Its 42 degrees out
For Texas weather
That’s considered cold
To me
It’s just a reflection
Of my heartbeat
And if you want to know the temperature of my soul
The weather would have to be below zero

I’m promise I’m nothing special
You caught a glimpse of my potential
You’d fall in love
And catch me climbing out the back window
My heart is frozen over
Emotions colder then December’s weather
I want to be loved
But with me there’s no forever
Don’t bet on me
You can do better

I’d love you to death
Even if i was the one who killed you
And watched you
Exhale your last breath
Then carried you to deaths door step

I’m not good enough
That spoiled egg out of the bunch

Joy left me
Sin slept in my bed to much

Too far gone
Pushed off the path

Lost a sense of direction
Can’t find my way back

Faith, dislocated
Broken fingers can’t hold a bible

To embarrass to come to you
I’m not running

How could I face you
Prayer, foreign language

This prayer is my last
If it goes unanswered.....

Déjà vu
Here before

6ft deep
Who keeps burying me

Ways out
Can never find none

Tools
Forgotten

No shovel
No hope

No string
No rope

Lonely and cold
But lit by the moonlight

Fingernails *****
Hand stained with blood

No grip to climb
No vocalization to shout  

The only way out is through
Dig deeper, you fool

Broken heart
The goal is to depart, sickening earth  

Hurt, Suicides a killer
It'll take you, Quicker then any steel

Instantly
Then any bullet shell

Rope burns
Snapped neck

Broken veins
Spilled flesh

Lost soul since 10 years
Blood filled tears

Devils advocate
Bully magnet

Contract unfulfilled
Until suicide kills

Dragons breath
Nothing left

Cheap wine
Quick death

Lonely man
Bad rep

Rumor mills
Loved spilled

Broken hearts
Empty chest

6 long years
Disappeared

Now he's alone
Wishing she'd come back home

Until then

He sips dragons breath
Hoping it'll light a fire

Deep in his belly

She smokes
She chokes

She laughs
She cries

Blue eyes
Blue sky

Salty tears
Stained eyes

French inhale
Exhales soot

Laughter
And death

Clouded lungs
Foggy room mixed with ***

She can't admit she's hurting
She can't accept he's gone

She smokes
She chokes

She cries
Gets high, she French inhales

Loaded gun
On the run

Enemies turned friends
Enemies again

Sharpened knife
Ended life

Back stabber
Secret kidnapper

Foul play
Hell to pay

Betrayer
Word molester

Out to ****
Blood spilled

Carpets stained with blood
Eyes stained with tears

Well if that's true
The love I deserve
Isn't on the menu
So I'll take the loved that's been rubbed in the dirt
Bruised and beaten
The love that's been hurt
Left out in the blistering sun
Dried out on the lawn
I'll take the love that's been frozen over
And constantly thawed out
The love I deserve can't be found
So I'll take the the love that's been abused
And overused
Stepped and stomped on
Like a welcome mat
I'll take the love no one wants around

I'm sorry
I failed you
I know I promised to always hold on
But I just couldn't keep you in my grip
I tried to always hold you in the palm of my hands
But you just filtered through the seems like sand
Im ashamed to see
All the scars you bare on your body because of me
I let you go
And watched everyone else pull you down
Back riddle with marks
From being drugged on the ground
You always treated some like royalty
But you've never been crowned
I know I let you down
But I'm back now
Tried reaching out to pick you back up
But you just slapped my hand away
And frowned
What don't you remember me?
Aren't I still the person
You see
When you look in the mirror
Aren't you still looking at me?  
I know I let you down
Tried taking care of everyone else
But never looked after me

I use to stay up all night
If you were in pain
I'd be the ice
You applied me to you, whenever you need too
But I didn't mind
You were mighty fine
And my family adored you
But it turns out you were a trickster
Tried to play my heart like a drum
It would've worked
But my heart couldn't be rung
It didn't carry a beat
It needed to be strummed
But my heart was way out of tune
Plus it was previously swept away in my last girl typhoon
You see she was one of those good people out there
But sadly I was more like you
A liar
Manipulative
Replied to all your love you's
I love you too
But that was never true
I was just reading from the script
Reciting a line
Like a play we were acting out
But really
You were just a drawing to me
And I was trying to erase parts I didn't like about you
You were trying to play me
And I was slowly trying to change you
See you thought I was a good guy
But you can't fool a fool
Without getting fool too
Love is really a game
And I haven't been in love in a very long time
You see I'm no longer a good person, no not anymore
Not after parting ways from you

