I think I'm starting
to fall in love with the feeling of belonging

I just want to love
you completely,
unrestrictedly,

but I also have to
protect the very
thing that wants
to that

put a top coat
on the pain,
perhaps
mattify it,
don't let it
reflect on you.

I warned you about
the distances
I'm willing to travel
just to leave behind
the trace you had left
on my heart,
on my mind,
on my body,

and now I'm somewhere
making better memories,
with new songs you didn't ruin,
breathing air you can't intoxicate,
wearing my heart on my sleeve again,
unafraid to let my scare away all the wrong
people away from my life.

The truth is that
learning things
the hard way
is enforced
on all of us,

Free will
is nothing more
than an illusion of
an autonomy promised
to all of us,
But also one
that can never really
be fully obtained
by any of us.

the question is do you miss me
when we are fighting about
something you did
and something i said
because if the answer is no,
do you even truly love me?

take your time
in grieving for the
gone and dead,
but don't forget to
bury and release
afterwards.

I can sit here,
cry myself an entire ocean
and sit at the bottom and drown in my own tears,

or I can get

there she is,
laying in her bed,
wide awake
when it’s 4 am,
waiting for her lover's call

what hurts the most
is not realizing
how much
you were hurting
me day by day,
and not realizing
I was being hurt
by you everyday

there is something
about the world ending
that makes us appreciate
the things we hog on year after year,
the people who we don't pay as much attention to,
the meaning behind every gesture,
the sunshine even at sunset,
the ability to feel the day in its full 24-hours,

it's the friend
that's always
there for you,

it's the hand
that reaches out
to you before
you even
get the chance
to ask,

it's the voice
pushing you
forward
when all you
want to do is
give up,

it's the warm
embrace
that seduces
serotonin into
your veins,

everyone's entitled
to their own
perceptions of the world
and how the clock
ticks away each hour
of the day,

no one should
define who you are,
what you feel,
what you need,
other than the
spirit residing
in that body of yours,

Here we are at the finish line,
about to find out who will hold up their promises
and whose actions will outshine their words,

Here we are,
about to find out who loved more with their heart
and who put forth logic first,

Here we are,
about to find out the consequences of every step, breath, and look we ever exchanged,

Here we are,
about to find out the time that God had written for us together,

Here we are,
somewhere we both talked about and dwelled on times and times over,
somewhere we once feared to be,
but perhaps somewhere we walked towards all along.

my childhood
was short-lived,

my skin was
repeatedly irritated
until it grew thick,

vulnerability was
never an option,

meaning didn't
always accompany
the sacrifices,

I did not always
get answers,
or ones that I had hoped for,


I did not always
have an answer,
but I have always
tried.

Nobody understands the pain in my heart

when I can still feel your eyes fixated on mine,

when I can still feel my hand caressing your cheeks,

when I can still feel your shadow falling onto me when you used to stand next to me,

when I can still hear your voice calling my name as I fall asleep,

when I can still feel your hand reaching out for mine,

when I can still feel your soul intertwined with mine,

when I can still imagine you in all of the places we didn’t know we had limited time at once,

when I can still feel your pain although you caused both of ours..

I healed the unrepairable parts of me to be able to give you love that is authentic, unconditional, guileless.

but why was your love for me always trauma informed; distant, pessimistic, and vengeful?