It's what you always do
Drinking until you can't remember what caused you to
Drown yourself until all the pain is gone
Hydrate yourself until there's nothing left
But the scent of alcohol on your breath
Pour it up until your body is numb
Get faded
Another
Don't stop until your vision betrays you
One more
To get your cheeks blush
Drink yourself into tomorrow
To forget about yesterday
Hoping this next one will send your troubles away
And that the levee of drinks hold them back
Your consciousness on the brink of collapsing
But that's what you toast to

Hello
Anndrea
This is Devante's mom
He's laid up in a hospital bed
He's on life support
Doctors say he's not doing to good
And by this time tomorrow he might be dead
He can't say much
He just blinks and nods his head
He told me to call
And to let you know he loves you

What would you do
If you got that call
From my mom
That I'm dying
As she tries to explain what happened
But she can't stop crying
Lying in a hospital bed
Head bruised
Arms crushed
Barley able to move my legs
Would you rush to be by my side
Even if you were instructed not to
Would you come to my aid
Stand outside my room door
If I didn't want you to come in
Would I be in your thoughts
Would you pray
And keep your fingers crossed
Hoping I'd pull through
If I died
How would you feel

I'm sorry
His heart has stopped beating
We were able to bring him back once
But the second time we lost him

Watch how quickly it spreads
Already it took the flower beds
It runs rapid
Building in the breeze
Taking down tree after tree
Destroying everything
Separating bees from there wings
An feathers from birds
Somethings just can't escape these flames
The Forrest seems to scream
Cracking of wood
Meeting the ground
Crackling leafs
The whipping of fire
The intensified heat leaves everything  charred
Ashes rain from above
And as I flee the scene
I abandoned the book of matches I brought with me

Stop chasing her
When she doesn’t even look back searching for you
And stop trying to impress him
With makeup
That hides the true beauty in your eyes
And the tight clothes
Doesn’t matter how **** you dress
He still looks past you
No instead
Go after the girl
That that will run beside you
The one that will stop
And rest next to you
When you’re gassed and out of breath
Look for the guy
Who will giggle at you’re crazy hair
Because it can’t be tamed
Stay with the guy
That will lay in bed
For as long as you do
And reply to your messages instantly
Because these days
No one really do
Stop chasing her beauty
And his rock hard abs
It often false advertisement
Because the burden they carry
With be the end of you

Lay here with me
And hold me please
She pleads
And begs
Just five more minutes
She always says
Ripping my white tee
As she pulls me back on the bed
I hate when she gets petty and upset
She always bring up memories I try to forget
Haven’t I always been by your side
She likes to quote
From the times you would get so angry
And tie a belt around your throat
I even kept your demons a secret
Ever since you were a small child
Remember those bruises
He left you
Because you wet the bed
Now resentment and hatred is all the fills your head
You often say
It wouldn’t bother you if your dead beat dad were dead
And you can’t say you aren’t happy
That your mom and alcoholic ex have parted ways
Or you might still be waking up to fighting and screaming
Between the two
That’s why you were always out so late
You weren’t really much use
I guess that’s why liquor never touches your hands
From your first heart break
Which you never really seemed to recover
It’s been years
And you still haven’t fully healed
But it’s ok
You know I’m always here
I’ll never leave your side
Not even after you die
Because I love you
And I know you love me

All my ex’s drink
Was that because of me?
These are my last night thoughts
And if that’s the case
Take a shot for me
For the time you wasted
Take a shot for me
For the countless nights I couldn’t sleep
Take a shot
For all those times I didn’t eat
Because the stress was to much
All the food forced down
Would end up coming back out of me
Viciously
Take a shot
Until your kidneys explode
Take a shot
Until the regrets you hide
Pour out of you like the lies
And the empty bottle you drown in like ocean tides
Drink until your liver fails
And your stomach swells
Take a shot and don’t stop for me

I feel low
Very low
What can I do
There's no one I can ever go too
Sometimes these poems aren't enough
And I can never really think of the right words to say
So I hide behind metaphors
Hoping to get your attention
But when I show them to you
They're hardly mentioned
But poetry is all I have
I feel abandoned again
First by a dead beat dad
Now you
I feel angry
Very angry
But there's no one I can ever vent too
So I write
Mostly at night
When I'm truly alone
And the messages stop
All I have is my thoughts
Spinning in my head
They get tangled
And tied in loops
I'm confused
Very confused
But who can I ask for advice
No ones ever here
I've always been on my own
I guess it's true
I should be alone

