Don't say you need me when
You leave and you leave again
I'm stronger than all my men
Except for you

You're so *****
Everyone knows
What you do
Before you get home
Sometimes they laugh
Like it's a joke
Covering disgust
Like rusty bike spokes
You taught me how
To take off in flight
And I rode around the yard
Grass green
Sun bright
Whatever they said
It never phased me
I always greeted you
With a kiss on the cheek
The things you did
The things you said
I didn't understand
Eyes bloodshot and red
I wonder if when you lied
You thought it was the truth
Though we don't talk
Every time we do
It's like no time has passed
It's like nothing has changed
I'm a little girl again
Everything's the same
I promise I won't be scared
This summer when you call
I'll hop on your bike
And ride out into the fall

The more I watch
The more appear
Hooting softly
Far and near
Eyes unblinking
Wide and scared
Watching motionlessly
Waiting there
Time occurs
In a sequence so strange
I see them calling
Before I here my name
Constant foreshadowing
Yet it never sinks in
I could have stopped it
I never did

Seeking them out so adamantly
Driven by the midnights heat
Each foolish time she dares to believe
That they’ll wait on her hands
And bow to her feet
She’ll give them a little
They’ll give her a lot
She’ll take up occupation
In their hearts and thoughts
She’ll talk to them in a way
They haven’t talked in a while
She’ll tell them some things
That make them smile
And show their ***** teeth
As they rush to reply
Chasing ***** images
In their disgusting minds
It’s not the money
It’s not the bags
It’s the fact that she pleases them
Like no one else can
All of them
Like the rings on her hands
Like the manicured tips
Like the golden china fans
One by one
They drop like flies
As she becomes bored
How annoyingly dry
Their humor is awful
Misogynst and objective
And so she moves on
Identity protected
A silent killer
A thief in the night
She's not his lover
She's not his wife

Summertime sadness
Black and white spring
Budding flower's madness
Into oddly shapen things
Freezing suddenly into depression
Death in fallen leaves
Everything is backwards
When you're away from me
Dabbling in strange evils
Disregarding the cost
Without you in my ear
Darling I'm just so lost
Rotten flesh tied with ribbons black as coal
The thoughts in silent heads are something no one dares to know
Crooked fingers **** my limbs
Now I'm in trouble
I can't win
I was born without innocence
Stained glass eyes
Rose tinted sin
Swaying diamonds before my eyes
Crumble pathetically into lies
Everything I've ever known
The silent walls that watch this home
Everything that's ever been
It always leads to something like this

I had a dream
We were high by the beach
Sand in our toes
Imprints of feet
I never wondered
When it would end
As tides rolled out
And back in again

I press my palms
Into my eyes
And whisper a prayer
Hoping to die
I drag myself through
Each miserable day
And whisper a prayer
To end the pain

I met a man
On the 9 o'clock train
He didn't ask my age
He didn't ask my name
I met a man
With a scar over his eye
An empty bottle of ***
And a dog across his thigh
His voice came out in a whisper
So subtle and innocently fine
With a small gesture of his hand
"Could you spare a dime?"
I reached into my purse
Knowing I had much to spare
An un cashed paycheck hidden stealthily in there
I gave him some change
And we sat in silence once more
The train lurched to a stop
And opened it's doors
The man and his dog left
I never saw him again
But such an impression he made
Over a measly 10 cents

I made a promise years ago
I made it without thought
I made a promise recklessly
To use my brain I 'ought
I put my hand proudly in yours
To let you down I'd die before
I made a promise in the heat of youth
And aged so bitterly
Poisoned by it's truth

When I was a girl
Not too long ago
The hills rolled far
Blanketed in snow
The summer was hot
And full of strange life
Everything was so colorful
Bodies bursting with delight
In a very short time
I grew so old
Wrinkles forming fast
Misery in every fold
Incessant fatigue
Plaguing each and every bone
Sometimes I take the long way back
Yet still avoid our old home

Keeping food on the table
Is what he does
He pays the bills
He's way above
Petty arguments
And silly games
About small things
That stay the same
I'll never forget
The sting of his hand
He reminds me everyday
I literally can't
Not that I want to
I want it to stay
He pays the bills
I know my place

Who broke your happiness?
And chased your smile away?
Who stole you from me?
You look so sad these days
I'll listen to every single word
You'll ever have to say
To see that same smile once again
Glowing on your face

My baby leaves
At 6:45
I pretend I'm asleep
And close my eyes
I love it when
We play that game
Every morning
It's all the same
My baby gets home
When he does
He taught me not to ask
I learned fast enough
My baby loves me
No matter what anyone says
He tells me all the time
In different ways
He broke my dishes
My windows too
But my baby loves me
In blacks and blues

