This year feels reminiscent of the last,
Another set of commercialized holidays,
A life destroyed by the happenings of my past,
I can't fathom a day clear from my haze.

I still can't write, I still can't draw,
and everyday I awake with a new flaw.
Take me to court and steal my life,
Slit my filthy throat with my knife.
I truly wish to not be here,
everyday I grow in fear.

Is my time now here?

I'm sick of the world's *******
I'm sick of life's tragedies

But I'm in Love
But its not romantic
Its not living
Its not intimate

This Love I have
Is reserved for the drugs
That keep me alive.

It's been 3 years.
3 years we haven't heard your voice,
Seen your face, laughed with you.
You lived one month in the new year,
3 years ago, before you decided
Life wasn't getting any better.

I thought remembering you would get hard,
But I've never done anything easier.
I remember the dream I had after you left,
You had come back for just one day,
To say your farewells and make amends.

I hope I never forget that dream.

Well Martin, you're not forgotten, you're still missed, you're still loved. I hope your at peace.


           -Your Friend

Another day goes by,
Another wasted day,
I don't belong here,
I don't want to be here,
Everyday,
depression fills me up a little more.
The only time I feel all here,
Is when Im with you,
I wish we could just set sail,
and venture endlessly
through this amazing world.
I have gone to see the sights
And so will we.

Behind my smile is something  broken.
Broken from growing up in a place,
where my parents and I would have daily death threats.
They worked live-in at a group-home,
I had no choice but to live there among them.
From the age of 7 to current 16,
I've heard every word in the book,
had a child attempt to burn down our house,
in the middle of the night, killing us all...
I've seen my parents brake down in tears,
I've witnessed my family fall apart...
By the age of nine, I imagined myself dead...
I attempted to suffocate myself in grade 4.
I remember crying into my pillow,
but I couldn't bring myself to doing the act.
I still get urges, urges to drag the blade across the wrist,
the urge to tie the slipknot...
I wish I could end it all, the pain and confusion,
but that would help no one.
****....

I've collected for years.
Not only coins, and stamps,
But grudges and hate.
A collection of hate the size of Jay Leno's car collection.
Back in the medieval days I could act on my hate,
I could go out and **** and not be judged.
These days, I have to let it fester inside me...

The Goal in life, what is it? To be loved? To have a family?
To be successful in the eyes of everyone, too please everyone?
Why? why do they matter? Their opinions? Then again, in this world,
You can never be safe from ridicule. Try and please everyone?
People pleaser, your doing it for the attention.
Go against that, do things for your self, your plain old selfish.
So now Im here, without a **** clue of what to do,
whether or not I did, or have done the right thing,
Maybe that's for me, and me alone to decide, **** what others think.
Justice, injustice, right and wrong,
Maybe these are all undefined to us at birth, we create the meaning.
We create a meaning behind them, as we do our lives,
we are the writers of our life. Why be bound by a single thing,
When we have an entire, beautiful earth before our eyes?

October 22nd 2012, Isaac Reihl was removed from life support, he was 14. I never knew him but I was good friends with his brother, Jacob. Isaac was hit head-on while longboarding when the oncoming car swirved into the other lane, he suffered numerous fractures to the skull, broken ribs, and more. Today, October 23rd, the announcment came over the air at school, saying that he had passed the previous day, people automatically broke down into tears, it was terrible, such a young person will never be able to experience the things in life such as love... after roughly ten minutes of silence, my teacher decided to share a poem one of her students wrote to her when she lost her mom, it brought tears to my eyes. the rest of the day, there was just an emptiness in the entire school. I would look across the cafeteria and see people hugging others, his friends crying. I didn't even know him, but the sadness just overwhealmed me, I cant even imagine what his friends, the girl who had a crush on him, his parents, his brother, people who looked to him, I just cant imagine how they feel. Its ****** he's gone, and I know this isnt a poem..but I didnt know where else to put it, Memento Mori, dont forget to live, you honestly never know when you'll die, this event has truely shown that to me.

Rest In Peace Isaac, where ever you are, wheither your in Heaven or not, your pressence is still here.

