My eyelids
Felt so weighted.
And in the dim light
Of your bedroom,
They closed,
For just a moment,
And then....

I felt your breath,
Warm and humid
Against my temple,
Ever so slightly
Moving a few hairs
That rested there.
Your hand ,
Coarse,  
Snaked around my hip
And pulled me
Closer.
You planted a
Hard
Lingering
Kiss
On my forehead,
And I felt...
Adored,
Endeared,
Excited.
I knew that this meeting of our bodies
Which was about to take place,
Was something more.
More than it had been in the past.
There was emotion!
A yearning,
An unrelenting need ,
To feel me,
And know me,
And make it known
That I
Was in your heart.
And my heart
Swelled,
Almost pained
From the fullness,
Like that which I had only known
One other time in my life.......

In A Dream.

I will not move another
Quarter inch in your direction.
For tireless miles I've walked in the past,
To seek out un-offered affection.
Instead, I'll stop and wait for you,
To realize that you want me too!

And if that time shall never come,
And unveils a true opportunity,
To feel a hand press into mine,
And receive kisses unbegrudgingly,
I'll about face and willingly go,
To unafraid one with love to show.

There was no single moment or simply clear event,
Nor a significant reason which I can recall.
When or why our crossed paths continued straight,
Til' we no longer could see each other at all.

For just a brief second we paused together,
At the intersection, held hands and smiled.
Then we said goodbye and drove on ahead,
But the meeting made loves' road worthwhile.

Left and right turns, curves and stop signs,
I've encountered them all along Love's Lane.
And I forgot the way back to the intersection,
For just by chance you'd return there again.
.
Yet if I could ponder and retrace the many miles,
To arrive back at the same very spot,
I believe I would find, though great at the time,
Your very face I would have forgot.

Those we meet along our journey,
Along all of loves' twisted trails,
Hold purpose but just for a moment,
Until destinys' true love prevails.

every thing is     a lie     a precipated deception
the promises are broken                  before they are made
                                                           the kisses             exchanged    to fool the receiver
The stories  shared
are to
offer false
                                                                       normalcy

The stool in the corner       is to reach the pills
                                           hidden on top of the fridge

                      the locked glove compartment  to keep items out of kids' reach

the cell pocketed to hide the contacts
                                                                                  The eye drops to hide the act
The drill in the bathroom
to unscrew another sealed box
                                                                the bills go to another address

                    there is no rhyme           no reason to
a drug addict's behavior
they                           do                           not                   follow                         rules!
                 everything
they

say is

                                                                         a lie

       So what of a plea for help?

When all is dark around me,
and I sit with pensive time.
I ponder on past memories,
and try to make a rhyme.

It used to be so easy,
To express my thoughts in poem.
Now I just sit fumbling,
in this shell I call a home.

They say emotions inspire you,
Pains make  for worthy read.
I conjured better smiling.
I know this now, indeed.

Once upon a time, we are children.
Awakening every day with innonence,
and judgement - free naivety.
Hopeful of what each hour may bring.

Once upon a time, we are youthful.
Anxiously awaiting a first kiss, expectant
of new experiences.
Hopeful of what the years may bring.

Once upon a time, we are adults.
Settled into responsibilities, accepting
of our circumstances.
Hopeful of what the decades may bring.

Once upon a time, we are aged.
Reflective of our past paths, resigned to
our current state.
Hopeful of what the darkness may bring.

I lost my memory of your face.

First the hands of time grabbed it,
Then distance stretched it out.
I thought I found it yesterday,
No..it's gone , without a doubt.

I will not call, I will not call,
Not call on him again!
I do not lie within his heart.
I lie in place of sin!

He calls me there, He calls me there,
I hasten to the call!
I do not lie within his heart.
Not partly, not at all!

I call for him, I call for him,
I wait with no reply!
I do not lie within his heart.
I dim the lights and sigh!

He calls me there, He calls me there,
I should not go but I...
Hurry into loveless arms ,
Then hurry home to cry!

A dear friend called me yesterday,
To inquire,"How are you?"
I answered,"Fine, no problems here!"
Yet this was far from true.

I'd stubbed my toe, lost my job,
The pipes had burst, the pup had died,
But so that my voice would not crack,
I swallowed hard......... and lied.

My friend , I know,  suffers much more,
From the ills this life can throw.
Terminal cancer for many months now,
With very few left to go.

She deserves only a joyful voice,
a smiling and carefree face,
to be her last remaining memories,
while embarking from this place.

Stand tall, with clear vision, do not falter.
Speak with conviction and do not alter.
Avoid inner delvings, utilize calm and tact.
Now it's time to close the heart, focus on the fact.
Emotions disassemble what tireless effort has constructed.
And many an empathetic man, by heart has been destructed.
This is a business transaction.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
in your exhausted soul.
Allow others a chance to know you,
So that you may soon be whole.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
I want inside, you see?
You have so much to give the world,
Please offer some to me.

Shake off all your troubles,
Throw weariness away!
Breathe among the living,
Say all you're scared to say!

True, it takes some effort,
and lust for life you lack,
But try, please try, my dear friend,
to take your passion back.

So much effort, so much time,
To emerge with an empty hand.
So many trials, so many tries,
More hurt than one should withstand.

So many years, so many smiles,
Gone overnight like a star.
So much confusion, so much illusion
How did it go this far?

Lovers are lovers and then they are not,
Forever, a fervent quest,
That's not guaranteed, not guaranteed
Even when giving your best.

Taking a break from feeling for now,
To heal, to reflect, to discern.
Still desiring to love and yearning to trust,
Naive heart has so much to learn.