Might I just dissolve here
Smaller and smaller I become
With each poke. Each ****.
Each blow.
A swallow
A blanket
And I retreat
Into couch cushions
Unseen.

"Two heart cases before me!"
The cat claws down the screen
Its the most dysfunction
The most dysfunction
The most dysfunction ever seen!!!!

Two houses has she in her name
A wet box her friend in the rain
Its the most bizarre thing
The most bizarre thing
That such a sane girl went insane!!!!!

One day my friend
Your eyes will clear
Your head will lift.

Soul unchained
You will feel
Purpose
Peace
Acceptance.

It all waits for you
It waits
On you.
On time.

It holds
Essence
Gravity
Providence
Faith
Eros

Everything

Everythi­ng
You wouldn't do
Couldn't do
Will be done
Anyway.

That is the Universe
It is where we all meet
And where we all meet again.

I love you for your scarred, scared soul.
For every brick you placed around your heart.
Every past injury that you made light of.
For every single time you pushed me away.
For every scattered thought you had;
Every hideous act.
For the self-control you dressed up in from time to time.
For all the pretending that never fooled me, not even once.  
For all your effort to run and hide to protect yourself.
For your desperate claws that lashed out at me when you felt me too close.
For the battle you fought (and lost) between truth and fear.
And no, I could not help you.
But I could love you.
And I always will.
Because I saw you.
I see you still.

To **** true love with idle hands
Is a talent of mere mortal men
Who toss around unholy bands
Until paid with death for every sin.

The drawers won't close.
All those inequities
I paired up and shoved away
Pieces of them hang out
Like stray dental floss
There is no more space
To hide all the pills,
The "fix me's,"
The "miracle cures."
All those disposed of
"Too-good to be trues,"
That never made me good enough,
Are everywhere.
Half-used
Half-wasted.
Just like me.

It's too bad you didn't get to meet her.
The girl she was before.
The hiatus girl who was ready.
To give. To live, to love.
Years of working on herself
To be a person worthy
To be so self aware
She was awesome if I may say so,
She was open, brave, passionate.
Unfortunately, all those qualities
Made her easy prey.
She's not so beautiful anymore.

Midnight
On the green
With the smell of
Stale whiskey
*****
Wafting close
Getting lost
In cemeteries
Seeing you over my coffee mug
Through the steam
Quietly watching me
As dawn bleeds in
The day
My passenger seat
Froth on your lips
Getting high
Garth the GOAT
Silly chuckles.
So close on the couch
Warm and calm
With no where to be
Nothing to say
Just breathing together
Finding my hip bones
Karaoke
Drunken nights
Matching shirts
The good stuff
I still smile.

The shards you see
There in the grass
Look a whole to me

Perspective be
Diamond or glass
What is it to thee

How strange you saw the devil
Where an angel stood
Made darkness out of the light;
Evil from the good.
Turned innocence into jaded
White right into black
Truth was right in front of you
Now it's at your back.

it was that last shot
That exposed you
Oh yeah a little Seagrams
Can bring out the best in all of us baby
But no worries
That ugliness will be excused
right?
Every woman before me excused it
Hmm
Too bad I am a different kind of woman
So what do I say when you ask......
"Babe I'm feeling sad right now. Can you help me with my feelings?"
After no consideration (because I know right from wrong)
I respond
AYFKMD?
Then I leave.
Easy.

Seems such a waste
Of energy....
In frozen space
To grab a falling star
When we spent too much already
Just to get to where we are

It's a steady drip on a window sill
Hitting the backside of my brain
That never quits, will never quit..until
I bring all thought to you....a-gāin.

I sit with glasses perched
And a steamy cup
With all my consolations
Gathered about
Less of me now
And more of them
All my little pleasures
Acquired over the years
That bring me peace
Beauty and smiles
Pope and puzzles
Almond brush plants
Glass wind chimes
Dickinson and Morrison
Duritz and moonlight
Caffeine and nicotine
Impossible dreams
In my pajamas
Almost comfortable enough
To not miss a single thing

Shattered pieces fall like rain
Drop, and bounce, to fall again
Leaves will shake
Boughs will break
A hero will live; die in vain

The wind will still, and then will blow
A season comes as seasons go
Earth will turn
Love will yearn
'Tis God himself that makes it so.

Furrow no more
Thy weathered brow
O'er times before
Or even now

Play well the part
For which thee were cast
With all your heart
ACT ONE  'til the last

Offer naught a (sigh)
At the curtain's last fall
But smile AND cry
At the end of it all

'Tis not a sep-er-ā-ted place
In the seam of joy and strife
Rather, the most perfected space
That connects a death to life.

As tired is to weary,
Love to in-love be.
As sorrow is to anguish,
Lone....to lonely me.

A fraction,; mill-i-meter,
Minūte; yet.. severe!
There's just but a breath between
Desolate; nadir.

