help I'm drowning
as my life bled from my veins
dripping down to the floor
washing away the clots in my mind
I guess it flowed too strong this time
engulfed me within myself
left me struggling to breathe
stuck in the hole I dug myself
with years of self-hatred and a lack of reality
I was too weak to swim with the rolling tide

sometimes i close my eyes and all i see is black
i am alone, there is nothing else in the world.
it is peaceful, until i begin to think:
what if there is nothing else? what if this is all there is?
does my existence really matter this little? what is the point?
i think and think but someday i'll realize that
my thoughts matter as little as my life.
but sometimes i close my eyes and all i see is white
i am a speck in the sea of wonder that is the universe.
it is comforting, until i begin to think:
what if there is something else? what if it is truly infinite?
does my existence really matter this little? what is the point?
i think and think but i've come to realize that
my thoughts matter as little as my life.

All dressed up in silk and gems
A key around her neck
It unlocks the mirrors to take her to another place
So she can find her own time and space
As she tumbles down the endless tunnel
A wonderland rabbit hole
She lost everything in the dark
She traded her soul to go somewhere she wouldn't be so alone
She lands with a thud on the bright green grass
And she can't believe her eyes
Trees that stretch beyond the sky
And caterpillars that never turn to butterflies
She met a caterpillar and she met a mad hatter
But even know when she glances back
She doesn't know if that was good or bad
She met a cat with a wide eye smile
And a purple, striped tail
Through the woods and through the curse
The two of them could prevail
Until he vanished just when she thought she found someone
Disappearing into an inky sky
She questions her place and worth
With a lake of tears to cry

the only thing worse than facing the music in the box
is facing the monsters that come out of the dark
because music pauses and music ends
but monsters creep out of their closets at night to haunt your dreams again
my monsters have a habit of creeping in
dressed as people I used to know and places I have been
but what to know and where to go
when what you're afraid of is everything you'll ever know

When it's pitch black and blue outside
I can't help but to think
I can't help to think
About that one time
And the other time
And the next and the next and the next
Where all we used to do was stay up and text
And wish that we were breathing down each other's necks
With the brutal honestly and all the questions honey
What was so wrong about that?

When the sky is turning light and the sun's coming up outside
I can't help but to wonder
I can't help to wonder
About that one time
And the other time
And another and another and another
Where I would wake up and remember
How your smile broke through the night
And we'd fight and we'd fight and we'd fight
And then we'd go to bed mad and wake up just a little sad
What was so wrong about that?

When it's hot outside but I'm cold inside
I can't help but to remember
I can't help to remember
All the pretty butterflies
All the pretty blue lies
And all I felt that time and the other time and the last time
Where I'd fall asleep with your voice in my mind
And where I woke up expecting to be crying
After all the dreams I had of you
Of how you would kiss me out of the blue
And how that would never be
There'd never be a you and me
What was so wrong about that?

et me speak for you, let me speak for myself

you may end up saying this once i finish this large straining rant,
so why dont we not wait and have what you wanted to say; said, have it engraved in the sand.
this kid is ungrateful, oh what the **** will satisfy him, i have given him enough to cloy.
stop ******* with my head, you are far from a sweet ******* toy,
you are no teddy bear, **** it you are a fiendish thorny porcupine
cactus could be sweet and so could you but hugging you makes me whine.
you make me bleed, i should have heeded before i let you come any close,
now look at me, look at what you have done, you are a pain, you are all the world's flaws.
**** you, what the **** are you, why cant you put a leash on your **** ******* avarice,
you make me scared, you might just **** life out of my lips, when all i want is a little kiss.
i dont think you are made to be owned, so go ahead and drown yourself in some random reverie
but better tell yourself, that is all you get, and when you're done dont reach out for recovery
because you are ungrateful, and nothing will ******* satisfy you, you heart vampire,
you can't be trusted, and that's why you are alone and busted,
what is it that you were trying to do, why would you make me feel so disgusted,
you bit through my soul and watched as it powdered away like a stale ***** rusk,
god you are so grotesque, 
so why don't you go ahead and finish it with your tea, just how you love, from dawn to dusk.

now go ahead and have it said, your rant on my heart's sand, 
and write with a blade until i bleed from every strand,
i will carry and scars like they are my armor,
i will carry them with great ardor.
like how i would every thought about you,
as you drift farther, further

i might want to say this but my tears could trickle down and wash it away,
so why wouldn't i just let it outnow, let it come and let it stray,
all i did was love and love i did, everything that you gave,
yes i am ******* grotesque, but you were no rusk, you were my reason to rave,
and i knew you would loathe me, i knew you would say, i am the worst, that i am diablo,
but i always told you, i told you all, i am no king midas, everything i touch is but fiasco.
i was never ungrateful, i wouldn't even excuse myself saying it was fateful,
i couldn't distinguish, i couldn't know what i was doing, i was true to you, every bit faithful
i spoke of the weight on my chest, for i didn't know i was just being untrue to myself,
because i am the stain, i am the pain, i am the burning, fuming, deadly cigar in the shelf.
i never wanted to **** you, i came with all the warning that i could **** you,
but the i know i am the one to ******* blame, because **** this poetry and **** my true hue,
it's all about what we feel, and when that's hurt we are no longer on a ******* even keel,
and that's the point, that's why i never detached where our hearts joined,
because even if I am falling off, breaking down, i don't want your joy and peace purloined.

now go ahead and have it said, your rant on my heart's sand, 
and write with a blade until i bleed from every strand,
i will carry and scars like they are my armor,
i will carry them with great ardor.
like how i would every thought about you,
as you drift farther, further​