Ah! Self reflection.
So many facets.
This time......
Relationships
None of them worked out
Easy ones, hard ones
Short or long
They never worked out.
Common denominator.  . Me.
Not that I did anything wrong
I just never felt like they knew me.
Until the one we never speak of.
So.   after the almighty period of
This so-called self reflection
I have to tell you.
I don't know **** about this topic.

All the fibers remain
So entwined with mine
Head to heart and back again
I don't know why

I think i figured it all out.
Yeah.
Our souls get filled with so much along the years.
It hoards all of the most amazing and most horrible moments.
And we just clutch them to us as if they are needed to maintain our structure.
As if they formed us, somehow.
I don't believe that.
My soul has never changed
It's just harder to reach now because
Of all those moments in there surrounding it.
So I started thinking that it requires a purge.
And how many times I may have partly done that.
In those rare allowed moments I had.
When collapse came
When sobbing that truly hurt the heart occurred.
What if I hadn't succumbed to the need to collect myself?
What if just lay there and sobbed more?
Until I didn't need to sob anymore?
In all those cemeteries that called to me from time to time.
On that blanket looking at 10 story pine trees; the sun changing the color of its needles.
On that carport when I felt like I was close to being fully known.
When all of me was screaming for that purge.
I think if I had just let it happen, let it all go, emptied my soul
I would have stood up
Completely able, completely ready, and completely free to just
Be me again.

What is the cost of safety?
Denying your heart to feel.
Just what will that get you?
Never knowing something real.

A loss is just another day
Be no injury felt at all
Just status quo and que sera
No rise, like-wise, no fall

Have you seen fire formed from a flame?
Or have you seen ash form a fire?
Depends on your brain and your name;
Just how you sell truth to a liar.

The holding on is over now
You have let me go
Just as trees give up their leaves
Slowly, surely
I knew it would be this way
That I wasn't strong enough
To release you first
I never wanted to give up
On that eternal summer
That beautiful season
Of hope and loving
When nothing mattered more
Than being in your arms
When my heartbeat increased with the miles on my way to you
I play in the sun with those memories from time to time
When it's quiet and my mind allows it
Wearing fleece lounge pants that... (like me)
You never wanted.

'T was a throne too high to mount;
Even for Goliath.
Too large to fit; to secure one,
And yet they rose me and I sat.
As Croseus did receive; I did receive.
Until sight (with the clouds) reeled,
To whom I offered exchange.
Granted; humbled; homed;
I fell,
To silent, safer depths.
And yet still they found me.
Silent still I remain.
Of revelations..... none, which they don't already know.
Spare that they are too ignorant to know it so.