Two plus two
Equals four
Four plus four
Equals more
I want more
More
I want more
More
I want fast cars, a big yard
Pretty girls, on each arm
I want more
More
I want more
More
That's what they want
These days
I want diamonds rings, shoes that gleam
Big purses, expensive things
I want more
More
I want more
That's what they want
These days

It really reeks
Like decaying flesh
It stinks
I try to cover my face
But it still gets through the crevices in my fingers
And fill up my nose
The smell stains my clothes
I even tried to air out
Opened up a few windows
But nothing works
Love stinks so bad
It's starting to hurt

If you looked out your window  
It's my eyes you would see
Peeping in
Watching you clean dishes over the kitchen sink
And I could feel my heart sink
You glanced out
Overlooking me
Standing right in front of you
This made me angry
And sadly
I wanted to lash out
And thrash you
Pound you into the ground
Treat you like the trash I was branded as
But I wouldn't dare hurt you
So madly in love
I could stand here for hours just staring at you
Frozen in place
Lost in the depth and portrait like features of your face
The sight of your long red hair
Gave me chills
As I forced myself to imagine how it would feel
So lost in the thrill
My thoughts were so strong
I begged they became real
Caught up in our reality
Only to the sound of my heavy breathing
I was snapped back on track
And as I relaxed
You were gone

I watched you get undressed
So nervous  
I became drenched and soaking wet
As I started to sweat
I was your personal security system
Monitoring you
Until you feel asleep
Inside I stared to cry
Unable to watch you dream
I wanted to shout, punch and scream  
I could no longer stand the view from here
You I wanted to be near
I borrowed the spare key you hid
I figured it was put there purposely
For me
Even though I wasn't suppose to be within 100 yards of you
I always let myself in
This wasn't the first time
I would take a tour around your house
Roam through your fridge
And take a bite of the cookies left out
After I would quickly sneak up the stairs
Tip toeing
Matching the rhythm
Of the tick and tock echoing from the grandpa clock
No need to creep through your door
Or pretend that I knocked
It was always open
At the edge of your bed
I would stand
And caress your bedsheets in the palm of my hands
While watching you breathe
You never made a sound
No noise or a peep
So peacefully you sleep
And I stood there
In a trance
Frozen
Like a statue or a tree
I could never stop watching you

Open up your heart
That'll be hard
Because it's something I've never been able to do
My heart is locked inside a vault
And hidden behind a secret passage way
And I don't think anyone deserves to get through
Maybe once upon a time
I tried opening up to you
But that ending was far from happy
And I stopped believing in fairytales
Mostly because of my dad
Let's just say my bladder was weak
And most nights I stained my sheets
So he hit
Until the color of my skin switched
From light brown to dark purple
And now he's not even around
And he wonders why from his kids no love can be found
Sorry pops
If my floor was ***** and covered in goo
And you were I mop
I still wouldn't need you

So you want me to open up huh
You sure?
Inside you'll find something dark
If you go looking for a heart
Maybe that's why I can't write anything  happy
I start and immediately think it's ******
Delete rewrite
Over and over
Up all night trying to get it right
But it's never good
And when I think about why
It's because when you left
You took the better part of me with you
The part the felt
And blushed
Even when It just had a crush
In a rush
It quickly turned to love
And I felt above it all
Because even though things were bad
I still had you
Until you left
Now what am I suppose to do
I wish I knew
I've tried over again
But it still seems like no one can ever replace you
I'm realizing I can't open up
Because it's not you