Does thoughts of me rise like the morning sun
Does it set your heart on fire
Bright ember red as thoughts of me fill your head
Do you fall in a deep love all over again like someone cast a spell
Does your mind swell like a well Impaled
From the heavens letting go what they withheld
Or does hate perched on your frontal lobe come from behind its veil  
Does thoughts of me crush your soul
Do you become bitter and cold like steal pole in the winter snow
Have you put up safety nets
And when I'm brought up
Do you cast them back out to see
What do you feel when you think of me

Heat seeker
But cold blooded
Constrictor
Tongue twisssster
Hisser and injector
I can taste you from a far
Fear my strike
Im like lightning when I bite
Hidden among the dead leaves
Camouflaged high above in the trees
You aren't safe from me
I'll find you
Squeeze the life out of you
And when you can no longer breath
Swallow you whole
From head to toe
Killer of many
Enemy of most
Fear, none
I slither amongst the ground
Leaving my scale prints bound
Stubble across me you're likely to die
Kiss you with a corrosive liquid
The last thing you'll see while your alive
Is the death in my eyes
I was born a killer

You didn't listen
You should've left me alone
Instead you picked and poked
Squeezed me till I burst
I can tell it hurt
You jumped when it stung
Stop squeezing when it burned
Tried to choke the life out of me
But all I gave you was ****
But you didn't let up
Kept going until you drew blood
In attempts to free yourself of me
Like I'm some sort of disease
A plague on your skin
Well try as much as you can
This is a fight you can't win
Even if you are the victor of this round
I'll pop up again

More meaningful then the first
But it will be the one that hurts the worst
The last I love you will be me removing the memory of you from this earth
Burying it six feet deep beneath the dirt
Hopefully masking the pain
The last I love you is a bad dream that haunts me
It's a plague in my brain
I want to be cured from this disease
The first time a way to keep you
Frontal lobe drunk on the thoughts of you
Contemplation was there
The voice in my head
You should say it
Wait no, it's too soon
Plus your going away today
Just say it then walk away
A goodbye in disguise
Saying it the first time is hard enough
Like a frog in my throat I just can't cough up
Gagging on the words
Thick out of my mouth
Like swallowing syrup  
I can see I can no long keep you
The last I love you will be the day I release you

The pulsation is to strong
To many mistake made
That cannot be undone
Now I will die alone
In this place where darkness doesn't hide her face
Shadows and lost souls use my body as a doorway
They want in to this crippling world
I slip in and out of consciousness
I can feel my heart throbbing with each beat
Blood coursing
Trying to keep me alive
This heart of mine is failing
My breathing slows
Fluid builds up in my lungs
The taste of blood that hasn't been oxygenized
feels my mouth
Its bitter taste is the last thing ill know

He's lost
Stumbling
Pine cones crushing beneath his feet
Getting whipped by the trees
Covered in cuts
From the spiky leaves he brushed
In a rush
Running from trust
He's being chased
Hunted
His life is on the line
Gasping out of breath
He can't be caught
He rather be lost

Which one is right
Which one should we believe
How did we began
Were we made by this powerful being
Or something that crawled out of the sea
I don't know don't ask me
Bring together a Christian and scientist
Let them hash it out
One spitting out bible verses
Look it's written so it has to be true
The other countering with facts
And finding why this simply isn't true
Oh look we found this deep beneath the earth
Clearly this shows our birth
Let's agree to disagree
None of us simple humans really know
But they each want us to believe
So I ask you
How were we conceived
Were we made by a powerful being
Or did we evolve from something small

In our swap of spit
As we kissed
And our lips hit
You said you weren't contagious
But now I'm sick

I've forgotten what you sound like
If you were near
What you smelled like
Would be unfamiliar
I can hardly remember what you look like
No calls
Or text
But the silence I like the best
Happy Father's Day
To a father who was never here

