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8.0k · Dec 2014
Gadgets
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
I downloaded
the new love app.
It just doesn't work
without you
David Ehrgott Sep 2015
I got a rainforest full of tears
without you
Thought that after all these years
I'd have you
But you found out I was dumb
dudn't matter how I'm hung
I got a rainforest full of tears
without you

Ashley, Ashley all fall down
ring around the rosey
The whole **** world just brings me down
I got a rainforest full of tears

Open wide and 'wirl around
I love my midnight floozie
I hope you're here-You're not around
I got a rainforest full of tears

Kung fu Raggedy Andy war/s
got sent back to China
Salmonella on his brain
I got a rainforest full of tears
5.7k · Nov 2014
Monkey See, Monkey Do
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
A kid wakes up; tuns on the news
Sees the Texas police killing children again
What can I tell you?  You the few
Does anybody listen here, my friend

So this kid he gets a brainstorm
Let's keep killing more and more
I know I can be just like them
I'll go to school; **** all my friends
And it's
Monkey See, Monkey Do
Inspiration is so cool
Monkey See, Monkey Do
I'm a killer, how 'bout you

Where are all the fearless leaders?
Ain't there anybody left?
No, not that kid from jersey
Mobsters really aren't best

All politicians are are sinkholes
Usurping monies for their parties
It makes this country one big stink-hole
You know behind their backs they're farting

They passed the rest of all the guns out
More More More is all they shout-shout
This is great for all the children
Who sit scared ****-less at every grade school
but it's
Monkey see, Monkey do
One good leader showed us to
Monkey see, Monkey do
I'm a killer, how 'bout you?
5.3k · Nov 2015
The Calm Ease Swan
David Ehrgott Nov 2015
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

To kingdom king and hell we've gone

The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

We're paying more for that and this
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
They're buying up the businesses
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
Ain't no how gonna stand for this!
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
That small-c ****** thunder-thighed witch
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

I can't wish you your birthday
and other brothers say hey
It's difficult to say
Even harder here to stay

The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan
The calm ease swan

This is the age of socialism
This is the age of socialism
We gotta end all socialism
We gotta end this socialism

Ain't no swan gonna fly by me in a summer breeze
Gonna grab its neck, break it in half and ate it.
3.8k · Apr 2016
You Crazy Fool
David Ehrgott Apr 2016
You crazy fool
You can have me
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
I'm just like you
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
You're just like me
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
You crazy fool
Oh, you crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
You ran to hard
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
You died to hard
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
I can't have you
You crazy fool
  
You crazy fool
You crazy fool
Oh, you crazy fool
3.8k · Dec 2015
For Little Doggie
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
I wanna buy a puppy
A really happy puppy
I wanna buy a puppy
A happy big-eyed puppy
I want to buy a puppy
A warm and cuddable puppy
I want to buy a puppy
A pup won't slobber silly

I wanna buy a puppy
One that's so go-lucky
A happy happy puppy
I wanna buy a puppy
I want to buy a puppy
A big fat furry puppy

The warmth and love of puppy
I really want a puppy
3.6k · Feb 2015
Homework Blues
David Ehrgott Feb 2015
Mama told me to stay in school
But, I couldn't take those teacher's rules
Papa said "Son, won't you listen real quick.
School was a drag, so I quit."

I got the homework blues
Baby, they're mean
I got the homework blues
Well, I had to drop out of school
When I got them blues

Couldn't get a job, so I got a career
Driving a truck and drinking a beer
I've seen the country from coast to coast
Never got a flat but, I broke some spokes

I got the homework blues
Baby, they're mean
I got the homework blues
Well, I had to drop out of school
When I got dem blues

Got a wife, got a kid
The kid goes to school
but, he wants to quit
3.5k · Nov 2014
Soft Lips, Wet Kiss
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss
Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss

Soft lips, wet kiss
gimme gimme gimme gimme bliss
soft lips, wet kiss
gimme gimme gimme gimme bliss

Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss
Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss

Touch my lips with your fingers
as we kiss under the rain
now we have no disorder
now we have no more pain

Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss
Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss

Lie around atop the water
Near the lake or in the pool
Kiss me with your soft lips dearly
Make me your one little fool

Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss
Soft lips, wet kiss, soft lips, wet kiss

Soft lips, wet kiss
gimme gimme gimme gimme
Soft lips, wet kiss
gimme gimme gimme gimme

soft lips wet kiss soft lips wet kiss...
3.1k · Aug 2015
L. A. Teens
David Ehrgott Aug 2015
I'm a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
A sock monkey clown

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
I'm taking over your town

I got a lot of ideas
A lot of sock monkey ideas
I sock monkey

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
Gonna go to college

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
Gonna go to college
Gonna go to college

