Here is what I do know now,
A few things learned from you,
Fairy tales do not exist;
Though our love is so true.
There will not be a rider
On a steed so very white
No kiss to resurrect me
Even though this feels so right.
No prince to make me royalty
No savior when I fall
No one surrenders anymore
No. No one, not at all.
Practicality now says
Two can not just become one
We must now sign a contract
Before any merger's done.
So true love now is jaded
While reason wins yet again
No exchange of any vows
Save for paper and a pen.

I just sit here with weighted limbs,
Blurred and barely able to see.
Head's feeling heavy, still moving slow,
Slumber please come back to me.

I feel that I deserve a break,
Some time to close my eyes.
And let this world just fade away,
And dream of cloud free skies.

Not just the usual 8 hours of rest,
I am in need of so many more.
Waking thoughts have piled up on me,
And I can't handle them like before.

I want to snuggle under my covers,
Pull them right over my head.
And even though I just got out of it.
I want to go back to bed.

If I just keep running,
fast..as fast can be.
All the worries stalking,
Won't catch up to me.
Wake up bright and early,
Hit the door as soon,
Run a million errands,
All before 12 noon.
Play the music really loud,
To help increase my pace.
Just act nonchalantly when,
They look me in the face.
Clean the house with earbuds in,
Dusting every nook.
Let the cell just vibrate,
Never stop to look.
Take a Benadryl exhausted,
Strip off clothes and then,
Fall asleep with head in hands,
Wake to do it all over again.

Life would hold no consequence,
If not for certain death,
For granted we'd take the hours and days ,
If endless be our breath.

The tiny imperfections make you so unique,
I want to look much closer, take another peek.

I notice one of your eyebrows sits a little high.
There's a tiny fleck of brown in your green left eye.

Your ears are a little larger than most that I have seen.
Your hair is thinning just a bit with very little sheen.

A wart resides, on the side, of your right great toe.
Your shirts are worn a lil' loose so your belly won't show.

Sometimes you talk so loudly it startles me really bad.
You cry when you are happy and laugh when you are sad.

When I look at you as a whole, beauty is all I see.
Tell me, have you noticed, the imperfections of me?

The features are faded at the edges
In the fog-ged path I walk alone
Dusk has come and gone by now
The dampened trees begin to moan
One foot first and then the other
A breath with every one
Degrees are dropping fast now
Since the setting of the sun.
No candle burns to guide me
The full moon my only light
Reflecting off the shadows
That are darting left and right
The wind, is howling its commands,
Cracking twigs are keeping pace
Behind my hurried fearful steps
That are lost now in this place.
And I am on the path no more
And I can't find the way
Whispers echo off the brush,
"You're not going home today."

This empty space
Is so cold
There is numbness here
A slowing of life , of thought
Occasionally visited by a confused delusion in a half waking dream
That leaves too soon
There is no life here
Only death
Hope left an age ago
I just wait now
Mourning is done
And I spin...
A centrifuge of nausea
With chunks of ***** floating by
In a decided manner
And the air thins as awareness fades
Just how long will this take?
They never really taught me that in astronaut school.

When all is dark around me,
and I sit with pensive time.
I ponder on past memories,
and try to make a rhyme.

It used to be so easy,
To express my thoughts in poem.
Now I just sit fumbling,
in this shell I call a home.

They say emotions inspire you,
Pains make  for worthy read.
I conjured better smiling.
I know this now, indeed.

The words they came so quickly,
To thought and to the mind.
But no one will ever know them,
Because of the pen I couldn't find.
The words they only visit once,
Oh memory!! Fail me not!
The greatest poem of all time,
Is the one I just forgot!

There was no single moment or simply clear event,
Nor a significant reason which I can recall.
When or why our crossed paths continued straight,
Til' we no longer could see each other at all.

For just a brief second we paused together,
At the intersection, held hands and smiled.
Then we said goodbye and drove on ahead,
But the meeting made loves' road worthwhile.

Left and right turns, curves and stop signs,
I've encountered them all along Love's Lane.
And I forgot the way back to the intersection,
For just by chance you'd return there again.
.
Yet if I could ponder and retrace the many miles,
To arrive back at the same very spot,
I believe I would find, though great at the time,
Your very face I would have forgot.

Those we meet along our journey,
Along all of loves' twisted trails,
Hold purpose but just for a moment,
Until destinys' true love prevails.

As the shade of night slowly drops
And the birds whistle a "goodnight"
The atmosphere starts to settle
The city sounds go with the light
The crickets buzz to hush the world
In a melodic wave-like way
Nature conducts its orchestra
And puts to sleep another day.

The drawers won't close.
All those inequities
I paired up and shoved away
Pieces of them hang out
Like stray dental floss
There is no more space
To hide all the pills,
The "fix me's,"
The "miracle cures."
All those disposed of
"Too-good to be trues,"
That never made me good enough,
Are everywhere.
Half-used
Half-wasted.
Just like me.

