technically this we
Isn't as solid as we'd like it to be
My dreams are more real then you and me
At times I'm confused
Abusing my brain
Tidal waves of rushing emotions flood in
I often think this is just a ruse
Faking each other out
The I love you doesn't out weigh the conflicts
It's just another counterfeit  
This we is just a contorted painting
Of a gremlin trying to scratch it's blind spot with a rubber stick
It just don't make sense  
How it will end just adds up the suspense
But it's predictable like a stencil
This we has already been drawn In
Written In pen
By the holy man
Maybe it is he who can tell me
What is the we,
We like to call you and me
I just don't see how it's been 5 months sense you last called me
And expect me just not to up and leave
But I guess it's the dream of we that keeps me
Now I see why people name there daughters hope
But I have a knife to hopes throat
Threatening it not to go
But another 365 days of this
And this we that we conjured up
Just can't be
Because I still don't know what we are

Im still among you
Even though you can't see me
Im the thing that gives you goose bumps
Im that extra shadow you always see
Im want haunts you in you dreams
I watch you wake up screaming
Im the knock on your wall
I make your skin crawl
Dont be afraid
You know me
You loved me
I told you I would never leave you
So here I am
A wandering soul
Sought on being with you
I know you'll move on
Find another
But ill be watching from the shadows
Waiting
And when you need me
I'll be that warm comforting presence
That will never be leaving

I am talking to you but you won't talk back
Then I yell
And it turns to screams
Why won't you talk back
I know you hear me
Your looking right at me
We're making eye contact
But you sit there an stare
Not saying a word
So I stare back
You comfort me
Your glowing light
Calms me
I feel like your all I have
But your boring
Like talking to a wall
An sometimes your not there at all
But when I saw your halo
I was amazed
How there can be something so beautiful about you
Even though you still ignore me

What do you do when there's not a person made for you
Do you keep looking
But everything you pursue
Falls apart at the end like you used cheap glue
Cutting yourself trying to put the pieces back together
Over time finally you give up and meet someone new
To you this is just another experiment
You know it's going to fail
But you try like hell
In the beginning you mean well
In the depths of your mind
You know its just a matter of time
Before this ticking time bomb goes off an explode
And erode everything you to strove for
No matter what you want a person made for you in this world
But there not out there

Welcome to my home
And uninvited guest
That swept in like a storm
Sat next to me as I slept
Banged on my chest
Now I know why my heart aches
Pushed away the other feelings
Dried them out like a dessert storm
Now all I feel is you
No your in my head
Beating my brain
I close my eyes and all I see is you
You slumped into my lungs
All I breath is you
Harden me
Trained me not to care
Your the blood I bleed
The taste on my tongue
The aroma I smell
What would this world be without you
How would a heart break feel If you weren't there to comfort
What would a cut feel like
If you were absent at the seen
What emotion would take place if I broke my arm an you weren't around
What would I feel
Let's face it
You wouldn't feel anything without pain

Once I looked past you I finally seen the stars

I have a burning sensation to tear you apart
Tongue kiss you with acid dip lips
And watch you lips bubble and dissolve
You don't know how much I hate you
You say you need me
But I just want to break you
Shake you back an forth
Until you're dislocated from your bones
Trusting you was a mistake
Now I will put all my faith in my hate
I want to see your heart break
As you read the look on my face
I hope you know it's to late
And as I walk away
Look into my eyes
I hope you can see the hate

It's hard to believe that she cares for me
The static in my head crackles loud
Her notions that she can be trusted gets muffled
I'm just a closed bottle
With this static noise inside louder then a throttle
Blasting like a jet engine
Whiles she's trying to get in
Everything she does is just diverted by the wind
That's howling
Twirling like a world wind
Blowing her away
Keeping the way she feels at bay
There's to much interference inside me
With all this static there's no way she can reach me