Your were my first
And I fell so fast
Like a car crash
I wasn't ready for the impact
Unable to brace myself  
It felt like I smashed into the dashboard
Still in shock
That this actually happened to me
I couldn't keep It all intact
And I acted so recklessly
But knew you too loved me
And if you'd ask me
I'd tell you I had no regrets
But one
I wished I didn't act so carefree
But I never had anyone care
As much as you did for me
Sometimes I wonder
Why did I even let myself fall in the first place
Because I just landed on my face

My memories of you don’t seem to age
I can still remember your full name
I can’t seem to forget
And it’s the one thing I regret
Thoughts flash like lightning
And leave just as quick
I drown in them
Sink all the way to the bottom
Like a damage battleship  
Unequipped with life rafts
This wasn’t a war I expected to lose
But you out witted and tricked me
**** these human emotions
I quit
I can either live being taunted my these vision of you
Or set ablaze this dynamite stick
And blow myself into oblivion

Humans are suppose to be the most evolved species
Top of the food chain
But there are some animals that mate for life
While us
“Evolved species”
Can creep and cheat
On our so called “soul mate”
Night after night
If you ask me
We are no better then the animals we eat

This road I walk alone
Haunted by the memories of past lives that aren't even mine
Stuck in a revolving door of lies and empty promises
So I left
With nothing but a broken mind
And a book full of undeveloped thoughts
The terrain is rugged
Jagged rocks and broken branches stab at my feet
Taunting me
But I don't mind
The temptation of knowing the future out ways everything
This tunnel vision makes my surroundings bleak
I contemplated on turning back
But there nothing worth going back to
This treck will be a lonely one
I chose not to pull any down this sink hole with me
Survival is slim for those who don't know where this road go
Hopefully this path I chose wont destroy me
I ignored the warning sign
I dont know where this leads
When I reach the end I know I won't be the old me
But there's always a problem
This fork in the road confuses me
Its been awhile since I walked a mile

Lips black from her excessive intake
Fingers stained yellow
From her everyday routine
She inhales chemical warfare
Exhales a toxic stream
Addicted to the nicotine
Even if her choice isn't on the shelf
Anything will do to satisfy the fein
Smoking like today's her last
In two's and three's
Her lack of knowledge makes her thinks she immune
Doesn't believe it's a disease
It already ate the color in her face
Shriveled her lungs with ease
She doesn't notice it's hard for her to breath
Creeped in the crevices of her teeth
Darkened them
Now there bleak and weak
Says she's quitting
So she buys a stock to last her weeks  
Giving up is a struggle
She's just a hopeless smoker

We all saw how Alice clumsily fell down that hole into wonderland
But I ponder an wondered could there have been another hole leading to another land ?
One that she couldn't see
How deep could this rabbit hole be
I wonder what strange things we would see
Maybe a two headed dog
Or a cat that croak like a frog
How strange would this undiscovered land be?
Would there be horses the size of nails?
Would they have snails that weren't so frail ?
Could the move faster then the speed of lightning?
Would there be an ice ring you can wear around your fingers ?
Or maybe twinkies would have eyes
A dragon chasing its tail
Would the sky be more then one color ?
Would there even be gravity ?
Could you only talk if you didn't walk An could you walk only of you didn't talk
How strange would that be
All of this down a second rabbit hole
Into another land more stranger and more wonderful
Then wonderland
How deep would this second rabbit hold go

I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you
I remember how we used to be
Back then I loved you so freely
It came naturally like breathing
Sometimes painful like a babies teething
In Distress without you like a quitting smoker
But lately hate has been formed
Planted like a seed
Grew quickly like weeds
And if you digest it
Poisonous like stinging bees
Who knows how far my love for you go
But now the hate just simmers like heated coals

I’m sorry poetry
But you can’t save me this time
I use to scribe to you
Until I lost track of time
And the bad feelings went away
As soon as I was done
I didn’t do it for fun
I wrote to you to save me from myself
But now
You no longer help
When I put the pen down
I don’t feel healed
Or cured
I always felt empty inside
But now this time it’s real
Hello Poetry, Goodbye

Hurt more times then I’ve expressed
There are things I should’ve let go
But instead I’ve put them to bed
And let them rest in me
Cuffed to past pains
Betrayals turned to chains
That I remain shackled to
So I close
Rather then be exposed
To the world and those that still see life in me
Swatted away attempts to be rescued
As a man hurt is often my companion
Raised and swayed to think that way
But once my perspective is flipped
Failures and lessons turn to small victories
Now I see
How rewarding it can be
To live and to love
Even while hurt
Not completely healed
But still
If necessary a man should live with a hearting heart
Rather then closed one