October 22nd 2012, Isaac Reihl was removed from life support, he was 14. I never knew him but I was good friends with his brother, Jacob. Isaac was hit head-on while longboarding when the oncoming car swirved into the other lane, he suffered numerous fractures to the skull, broken ribs, and more. Today, October 23rd, the announcment came over the air at school, saying that he had passed the previous day, people automatically broke down into tears, it was terrible, such a young person will never be able to experience the things in life such as love... after roughly ten minutes of silence, my teacher decided to share a poem one of her students wrote to her when she lost her mom, it brought tears to my eyes. the rest of the day, there was just an emptiness in the entire school. I would look across the cafeteria and see people hugging others, his friends crying. I didn't even know him, but the sadness just overwhealmed me, I cant even imagine what his friends, the girl who had a crush on him, his parents, his brother, people who looked to him, I just cant imagine how they feel. Its ****** he's gone, and I know this isnt a poem..but I didnt know where else to put it, Memento Mori, dont forget to live, you honestly never know when you'll die, this event has truely shown that to me.

Rest In Peace Isaac, where ever you are, wheither your in Heaven or not, your pressence is still here.

We flew to close to the sun
and now we're crashing like Icarus.
We plummet to our graves
Im glad Death came to choose us.
Too long have I wanted this
to be rid or everyone and everything.
I know its jealous of me
but all our lives are nothing more then a fling.

January 30th, 2013,
Martin Edward Saunders,
My best friend, my brother,
Hung himself at the age of 16...
The world seems like a dimmer place,
My heart seems a little more hollow then usual...
I keep hoping for a message over Facebook,
Or maybe a text on my phone from you...
None of us want to believe you'r gone,
Some of us literally can't imagine you gone,
I miss you buddy, and I love you...
I raise my glass to you.
Good bye...

You say you act for God,
when we see you
holding your signs
'God Bless 9/11'
'God hates ****'
I honestly cannot comprehend
that you think you're doing good.
You, are the people who,
make me lose my faith,
in humanity.
You give us one Hell of a bad name.
You better start to fear us,
because if I had it my way,
Your life would be sustained on pain.
I would treasure every scream,
and cherish every cut.

My Kingdom come,
My will be ******* done.

I'm sick of all the lies,
I'm through with the *******.
We're all just mayflies,
Spawning into our grit.
I sought you in my dark age,
But what I found was abandonment.
Now I've been left with hate and rage,
Now within my thoughts, you're ancient.
Your ******* dead to me.
You abandoned me.
You destroyed me.
But *******,
I still don't need you.
I'll crush your kingdom,
Burn it to the god ****** ground,
I'll rebuild it all and spit in your face.

With the new year around the corner,
look at yourself, look at who you are.
Take this time to evaluate yourself.
Remember all the struggling people you passed
who could have used someone like you.
The ones who could have simply needed
a push in the snow, to get their car going,
or maybe even just greeting people you pass,
showing them that there are still people
in this beautiful world who are beautiful inside.
Live this year, with the goal of helping people before yourself,
live it being happy not sad, being entertained not bored.
We have the whole **** world to explore, we are our only constraints.
Yet we choose to stay with our ***** glued to our home,
As a famous person once said:
*I often wonder why birds stay in the same places when they can fly anywhere in the world, then I ask myself the same thing

The land that was three,
That became One.
At the hands, unified by a Scudder.
An island, free from plastered ads,
And fake lives.
A place that mother nature
Will brutally beat in the worst of times,
A place that mother nature
Will bless in the most common of times.
My heaven is waiting for me there,
Just south.

They say life is beautiful,
Not lately, not today.
Because when I get to school,
Its no longer a shock
To see the flag low and blue
About another loss.

We've desensitized ourselves ,
Death no longer bothers us,
Unless it affects us.
We ignore the starving,
Unless we can get praise.
The Mass of Humans,
Are no longer good,
No longer beautiful,
No longer human...

I came into this world
with a noose around my neck
which raises questions,
Am I suppose to be here?
I've tried the alternate,
but Im a coward,
I can't take my own life!
The damage it would cause
to my friends and family,
it would destroy them...
Would it?

Every night his head rests upon me
Each day the weight of his thoughts and burdens grow
Can no one honestly see
His desire for happiness and life will no longer flow
Alone, trapped in a nightmare
Waiting to feel the fall and wake
He has created his own lair
And wont let anyone in for their own sake
All I can do is sit here and watch
Oh look, what a surprise, another notch
His sorrow is flattening me
And I believe its time for people to see.