If I told you how i feel
Would you really listen
Blood gushes from a fresh wound
Melting the snow
When struck by the sun it glistens
Thoughts run wild
Fear a wolf that roams free
Cornered
And it has me back to a tree
Mouth tented red
Pieces of me missing
Wedge in between its teeth
Panting hides it’s face behind a veil of steam
Strands of fur sticks to my hands
Proof I withstood the attack
It sits
As I slump to the ground
Eyes fixated on me
I can sense it’s frustrated
Shifting its feet
Unsure what to do
Because if it kills me
It would cease to exist too

Hello again it's me
You've cast me from your thoughts
In the hopes you could forget
But you can never get ride of me
I'm the thing that keeps you strong
Knocking on the back of your mind
When you thought of letting someone in
Wasn't it I who told you that was wrong
You don't need anyone else
Just me
You're the king in this solitary kingdom
Forever you will reign
And I your lone advisor
The whisper in your ear
I'm that chill
That trickles down your spin
I'm that one passenger
That sits in the back of your bus
Riding shotgun
There's no one that could stop us
It's just you and me
There's nothing wrong with be friends with lonely

Hate
Hate
Hate
I tried it your way
I even behaved
But I was only left feeling betrayed
Now I hide in my room
Like it’s some sort of a dark cave
And I only come out
To rebuke happiness
And curse all your names
No one should be alone on Christmas?
What about all the other days

You're going to appreciate me when I'm gone
Who else is going to drive to your house
In the middle of the night
For a midnight talk
Who else is going to blow up your phone
When you disappear
Hoping nothing went wrong
Who's going to send you long *** texts
Every night
Hoping they start your day off right
As the sun rises
Out shining the moon light
Who's going to take you back
After you snuck off
And spent time with your ex
Bet you don't remember me wanting to take you "niece" to chuck e cheese
Before I knew she was more then just a niece
Who else would happily step up
And take care of the baby
Who else is going to stay awake
All night long
Trying to figure out what went wrong
I give and you just take
But you've made a mistake
If you don't think I notice how you treat me
I'm still here
But for how long
You're going to appreciate me when I'm gone

If you needed help
I was there to save the day
No superpowers
No cape
But I’d carry your pain
Off into the folds of space
And sacrifice my happiness
Just to see a smile or your face

Whenever you felt like you had nothing left
And wanted to give your last breath
Just to walk on the side of death
I was there
To offer my life force
Just so you could live on

If you felt weak
I was there
To be that pillar for you to step on
I’d be your strength
I could handle it all
I thought I was that strong

But when I slipped and fell
Could no longer deflect bullet shells
When my flesh was under destress
I couldn’t count on any of you
There was no one there
To yell
To encourage
Or motivate me to get up

Defeated
No longer devoted to his crusade
Broken
No longer in the business to save
You’re so called hero
Has joined the other side
Where stealing, hurting and pain pays

This puddle I try to avoid
The uncertainty of how deep it goes
I rather not know
So I tip toe
Around it
To cautious to take even a dip
Afraid I might slip

But this puddle  
You splash in
Dance and dash through
Until your clothes are soaked
And It drips from you
Un phased by its weight
As the water tugs on you

The last time I saw your face
It was naked
Now you bare a beard
It’s weird to see
How much you’ve aged
All your black hairs, outnumbered by the grays
The skin on you face seems to sag
Even your gold tooth looks beige
But what you fail to notice
Is the rage in my eyes that’s hidden behind the black shades
I don’t hate you
But the resentment in my heart
Makes me want to serve you with a right hook
And I wouldn’t be satisfied
Until I felt the snap of your bones
And crack of your teeth
The adrenaline blazing through my veins
Would convince me
The throbbing in my knuckles isn’t real
But as much as I want to inflict pain on you  
I can’t
Because today is my baby sis graduation
Which is the only reason
We’re standing here face to face

When the rage has consumed my thoughts
When anger sits just beneath the surface ready to exploded like lava
When the acid smoke chokes the good out of me
When I can no longer think straight
When all the good I've done has died in vein
Just one word can set off a new feeling of pain
When I've scared you to the point where it won't heal
My words stained you like stainless steel
You know it's over
When I feel happiest when you say goodbye
I only can think straight
When you leave the room
There's so much love I could give
But there's too much anger that holds me
Its like a **** keeping the happiness back
You know it's over when I've given up
When your the prize in a amusement park I just can't win  
You know it's over
When every time I write about you
My heart bleeds through the pen