Heaven sent me an angel
And I don't know why
I dont try to figure it out
I just accept it, she's mine
And I've fallen in love with her
I only seen her once ore twice
But that's enough for me
Her eyes pearl blue
Like they were taking from a piece of the sky
Able to look into me
Straight into my soul
And I hope she never lets go
Her hair Golden blonde
Smooth as silk
Her face lights up my heart
Like the sun in space
She was sent to protect me
But gained my heart dont take her away
Or this world I wont stay
Even though she's far
Our hearts beat as one
I know she loves me too
I can see its true
I can feel her
I make her stronger
She needs me an I need her
And she's mine
You'll never get near her

It all started in high school
Man I was a fool back then
Wanting to find that sweet heart
So ready to be committed
To the forces unseen
And spend all four years with my boo
Then I met you
First day already trying to impress
Hoping to leave a everlasting effect
And like a test I past
Sitting next to each other now in class
Laughing, flirting having a blast
Every one said we should be
But then you betrayed me
There was another
And you wanted me to be the back up
Your plan B
And since that day you change me
Into the guy I am
You change my life in the worst way
Girls I don't trust them
Only use them
I could never love them
An enemy to my own emotions
Cuffed them and threw them in the back seat
Put them behind bars
There's sentence an eternity without love
With no bail
Meet a girl give her hell
Then move on to the next female
Oh well guess this is how it's got to be
Plus my friends and no good dad were so proud of me
Playa playa
That's what the called me
But playing this game
Drains the brain
Guess if I never met you
The world would've never known the worst part of me
And now it begins

**** her
She never treated you
How she was suppose to
Her eyes told the truth
But her mouth full of lies
And they poured off it
Like water off a mountain side
You can always find another
She wasn't worth the trouble
She was the ***** puddle
That came after the rain
That you accidentally stepped in
Soaked your shoes
Even though it took some time
You finally shook the water loose

She sat in the corner
Wrist cut
Dripping blood
Stained walls from her frantic fits
Talking to her suicidal thoughts  
She was plagued by a faulty destiny
So she cursed faith
Living with a permanent heartbreak  
Was just to much for her to take
Her parents often reminded her she was a mistake
She was the tool they let there anger out on
Used as a punching bag
And gift verbal abuse
Plus her dad kissed on her when mom wasn't around
No friends
Disgraced by society because she loved her own ***
Death is the only thing she has at stake
To her the world was cruel
Proof you don't have to die to get to hell
God wasn't listed in one of her beliefs
This blade her only relief
This is her religion
She learned to get rid of one pain feel another
The only thing she could control
As long as she has this she needs nothing else
It's why she slits her wrist

A plague on humanity
In love caused insanity
A bad guy in the making
Kicking dirt In your eyes
A spawn of the hulk
Didn't gain his strength
As a trait I got his hate
Opened the gates
Let out his rage
Anything I touched disintegrates  
The bad guy
Sick of the happy feelings
Always branded as the bad guy
So I'll embrace the villain
No longer happy thoughts
Get close
I'll sink my teeth in your blood stream Injecting you with venom
Hope an love was a drug
But it's affects has worn off
Now my heart is cold
And what runs through these veins
Will bring down any Hero's name

I can’t look at myself in the mirror because I’m scared of what I might see
The man looking in
Outspoken and proud
Artistic and witty
His head seems to be in the clouds
And man he’s got a great smile
But the man that’s looking out
Pouts
Bags hang low like luggage
Eyes redder then freshly killed shark prey
You can tell his been crying for awhile
His lips sealed shut
His one black tooth makes him ashamed to smile
But the man looking in says
This tooth makes me unique
Yeah only and idiot would believe that too
I can’t look at myself In the mirror
It’s to easy to peak into my broken soul
I’m corrupted down to my roots
And I’ve tried yanking them out
But there’s no use
My reflection is so ugly
But i guess I did this to myself

