I can see it now
I’m forcing myself to be there
When all you wanted to do was be alone and sink
But I pulled you out the lake anyway
And now I’m the one who’s going to drown

This wasn’t my intentions
But I couldn’t find the right ways to prevent this
Didn’t know who to vent with
So this what you get
When your mind shift to being mentally alone
Not a feeling a condone
But as the sky cries
Not even the clouds gather
To shield me
So as the dirt melts to mud around me
And my boots begin to sink
The wood of the shovel softens up
Seemly molding to my grip
As I begin to move the earth
Deeper and deeper
Until I’m satisfied
That the knotted off bag will fit
And as I cover it
The rain falls more
I feel heavier then before
Almost as if the weather is telling me not to do this
But this is the only solution I could come up with
Who’s to say the contents within it
Just know
You were buried with love

If you don’t love me anymore
Tell me
Its okay
Because this
E
M
P
T
I
N
E
S
S
E
That’s settled in
Will eventually
Tear me A  P  A  R  T

He liked to pretend he was a doctor
And she was his sick patient
Touched and inspected her
Forced her to be still and quiet
She didn't move
Fear kept her paralyzed
Once she said no
But he choked her and almost didn't let go
Trapped in a world where her dad touched her
But he said it was because he love her
If this was love she didn't want it
But to weak to confront it
To scared to defend it
Instead stuck in a world of unwanted love

Your on a path to conquer my heart
But the ground has been ***** trapped with land mines since the start
Buried so you couldn't see
This trail has been long closed
The warning sign
Has grown fragile
And infected with mold  
But like an idiot you venture forth
Driven by feelings you just can't control
They send you on a surge to try and claim this path
I wish I could tell you it was just the land mines trying to keep you back
If you shall make it past
You will find yourself standing before a forest
With barbed wire hanging from the branches instead of leaves
And this isn't the end
If the other two didn't stop you before
This definitely will put a stop to you
Beyond the tress you will find an oasis
But don't fooled by its beauty
Or you will find yourself in the mouth of quick sand
I advise you turn and walk away
Because you never had a chance

The thistle tree tilts towards the tavern twice through time

If I can't find the sheep how can I sleep

Where is the real me
I'm not who I use to be
When did I become so cold
I know longer feel things
They've become stiff like a corps
Not yet rotten from being underground
Coffin nailed shut
Paralyzed
Numb to the vision of her love
Buried to deep for it to reach me
When did I become so far gone
To selfish to feel things
Why can't I care for someone else
To afraid to let someone in
Maybe this is the real me
Lost inside
On the trek to recover these emotions
Until then I can't live
Because I died

I love you
But what I've got to do
Will hurt more then the fighting do
This has been coming to a end
I rather lose you then stay and hurt you
We've been drifting apart
Torn from each other by a rippling current
I want to work this out
But we both unfamiliar with change  
We were a long written love play that's been stuck in intermission for to long
This relationship is unhealthy
We both hurting
We both un happy
Even though this may hurt you
I think it's best we go out separate was
Two different shades of color that didn't blend well
It's not something I want to  
Our love has been stained grey  
Went tumbling off the edge of a waterfall
To risky to recover
What I've got to do
Can't be done by you

If you can forgive love can truly live
Letting go of what scared your past
Clears out your walking path
Holding on is a poison that destroys you
Corrosive
Deteriorating your heart
A venom immune to any cure
Forgive
Lifting the straps holding you down
Your bound no more
Only when you forgive can you truly love
Only if you can forgive

I left the comfort of your hugs
And ran into the arms of the unknown
Left the door wide open an the keys in the pad lock
Walked away from you an this home
An I'm never looking back
Escaping the grip that's stopping me from breathing
Moods change like the seasons
You say how could I hurt you
This is all that i can do
Is run away from you
You change me
But you hate me
And it's crazy but I don't mind
It's just fine
An I love you but I hurt you
So I'll leave you, to save you from me
I'll miss you
As I disappear like the sun behind the clouds
Just know I'll always keep you inside
But it's over
Nothing really last forever
Just take this as some weird bad weather
I know longer want to hurt you inside
This is all I can do
Is run away from you

It hurts
But I'm not in pain

To risk trust and know you'll be betrayed is insanity
But it's a risk I was willing to take
That makes me insane

It hurts
But I'm not In pain

These trust issues eat me alive
So much
That there's a hole dug so deep inside my heart
I could crawl in and hide
And if it got cold
I could pull in the sky

It hurts
But I'm not in pain

Anger
A stain that can't be washed away
Seeped into my skin  
And built up like callus  