You were more then just a companion
More then just a pet
You're more then a dog
That walked on four legs
You're family
And the memory's you made with us will never fade
From being taught to
Sit
Lay
And stay
Now it's time for you to go away
And we're all happy you're not going in a horrifying way
But in peace  
And writing this is the least
I can do
To show you'll forever be missed
So for one last time
Sit
Lay
And stay

Peer pressures a *****
But I don't care what you think
So you can't pressure me
I don't drink
Or smoke
So you can pass the **** past me
As you choke on the smoke
Until your eyes tear
Oh dear
If getting high is fly
I'll stay grounded
And you can sip on your drink
Until you're on the brink
Of forgetting your name
And in the morning feeling ashamed
Because you text me uncontrollably
Saying you love me
Asking did I still love you
Only to admit
What you said was an accident
And that really wasn't you
You didn't mean it
You're sorry
But that isn't true
Because when you drink
It's something you always do

Open up your heart
That'll be hard
Because it's something I've never been able to do
My heart is locked inside a vault
And hidden behind a secret passage way
And I don't think anyone deserves to get through
Maybe once upon a time
I tried opening up to you
But that ending was far from happy
And I stopped believing in fairytales
Mostly because of my dad
Let's just say my bladder was weak
And most nights I stained my sheets
So he hit
Until the color of my skin switched
From light brown to dark purple
And now he's not even around
And he wonders why from his kids no love can be found
Sorry pops
If my floor was ***** and covered in goo
And you were I mop
I still wouldn't need you

So you want me to open up huh
You sure?
Inside you'll find something dark
If you go looking for a heart
Maybe that's why I can't write anything  happy
I start and immediately think it's ******
Delete rewrite
Over and over
Up all night trying to get it right
But it's never good
And when I think about why
It's because when you left
You took the better part of me with you
The part the felt
And blushed
Even when I just had a crush
In a rush
It quickly turned to love
And I felt above it all
Because even though things were bad
I still had you
Until you left
Now what am I suppose to do
I wish I knew
I've tried over again
But it still seems like no one can ever replace you
I'm realizing I can't open up
Because it's not you

The USA is sick
And there's not an array of shots to fixed this
Plague by discrimination
Sexism
And racism  
And we just gave a crown to a man
Who beliefs are these
We breathed hatred like it's a disease
No marching or protesting is going to help
Home of the free
Land of the brave
But we're still slaves
If you're not white
You're foreign
There's just no way to shake it
Can't walk or drive down the street
Without getting stopped by police
They taunt us
Want us to fight back
So they can scream ****** ******
And shoot
"Defending" themselves from our attacks
I wouldn't feel safe with a handgun or grenade
Or even a machete strapped to my back
United States of America
Forever divided

Speeding on the freeway
Spamming her with texts
Calling her fake
Steady calling
I know you just didn't ignore me
This is the sixth time
You've dismissed my line
She has me so ****** up
But second thoughts plagued me
Going 80
Is racing to her house going to far
It's 12:30am
Maybe I should do a u turn in this car
But I'm already halfway there
Heart pounding
Hands shaking
Running red lights
To angry think right
Just left the gym
Stinky and sweaty
But this has just become an interesting night
Pull up
Crap
This apartment gate is locked
**** it
I'm going to have to jump it
Like the black guy I am
There goes a stereotype
Lucky someone's leaving
Quickly
Jump in the car
I got to get this four door scion through the gate
Running on adrenaline
Didn't even switched gears
I'm so mad
And nervous
Surprised these emotions didn't draw tears
Creeping up the stairs
Being cautious even though
There's no way anyone can hear me
Here I am
At her door
Not knowing what to do
Dude you must be crazy
Doing all this for an ungrateful lady
Ear to the door
Wait is that a t.v
What am I going to do
**** it
You're a man
Knock
And find out
What you suspected
Has already come true

If you think I won't leave
Because you have a hold on me
Girl please
I wouldn't say bless you if you sneezed
You females
Are like the entrails
Of a snails tail
Meaning you're disgusting
Lol just kidding
Not really
If I was between your fingers
You still wouldn't have a grip on me
Maybe you thought
If you said sweet things
And buttered me up
You'd get bling bling
And shiny things
And hoped my emotions
Would pour out
Like a **** that burst open
I mean to disappoint
Even though I'm here
I've already walked away