Every time I saw a daisy
I'd smile
They reminded me of you
And every time I was with you
Smiling is all I'd ever do
I wondered if you knew
Daisies are more then one flower
They're actually two
And whenever I came across one
I'd always bring it to you
Not red or yellow, orange or blue
Neither the purple or crimson and the rose color wouldn't do
I brought you the white one
Because it's the most famous and iconic
Just like you
You were more then a grandma
You were my best friend
We could talk about anything
When it was needed
Your were ready to give me advice
I bet you didn't know
The meaning of daisy
Is Day's Eye
Because they close there petals
In the evening sky
Today you passed
As evening passed by
And I bet as you took your final breath
Every daisy closed there petals
And wept
But tomorrow
The memory of you will rage on
Because daisies open they're petals
At the start of dawn

Some people cut
But what I do to myself is much worse
My scars will never show
I’ve gone after my heart
And the things I do to it
You don’t want to know
I couldn’t even put it in words
Hurt me
I’m worthless
Trying to convince me otherwise
Is useless
I’m worthless
One day I woke up
And now I hurt less
I know it’s dangerous
But its also beautiful
I’m not the only one stressed
I’m not the only one who’s life is a mess
So pity me not
Just don’t stand in the way
If you were once a friend not anymore
I’ve chosen to walk away
No one deserves
To suffer along with me
Hurt me

Your the last person I wanted to see
Nearly had a heart attack
When I saw you on tv
Gagged
Screamed and spit out my food
Painting the screen
And I know the reason your standing up there is me
Ready to end your life
You exposed the insides of your heart
And I couldn't believe I saw me
Scared of being loved to much
I decided to flee
Packed up my things while you were sleep
I had to leave
I loved you too
But just not that much
Now seeing you like this
Destroys me
Wish I was there to tell you not to leap
Step away from the ledge
Not knowing what to do
Almost fell off the couch
I was so close to the edge
Just like you

I don't need to be held
Or hug
Kissed or touched
Comforting is something to much
Trusting in people makes me sick
My face turns blue
Like the blood is being ****** out of me from a tick
Tried before
Highly disappointed
Only loved once
Epic fail
No longer will I wallow and wail
Feeling sorry that I messed it up
I've accept my demons
More like embraced them freely
Comforting is just something I don't need really
To long on my own
I've embraced solitude
And lived in seclusion
Made her my wife
And had a few children
Cold on the inside
Drink loneliness from a well
And all the coins in the world
Will not wish this well

I do this to forget
If these shots are wind
Then I'm chasing after air
Touching the glass
Rubbing the outer rim
Kissing it like I'm having an affair
Aware of the consequences
But if this is the only way to ease the pain
Then the burden I will bare
Shots in till I can't comprehend
This thing called love drove me here
Sat me in the car
Started the engine
Poured me a glass
And sat and stared
She refilled the glass when it was full of air
3 shots in and I still cant cope
The liquid burns my throat
Feel like I'm being choke
It's hard to breath
She hands me another drink
But it feels like shes the one who tied a noose to this rope
It's her who I want to forget  
Now I'm six shots in

Your I love you's are useless like a broken record

Walking over empty gun sells
The battlefield decorated with creators
Ground still sizzling from the bombs let loose
Vacant magazine lay in piles
Two forces holding nothing back
Letting bullets fly
Will do anything to claim victory
White flags turned to ash
This is a fight to the death
But before this all started
They had one enemy
The world
When love was around they had each others back
But it dwindle
Now they aim at each other
With no love
Each other they attack
Now this relationship is war

