Shatter softly on disconnected ears,
Watching you mouth unheard cries.
Feeling you ensure every emotion,
Till I turn on the light and you vanish from sight.
As a shadow on my heart I always see you,
Tagged and pursued I cannot find freedom.
To escape from your crafted cage,
Fabricated with memories time and time replayed.
Like a river set to course,
I am set to this fate.
Till I run dry into barren lifeless grey.
Never to reach my goal never to rejoin my source.
Ice grips my heart.
I tell myself this every morning.
Blizzards deafen my mind,
I drive with the windows down at fifteen below.
Freezing me to solid stone,
Unreachable by human hands.
Beautiful on surface clear,
Deathly to those that dare come near.
For all I will to be,
For Every feather I pay in fee.
Grant miracles and change the fabric of reality,
This is the power the creator gifted me.
Watch the white of every feather burn to black,
Everytime I invoke my heart will crack.
Bonded in time and all temptation,
To burn at consumption of every emotion.
Forbidden by chaining voices unheard in eons,
My God defies me love or destruction.
Immortal but cursed to every labored breath,
Or to love and fall from skies in a Sin filled Death.
I lay here in my bed watching you sleep,
In the past I created you in my dreams.
I needed to know that you existed.
I vowed every remaining splinter of what was left of me.
I asked every God ancient and new,
To gift me with your heart to cherish,
Still nursing my own breaks and bruises,
I craved to protect you.
To show you that I am not broken.
One day I drew you out of words,
I sang about you till my voice gave out,
I pictured you in every tear.
Then one day like someone was listening there you were.
Now in this moment I vow again,
Every payment that I swore to give,
I will pay ten folds more,
To watch you sleep every morning for ever more.
There is coldness out here that I thought only I feel,
Like looking at a fire through four panes of glass.
Coldness is simply all thats here,
Open your eyes and every smile you see builds the chill.
For years the ice just grew further and further up my fingers and toes.
Till nothing could pierce the numbness.
Until one day with snow to my knees,
I heard a voice behind me and I looked through the white.
A Silhouette called me from a far,
Hands held up growing weaker in the dying light.
I raise my hands to call you to me,
But my hands and feet are dead as ice.
I see you fall and can't contain it,
My fire grows wild and explodes within me.
Broken glass and tearing muscles.
Roaring with flame I walk toward you.
Begging my feet to move faster,
Feel the blood flowing through ancient limbs.
The emptiness dying with eager purpose,
I find you weak and half asleep.
I take you in my arms and warm you to your soul,
Breath my fire into you,
Look into my eyes and see me for what I am,
The other half of you,
No longer lost to you,
Forever here to catch you.
To the ferryman I pay another favor.
Shake his hand and walk from his mooring.
Walking the familiar path through the mire,
Keep your head high and ignore the sinking.
Every step back from the water,
An eternity of wretched squelching.
How many times have I walked this path.
Memories of youth and owning softer bones.
The aging shows now not just inside,
But clawing at the skin and hollowing of the eyes.
A distant heartbeat now darker punctuates each squelch from my feet.
Vultures and monsters lock eyes with my shadow.
Not quite dead but far from living,
I ponder the payment I keep on making.
How is it I can turn from the boat.
The answers are fleeting almost a whisper.
My eyes are drawn down by softest suggestion,
And through the darkness I see the bones and flesh breaking.
My chest burns and bleeds bleeding crimson upon the reeds .
In horror I wail soundlessly into the mud.
Hands dive to every break Clawing over every wound,
Feeling the scar of every knife,
Faces born to every memory.
The hurt the only feeling that remains.
I turn to look back at the creature I left,
A tear rolling down a fleshless face.
Caressing his own heart,
He raises his head and at last our eyes meet.
“You show me love with every heartbreak,
You come to me lost and with torture aplenty,
So broken by your own mind,
I make that which tortures you mine.”
The Ferryman opens his palm and shows me his treasure,
My own heart beating and bleeding with poison.
“Walk free from misery and grow anew,
I will wait again to trade away the pain the world will gift you.
But know this my love I cannot save you,
For in your chest beats my own broken heart,
Torn by every time I free you.”
Walking predestined steps of dissapointment,
But we are blind to the end.
Our shadows hold each other in the dark,
Kissing and craving what we try to build.
Like a broken memory incomplete in recall,
We cannot create or feel the echo we remember.
To the very core of ourselves a decaying blackness,
Consuming every light or bloom.
We watch our brothers and sisters flourish and Love.
We feel the emptiness ten fold,
And crave to witness and consume the warmth in their eyes.
We feel it but cannot own it wield it but cannot bind it.
Love does not bloom in our hearts,
And is not gifted to our souls,
A higher might created us with outward beauty,
But short changed us on substance and capacity.
Every time we attempt to create love,
It burns in our hands as if offended by our very hearts.