Gonna get an education
Get an education
Gonna take over your sock monkey town
  

I got a lot of ideas
I am a sock monkey
I'm gonna rule
  

I got a lot of ideas
I am a sock monkey
I'm gonna rule
I'm gonna rule
  

I'm gonna drive drunk sock monkey
I'm gonna drive drunk sock monkey
I'm gonna ****, I'm gonna ****
  

I'm gonna blame it on the walker baby
I'm gonna blame it on the runner
He shouldn't have been in front of me
That's what I'll tell the judge
  

Let's rent a limo sock monkey
Let's celebrate now, sock monkey
Maybe make a date
  

I am a sock monkey
Give me all of your five dollars
I am a sock monkey
  

I am a sock monkey
I live in L. A.
I am a sock monkey
2.7k · Dec 2015
War Of The Words
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
The coordinated conjunctions know they have the advantage against
all other conjunctions.  I mean, let's face it.  The other conjunctions are just spastics.
2.6k · Jan 2016
My Babysitter Raped Me
David Ehrgott Jan 2016
When I was just a boy
I had this dream of aliens and green things
My mother wasn't home
She had to work so my sisters and I could eat
She hired a babysitter
In her teens
She was mean and
  
My, My, My Ba- Babysitter ***** me
My, My, My Ba- Babysitter ***** me
She bit me on the ear
She licked me oh so dear
But, she ***** me
  
And then my mother beat me
And then I grew too big. see?
I lived inside a bubble of my dreams
And then I learned of airplanes
bllsht!, With their war games
That's when I took the only way to see
  
and that was
My, My, My, Ba-Babysitter ***** me
My, My, My, Ba-Babysitter ***** me
She took me to the sea
Left me with broken dreams
'Cause she ***** me
         and that's not funny
  
My babysitter ***** me
And now I've learned to live with broken bones
My babysitter ***** me
I've been the king, I was the pawn, I'm clean
When my big sister teased me
It could have been a daydream
But what I know, life's been mean to me
  
and I'm tellin' ya
My, My, My Ba-Babysitter ***** me
My, My, My Ba-Babysitter ***** me  
She bit me in the ear
She licked me oh so dear
And she ***** me
  
I told my mommy Dee
About her new employee
That babysitter worked this week for free
She took off to Missouri
Forgot to say goodbye to me
She can live there
I can live with me
  
but I don't know why
My, My, My Ba-Babysitter ***** me
My, My, My Ba-Babysitter ***** me
Why oh why oh me
Spank me spank me please
'Cause my babysitter ***** me
ooooooooh she ***** me
2.6k · Dec 2014
Valerie
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
Valerie
     She's a pretty girl
Betcha never see her in pigtails
     La dee dee
     Dee la dee la
     La la la dee
     Valerie Valerie

Valerie
     The light of the moon
Doesn't shine as bright as you
     La dee dee
     Dee dee la
     Dee la la la dee
     My Valerie
2.6k · Dec 2014
A DIABETIC DRAMA (haiku)
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
Beware the baker
for his battery is a
sweet death to follow
2.6k · Apr 2015
Lost Cowgirl
David Ehrgott Apr 2015
Any girl could have smiled
Not many flew that high
Never could grasp that child
And is she even worth a cry?
  
Now I know she told the truth
I know she also lied
Could I have to save her twice
Only could have tried
Little did she know of me
       yet, let me in her life
Even now, I wonder why
        why oh why oh why
  
Still, I'll always hear her laugh
Maybe see her smile
I'll even taste her stenchy sweat
Through memories of mine

she died
2.6k · Nov 2014
Psycho Mommy Song
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
and Lonely

inheritance I didn't have
Her drug/pill habit took all of it
So sad

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with her

She did things that rhyme with slick
butter things
that make a twitch

In college school
she found a ray
Her cowboy hero
had found his crazy

My mommy was that crazy
So beaten, unloved/enslaved, insane
My mommy was so crazy
So crazy So crazy

So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy

My mommy was so sick
she took our family with her
killed all of them
So sick

"There's no good dyin' alone."  she said
"There's no sense livin' alone."  she said

My mommy threw all of it
Never saved
She only spent

She bet her roll
on all of it

and fed them death
She died with them

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with (her)

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
So lonely
2.5k · Nov 2014
My Waitress
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
She's a great big lover
Like an Oregon bear
and I love her little uniform
my waitress

Let's go into the forest
and play
way way into the forest
let's play

and she has the prettiest face
that is what - the first thing I saw
her pretty face

sing my love
like the red birds
flying with the yellow
white and blue birds

so tender in their loving
sing my love
sing
sing my waitress
2.3k · Dec 2015
1-2-3-4
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
  
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
  
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation
  
Echo, echo, echo, echo
Echo, echo, echo, echo
Echo, echo, echo, echo
I can't hear you
  
An independent mind that thinks  
An independent mind that thinks
An independent mind that thinks
An independent mind that thinks
  
Politicians, Mobs, Celebrities
Politicians, Mobs, Celebrities
Politicians, Mobs, Celebrities
The really really big big three
  