Content with the portion which I gave;
Any more I would have been a slave.
Enough reserved with which to save
myself from the untimely despair;
Just the perfect ration left to spare
To bring myself back round to fair.

How to define the love of soul?
To see beauty in a tear
Decipher the truth from a lie
Spoken solely out of fear
Embrace another's hidden pain
Until all the pain subsides
Recognize a man's courage
While that same man just hides.
To notice what the vision craves
With the chaos all around
Hear the purest melody
Even when there is no sound.  
Forgive the human condition
Ignore parts to see the whole
Silent trembling lips know how
To define the love of soul.

Sleep now, my love.

As the sun rises on my face,
Rest your mind, rest your head.
In that subdued and shuttered place
With that memory -filled bed.
Go be where the angels dwell
And the little children play.
And think not of me, for a spell.
Think naught of me today.

It's just like sluggish raindrops
The way they slowly trickle in
All those memories we had to tuck away
To begin
To begin...again.

The only thing to do now
Is try to avoid the pain
Fill up the hours right until
My last breaths start to wane
Then use that sacred moment
Just as life begins to drain
To return to all I knew of beauty
And to see your face again.

A 12x12
With 8 ghosts of her.

The painted coffee table
She made while she was able

The seashell-plastered jewelry box
The turtle formed from broken rocks

The tile crab picture with the wooden frame
The blessing plaque that holds the family name

That second fence she had put in  
For extra safety's sake
And the one thats always watching
Watching every move I make.

So sick of being collateral damage.
For once I would like to be important enough to be the true target.

When the last of leaves fall from the tree,
And hope now holds but eternity,
And the sullen past lays down it's head,
And nothingness follows in it's stead,
Will any visions still come to thee,
Be it through a haze? or clarity?
Regret of words ( once said or not said?)
Make haste! For pride won't pardon the dead.

I'm not quite dead yet,
But the vultures couldn't wait.
They came very early on;
The water came too late.

But the tearing of my flesh
It keeps me lucid for now
I've no strength to struggle
And thats a liberty somehow.

The world...you see
Was too much for me
I had to lay
In half decay
For it to let me be.

So many fleeting ideas
Came and went
But I waited.
For that one moment
That one redefining moment
That would change everything
And it did.
And still I just waited
And the moment passed.

My advice to anyone reading this:
When your moment comes,
When your heart is screaming "take a shot!"
Take the shot.
Do not wait.
That moment will not come again.

They say nothing is impossible
But that sounds so silly to me
Ashes just can't be re-formed
Back to a mighty tree.

I make a being out of hope
To act for me; to apprehend.
Return to me the love I lost
And destroy the tragic end.

For without his breath again by mine;
And that hand that fit so well;
The soul that matched my very own;
That caused Life itself to swell;

There would be no need to carry on
Day after day to just get older
So I make a being out of hope
And dress him as a soldier.

A gaping chasm
Vacuuming in the air
It hurts.
My heart.

I was made for the summer moon
Barefoot walks with sea salt winds
Coffee at midnight; naps at noon
Acoustics with wayward friends
The smell of fresh cut grass in fall
The orange of a sun closed eye
The sound of a cardinals mating call
And the awe of a star filled sky

I made the mistake
Of assumption
Believed he was like me
Wanting truth
An appreciator of genuine
So I gave him what I myself
Wanted in return
I gave him all my past
Every regret
Every fear
Every pain
Every mistake
I didn't water them down
I didn't conceal them
I surrendered all the ugliness
I became vulnerable
Nakedly human
Just with the hope to be known; loved
In spite of that humanity
I gave him the authentic me
I am proud of that
It took a courage I had to dig deep for
It took character that I had always admired when I had seen it in others
In the end
He used all of that
To form an opinion of me
Not one of who I had become
But of who I used to be
He failed to recognize the value in transparency
What little truth I was shown of him
I accepted
His failings were as many as mine
And I was just glad to know them
I consider it my gain
To have been judged unrightly
To have been shamed unjustly
To have been betrayed
To have been fooled
It taught me a little more about myself
It taught me that
I do not want facades anymore
That life is not a costume party
And that those who wear masks
Are not my people
My people are harder to find
But well worth the seeking

There is liberty in giving up
Wrapping up in the sheets
Dissipating
Dying the souls death
Don't let anyone tell you different

You smile
Your pride pumps
You feed on my dying self
You killed me
Genius

All the ways of loss
Of people, things, and sway
How desperate must the godless feel
When they kneel down to pray.

When the knife just won't ****
And the bough won't even break
When the wind stays still
And there's nothing left to take
When passion has no power
And hope's wings are cut
When life is in it's final hour
And the mind's eyes are shut
No matter
No matter
No matter then
Where heart or soul or feet have been.

Hate.
The one thing we are told never to have.
And yet, sometimes it becomes our only protection.