I hate the new you
The person you've become
What happen to laughing for no reason
And being silly just for fun
You use to enjoy making people laugh
But now you barley get along with anyone
What happened
What made you so uptight
You use to stroll at an angle
Just because everyone one else walked up right
But now you swear
Thinking of drinking
And blowing smoke in the air
It breaks my heart to see who've you become
You use to have so many friends
But the trust you lost
Made you walk away from everyone
Doesn't seem like you plan on turning back
But what can I do
You never listening to any advice
Even if it's coming from you

Did you think I'd fall apart
Thought you'd break my heart
Baby please
You'd never be as cold as me
This is a game you definitely won't win
Especially if your opponent is me
I'll break you
All the way down to your foundations
Set fire to your plantations
What you to good to say sorry
Well it wouldn't be enough
You started a war
And these bullet holes are going to fill you up
You could never hurt me
Cause I'm stronger then you'll ever be

You said you love me
But you're a liar
Wrote the three words on a blank piece of paper
Then set it on fire
I gave you everything I had
Put my heart in your hand
All I ever ask was for your love
And in return
I'd give you all mine
Said I would never love you
But I change my mind
I'd do anything for you
But you wouldn't do the same
If I was on fire
You'd pour gasoline on the flames
If I had a gun in my mouth
You'd pull the trigger
Blowing out my brains
If I was drowning
You wouldn't reach out
To grab my hand
But I'd take that bullet for you
If we were in a crashing plane
Here you take the parachute
I'd step in the way of a stabbing knife
Give you my coat in a freezing night
Push you out the way
Of a car running a red light
I'd die for you
But I'm not sure if you would do the same

Kick me
Slap me
Punch me
Bite me
Throw salt on my ****** wounds
Stab me with a knife
Poke me in the eye
Scratch me on the face
Beat me till I'm numb
Until I'm black and blue
Covered in bruises
And can't move my arms
Yell
Curse
Scream
Be mean I can take it
What you don't understand
Is I'll go through all this pain
So you don't have

Every time I saw a daisy
I'd smile
They reminded me of you
And every time I was with you
Smiling is all I'd ever do
I wondered if you knew
Daisies are more then one flower
They're actually two
And whenever I came across one
I'd always bring it to you
Not red or yellow, orange or blue
Neither the purple or crimson and the rose color wouldn't do
I brought you the white one
Because it's the most famous and iconic
Just like you
You were more then a grandma
You were my best friend
We could talk about anything
When it was needed
Your were ready to give me advice
I bet you didn't know
The meaning of daisy
Is Day's Eye
Because they close there petals
In the evening sky
Today you passed
As evening passed by
And I bet as you took your final breath
Every daisy closed there petals
And wept
But tomorrow
The memory of you will rage on
Because daisies open they're petals
At the start of dawn

You're going to appreciate me when I'm gone
Who else is going to drive to your house
In the middle of the night
For a midnight talk
Who else is going to blow up your phone
When you disappear
Hoping nothing went wrong
Who's going to send you long *** texts
Every night
Hoping they start your day off right
As the sun rises
Out shining the moon light
Who's going to take you back
After you snuck off
And spent time with your ex
Bet you don't remember me wanting to take you "niece" to chuck e cheese
Before I knew she was more then just a niece
Who else would happily step up
And take care of the baby
Who else is going to stay awake
All night long
Trying to figure out what went wrong
I give and you just take
But you've made a mistake
If you don't think I notice how you treat me
I'm still here
But for how long
You're going to appreciate me when I'm gone

If I needed you
Right this second
I've been shot
Stabbed
Hit by a reckless driver in a cab
It's an emergency
My life isn't just on the line
I feel myself dying
Bodies becoming cold like the pavement
My heartbeat
Is starting to fade
I'm fighting to stay conscious
But everything seems to be in a daze
And there's only one person I can think of
You said you'd miss me when I'm gone
Is that really true ?
Because I'm calling
Because I'm dying
And all I wanted to say
Is I love you
But as usual
I can never get through
"I'm sorry the person you have called has not set up there voicemail, goodbye"
**** oh well