We're going down and down and down
We're going down and down and down
We're going down and down and down
There's nothing we can do
  
Ignorance leads us to stupidity
Ignorance leads us to stupidity
The gateway to stupidity
Ignorance is insanity
  
More control over the masses
More control over the masses
Gas, tax, and uneven grasses
More control over the masses
  
Half of what we used to have
Half of what we used to have
Half of what we used to have  
And still no time to talk
  
Keep feeding all our enemies
Keep feeding all our enemies
No brains for independancy
We're feeding all our enemies
  
How can we lose everything?
How can we lose everything?
d*ck Cheney making Bling Bling Bling
And we're here losing everything
  
With nothing left we close our mouth
With nothing left we close our mouth
With nothing left we close our mouth
How stupid can we be?
  
We want to stay alive, we're dead
We want to stay alive, we're dead
We're dead if we say one wrong word
We want to stay alive, we're dead
  
We can't think independently
We can't think independently
We must believe, believe, believe
We can't think, we can't think
  
Echo, echo, echo, echo
Echo, echo, echo, echo
Echo, echo, echo, echo
I can't hear you
  
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation
We're building a sounder nation  
  
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
Black and white and red, green, blue
  
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4
2.3k · Nov 2015
Blueberry Barbie
David Ehrgott Nov 2015
Blueberry Barbie driving away
Lord, I'm gonna miss her taste
She takes the time to do it right
You'll never see her look of waste
  
Hot dress, high heels, look and touch of taste
Like a fine uncorked wine
A delicacy in a sea of eggs
Her mellifluous scent concealed until she bursts
  
Blueberry Barbie driving far away
Lord, I'm gonna miss her taste
You know how I say those things when I am stressed
Please let me present my case
  
Blueberry Barbie Baby I Love You
Come on make the u-turn
Turn around and get back here into my life
I need you barbie, you're my only friend again
  
Is it my hopes come true that you are here?
So close, a fantasy that never ends
Can't live without you girl nor care t' pretend
Is that her turning 'round, gonna park in my driveway?
  
Blueberry Barbie's here I'm living again
Man, it's good to be this close to my best friend
Blueberry Barbie never leave me again
For that would be the end oh, Blueberry Blonde Barbie
2.3k · Sep 2015
An Easy Smile
David Ehrgott Sep 2015
Can't save a cowboy
    When he's made of solid sin
Can't save the planet
     Even faster now we spin
Can't save the homeless
     They keep shittin' with their grins
Can't be afraid of it
     A cowboy just takes aim at it

So I'll smile an easy smile
Smile, smile, smile
an easy smile

Temperature yesterday, chili after ten
There is way too much blue rain falling in the ocean
Too much elbow rubbing, bedbugs and disease
I want to clear my mind, I put it at ease

And I'll smile an easy smile
Smile, smile, smile
an easy smile

I loved it all so glad you came to visit
Just wish the springs will work if you can come in
It's anything to please you, won't you please now bring your own stool
If you want to come in to sit


  
And split an easy smile
Smile, smile, smile
an easy smile
2.2k · Dec 2014
Mr. Santa
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas
She was only seventeen
When she meant the world to me
So come on Santa please
Lend them to me
So I can see my sweet Louise

Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas
She meant the world to me
When she moved to far to see
Now she's living in Miami
So Santa please lend them to me
Lend them to me

Send Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and *****
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
And just so I can see
Send Rudolph with his red nose PLEASE
Oh, Santa won't you please

Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas...
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
Immigration Reform:  1. Letting illegal immigrants stay in the USA because multi-billionaires paid oodles of cash to corrupted politicians.  Letting even more illegals stay here AND providing a free education to their children while not having to support the school systems that are teaching them (in spanish) because they don't even have to pay taxes on their income.  2.  The royal sodomizing of The United States of America soon to be referred to as New Hispania.
I want to make one thing clear here.  I am not against ANY nationality, just the un-equality that has been performed in this country just to keep an ample supply of cheap labor for the 1% that own everything.  And the crap-politicians whom fatten their pockets to let it continue.
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
Liz Taylor was a fuckpig.
Forbes used to call me and say
"Let's double-team this dumb *****."
And we would double-team that dumb *****.
Give'er a real goin' ovah.
Sometimes in a limo.
Sometimes on a motorbike.

Really tore that thing up...