Pill 1, gives me a couple hours.
Pill 2, heart starts galloping.
Pill 3, just to be sure.
Pill 4, Now its morning.
Pill 5, Should get me through the school day.

5 Pills a night, keeps me feeling.
5 Pills, I finally feel.
No Sleep, No Problem.
For now...

Every night his head rests on me
Each day  weight of thoughts and burdens grow
Can no one honestly see?
His desire for happiness and life will no longer flow
Alone, trapped in a nightmare
Waiting for the fall and wake
He's created his own lair
And wont let anyone in for their own sake
All I can do here is sit and watch
Oh look, what a surprise, another knotch
His sorrow flattening me
I think its time for people to see...

With a firm grip,
I bring the pear to my mouth.
As a great white does to a seal,
And to my terrible surprise...
The core was spun in hair.

This was no hair from Royalty,
This hair was grey, and flaked.
It smelt of rotting corpses,
And crawled across my teeth.

As the tentacle like hair ventured,
It crawled to the back of my throat,
And it crawled up to my brain.
Leaching to my insides I feel it,
It begins to work, begins to change me.

My eyes grow heavy, and begin to ache.
A grey filter, it seems, slides over my vision.
I feel my heart shatter, and the shards,
They slide down my chest, slicing.

This is it, this is the end.
What a way to go,
Taken over by something,
Something we care to much about.
And now its time I forgot about it.

Imagine, walking down the middle of the road,
not a single noise is to be heard, other then nature.
Birds claim the skies as their domain now.
And the land animals claim our homes, and buildings.
The streams pristine and pure, the air fresh finally.
And I think, how wonderful it would be to see
the tables turn on us, to see earth take back what it owns.
And I realize...I don't care if we all die off, the human race.
I welcome that day, with open arms.

I had a dream,
I was indulging in a feast of pills.
When I was done,
I could feel death slowly coming for me.
Weird thing was,
I wasn't scared more at peace.

It felt like,
when you're tired,
and the best feeling in the world,
is laying in your bed, and closing your eyes.

Pill
      after
              pill,
                    I
                      start
                              to
                                  fade.

Please don't cry.

Beware the sheep, its in disguise.
Controlling the earth with his roots
Soon you'll be ensnared.
A feast it'll have on your flesh,
A celebration with your soul.

Dear ****** Departed,
You always deserved better,
Now you're ****** by the Gods.
Sworn to be remembered,
But bound to be forgotten.
**** you, dear departed.

I remember a day,
Same as any other.
Other than everything.
For that was the day,
The trees walked the boy.
Everyone thought he was dead.
They were foolish,
That wasn't a noose,
Simply a leash,
Except,
The boy controlled where he went.

I sit here, last stretch of High school, and I realize something.
I'm not right, not right in the head. I'm damaged, I'm broken.
I'm sick, I'm sad, I'm unhappy, I'm dying...Or maybe already dead.

I'm not prepared, not to go out into that ruthless world.
And I'm far from ready to leave this one called School.
I'm not prepared to take my life, that would hurt my friends.
Or would it really? I'm often paranoid everyone hates me.

Well, regardless, I'll tell you what I do know, nothing.
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I don't know who I want to marry in my life.
I don't know where I want to ******* live in my life...

But... I do, I do know, that I am scared.
Very scared...

There is no need to believe in nightmares,
humans are very capable of every evil imaginable.
We dont deserve our mother earth,
Cant something free her from us?
We **** her and dont under stand,
why shes crying, why shes dying,
we watch as we destroy beauty,
it is beyond me our destructive powers...

It all comes down to one moment,
a year of love, and happiness,
is ended within a day.
Everything we were,
the future we wanted...
was it right?
Was it wrong?
What can I say?
I guess Im the...
Unorthodox heart breaker,
And I want to die now,
for the pain I've caused you.

I want to **** like they do it on T.V.
It's always so easy.
I want to feel like they do on T.V.
It's always so real.

"Every man has a beast inside"

Well I want to uncage mine.
I want to set the monster free.
You'll see, nothing will be fine,
When the beast is loose, that is me.

You sit there complaining,
Your life isn't quite what you thought.
All you're doing is retaining,
What **** is fed to you and taught.

Ignorant to the suffering,
Caring less and less each day.
Just waiting for the buffering,
And that final weeks pay.

You think your contributing?
You think your improving?

Hate to rain on your parade of facades,
But nobody cares,
You first world gutter ****.