I feel low
Very low
What can I do
There's no one I can ever go too
Sometimes these poems aren't enough
And I can never really think of the right words to say
So I hide behind metaphors
Hoping to get your attention
But when I show them to you
They're hardly mentioned
But poetry is all I have
I feel abandoned again
First by a dead beat dad
Now you
I feel angry
Very angry
But there's no one I can ever vent too
So I write
Mostly at night
When I'm truly alone
And the messages stop
All I have is my thoughts
Spinning in my head
They get tangled
And tied in loops
I'm confused
Very confused
But who can I ask for advice
No ones ever here
I've always been on my own
I guess it's true
I should be alone

Her kisses where so passionate
That she use to bite my lips
And wherever her hands would lay
She would tighten her grip
The love she felt
Burned in her eyes
And I could see it on her face
There was no mistake
I was the one she loved
Love(d)
Past tense
Now when we kiss
It's like I'm kissing a ghost
One peck
And that's it
The word passionate wouldn't even come close
When we hugged
The way she held me
And how she buried her head in my arms
Made me never want to let go
I miss them
And in a way I'm still holding on
Hugging her
Even though she's not really there
Somewhere along the way
Something went wrong
And it affected the way
We hug and kiss

Hello
Anndrea
This is Devante's mom
He's laid up in a hospital bed
He's on life support
Doctors say he's not doing to good
And by this time tomorrow he might be dead
He can't say much
He just blinks and nods his head
He told me to call
And to let you know he loves you

What would you do
If you got that call
From my mom
That I'm dying
As she tries to explain what happened
But she can't stop crying
Lying in a hospital bed
Head bruised
Arms crushed
Barley able to move my legs
Would you rush to be by my side
Even if you were instructed not to
Would you come to my aid
Stand outside my room door
If I didn't want you to come in
Would I be in your thoughts
Would you pray
And keep your fingers crossed
Hoping I'd pull through
If I died
How would you feel

I'm sorry
His heart has stopped beating
We were able to bring him back once
But the second time we lost him

Look at me
What do you see
Am I a man to you
Do you even still claim me
Am I even your boyfriend
Look at me
Do you even love me
You look at me as if I'm ugly
Or unworthy to be in your presence
Look at me
Do you even realize how you treat me
You're royalty to me
But in your eyes
I must look like a peasant
Who can't afford to buy you a decent present
Look at me
All I ever did was love you
But you spat in my face
Smacked me back ant forth
Kicked the heart I handed you
And said you wanted nothing more then space
I want you to look at me
But I can see you just looking past me
Because if you did
You wouldn't liked the look on my face

You said you loved me
But you let me go
Didn't stop me as I stormed out
And slammed the front door
I waited outside
Patiently
Hoping to see my baby chasing me
But you never showed
And it killed me
Broke my heart
As I sat outside
Not knowing what to do
Should I yell or cry
Neither
Go for a Sunday night drive
You said you loved me
But you let me slip from your grip
And crack a smile
As you let me go

I admit it
I cheated
Now we're even
I didn't mean to
It just happened
And I couldn't stop it
Plus
She was always here for me
When I needed it to be you
I tell her everything
And she alway listens
And she gets what I've been through
Wish it didn't happen this way
I wanted to stop
But she begged me to stay
So I did
And when I'm with her
All my problems seems to fade
She always comforts me
And her hugs are so warm
Sometimes we don't do anything
Just lay in each other's arms
I always get lost in her body
I go to her
When you are away
Wishing you would stay but I know you won't
So I'm up with her all night
She stares at me while I write
Sometimes guiding my hands
I never want to let her go
But if you asked me too
I'd give up her for you

Your the last person I wanted to see
Nearly had a heart attack
When I saw you on tv
Gagged
Screamed and spit out my food
Painting the screen
And I know the reason your standing up there is me
Ready to end your life
You exposed the insides of your heart
And I couldn't believe I saw me
Scared of being loved to much
I decided to flee
Packed up my things while you were sleep
I had to leave
I loved you too
But just not that much
Now seeing you like this
Destroys me
Wish I was there to tell you not to leap
Step away from the ledge
Not knowing what to do
Almost fell off the couch
I was so close to the edge
Just like you

