my dreams are
the texture of the earth
softened by the monsoon
a clairvoyant fragrance rises
from the green sprouts
pushing their way through-out
and through-in
my rain-coloured mental canvas
a cool drop snakes down
my ready spine
i’m dissolved
in the frissons that ensue
even as your warmth
embraces me
every numbing night
the winds detach the flowers
from every mourning tree
and i give you myself
as you rain on me
incessantly

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
   13.06.2013
   Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

i tried to spend time with you inside my head
because i'm not important enough for you to give up a lunch break for
or to sleep beside on a 2 o'clock august afternoon as you make the light shine through my bedroom window.
brown was never my favorite color, until i saw your eyes through my tears.

                you think it's romantic to **** the girl that writes poetry about you.
                the first time we slept together you took your underwear off first.
                and kissed my forehead and told me you loved me.

i'm asked why i don't leave you
and i say i live in a house with too many rooms.
that i want everything to happen to me as it happens.
i think you have the most beautiful mind
you're the type of person that people write songs about
and stay up all night crying over
praying to their imaginary friend for the pain to stop.

I think I knew I was gay when
I started to notice girls more than
guys or when
I started drawing them more frequently or
Seeing them in my dreams.
The excitement of just
One kissing scene in a movie with
Two girls just gives me this...
Thrill.

I still think that maybe I'm just
Bi,
Not all the way gay but
I can tell that I lean towards
Girls than guys more and
I think I like it
Better that way.

I kissed him intentionally
to bruise him
I wanted my scent to seep into
his skin
as he departed the morning after
I wanted him to remember me
like he selfishly
left his blackened odor all over
my body

I reeked of him

And every time I tried to scrub
this false love and empty
memories
off the walls of my skin
the thought of his touch
has all these feelings rushing back

The gift of observance comes rushing back
As half-lit skies circumvent in upheaval
Seeing the hidden guise for what we all lack
I quick deduction spawns an intent retrieval
Grasping the whole of what my peers are concealing
A half-*** attempt to make sense of these feelings

All of these words are so hollow and insignificant
Pleading a case as if they have a sense of morality
A conceded hope that ends up as a wasted expedient
The building block pieces to a straight willed society
Fixated mortification's that serves as our propriety
Keeping our relative outlook as my favorable notoriety