He loves me the way
That you loved me
Gripping my jaw
Making me bleed
Shattering my soul
Bruising my skin
He loves me
Like you did
I've found you
In black eyes
A ****** nose
I miss you so much
I'm numb to the blows
He grabs my hair
And asks me why
And I just laugh
And close my eyes
'Cause when he yells
I think of you
And all the things
You used to do

I’m too tired
To chase after your love
I’d rather lie down and cry
An ocean
A flood
Rocking so sadly
Rolling deep and blue
A pond
A river
Flowing slowly towards you
A steadily flowing stream
Going straight out to sea
Sinking so slowly
Into melancholy dreams
Undercurrents deep
Yet forcefully strong
In this lonely ocean
There’s nothing to hold on
Sinking so slowly
Into a murky abyss
Where there’s nothing to see
And I don’t exist

I'm dying for a "happy" ending
In which I dont exist
Dying for an ending
Where I escape all of this

Lost children walking in a single file line
Nervous hearts beating so perfectly in time
To unconscious footsteps, thumping gently on the ground
Sleepwalking aimlessly with no one around
No one to guide them
No one to say
"Child are you lost ? Come along this way"
Lost children walking in a single file line
No one to wipe their tears, to stifle their cries

I've lost you over a thousand times
In this dreaming mind of mine
Missing you in subtle ways
Counting numbers and passing days
I wish you the best yet, hope the worst
Hope you're not truly happy, being with her
But I know you wouldn't waste your time
In worthless words and meaningless lines
I hope you find
A place back home
A cozy place
To call your own
I know its over
Though I hate to say
Everything's felt so empty
Since you've been away

The dullest of folks
Seem to come to life
When the spark of love
Appears in their eyes
A graceful glimmer
A dancing flame
Upon the mention
Of another's name
Love makes us all drunken fools
Breaking nature's unspoken rules
Placing stained glass before lucid eyes
Producing a world so colorful and bright
So very different from "black" and "white"
Love is boundless
Yet love is blind

There's something lively
About your skin
Raw and pale with a pinkish tinge
It appears
To be well lived in
Laughing smiles
Ocean wind
The color of freshly
Upturned earth
Captivate me
Secret hurt
Lazily chasing
"Nameless hers"
Mystery girls
Different worlds

Haunted by the possibility
That all the seeking hands
To ever touch me
Will never adore
Have never cared
Only for a moment
Will they ever be there

In a distant dream
I remember us
And many things
That are now lost
I remember my jacket
In a small photograph
I remember asking
As you would laugh
And now I know
Why you were so content
On capturing every
Seemingly worthless moment
Things wouldn't always
Be that way
You hid unsaid words
Behind a smile unswayed
Where are you now
Underneath this snowfall
Would you pick up?
If I called?
Am I a figment of your imagination
Or are you a production mine?
I really do think about you
All the time
I cherish the feeling
Of skin upon skin
Remembering he times
Our hands perfectly fit
And though in every word
I tell a beautiful tale
You hurt me so badly
My life is jail
Because of the things you did
Because of the things you said
Echoing long and loud
Inside this lonely head
All those harsh actions
Making me wish I was dead
I'll never get to unwrap presents with you
You'll never smile like that again

I look for you
In fallen snow
In lost goodbyes
And unsaid hellos
I look for you
In unremembered dreams
I look for you
In worthless things

I want you to hug me
And smooth down my hair
In your arms the world spun
Lazily without a care

I chased after you
In lustful sin
And many other things
Love's hidden in
I was a pawn
In your foolish game
You spun me 'round
Again and again
'Till I was so I dizzy
I could only speak your name
So many nights
Tears were shed
I hid my agony
In love instead
I chased after you
Blinded by stupidity
How were you able
To make me believe?
With a swift kick
To the backs of my knees
Falling
Falling
In love so deep

The dust settles
In this empty home
The room is quiet
And I'm alone

Stolen at "hello"
Lost at "goodbye"
Do you think about me
From time to time?

In water's absence
Nothing grows
Dry and desolate
Old, brittle bones
And finally when
Clouds roll in
The land begins
To breathe again
Soaking the soil
Rich and dark
Earthy smell
Beating hearts
Awaken the roots
Underneath the ground
Peeking softly through
Without a sound
Gradually life
Returns to the plain
Following promise
Of nature raw and untame
Grazing the grass
Nesting in trees
True beauty thrives
In the absence of humanity

Your casket was open
And you were inside
I stood in disbelief
Had you really died?
Everyone around me
Overflowing with grief
And yet I stood shaking
Trembling in disbelief
I knew I looked foolish
Yet I couldn't stop
Flowers adorned your grand casket
A cross on top
Everywhere around me
Time seemed to stop
I couldn't believe
It was you in that box
A pearly white rosary
Clutched mockingly in your hand
According to the Priest
This was all God's plan
And as we lay you down
Amidst the dead man's land
Rain fell softly
I felt my heart expand
And painfully squeeze
Inside my chest
I stood in disbelief
And tried my best
To remain composed
Among the rest
Of abandoned souls
You'd finally left