You just have the face of one of those people who look like they would cheat

This voyage we were on wasn't meant to last
Before the ship set sail
I could already see the crash
My body went numb as I impaled the water with a splash
Sinking into the belly of the sea
My lungs swelled as I inhaled water in the search of air
My skin screamed from the piercing cold
I could feel the blood cruising through my veins start to slow
As my body tried to adapt to the blistering cold
But hypothermia had already taken its hold
And as you floated next to me
You thought we could overcome this wreckage
But you were the only one holding on to the debris
While I sank slowly beneath the waves
I wouldn't reach out even if you threw me a life raft  
I could tell we were lost out at sea
Blown of path from the draft caused by wrath
This ship was never meant to survive the sail
Even before the iceberg was unveiled

Should I replenish your thirst
Or just let you wilt
Wait until the ground **** you dry
No remorse felt
Your bright yellow
That could attract a crowd
Slowly turned to beige
Your core
Once a perfect brown
Blacken
How quickly you’ve seem to age
At a distance I watch
Beautiful once
But anyone else would think you’ve rot
None knowing what you need

Who knew evil girls had the prettiest face

I open my eyes
Trying to grab composer
Like it slipped from my hand
I choke on the smoke in the air
It rips through my lungs
Every breath I feel closer to death
My head pounds
Like I been hit by a truck
I try to move no luck
As the smoke clears I finally see
A pole is the cause
There's a cracks in the windshield
From where my head met the glass
There's a smash on the passenger side
From where someone flew through
Must be this mystery person
I can't remember who
A lifeless corpse on the hood
Face shredded like cheese
Skin melting from the heat of the hood
I hear the cracking of fire
An the scent of gasoline
Everything is happening so fast
I can't remember what happen to me
So lets go back to the beginning
The memory of my past may not might be so great
But remembering what got me here
Might change my fate

Can be amazing
Then drive you crazy
It can be the rope that snapped
That once held you to the Clift
Love can be the one blocking the blows
But the one throwing the fist
It's the life guard that saves you
After it tried to drown you  
When you were lost
It was the one searching for you
And it found you
Forever your in its grip
When it's not around
You'll do anything to feel it again
A cure after its poisoned you
This thing call love
Is the bandage after it hurt you

You can throw in the towel
Wave the white flag in your hand
Surrendering is your plan
Giving up cause you can
Buried the thought of us in the sand
When you finally walk away
I'll still be here standing
Fighting for you
Or is it out of pride that I can't have you
But I'm not through
Whenever you run out of breath I'll be the oxygen
The power when your lights go out
Even if you hate me
My love won't escape me
When your long gone
Still it will burn bright
Illuminating the night
I promised I'd fight
So I'm not through

Open up your heart
That'll be hard
Because it's something I've never been able to do
My heart is locked inside a vault
And hidden behind a secret passage way
And I don't think anyone deserves to get through
Maybe once upon a time
I tried opening up to you
But that ending was far from happy
And I stopped believing in fairytales
Mostly because of my dad
Let's just say my bladder was weak
And most nights I stained my sheets
So he hit
Until the color of my skin switched
From light brown to dark purple
And now he's not even around
And he wonders why from his kids no love can be found
Sorry pops
If my floor was ***** and covered in goo
And you were I mop
I still wouldn't need you

So you want me to open up huh
You sure?
Inside you'll find something dark
If you go looking for a heart
Maybe that's why I can't write anything  happy
I start and immediately think it's ******
Delete rewrite
Over and over
Up all night trying to get it right
But it's never good
And when I think about why
It's because when you left
You took the better part of me with you
The part the felt
And blushed
Even when It just had a crush
In a rush
It quickly turned to love
And I felt above it all
Because even though things were bad
I still had you
Until you left
Now what am I suppose to do
I wish I knew
I've tried over again
But it still seems like no one can ever replace you
I'm realizing I can't open up
Because it's not you

He has no hope
A prisoner in his own mind
Hallucinating  
The frustration of the hallucinations begets rage
So he smacks the wall he's in caged in
The wall sets a blaze
He acts unfazed
Sits there
Stares at the guards walking by
They dont care
For what he belongs here
The Intensity of the flames scratches an claws at his skin
He grabs the prison bars unaware
The heat seep into them
His palms sear then boil an bubble up
He lets out a yell this pain he never felt, its hell
Thinking quick he attacks the flames with the cover
Placed over his bed frame  
Instead he and the cover are engulfed in the fire  
His only hope are the guards
But the stand and stare
Soulless eyes  
Given the order not to intervene
So they stand an stare
Like I said the don't care
Stuck in a prison of his own mind
He isn't aware this isn't real only a hallucination