Say it out loud
Yell it to the heavens
And let the wind
Carry it past the clouds
Say it like your proud
To be dating me
Say my name
If your not ashamed
To call me yours
And brag about me to your friends
Say my name
If I'm truly yours
And when I'm not around your left feeling sore
And your heart aches
Say my name
If It's me your dreaming about at night
If I'm really the best
Say my name
So these uneasy feelings that you might be creeping can be put to rest
Say my name if this isn't a game
Say my name
Because I've never stop saying yours

These three words are getting harder to say
I don't know if the feeling has gone completely
Or if it was ever there in the first place
We've become more distance
And I feel less optimistic
That this is going to work
I use to call you sweet names
But things have really change
And at one time you said I was all that mattered
And I was your world
And now I'm starting to question that day
Wondering what really happened to that girl
One bad episode of life
Has left you feeling not right
I don't want to give up
But everyone else says it's the right thing to do
I've never been the one to listen to others
And trust still isn't a cup I can drink from
If it's passed to me from you
Lately I feel confused
And my feeling felt like they've been abused
But at the end of the day
I made my choice
And I said I'd stay
Because deep down
I love you

When I wake up
You're the first thing I want to see
I want to wake up
With you laying across from me
Sound asleep in bed
Silently laughing on the inside
At the sight of the crazy hair on your head
Can't wait to greet you with a good morning kiss
And ask how did you sleep
Then make fun of your morning breath after you speak
I want to watch you struggle to get out of bed
I can just imagine myself
Showering you with pillows
Trying to get you not to go back to sleep
I want to wake up next to you
I know I couldn't help but smile
There's nothing more then I want to do
Is wake up
And across from me is you
Fast asleep

Lost control
Let go of the wheel
Could hear the tires screaming
Trying to grip the pavement
No matter how hard they tried to hold on
It was already to late
This was my fate
It was my fault anyway
Trying so hard to get there in time
Before you could walk away
If only I can make it in time
I just know I can convince you to stay
But this is how it was meant to end
If I lost you in my life
I wouldn't want to live anyway
And it looks like
It's gonna be that way
Windshield cracking
Glass shattering
Metal bending and breaking
Even in the middle of all the chaos
And the car continues to flip and turn
Over and over
The only thing I can think of
Is your face
Wish I could kiss you one last time
Now it's to late

I should've made you laugh more
Until you fell on the floor
Grabbing your stomach from the giggling pain
But now I might not have that chance
Your gone and all I feel is sore
I should've held your hand
And clutched it tight
Now the only way I see your face
Is when I close my eyes at night
I should've kissed you
Until you couldn't take it
Now your gone
And my heart is breaking
And I can't fake it
Should've told you I loved you sooner
But the fear of saying it out loud
I was to scared
To embarrassed
Selfish and full of pride
I should've hugged you more
And not let go
Should've rubbed your back
I know it was always so sore
I should've done more
When I was your man

How did I get this far up
And so close to the ledge
Acrophobia
Stops me from peaking over the edge
I can feel the cold steel trembling
Moaning and groaning as it sways slightly in the breeze
Breathing beneath my feet
I heard if you're high up enough
Water feels like the ground
So even if I survived this jump
I can't even swim
I know I'll drown
But I have to
I must
Because you said you'll never leave me
But you left in a rush
And I was crushed
You told me you'd always love me
But where are you now
You're nowhere to be found
Not even in the crowd
That's gathered around
All their talking have been muffled and muted
By the sound of the whizzing wind
Filling my ears
I can only hear my heartbeat
And it's telling me to leap
Spread eagle
And pretend I can fly
But the little faith I have stops me
I've been living in hell so long
I stopped thinking heaven is real
I don't believe in nothing
Not even in you
If you were here
I'd tell you to jump too
Even if you happened to show up
You'd be to late
This is the only means of escape