.. and today we rededicate this park after
one of Hollywood's finest.  Ladies and
gentlemen may I introduce to you "The
Liz Taylor Grand Canyon National Park."
2.1k · Nov 2015
Watching Barbie
David Ehrgott Nov 2015
Barbie's undercover of the book that never quits
Manipulative and menacing but, she never spits
An evil being, a beauty queen, more than some t.v. b*tch
I wish I had a rheostat, I'd lower/light her switch

Barbie's chasing boys again, her husband doesn't care
She's riding barefoot on the back of a costar or a queer
She tilts her head/hair back and forth, pretends she doesn't care
It's that silly kind of carefree movement; majic's in the air

And I'm

Watching Barbie in the afternoon
I've not much more to do
She's so much more than a piece of meat
Barbie, so petite
Well wouldn't it be great to meet,
to see her face to face
Forty years fly bye too fast but,
That's the Barbie pace

She knows her children have a mind thew grew all by their own
They have to learn from their mistakes even when they've grown
She wants to help her daughter out by jumping in a lake
But this ain't mike, tom, chris, or jake; this could be a mistake

Barbie's in a bubble bath, she's naked as a jaybird
With happy smile, ear to ear, she relaxes and spreads cheer
More bubbles flow from a bottle emptied quickly
I only can imagine underneath her skin now prickly

Watching Barbie in the afternoon
Barbie, she's so sweet
So much more than just a piece of meat
Barbie, so petite
Well, wouldn't it be great to meet
to see her face to face, Barbie
Share!
2.0k · Dec 2014
Not From a Hailstorm
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
My sister karen was a manhater
she hated all men
deliriously
she would sit on the top
of the bunkbed she shared with sue
and with one finger curl her hair
then pull it out by the roots
it was quite disturbing
she would spend hours
every saturday doing this
until she had almost no hair left
the family worried for her

During the week when I would
come home from school (I think
I was around 7 or 8) karen (being
older and bigger) would run up to me
kick me in the gut
push me to the floor
jump on top of me
grab me by the ears
and pound my head
on the floor until
my brains fell out
this went on for several weeks
until I told my parents and
they finally put an end to it

One night sue didn't want to get caught
eating an apple in bed
so she put the core in the toilet
and it clogged it
we (all four of us)
were awakened in the middle of the night
and had to line up so my mother
could beat us with a belt
until someone confessed
I was tired so I said okay
I did it
I got a good belting that night
I was suspended from school
for a week because the teacher
complained that the welts on my back
were bleeding so profusely that
lt was interrupting the learning process
of the other children

One day I was coming home from school
and I got caught in a hailstorm
I got pelted really good
Lucky for me Mr. Doty was home for lunch
so I took cover under
his light blue ford f-series pick-up truck
hail as big as golf *****
some the size of baseballs
continued to rain down
I don't know for how long
because I fell asleep

"What were you doing under there?"
he questioned as he was shaking my arm
awakening me
(I quess he thought I was messing around
or something)
I came to and stated
"THE GOLF ***** WERE FALLING
I NEEDED A PLACE TO HIDE"
"oh" he said
"you mean to tell me you were in THAT?"
"yessir" I replied
"well, your schoolday's almost over,
maybe you should go home and rest"
"yessir"
And I went home and rested

When karen turned eighteen
she married a wife beater
for nearly ten years he would
ugly 'er up
finally she couldn't take anymore
and divorced him

But she was only following tradition
my grandpa beat his wife
my father beat his wife
and al beat karen

Yep, those three knew
how to really take a beating

But, not from a hailstorm
2.0k · Jan 2015
The Downside of Social Media
David Ehrgott Jan 2015
So, this is what I get for liking you on Facebook
and following you on Twitter.  No wonder
we're not Linkdin or Googled plussed.
1.9k · Sep 2016
My Bunny Valentine
David Ehrgott Sep 2016
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny
Please me mine.  Bunny,
Bunny, Bunny Valentine.
1.9k · Mar 2016
(ode to) Constellations
David Ehrgott Mar 2016
Walking through space
the stars form vehicles
for our imaginations
1.9k · Dec 2015
Rudolph's Venison
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
I whacked Rudolph, that showoff with the bright nose
Wakin' me up all night on Christmas Eve
Santa had to cut him off the lead pack
Just to make his rounds on Christmas Eve
  
I know a lot of eve's and some get naked
But, I got drunk somehow after shopping and banking
Now I don't need no how on keep waking up wasted
I shot him in his brain and sliced his neck
  
I wacked Rudolph, that showoff with the bright nose
Wakin' me up all night on Christmas Eve
Santa had to cut him off the lead pack
Just to make his rounds on Christmas Eve
  
Now it's Christmas Day, I have him here
He's hung in my backyard.  Oh, what a deer!
Today's a holiday.  We'll serve what's near.
And Rudolph's venison will bring on cheer
  
I whacked Rudolph, that showoff with the bright nose
Wakin' me up all night on Christmas Eve
Santa had to cut him off the lead pack
Just to make his rounds on Christmas Eve
  
I'm slicing jerkey
I'm slicing meat
I'm cutting steaks
I'm slicing lean
I cut his brains out
Threw them away
His guts and his *****
Have been turned into hay
  