All the way down
I've burrowed into her flesh
Exposing part of the bone with my teeth
Yanked out the muscles
Searching for the soft meat
Peeled away her skin
Until there was none left
Clawed at her organs
Saved her heart as the last piece
Split open her chest
And watched it beat
Hopefully after I take this last bite
It will fulfill my appetite

I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you
Two feelings intertwined
Playing tricks with the mind
The feeling of loves keeps me on track to you
But your faults twist like vines
Then hate comes between the lines
Staining the love I have
Like spilt red wine
I love you
And hate you
Two feelings conflicting at the same time

I hate the things you've said and done
But you have won
Capture the heart and it's all yours to toy with
I feel like I'm drowning
You're making me drown
Getting so far down, I'm suffocating
But in an instant you pull me back
You saved me
You're my hero and my villain
I hate that I love you
But love that I hate you

Words fly from my mouth like a boxing combination
But she just takes it on the chin
I stab at her
Using my words as a knife
But they don't pierce her skin
Instead the steel bends
My words are just cast away
Like sawdust in the wind
I write them down
But it's like invisible ink is in my pen
Nothing phases her
And I like that
She has lead skin

I'll stand out in the open
An let you fire off some rounds
You see my exterior is to thick
For your arrows whizzing around
Try as hard as you might
My skin won't be pierced
Shoot as many as you will
I've adapted an immunity to your skill
And I won't be force to fall under your love spell

How much do you think about me
Does it come frequent as the wind blows through the tress
Or does it pack up like a dad in the silent of the night an leaves
What will it take for you to be gone
Does doubt creep in the back of your mind
Is your love really true
Or does it crack like cheap Instant glue
Does 21 Questions bother you
How deep is our bond
Lately you an I haven't gotten along fondly
How far would you go
What do you have to prove
Is your trust weak like mine
Or do you know I don't trust you
Does your past hold you in cuffs
Does it affect me an you
I wonder how would you feel if I left
Would you be asthmatic and lose your breath
Or would the first breath you take without me set you free  
What do you feel when you like my way
Does your heart scream for you to stay
Or is it empty like mine

You loved me back then
It made me so optimistic
About this distance
Ready to make you my commitment
You put me on top of your wish list
Love poured out of you
It made me think what is this
If wanting it was so wrong
Then I guess I was a misfit
Back then
That honey moon phase I would've taken it to my grave
When I first met you I didn't know how to behave
My family would've been so amazed
How could a girl make me feel this way
Once upon a time when everything was just fine
Admitting I like you I didn't mind
Saying I love you came easy
Like an actor who learned their line
But that was once upon a time

It ended in a flash
As the blast
Shattered my ear drums
Like they were glass
I embraced death
With a hug
As it tugged through my flesh
And turned my heart into mesh
My legs limp  
And as I fell
To the pale earth
One more look into her eyes
And to my surprise
It was I
Standing over her as she died

I wanted to rip the necklace
Right off your neck
And watch the broken chain pieces
Drizzle down your breast
Stare into your eyes as you wept
I wanted to watch you cry
As the charms fell from the sky
And crashed to the earth
I wanted to see your face broken an hurt
I want you to know pain
Like you know love
By snatching what you love off you neck

To far gone
Out floating in the sea
Past the sunset
Beyond the horizon
Even if I waved the white flag
No one would notice me
I’m out to far
I could yell
Flail my arms frantically
But i don’t believe there’s anyone out there
Brave enough to rescue me
Until then I’ll just stay
In this boat
No paddles to steer
I gave into the current many moons ago
I’ll let the wind engulf me
And continue to sail

But wait
Maybe it’s not to late
I sold my happiness
When it wasn’t even for sell
Maybe if I just try for 5 seconds
I could somehow escape this cell
No faith in another
To pay my bail
So I hide behind my pride
Eyes shut
Because even though on the outside I can’t cry
I can feel the tears flowing in the inside
I prayed a thousand times
Hoping help would be sent my way
But It just left me exhausted
And out of breath
I just want to make it to Monday morning
But I’ve had enough
The only way I can survive
Is by staying alone in this boat
So I’ll sit here and wait
And continue to sail
Until I can find my way back