It all hurts
But I'm use to the pain

Here's a man picked by his peers
Letting go of his fears
Trusting God to lead his way
Who knew he would carry them far
Leaving his footsteps in the ground as he marched on
Paving the way
Leading them all
Black or white
Together they fight
Hand in hand
He knew the truth
At the end of the day
This is our land
Not made for one man
He speeches legendary
His methods no violence
His compassionate actions speak the loudest
No matter the danger
Take the violence
Not barking back with holding the attacks
Freedom was giving
Equality wanted
Earned
By his voice and many
To some he was a plague
To many a hero
That speech will forever live on
You know the one
That's still echoing
His dream
Came true

Pulls pin from grenade
One one thousand...
There's not much time left
What are we going to do
Two one thousand....
Should we die together
Or should I jump on top of this grenade for you
Trying to protect you from the blast get away!
Three one thousand....
The clock is ticking
We're still in this position
Love,pain,hurt,apologies then love again
Four one thousand...
It's getting old but I still can't let you go
I don't know what to do
I'm confused and hurt at the thought of losing you
Five one thousand...
Wait..I thought we still had more time!
Boom...

It's 6:52 am and I still can't sleep
Counting the shadows on the walls like kids count sheep
Thinking out loud
my voice echo's
So it seems like some else is talking to me
But I don't mind I'm not alone
Even if I'm my own company
Am I crazy ?
No just sleepy but I can't sleep
The sun rising
But not as bright as it should be
I can tell
It's gonna be a gloomy day

If I was a boat
You were the wind that engulfed my sails
Carrying me
As I glided over the open sea
So freely
I took you for granted an let go of the wheel
An as we reached uncharted waters you dwindled
Could no longer handle my careless ways
You were sensitive to pain
And gave into reality
But you were my gravity
That held me to the earths ground
But now I see it was me
So from a bow
I'll set an aflame arrow free
Watch it impale the sail
Caressed by the wind the flames grew
I let you go with the pieces of linen swept up in the wind
Thoughts of you drip from my mind
And get caught in my throat
A taste I once loved
I can't stand no more
You were the balance that help me walk along the tight rope
But it's time to let you go
So I'll let you flow out of me
Like *****  
And it hurts when I gag
There's so much that's there
Not enough time to breath
But if this is the only way to set you free
Then I'll let you go

I'll let go of my selfish desires  
the memories
The moments
The times were all I could do is stare at you
The times where I was at a lost for words
The times you filled my heart
When you where the colors to my world
I'll let it all go
And allow the gray skies to take over
Allow your days to fill with an overflowing sunrise
While I drown in my liquor of tears  
As the hurricane of misery passes me
I'll allow the screaming pain to take over and enrapture me
In my ever flowing blood stream
I watch my foolish words and my vexatious ways enthrall me with torment
As I was yours
I forfeit these desires and cut the ties
This my goodbye
My adieu
To you my beloved
It's time to let you go

These walls are empty
Just like me
Stale and pale
Cold to the touch
These walls are bare
And naked
Stripped
There's bruised
Dented
Decorated with wounds
And scrapped off skin
****** from the knuckle marks
Left on them like hickeys
They've been pealed
There insides revealed
It's just as dark and cold in here
These walls are lonely
They've never been touched
Windows covered in paint
No light ever gets in
No picture or frames  
Just the occasional
Electric outlet
These wall are empty
Just like me

The heavens unleashed a storm
Lights bathed the night sky and seeped through my window
And with a boom
I could feel everything around me die

He laid there
Frozen
While the morning sun climb on his skin
And leaped on his face
Trying to get him to wake
Even if it stretched out it's rays like arms to shake him He was already gone
But his alarm wouldn't quit
It continues to yell
Every five minutes

Until finally his mom came in
Reached out to touch him
And discovered
There was no life under his skin
It was cold
Like a frozen metal pole
Left out in the snow
In her distress
She panic
Still shaking him furiously
Hands clutching her chest
Like she's going into cardiac arrest

She stood there
Not knowing what to do
Crying and sobbing
Tears streaming down her cheek
Snot strolling out her nose like a small creek
She continued to yell his name
But he never got up

My hearts been broken
And It’s sometimes hard to believe
But it’s no joke
When I say sometimes I could choke
On the fear that it won’t change
Smiling faces help conceal what I’m faced with
Conflicted
Twisted like a drained towel
But somehow i keep it contained
Convinced I can endure it
Don’t need help
I’m sure of it
Wish my mom warned me about the bad weather
The slight drizzle
Turned into heavy rain
And I’m just getting wetter
But not getting any better
The cause unspoken
But well known
I haven’t been the same since god called you home
Sometimes I think I have ptsd