I whacked Rudolph, that showoff with the bright nose
Wakin' me up all night on Christmas Eve
Santa had to cut him off the lead pack
Just to make his rounds on Christmas Eve
1.8k · Jan 2015
Seven Syllable Sentence
David Ehrgott Jan 2015
Make bees not cellphone towers.
1.8k · Dec 2015
Hit Me On My Head Again
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
I was on my way
Sailing up high
Happy thoughts or destiny
I never will know why
How or where  
She came from
But I never will forget
  
The day that Tinkerbell hit me on my head
Woke me up to wondrous dreams under my bed
Now every time I turn around I dream of her instead
The little boy inside of me, the tenderness/the dread
  
Oh, Tinkerbell went on vacation but, she worked from here to there
Sometimes near Miami and sometimes near Bel Air
And although I still see her smile here from time to time
I miss the sparkle in her eyes and her blonde hair that would shine
  
So hit me on my head and give me life
I would rather dream of you, then face brimstone and a fire
C'mon tinker with me, please again
So I can get to my one true heaven
  
And Tink, she thought that everything I wrote was just her
Well, sometimes I use the words that no one should ever hear
So I'm still protective, It's only because I care for you
To be with me from here on end if you ever dare
  
To hit me on my head again and dream
Dream up all those happy thoughts, dream of only me
Throw your magic dust again on me
I've been waiting all my life, just like I said
Waiting ever since I was a kid
  
You're majic in my dreams
And your thoughts are in my head
The many times forgiven you
With your ***** tricks
Everything's not right inside your head
But, that's okay 'cause we can find the places that we've been
  
So hit me on my head again and dream
Dream up all those happy thoughts
Dream of only me
Throw your magic dust again on me
I've been waiting all my life just like I said
Waiting, ever since I was a kid
Ever since I was a little kid
1.8k · Jan 2016
Radio Surfer
David Ehrgott Jan 2016
Gonna take my dial from five-fifty
to a hundred and eight miles an hour
  
The radio surfer
radio radio
radio surfer
radio radio
radio surfer
radio radio
radio surfer
radio radio
radio surfer
radio radio
radio surfer
radio radio
  
Gonna move my dial on the radio
Surf it
See what pleasures I can find
Surf it
Look for something on the radio
Surf it
It's always changing all the time
A middle-aged man with a radio
Can feel like a kid sometimes
  
Bringing back memories of when I was a kid
Staying up late to get more stations
I could listen to baseball from Missouri
Or alien stories from K L Kooky
It made me feel "what a great nation"
An idea improved by innovation
  
I can move my dial anywhere I want
Go up or down for a different spot
Maybe tune in to a song or two
And then sports or news, or baby you choose
Or a Spanish station that rocks the nation
With the craziest sounds that cause vibrations
  
Could be variety or a southern country jamboree
AM or FM, to me it's all heaven
Just to be surfin' the stations I'm searchin'
Cruising for blues or a song that is new
Maybe I'll search for religion or something
Or talk to a sports nut who's a news ******
  
I can go classic or talk of the town
Listen to jazz or the new rap in town
All kinds of rock, RB, rhythm and blues
Maybe the standards, pop, just what is new
Anytime, anywhere, anyway too
That's what I like about radio, you
  
Radio surfer
surfer surfer
Radio surfer
surfer surfer
Radio surfer
surfer surfer
Radio surfer
surfer surfer
Radio surfer
surfer surfer
Radio surfer now!
1.8k · Aug 2015
Global Warming
David Ehrgott Aug 2015
I guess a little bit of global warming is alright
After Independence Day
I go back to missing you again
I'll just go and say it "I'm Sorry!"
Okay?  Now will you come back to me?
We can light a fire and the wine
will make everything feel just right
And we'll have a little bit of global warming here tonight

A little bit of global warming is alright
A little bit of "Hey, how are you?"
Never hurt no one
Did you miss it or did you get it right?
A little bit of global warming sounds 'bout right
A little bit of global warming here tonight

Global warming
Let's be friends
Global warming
More than friends
Global warming
A love that never ends all around the world

Just say you'll forgive me
I'll fill the fireplace with kindling
And we can warm each other's lonely hearts
Global warming's more than melting ice
Global warming's here inside my heart
Global warming.  Here, ignite my heart.
Global warming's here tonight, let's start
1.7k · Nov 2015
Deadhead Barbie
David Ehrgott Nov 2015
Deadhead Barbie's hypin' the tour
Telling all her friends about the tickets she scored
Hey six-up yo' gather near the doors
We're going to wear the tie-die t-shirts one more time
  
Dee Dra's grandpa's cooking up some homemade wine
It's really going to kick it in us one more time
The lights, the music, ambience together entwined
And Deadhead Barbie twirling 'round as if she's blind but, she's not blind
  
Electric skull head, steal your face, I like your smile
Nothin' left to do here; listen once in a while
I can't believe that all these years they're still in style
All that dancing, good for lovin'n, sweating miles
  