When the last of leaves fall from the tree,
And hope now holds but eternity,
And the sullen past lays down it's head,
And nothingness follows in it's stead,
Will any visions still come to thee,
Be it through a haze? or clarity?
Regret of words ( once said or not said?)
Make haste! For pride won't pardon the dead.

If I were extended the offer, if even today,
I would accept deaths' invite quick.
I 'd rather be destructed without any delay,
Than be disassembled brick by brick.

I believe in my delusion.
By definition...its real to me.
I am sleek, mysterious, sought.
grand piano, flapper dress, long cigarette sought.
Unseen but expected garter holding me together.
Perhaps the only thing holding me together.
Scoffing advances because I have that liberty.
Cognac ..no champagne.
No mother to advise proper.
No need for etiquette when I intimidate so well.
The quiet masterpiece in the room.
Their whispers make me
And I love me
Not adored but renowned
I shade my eyes and exit
Taking all of the air with me

Just a wee bit too eccentric,
And a little bit too much drink,
Yet the passion in the hallway
Did certainly make me think
And yes, your airplane was so cool
And I liked you were smarter than me.
But I'm so glad I didn't fall in love.
Because you wanted a family.
Aged 43- and as of yet no child
In need of a son to be an heir
And the thought of being a mom again
Was just way too much to bear.
Whether you even liked me for me
Well I guess I never truly knew
Most times I felt more like an applicant
For a job I couldn't do.
But all things turn out as they should
It was so nice to see you the other day
To hear that you had met another
And had a little Martin on the way. :)

If I could talk to you.....
I would tell you that I love you.
That I miss you so desperately.
That every day that passes feels wasted because you're not here.
That this absence is not getting any easier.
That I am not moving on.
That your voice plays in my head.
That no single hour has passed
Since that tragic day
That I don't think of you.
That the tears aren't slowing down.
That I am not me...without you.
I would say that I am sorry.
For all the many things I did
That made you feel unwanted, unappreciated, or unloved.
That I am sorry I didn't spend
Every single moment that I could have
Right by your side.
I would ask you to forgive me,
For not making you feel like you were my everything, because you were and you still are.
That I'm sorry for not telling you every day that I needed you and wanted you,  the way that I should have.
For not recognizing how that
Made you feel and what that made you think.
That I am so sorry you ever felt the need to question my love or my loyalty.
I would tell you that you deserved
More of a better me.
I would tell you that from the day I
First heard your voice that my
Body, heart, and soul,
Only ever belonged to you and that I hope you believe that.
I would say that I forgive you
For not believing in me.
That I have been living in a fog
Since the day I last saw you.
And that life doesn't feel worth living at all if I have to live it without you.
That you were my anam cara, the one
I waited for my entire life.
That I felt it immediately.
I would tell you that my heart is so tangled up with yours that I am now incomplete.
I would ask you to come back to me.
I would say that I don't care how long it might take or how hard it might be,
That I want us again.
That I believe a love like ours is worth fixing, no matter how difficult that might be.
That I am willing to fight and not give up.
I would ask you to put your pride away like I have and allow us to love each other better this time.
I love you Matt.

The crickets chirp for me tonight
Trees darker than the sky
The only other sound is that
Of the traffic passing by
At will my mind can block that out
Until just those crickets be
But the thoughts! T'would be mercy
If heaven did the same of thee.

Maybe there is no reason,
Maybe there is no rhyme,
Maybe our only purpose,
Is to pass away with time.

I don't know where I lost you...where we lost "us." Two individuals who met at just the perfect time, a time of hope, dreams, immortal thoughts. That was beauty. Unsustainable riveting beauty. Beauty as does time , they both have their prime and  their peak. And once that peak is reached the only place to go is down again, unless you set up a tiny house next to a tree and stay there. We didn't do that. We should have done that. We should have **** sight done that.

Come and lay down with me.

Place your head next to mine on these soft pillows.
Let's breathe each other in.
Pretend that time is paused and we have forever to spend.

I want to touch your hair and the spot right at your temple that meets your jawline.
And run my fingers over your lips, slowly, as if my fingertips could memorize the lines in them.
I want to look into your eyes with mine fully open, so that you can see within.
And seeing you, and knowing you, my heart will swell up inside, and feel like imploding.

And we could lay like that for hours...in no rush, yet knowing we will do more in a little while, but wanting to prolong it, savor it, to put it to clear real-time memory, so we can recall it in detail later, whenever we wish.

And it won't be a heated union, not a fast release.
We deserve more than that...we deserve so much more than that.

There will be no tearing off of clothes, but rather, we will both stand, and undress one piece of clothing at at time, unveiling ourselves to each other.
Unveiling ourselves and discovering each other together.