Did my desires get set ablaze
How bad was the flame
Numb to the point
That I still can’t feel a thing
Third degree burns
Am I still on fire
So use to the warmth
I’m unsure
Tossed in the sea
But evaporated the liquid around me
To intense the heat
Fuel by thoughts
I try to keep it contained
But it rises out of the depths
Keeping anything and everything in check
Can’t find the ways to ***** it out
They just get caught in the blaze

Your the priceless treasure that I keep locked away safe

Am I falling
Or am I gliding
Is this me dying
Am I passing over to the other side ?
The ripples in skin says other wise
As the wind whips past me
Screaming, blasting in my face
I descend faster
Gaining speed
Into the blackness
The darkness
I fall and fall deeper darker
Almost reaching the ground
I pull the parachute
There's still a glimmer of hope
A chance my life will be spared
Is there anything I should live for
No nothing
I'm to close to the ground
For the parachute to matter now

Open up your eyes
See through all the lies
You misinterpret the fables
As truths
Wake up
Your still sleeping
What your seeing is not true
The world your living in is not meant for you
It's a state of mind you call home
Lock in the cage of your thoughts
You have the key
Your so caught up in the fantasies
The lock morphed into a snake
It slithers in your ears
Whispers sins
Things you like to hear
Wake up
You abandoned your Conscience at the front door
It sits here with its head hung low
Waiting to be discovered again
Only to discover you like it here
What did you follow through the door
What did you find in the dark better then the light
Your unsure lifestyle escorted you here
Now you stuck like a deer head between headlights
Believing in the fairytales
Now you want a tale of your own
Wanting that happen ending
So you slumber here
Stuck in this world
Filled with wonder
I just want you to see through its deception
It's perception
I just want you to wake up

Feet in the sand
I can still feel myself sinking
Water cold to the touch
The tides roll in and out
Past my ankles
Now up to my knees
And out in the distance
The ocean is as blue as the naked sky
They both seem to never end
Lost in a gaze
The water has risen a bit higher
Now tugging at my hands
Playfully pulling me down
But still in place I stand
Tamed by how calm the water has become
Now that it’s grown
Wrapping itself around my waste
The breeze amplifies it’s frigidness
And now my body starts to quiver
But I’m rooted
And can’t escape this aquatic landscapes
Up above
The last signs of life
A group of seagulls
Passing by
As the water has risen up
Past my neck
Covering my eyes

I want to sink my teeth in you
Drain you till there's nothing left
Until your veins suffocate
Caress you with my finger nails
As they spilt your skin
Through your silk dress
Rip your heart through your breast
An watch it quit beating in my hands
Oops that's to gruesome
I want to bound you upside down
By your ankles
Slit your throat
And watch you choke
On your blood
And slowly rip you apart
Wait that's still to dark
I want to slather you
In red goo
From a tube
And lick it all up
Because I like the taste of ketchup
Wait, what ?

What I felt for you is gone
Naked an bare
I no longer care
I loved you
But no
Your love is polluting my air
It's hard to breath
With these thoughts of you
So much within me
It grows from the roots of my hair
But I no longer care
I'm done chasing
Now I'm just casing what I felt in a bottle  
Hosting it out to sea
And stare as the lapping waves
Gravitate it away from me
And if some how some way it ever makes its way back
I won't be here
Because I don't care

All he did was try
But all it lead him to do was cry
He wanted to just hang himself with a tie
At Least he would go out looking like a well dressed guy
He stop looking at the sky
Because it just reminded him of her eyes
This would imply
He distant himself of any ocean view that was blue
All he did was try to smile off the pain
But the undeveloped muscles in his face made him look like he had a weird taste in his mouth
He always tried to think north
But the pain made him angry so it always went south
But he didn't pout
All he did was try and forget you
But you was stuck in his head like super glue
And it drove him to do something he didn't want to
All he did was try and make you happy
But he failed
So he hung himself with the tie I mentioned earlier
All he did was try but he failed
So he hung there until he died

I love the rain
Not really sure why
It’s only water falling from the sky

It’s relaxing
And I often feel stress free
Listening to how it sounds

It pounds on the windows
And splat on the ground
Thuds on the roof

Nothing can escape it
Everything is within its reach
You can’t hide, you’ll get wet eventually

I love how everything scatters
Trying to get out of its way
No birds flapping or animals scurrying around