And Deadhead Barbie's blood is flowing fast
She grabbed a piece of something that was built to last  
Maybe not forever, but one of life's best blasts
A bigger bang might break the earth into two halves
  
And Deadhead Barbie's drinking Dee Dra's wine
There's a party in the parking lot.  Yeah,  Dee Dra's fine.
Dancing girls with dancing bears a one FINE time
Deadhead Barbie's had her pants pulled in again
1.7k · Dec 2014
Blow Against the Empire
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
If I were an idiot yoke I'd scramble it up
and then I'd add some chopped-up ham
then pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
scambled eggs and chopped-up ham
But, not from a can of spam
no, not from a can of spam
no, not from a can of spam
I'd have my eggs and chopped-up ham
but not any spam from a can

Then I'd have my eggs with ham
and maybe a little bit of spray from pam
but, not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
not any can of spam
just my eggs with ham

Breakfast would be grand old man
Eggs with some chopped-up ham
and a little bit of spray from pam
but, not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
just my eggs and ham
and a little bit of pam
but not any spam
for we don't like spam
in this merry ol' land
not even in a can
do we want this spam
not any kind of spam
when the man sends the spam
it disrupts the land
and how can a man
be happy in a land
where he's always getting spammed
he can't

SO
P L E A S E E L I O T
not any can of spam
ever again
the end
1.7k · Aug 2015
I Beat The Mountain
David Ehrgott Aug 2015
This is a song that I call
I beat the mountain
And it ends
with I am dead

I beat the mountain yessir
I beat the mountain
Don't just pretend
that it hurts

I beat the mountain dallas
I beat the mountain
I beat the mountain alice
I beat the mountain
I beat the mountain
I beat the mountain

There's a place in this world
Where you can go to climb to heaven
It's in the Himalayan Mountains
in south, east, central asia

It takes a week to walk to the mountain
And one more week to reach the air
And there is no air at the top
And you freeze your face off there
  
And so I walked to the mountain
And I reached higher ev'ry day
And I breathed in the air
And took pictures of the mountain
  
Now that mountain presents a challenge
Says "Don't come near me if you dare"
For I will slay you on this mountain
I have before ; I will again
  
Uh-Oh the challenge of that mountain
The challenge in the air
The challenge of that mountain
The challenge of that mountain
  
And I climbed the mountain
Yes I did, I climbed the mountain
I climbed the mountain
I climbed the mountain
  
You think the sun, when it hits your head
That you're blinded or you're dead
You think the sun, when it hits your head
It warmed your head but, it didn't
  
But I kept climbing, I kept ahead
Going higher and higher, no more air
But there's more mountain, so there
It's all a joke, just on you, not all of humanity
Most people know better and
Stay away from the mountain
It bites off your head
Takes your fingers and toes
And nose from you and leaves you dead
Takes your brain, makes you delirious
Makes you crazy in the brain, I'm serious
So stay away from the mountain

Stay away from the mountain
Stay Away!  Stay away from the mountain
Stay Away!  Stay away from the mountain
Stay Away!  Stay Away, Far Far Away!

Cause I climbed up that mountain
Yes I did, I climbed that majic mountain
Yes I did, I climbed the mountain
I'm full of dread 'cause I am dead
1.7k · Mar 2016
Dirty Dykes In Denim
David Ehrgott Mar 2016
***** ***** in denim
They cut your heart when you let them
Those ***** *****
Da da da da der *****
***** *****
Da da da da der *****
  
Now Karen was a cutie
Had her man and a *****
She kissed her man off
And then he beat her
She found a girlfriend
They went to heaven
  
Because those ***** ***** in denim
Rip your thing when you let them
Those ***** *****
Da da da da der *****
***** *****
Da da da da der *****
  
Now Donna was a queenie
She licked her way to the fifties
She found a woman who had a plastic
Way up inside her
It was fantastic
  
She loved those ***** ***** in denim
They'll turn you on if you can catch one
Those ***** *****
Da da da da der *****
***** *****
Da da da da der *****
1.6k · Jan 2015
NFL2014SUMMARY
David Ehrgott Jan 2015
Wife beatings
Child beatings
No peek receivers
***** weighing

BYE!
1.6k · Nov 2014
Bird
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
My doggie he whistles a song through his nose
On this Thanksgiving his story is told
He waits for the birdie to perch on his nose
Then with a swift move he swallows it whole
Feet, beak, and feathers, everything goes
Down through his neck to his stomach you know
Well even a little dumb doggie knows this
The taste of a big juicy turkey is bliss

Bird, bird, bird, bird, bird
Bird, bird, bird, bird, bird
I wanna eat a bird
I wanna eat a bird

Jack La Lane lived a long long time
He told me the secret to his long long life
Don't eat a pig and don't eat red meat
Don't eat a duck it is very bad luck
Don't eat Italian, French food, Chinese...
But you can eat plenty yes plenty of these
A chicken a turkey is all you will need
If you want to live to one hundred and three