Hate fluctuates in the air when I breath
Can you relate
When I tell you it constricts me like a snake
The angel sitting on my shoulder has been removed
His rival has crawled in my mouth
And sits in my tongue groves  
It's hard to control what I say until it's to late
My words crippling like a deceptive *****
I've lost all concept of who I am
Can you relate when I say
The reflection in the mirror has gone away
Trust use to ride shotgun with me
But I bailed from the car
When I let it grab the wheel
We would veer off an wreck
It drove me to think people could be trusted
But their words were like plastic toys
Fake
And they melted in the heat
Believing in others a mistake
It's hard to think anyone else can relate

Open up your heart
That'll be hard
Because it's something I've never been able to do
My heart is locked inside a vault
And hidden behind a secret passage way
And I don't think anyone deserves to get through
Maybe once upon a time
I tried opening up to you
But that ending was far from happy
And I stopped believing in fairytales
Mostly because of my dad
Let's just say my bladder was weak
And most nights I stained my sheets
So he hit
Until the color of my skin switched
From light brown to dark purple
And now he's not even around
And he wonders why from his kids no love can be found
Sorry pops
If my floor was ***** and covered in goo
And you were I mop
I still wouldn't need you

So you want me to open up huh
You sure?
Inside you'll find something dark
If you go looking for a heart
Maybe that's why I can't write anything  happy
I start and immediately think it's ******
Delete rewrite
Over and over
Up all night trying to get it right
But it's never good
And when I think about why
It's because when you left
You took the better part of me with you
The part the felt
And blushed
Even when I just had a crush
In a rush
It quickly turned to love
And I felt above it all
Because even though things were bad
I still had you
Until you left
Now what am I suppose to do
I wish I knew
I've tried over again
But it still seems like no one can ever replace you
I'm realizing I can't open up
Because it's not you

Did you think I'd fall apart
Thought you'd break my heart
Baby please
You'd never be as cold as me
This is a game you definitely won't win
Especially if your opponent is me
I'll break you
All the way down to your foundations
Set fire to your plantations
What you to good to say sorry
Well it wouldn't be enough
You started a war
And these bullet holes are going to fill you up
You could never hurt me
Cause I'm stronger then you'll ever be

I’ve never felt so alive
But trying to save you from yourself
Will eventually be the death of me

You will forget to remember me
But you will remember to forget me
I will be a distant memory you don't have
You would've forgotten all the times I made you laugh
The times I made you blush
The caged butterflies in your stomach have flown away
I would be a piece of paper you crumbed up an tossed out  
Letters torn in half stained velvet red from your tears
When I'm gone another will be there
To help you forget about me walking away
All the carnage I've cause
would be whipped away by the other
Taming your sadness
Making you smile again
My voice would only be water vapor in the air
The time we spent would be erased
When I'm gone I know you'll rejoice
You'll finally be free
From the thought of me

A poem a day
Keeps the pain away
It keeps these eyes
Drier then a desert sky
A poem a day
Keeps me from dying completely inside
It’s my defibrillator
And keeps my pulse alive
A poem a day
Corrals my faith and keeps it intact
A poem a day
Keeps the demons at bay

I’ll never forget how this started
A simple compliment
Nothing fantastic
Or dramatic
A didn’t swoop in fast
With some sort of smooth line
I wasn’t trying to sweep you off you’re feet
I just couldn’t keep my words to myself
Contemplation in the way
But I’m going to say it anyway
This all started
Because I said you had pretty eyes

I should've made you laugh more
Until you fell on the floor
Grabbing your stomach from the giggling pain
But now I might not have that chance
Your gone and all I feel is sore
I should've held your hand
And clutched it tight
Now the only way I see your face
Is when I close my eyes at night
I should've kissed you
Until you couldn't take it
Now your gone
And my heart is breaking
And I can't fake it
Should've told you I loved you sooner
But the fear of saying it out loud
I was to scared
To embarrassed
Selfish and full of pride
I should've hugged you more
And not let go
Should've rubbed your back
I know it was always so sore
I should've done more
When I was your man