I see you in places
I never thought I would
In buildings and streetlights
In overgrown paths through the woods
I see you in rays of sunlight
Spilling into a shadowy crevice
I see you in just about everything
Carrying you throughout all of this

And I hate how beautiful
God allowed you to be
He left no error
Lines drawn with ease
Every mistake
Flawlessly erased
Leaving to us
Undesirable traits

Let's go back
To the way it used to be
Oblivious to you
As you were oblivious to me
Let's go back
To the times before
When it was all a joke
And nothing more
Let's go back
To the way it was
When I didn't crave
Your gentle touch
When the little things
Were just enough
Let's go back
To before we fell in love

We'll melt out of our clothes
Like burning candles
Hopeless love flickering in the night
When everything feels so despondently wrong
You make me feel alright

I don't wanna
Feel my face
I can't stand
To feel the pain
The things that haunt me everyday
The things that refuse
To go away
The things embeded
In this rotting brain
Drowning in substance
Escaping down the drain
Into a void
Of thoughtlessness
I never "thought"
It'd end like this

I'll pretend to love you
Keep you company for a while
I'll dump your *** on love sick's curb
When you've grown out of style
You come crawling back
On red palms and achy knees
Maybe I'm just unavailable
After the world I've seen
I'll keep you around for a while
'Till she catches on and finds out
I'll keep you around
'Till you've grown out of style

You'll go off
To do great things
You'll meet great people
And forget about me
But the memory of you
Will stay forever
You've cut open my heart
And forcibly entered
I didn't want
To let you in
But here you are
My special friend
You're going places
So very far
You've torn apart
My tethered heart
With your wide smile
And your twitching brows
As you're speaking to me
Without any sound
The way your hands move
So swiftly and smooth
I love your language
I'm in love with you

I like the way
You loom over me
The way the tip of my nose
Touches your chest
I like seeing you
First thing in the morning
Inhaling your sleepy breath
The messy tufts of hair
Scattered all over your head
I love having you around
Despite everything I've said
I'm just protecting my feelings
You know you're too good to be true
You are the meaning of perfection
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To keep you around just a while longer
To make this bond a little stronger
You're going places
And I'm going nowhere
But while you're in this ****** town
Just stay here

I'm sorry for the things I say
When I'm not feeling like myself
I know I sound concerning
Expressing the pain I've felt
I just need someone to talk to
And you happen to be there
I end up pouring out my sorrows
And all you can do is stare
And I don't look at your face
But I know you're probably scared
Or maybe you look down at me pitifully
As I sit on the bottom stair
Moving my hands sporadically
Head thrashing from side to side
My therapist says I look schizophrenic
When I say what's on my mind

What happened
Between then and now
Or whenever it happened
I can't figure it out
What made you decide
That I wasnt enough?
That I wasn't worth your time?
That I wasn't worth your love?
I can't keep blaming you
For the monsters in my head
They've been around for a while
But they took over when you let
They're moving things around
Re-arranging my brain
So much has happened since you've gone
So much has changed

You never gave me a reason
So I came up with a few myself
I actually came up with a lot of them
Searching for some resolve
I've come up with so many ways
So many things I've done wrong
I'll never be anything
I'll never be what you want

I was so scared to loose you
So I followers you away
I followed you to the ends of the Earth
And ascended into space
Now I can't breathe
Without oxygen around me
And you've gone away
I can't go back now
No one understands
Twinkling stars
Glowing hands

Relying on numbers
And blank screens
We walk around headless
Mindlessly
Somehow convinced
That we know what it means
Yet we wander
Aimlessly

Staring into the darkness
Something stares back
Small pools of moonlight
Occasionally switching to black
Only to open again
And simply stare at me
This thing in the darkness
Is driving me insane
I tried to call out to it
I gave it different names
The eyes simply gazed at me
The thing silently remained
And in a fit of madness
I screamed into the night
The mirror broke
I was alone
The thing in the darkness was I

I wish I could stop moving
And never move again
All these worthless, empty words
They'll never understand
All these sessions I can't remember
Every ticking office clock
All these things I wouldn't ever
Think of now refuse to stop
Chanting over and over
In my overwhelmed head
I want to rip out my hair and scream
I wanna tell everyone I wish I was dead
I want to go to the busiest place
In this wretched town
And finally loose control
Throwing myself on the ground
I want the police to come and restrain me
To put cuffs on my wrists
I want them to lock me away where I belong
And allow me to be consumed by the things in my head

It'll start out
With some girl you met
That made you laugh
That sat by your desk
It'll be the beginning
Of the same old pain
That I felt the last time
Someone went away
I can feel it now
Though comfortably numb
It'll hit me soon
In the same cold rush
As opening the door
On a cold winter's night
How many more days
'Till I lose your smile?