Bird, bird, bird, bird, bird
Bird, bird, bird, bird, bird
I wanna eat a bird
I wanna eat a bird
Bird bird bird bird bird
Bird bird bird bird bird...
1.6k · Oct 2014
Companion
David Ehrgott Oct 2014
a man needs a goat
every man deserves a woman
every man should have a woman
but a man needs a goat
if a man has a wife
he still needs a goat

a goat gets ya milk
a goat can getcha food
a goat can make a coat
and keep you warm
a man needs a coat
every man should have a goat
even if every man was married
every man would still need a goat
a man needs a goat

a man needs a goat
you can talk to a goat
and he will listen but
won't give you backtalk
a man needs a goat

if you're stuck on a mountain
a goat can find the way back
maybe
a man needs a goat

you don't have to feed a goat
a goat can feed itself
goats eat grass
if you own a goat
you won't have to buy a lawn mower
your goat will take care of that

goats do not climb trees
if you own a goat
you will never have to call the fire dept.
to tell them that
your goat is stuck up a tree
goats don't climb trees
so that will never happen

a goat can make milk
and with its milk
you can make
all kinds of cheeses
like goat cheese
and fresh mozzarella
there is nothing
like fresh goat cheese
and fresh goat cheeses
without a goat
you just can't make any goat cheese
nor
have any goat milk for your oats
a man needs a goat

you can't step on a goats back
you will break it
please use a ladder or
step-stool instead
do not step on a goats back

you can compare your goatee
to a goats beard
they grow'em too
a man needs a goat

goats make good company
you can talk to a goat and he will listen
but won't talk back
he's a good goat
a man needs a goat

a man needs a goat
a man needs a wife
but if a man has a wife
he's still gonna need a goat

a man needs a goat
1.6k · Dec 2014
Model Muse
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
In her powder blue
Pin cushioned see- through blouse
Her eyes mesmerize the room
So natural
Such beauty
I lick the blood from her lips
And pang for her love
Why oh me
She cries no more
Her nails dig deeper
As I plea
More
Beauty
More
1.5k · Nov 2014
A Feeling of Displacement
David Ehrgott Nov 2014
Living in a car
in New York City

I hide underneath a tablecloth
which substitutes for a blanket

It is quite uncomfortable in the backseat
with that bump in the middle
pushing my lower ribs into my gut
as I lie on one side, and hide

Though so much better then the
cardboard box with news-papered roof
I once pretended, could protect me from
the rain

If only I could figure out the
alternate side of the street on
which to park
David Ehrgott Jul 2015
Ode to the Last Vast Wetlands

We teach our children to love Jesus
and to believe in Santa Claus
Just to mess with all their little heads
And easter bunnies bearing chocolate eggs
on the day he died and then was resurrected

We teach our children that the sun rises
When in fact it's just the earth that is turning
and when it sets, it really doesn't
But, we don't let on that sunsets aren't real

There are no Appaloosas up in Whitehorse
Just what is left of precious metal - gold
and all the souls of dead bear that I murdered
to keep a rich girl warm when it gets cold

We teach our parents that they will be rewarded
Someday, if they a-leave-a us alone
But, there always has to be that one girl
who thinks she's rich enough for baby's bone

So there you have it - something is in learning
That some of us will never figure out
Because it takes a brain to stop some God from killing
And an oil well can only provide drought
1.5k · Apr 2016
Issue Les Dreamgirl
David Ehrgott Apr 2016
Hazy dreams
of you
I had
When I was
but a teen
I wished for you
to come to me
I even used
Black Magic
Wishing hard
I got my wish
And there you were
Surrendered
I stare towards your glow
I stare towards your glow
I stare towards your glow
I stare towards your glow
You're glow
And I am
Speechless
En Agape
1.5k · Dec 2014
My Little Wren
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
Thirty years you flew away
I have not yet forgot that day
Fly back to me my sweet, sweet friend
Come Mary let us play again
My little wren
1.5k · May 2015
A Seven Syllable Statement
David Ehrgott May 2015
The truth is rarely honest.
1.4k · Oct 2015
Kissing In The Kremlin
David Ehrgott Oct 2015
Bi polar bear bouncing up and down
on a summer high one year
Got to walk the wall

in China before I wore those shirts
an excuse to use/not to wear
When I was getting perks

And reminding me to stay in line
how lucky that it is to get all of this
for nothing more than just a Kremlin kiss

Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Chatting after she had tea
And we're hiding from the KGB
Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin

And I went up to Alaska, the final frontier
Found a tent to defrost in Antarctica
Sunk to the bottom of the ocean floor
Where it is all lit up
and I rode the Himalayan Sky
Sold the pictures to the book with yellow trim
and

Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Flying there again.  Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Kissing in the Kremlin
Kissing in the Kremlin
1.4k · Feb 2017
65 Valentines
David Ehrgott Feb 2017
There were sixty-five
valentines for you
I colored the one from me
your favorite blue
I didn't know
the whole world loves you too
with sixty-four adversaries
I guess we could be through