I want to fly
Go so high until you can't see me
And it's these wings I bought
That pulls the strings
They control me
And even if I reach the boundaries where there's no oxygen left oh well
I'll hold my breath till there nothing left
As long as they take me
Towards the heavens
Further away
Above the clouds
The higher I go the more I want to know
Expel your secrets
Why do we act this way
And treat each other less then men
Just cause you an I don't share the same skin color
Why were the first two made without clothes
And if they didn't **** up would this world still be ****** up
I don't know
Guess these things are broke
Cause there going in the wrong direction
I just want to go
And bring back a simple message
But I'm going to go where ever theses wings take me
And just know it'll be one hell of a ride

I feel like I'm a tree
My leaves stripped off
I lost my glow, my green
My usefulness
Now I'm naked barren and bear
Strong gust of winds whipped away my leafs
The pain of them being pulled away is unforgiven
Each time I've been hurt
The bond between them and my  branches as been weaken
I've been uprooted
An planted at the end of this valley
Other trees hog the sunlight
My branches home to spiders and there webs now
I look like a decoration for halloween
Seasons passed an still I look the same
Rotted
Bark stripped away
Winds whistle through my now hollow holes
I feel like a tree that's lost all my leafs

When did I become so numb
You could shoot me with a loaded gun
I wouldn’t even flinch
Stab me with the sharpest knife you could find
And I wouldn’t even yell as I bleed
You could punch me in my gut
I wouldn’t fall to my knees
Gasping desperately trying to breathe
You could do whatever you want to me
And I wouldn’t feel a thing
Because inside I’ve become paralyzed

Anger in me rages like flames
Compressed inside a cage within me
But it pulsates like a heartbeat
To much for the steal to take
The cage melts back then break
What's the purpose for this rage
It just causes pain
An scorches everything inside me
Insides like a desolate plain
And what's strange
There's nothing strong enough to extinguish this flame
This plague
Afraid you'll get burned
So I warn you away
There's danger if you step behind the caution lines
So beware
Of this rages that roars in the flames

An explosion of cherry
Erupted when we kissed
As we embraced each other
My heart raced
And it was just you an me
In this place
In this world
In this universe
But now it lost its taste

Dragons breath
Nothing left

Cheap wine
Quick death

Lonely man
Bad rep

Rumor mills
Loved spilled

Broken hearts
Empty chest

6 long years
Disappeared

Now he's alone
Wishing she'd come back home

Until then

He sips dragons breath
Hoping it'll light a fire

Deep in his belly

This morning is the worst
I woke up to a mind that doesn't seem to work
As I glance in the mirror
I've age twenty years
The black in my hair and beard
Have disappeared
My ears that were once youthful and healthy
Sag like a purse hanging from a woman's shoulder
And now it feels like I have no teeth
There floats a pair
In a glass full of some sort of solution
Smiling at me
This is to much for an old man
Last night I went to bed with tight skin
Only to awake this morning
With it hanging from every end
Yesterday I was twenty five
Today the wrinkles in my face
Suggest I'm pushing fifty five
Where did the years go
I play my head like drums
Trying to force the confusion out of me
How did I become such and old man
Without there being any memories to remind me

Your the type of person to say the sky isn't blue
Or if you were caught doing something on video
You'd swear up and down it wasn't you
Why
Cause your a compulsive liar
And that's what a lair do
You would lie if even the truth could help you
You'd lie if a pair of stolen shoes were on your feet
You could lie to my face
And convince yourself your telling the truth
Why
Cause your a compulsive liar
And that's what liars do

Her favorite color is purple
But I don’t know how to write a poem about that

He wasn't a gambler
Anything risky with his heart he didn't take
Feelings compromised by false mistakes
All the chips he has
Kept safe
To selfish to place them on the table to play
Past bets almost emptied his bank
Lessons taught him what you lose isn't greater then what you gain
Always rolled snake eyes
Seven or elevens he didn't see
Until one day
He met the one
Promises of love brought out his chips
Now he was back in the game
At the gambling table
Chips in a neat row
But one by one they started to go
Every roll or a play of cards
He start to see she wasn't what he wanted
He lost more then what he wanted to get
Her promises of love
Didn't win him any chips
She was a counterfeit