And my hands will guide you to all the parts of me...all of them..because that's what I want to give to you.
And we will move without thinking...only feeling, only depth.

And we will surrender together to us....

There will be nothing like it.
Nothing to compare it to.

It will be meant and it will be all that is you and me.

Oh but yet another drunken spillage
Onto a quiet hidden page
Pieces moving all around
While I am filled with rage
A soul barely lived
And begging for a span
So barely loved amongst
The mediocre man.

At mile marker thirteen,
everything is numb.
Around the block time and again,
the cycle never done.

Too many greetings, hellos and goodbyes.
Too many crossings, too many sighs.
The rush has ceased, the thrill is gone.
Brow quite furrowed, face quite drawn.

Might there be a pothole?
Or perhaps a steep incline?
Hell, I'd even take a head-on,
Just to feel this heart of mine.

It's just like sluggish raindrops
The way they slowly trickle in
All those memories we had to tuck away
To begin
To begin...again.

The raindrops and wipers
Kept time with the song
The redlights and brakelights
All soon played along
The stop and go rhythm
Of the shifting of gears
So perfectly synced
With my falling tears.

Oh! With what diligent effort,
Did you once seek a love?
And found it almost perfect,
What you had the offer of?
And then with careless disregard,
Inspection and with creed,
Give up that almost perfect love,
That you felt you did not need?
Then while it vaguely wandered,
Did you call out a time or two?
Wishing that now perfect love,
Would come right back to you?
Love, it seeks a welcome home,
It doesn't beat a darkened door,
And it will choose a foreigner,
Over one it's loved before.
But it teaches a certain lesson,
While the season's timely close,
That almost perfect love becomes,
More perfect as it goes..............

The first winged utterance,
Beckons me awake.
Full cacophony follows,
And the night does break.

The smell of stillness lifted.
Mobile creatures stir.
Fading in of embers.
Distance swathed in blur.

Futile night retreateth.
Welcomed warmth ensues.
Filtered by a newborn breeze,
Cooling mornings' dews.

The reluctant mist...it rises.
Hastily...oh so slow.
Lingering in the moment,
As if sad the last did go.

And, oh!, to hold an hourglass,
To halt the marching hour.
And take note of every miracle,
Unfolding in its' power.

Enjoy the blessings we are given,
And take for granted none,
Share all of who we really are,
With each and everyone.

Oh! What a long storm has travailed here,
With only a short lull or two.
That rainbow which we presume is near?
Is a thunder's span length from view.
Who called the clouds and who rose the mist?
Did memory beckon again?
Green grass that once surely did exist,
Has since died between now and then.
The trees are so very tired now,
And their limbs can hold no more weight,
And for them and I and you, I fear,
That the rainbow is much too late.

The past came back to bite me again tonight
Hungry he was, hungrier than the hounds of hell themselves
Tearing off another piece so viciously
And so unexpected...he's quiet you know
Sneaking in with his non-reflective eyes
there's no warning
His talons are the reminder, in actual time,
That nothing has changed.
The past the same as the present
only later....
after he waited so patiently
until his appetite was more than he could withstand
ravenous, bloodthirsty he is
And I thank him.
Good friends, he and I.
Always arriving in time
To grant another wound I can lick
and a scar I can appreciate
Bringing another revelation that a ***** in a bikini is easier to look at
Than a beautiful soul......
A purposeless, lonely, beautiful soul.
Thank you my friend.
I enjoyed your visit.
Come back and see me soon.
Come hungry.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
in your exhausted soul.
Allow others a chance to know you,
So that you may soon be whole.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
I want inside, you see?
You have so much to give the world,
Please offer some to me.

Shake off all your troubles,
Throw weariness away!
Breathe among the living,
Say all you're scared to say!

True, it takes some effort,
and lust for life you lack,
But try, please try, my dear friend,
to take your passion back.

I have friends with whom I share,
great poetry and verse.
And friends I visit taverns with,
to drink with and to curse.

And friends with who I share a passion,
for music and for art.
And also those, just like me,
kindred spirits of the heart.

Some, I will call, when I am down,
and weary from lifes' run.
Some, I long to just gift a smile,
before every day is done.

Some, who seem to need my presence ,
to heal such a simple pain,
Some whose smiles touch my soul,
and shelter me from rain.

Some who like the same wine as me,
some coffee and some books.
Some who care little of possessions,
some who are all into looks.

There are some with whom I share a movie,
some I respect their great advice.
There are some who are simply pure genius,
and others; .... not quite so wise.

From professions, they all do differ,
no occupation is the same.
Most of them have no mutual liking,
but two...they share a name.

No. Each friend, has naught the others',
unique fortune, skills, or fame.
But I endear each to their own,
and treasure them all - the same.