So did they all say
"I Love You"
or "be mine today
& every day
I want to be your valentine
Be Mine"

or did they say that "I
only want to love you"
and after twenty solid years
could it really be we're through

There were sixty-five
valentines for you
I colored the one from me
your favorite blue
1.4k · Dec 2015
The Whipping Boy
David Ehrgott Dec 2015
They all know him
They use him as conscience
There goes the whipping boy
  
And they all loathe him
They treat him like garbage
All loathe the whipping boy
  
They say that they love him
Then beat him senseless
Poor boy the whipping boy
  
His family uncaring
They leave him in darkness
All fear the whipping boy
  
Now who do they turn to
When need to find blame
Point to the whipping boy
  
They beat him and beat him
Until he's insane
That crazy whipping boy
  
Celebrities kidnap him
Then they take turns
****** the whipping boy
  
They laugh at the fact
That he's only thirteen
Ha!  Ha!  the whipping boy
  
His scars never healing
And always they burn
Too bad for whipping boy
  
Let's call him names
And then teach him to learn
Take that you whipping boy
  
His life, it was taken
Before he could walk
Crawl now you whipping boy
  
Also, was taken
His right to talk
Keep tight you whipping boy
  
Maybe the army
Would do him some good
Shoot here you whipping boy
  
Just don't get caught
'cause we know you're no good
We know the whipping boy
  
We'll scare off his girlfriends
Then blame it on him
You're queer you whipping boy
  
No girl for you
Because pictures don't lie
Look here you whipping boy
  
The chains that they use
On his head are so strong
Just bleed you whipping boy
  
When he wakes up
He'll probably just die
Just die you whipping boy
  
One day they looked for him
Nothing was found
Where is that whipping boy
  
We aren't finished
With that joking clown
Give us our whipping boy
  
Who do we blame
Or treat bad when we're down
We blame the whipping boy
  
Half of our fun
Was in putting him down
We want our whipping boy
  
We'll never let him
Forget that he's ours
We own the whipping boy
  
We'll never let him
Forget him, he's drowned
No more the whipping boy
  
Who can we toy with now
Whipping boy's gone
Not I the whipping boy
  
We're very sorry
The whipping boy's gone
Too bad for whipping boy
1.4k · Oct 2015
Duncan And Blake
David Ehrgott Oct 2015
This is the story of the cola-nut
The cola-nut and the *****-nut
One day those nuts, they decided to race
To see which one could take first place
  
The cola-nut he took off first
A whole lot of edgy and with a quick burst
Now, who would've thought that fellow was cursed
When the poor cola-nut lay dying of thirst
  
The *****-nut, he set out slow
Not really wanting to let himself go
He knew he could win, if he paced himself
So, he sang a song, La diddy dee diddy doe
  
The race continued as the *****-nut ran
Then, took a break to honor his Pan
He rolled up a something delightfully green
And no longer felt the need to be mean
  
Sitting down resting his back on a tree
He whistled at birds while buzzed as a bee
I must travel further to win he agreed
But, first I could use just a little bit sleep
  
Now a gingerly fellow, he walked down the trail
And noticed poor cola there, lying so pale
He offered him water, he offered him fruit
And cola recovered, oh, what a hoot
  
Cola-nut stood up and ran, and he ran
But, the sugar buzz ran out and couldn'ted his can
Hydrated, yet still mighty well pooped
It didn't look good for those in the loop
  
Ol' *****-nut grazing, still way far behind
Didn't have worries; Had plenty of kind
Decided to roll up more of his hay
Then lit it, and puffed it, but no **** today
  
Now *****-nut picked up that old second wind
The further he traveled the more he would grin
So happy to have cola-nut for a friend
Yet, beginning to wonder when this race would end
  
When he found his poor friend lying flat on the ground
From a diabetic coma poor cola had frowned
Here, have some of this ***** said so chagrin
Got him up off his knees, and he raced once again
  
The long winding road to the big finish line
Was just up ahead according to signs
So cola and ***** did finally agree
To finish the race in a tie to a tee
  
Those two crazy nuts, what more could they prove
To each other that both are not really that good
So they skipped along happily and hand in hand
In a soft photo-finish, then lit up the band
  
There isn't a moral to this story told
But, read it while fresh, before it grows mold
It's a little bit different from old woe is me
Alas, here's a story to laugh at, agree?
  
So, sit back and smoke 'em but, not nicotine
And don't let the bubbles go where you would sneeze
Don't like it?  Make up your own make believe
I'm tired and going to bed now to dream
  
La ditty da da, dee ditty dee
No nicotine and no woe is me
1.4k · Oct 2016
Fall Couplet
David Ehrgott Oct 2016
Yellow, brown, gold, and red.
Colored leaves will soon be dead.
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