Why do we write
Maybe to help us fight
To express with words
Maybe to show everyone an insight
To show what we've been through
A way for you to pull through
Is this an outlet for you
Or just harmless fun
Why do we write
Is it to show the world what you stand for
Maybe to express
Trying not to repress the angry,bitterness and sadness within you
This is how we escape
Get away from what's hurting you
Our own never land
Built in our minds
Shown like blue prints through the lines you read
Our own Galaxy we create
Out of pain we make
Through struggle these words were conceived
Why do we write
Who knows just read

I'm the one that stands out in the flock
Mocked because of my skin
Always pushed to the back
When it's feeding time
At night I'm cast out
Staring at the bright lights in the darken sky
Even if I was up there I wouldn't be seen
I tried to fit in
But it was a battle I couldn't win
Even if we baaah the same
The color of my skin could not be over looked
The way they look at me
I'm just another tree in there way
A predator they try to avoid
To them I'm the disease that killed there kin  
My company is only wanted when the wolves out smart the Shepard dog
So they try to stand behind me
Hoping the wolf will take me because of my deformity
But I'm still here
So many have gone before me
And when your all gone I'll still be here
Ready to lead the ones who's different like me

The snow fell harder this winter
Without you here to control its weather
The wind icy
Stifling my breathing
The trees not properly dress
There branches freeze over
Bushes forgetting there snow caps
Drenched in the powdery snow
Winter unforgiven without you
Windows brittle from the frost
Heart cold as ice
Blood replaced by snowflakes
Mounds of snow stops me from leaving
But there's beauty deep in this pain
White dresses the land
Like a bride ready to get hitched
But who wants to get married away
With the howling wind
Guiding more chilly snow
Now I'm really caved in
Glaciers breaking around me
Shedding there icy sickles
Creating an icy prison to put me in

I want to drown myself in a pool of liquor
Sip on the corrosive liquid
Let it slither down my throat
Saver the feeling
As I goes down smoothly
Stinging like battery acid
Hot like melted plastic
More then ever, do I wished I drink
Wish I could befriend intoxication
As we walk stumbling
Hand in hand
Drink myself into an alzheimer's session
To forget these lessons
Until I lose all sense of myself
Once direction becomes a foreign language
Or I lose the ability to speak
And my name is no longer recognizable to me
More then ever, do I wished I drink

You’re a man
Taught you must be strong
Dig some more
Are you feeling sad ?
No that’s wrong
So dig some more
That better be sweat
Or are you crying
I don’t want to see a drop
So dig some more
You’re hurting
Missing her bad
So dig some more
You’re winching In pain
Is that from the splinters
Are the blisters
So dig some more
I don’t want you to feel anything
Not anymore
There’s no time to be sore
Become numb to it all
So dig more
You’re only 6 feet down
But we’re not done now
So dig some more

Her perception is like a abandoned house
Taking over by Mother Nature
Her memory fades as the vines penetrate her aged mind
Not as well built as she was in her youth
Brick walls crumble from the decades
Faces an names no longer meet the connections as they use too
Just silhouettes  
She forgets to remember
The structure of her thoughts weakened by the cracked support beams
The signals in her brain scattered like a school of fish
Misfires makes her forget  
Introductions repeatedly like this is the first time we met
Her experienced eyes look past me
Anyone can see
The disease is eating her memory

Good news is all they want to hear
So I lie when their near
All the while what I’m suffering with
Whispers in my ear
But my pain you’ll never know
Peering in
But you can never see passed the closed door
Pills gulped behind it
Red
To take away the aches
White to relax
Down the hatch
Splash
What an impact
On the couch I crash
Closed eyes
Helps stop the world from spinning
Motionless
Keeping the contents in my stomach from spilling
Groggy
To weak to adjust my laying arrangements
Text shows I’m needed
Everyone’s so damage
What I’m feeling is back seated
I have no time to hurt