I like watching others react to it
Some people run
Others walk

Some skip, some jog
Others hop over puddles like they’re logs
And some avoid it at all cost by hiding in cars

I love the rain
And if I could
I’d watch it all day

They push the record button on the camera
Handing me a piece of paper to read
I can feel their greed
Their holding me for random I see
Wanting a big pay day
From the USA
But even I know it doesn't work that way
We don't negotiate
And take action when it's too late
When their done using me
The through me in a cave
I hate this place
The ground is cold
And the water a rotting brown color
The only sounds I hear are their foot steps
An murmurings of a languages I do not share
I should've never came to this place
Afghanistan
Wanting to do reports of our troops brought me here
Wanted to know how deep the rabbit hole goes
How much did our troops really know
I figure now their just searching for things that looks suspicious
But three men walk in derailing my train of thought
Dragging me out of the cave
Yelling words I don't understand
Why me I'm a nobody
No one knows my name
The only tv time I've gotten is between these camera frames
As the push record again
One pulls out a machete
I blink hard
Already knowing my fate
The shove my face towards the ground
And all I hear
Is the machete coming for me

I’m loyal!
You assured me
I’m as faithful as they come
You won’t ever have to worry or doubt me
I’ll prove it to you watch me
Ok
I’ll believe you
Let’s go outside for some fun in the sun
A few minutes later
You turned alarmingly warm
But we haven’t been out here that long
All of a sudden
The veins under you skin started to bust
I gasp in disgust
You tried to grab onto me
But all the bones were gone
Liquid started to gush from your ears
It appeared your brain was melting
You tried you yell
But your tongue boiled and turned to jell
Even the thing in the back of your throat exploded
You seem to be corroding
Melting like plastic
I guess on the inside
You were really fake

Another morning
Without you
As the sun rise
The feelings I had inside
When I slept
They melt in the early rays
And eventually die
Good morning
I'm not sorry you weren't here when I awake
Even in my dreams
My thoughts of you are full of hate
It's to late
For your speeches of change
And how without me you'll feel pained
You try to love me back to sleep
So you can creep into my bed
Hoping the way you feel
Can sneak into my head
Good morning
It's another day without you
We will never see that sunrise
Whenever I think of you
Night paints over the sky
An I watch as the sun die quietly

I'm the light in the dark showing you the way
I'm the warmth on a cold winters day
I'm the guidance you need when lights go out
But you're the one that blows me out
Wrapped around my light, one gush and it's gone
But I'll fight for my light, Let's begin the tug-a-war

You light me up
When you want to hide your wicked ways
Using me to cast the dark away
Not wanting others to see what you do when the lights out
Praying my bright light can keep your demons at bay
You breath heavy when your conscience taunts you
Almost putting my flame out
My flickering
Makes you cover your mouth
You need me
I shine out what you've done
Your pocketed sun
You threaten to put me out if I ever let your secrets out
But even if you do
Soon you'll point a match my way

True love is a cliché
I rather take a bullet to the head
Then think there's another human made for me
Think you could please me?
Please..
You have a better chance touching the moon
Tried the love thing before
The aftermath worse then a typhoon
Debris everywhere
The damage was to extensive
Unrepairable
So I left everything there
Packed up an fled  
No point going back for love
I left it under the stack of chairs

Take a walk with me
Down this street
I need your company
Its creepy here
The oozing fog carries a sent of burnt flesh
I heard the stories
This is the devils lair
Quick say a prayer
Keep your eyes open make sure your awake
Falling asleep would be a mistake,a risk you shouldn't take
Its quiet wouldn't you agree
The sound of the wind is our only companion
Trickling through the cracks and windows of every house
And with it the sound of knives
we're getting closer
The smell of melted flesh
sets my lungs on fire
I can hardly breath
With each breath the feel of suffocation
Short inhales helps
I've been here before but only in the dream world
It didn't end to well
I struggle to remember
Then it dawns on me
I look for a sign to confirm what I already know
And there's only one sign that show
Elm street

In her eyes this is never going to end
She's confident this will last forever
And we will always be together
But if she was smart
She would look in the mirror
And recite to her reflection
That it's just a beautiful lie

When body meets ink
And it stains the skin  
When the reward outweighs pain
So it becomes vague
When it's no longer just a needle
It's use as a tool to covey her body a canvas
She has become a stencil
Her skin a piece of paper
The needle a ink pen
And even if you don't understand
The meaning is more then what's on her skin  
It seep into her veins
And now her heart pumps it
She's ok that it tainted her blood  
This ink has become her
A walking collage
But unless you are her
You won't understand her
To her this is more then just a hobby  or sport
It's her life
Tattoos is her art

She stares at me
Lovingly
With her hands on its hilt
Holding on to the knife she’s jammed in my ribs
But still
I kiss her soft lifts
In response she ****** her hands in my chest
Crushing my heart
So I wrap my arms around her
To bring us closer
But my neck
Only ends up cuffed between her palms
I smile
Even though I’m almost out of breath
My dear
Why do you try to **** me?
Can’t you tell
I’m already dead

How much would you pay
If my heart was put out for display
Ready to be sold
What would you give
How much would you bid
How high would you go
Would you give all you owned
What's my heart worth
If you got out bid
Would losing to another hurt

You were more then just a companion
More then just a pet
You're more then a dog
That walked on four legs
You're family
And the memory's you made with us will never fade
From being taught to
Sit
Lay
And stay
Now it's time for you to go away
And we're all happy you're not going in a horrifying way
But in peace  
And writing this is the least
I can do
To show you'll forever be missed
So for one last time
Sit
Lay
And stay

Sorry for the brown napkins, tissues and plastic bottles I sometimes throw on you

Roll your window up
When you see me near
If I approached
You wouldn't even meet my stare
But glance at the words on my sign
Thoughts about me already declared
I'm someone you don't want here
The **** of this earth
While you inside all warm
I'm fighting to stay dry
You don't know me
But hate the way I'm living
You think of me just a homeless man
Living my life off begging
You don't know what I've been through
How would you feel if you saw me as your reflection
Sleeping under freeways
While you throw unwanted food away
My clothes ripped and torn
While the things in your closet probably never been worn
A homeless man
But I'm just disgusting to you
I'm sorry but put yourself in my shoes I'm more then just a begging man
This is not the way I chose to live

The result of being loved wrong
Made me feel superficial
Betrayed by to many Lois Lanes
Turned my heart super cynical
The realization I wasn’t made of steel
Small cuts stretched until they become wounds
Seems I’ve lost my super healing
Tried to find strength in others
Instead of the sun
But no one ever ask how I’m feeling
I use to try to be the difference
But now it’s more like forget it
I’m finished
Can’t you tell by the cape that’s been torn

Winter
She buried my heart in the snow so no else could ever love me
And when she came back to retrieve me
I was so cold
That even her I couldn't love

Rose garden
Once the snow melted
I could tell that winter was over
And all the flowers around me
Sprouted with a boom
But as I laid there frozen in time
In my garden
No roses bloomed

Hell & Heaven
Because the soil was rotten
From my decaying soul
I laid there motionless
In an unmarked grave
My demons led me here
Into her arms on a winters day
But I was to far gone in my wicked ways
As the stalks dripped with tears
Softening the ground
I was swallowed
Hoping I could be saved I prayed

Heaven & Hell
Never seemed to notice miracles
But this one gleamed
I could hear the light penetrate the darkness
My demons screamed
And I could feel myself being yanked from the dirt
Back to earth
Post bail from my maggot infested cell
Set free
Only to the sight of you
Standing over me
Smothering the neck of a shovel, suffocating it
Like the suffocating grip she has on me
And as she started to dig a whole In the snow
I knew she would never let anyone else love me

We been out her thirty minuets already
But you don't seem to care
It's cold out here you know
But you have protective skin wear
Do you have to sniff everything...
Just pick a spot an ***
You do this everyday
Isn't that the same tree from yesterday
You lift your leg at every ledge
Every edge of anything
You even *** on our neighbors trash can
Hay that doesn't bother me
Even when you empty you still lift you leg
At everything
I'm sure you know it doesn't work that way
You try to pull but can't match my strength
Choking yourself still not gaining an inch
We been out her to long
But there you go again
Sniff and lift its the same process
Fine fine but this is the last tree
And after we're passing up everything

My faith in us
Unshakable
Like a Christian praying on his knees
Nothing can defeat us
As long as we believed
As long as I fight
I thought you’d never leave
I thought love conquers all
But now
All is lost
I don’t blame you
I blame me
I thought I could save you
Strip away your pain
I thought I could motivate you to fight
But that seed never sprouted in your brain
I thought I could pump your heart
But it’s hard to love behind a screen
I was foolish
You were 18 years to young
And all the wisdom I’ve gained at 24
Still want enough
I was selfish and stubborn
To think I myself was enough
I’m sorry I could help you
I’m sorry I failed
Your pain has you shackled
I’m to weak to carry your chains
I’ll always love you
I’m sorry I wasn’t the cure to your pain