it's always existed but hasn't yet been
and it promises things that you haven't yet seen
it could be the hope you always look forward to
more often than not it's the rope that you're clinging to
it has no command, no intent, no remorse
it certainly isn't the song that you're singing to
it's just a reminder, it must be, of course
because yesterday's moments get mirrored today
in the hope that it turns out a different way
if i could give more than i already have
tomorrow'd be brighter than it was yesterday
but today is the day i can make that decision
to make a stand against all opposition
do what i do best without compromise
and fix whatever has caused this division
it's always existed but hasn't yet seen
what we're capable of when we say what we mean

i could open up the internet
and find out
a lot about you

and there are a few ways
to do this
anonymously

i could open up an onion route
and really find out
everything about you

and love you in a million ways
without you never, ever
knowing who i am

i could pretend it never happened
all of this
but you know we won't forget

once scarred, twice shy, and three times complete
this is how i start to trust the ground beneath my feet

i'm lost

between what i said
and what you heard me say

between what you thought i meant
and what i thought you heard

between what i tried to say
and what you chose to listen to

between what you felt
and how i feel

i'm lost in a sea of ubiquity
you don't understand what this means to me

it takes a nanosecond to say something you didn't mean
(because you were thinking about something else)
and the rest of the week to fix.

it takes years to build up a modicum of trust
(because you were thinking about someone else)
to see you wander off those tracks.

it takes a while to figure out a man's capability
(because you were thinking about something else)
but it isn't always about the ***.

it takes a little bit of serendipity
(because you were thinking about someone else)
to see you shine beneath those cracks.

when you don't like the channel
change it

when you hear that song that ****** you off
change it

when an opinion gets too far up your nose
don't read it

when it ruffles you up so much it shows
you've conceded

change the channel, not the challenger
challenge not the channeler
change the way you feel about it
choose not to have an opinion about it

there are some ideas that appeal to most
but most ideas appeal to none
the ideas you'd rather choose to host
shouldn't offend anyone

unless you choose to be a troll
well in that case let it rock and roll

always a choice

if there's anything left
to salvage, i
wouldn't even know what's right

but if you still insist
i try, i'd even
find a reason to resist

it's not that you're black
or that i'm white
somehow i'm left at the back

whatever
i'm done

it's that I trusted you
and i feel let down
it's okay
really, it's okay

i feel you too

i love everyone
every single one
and everything
every little thing

thank seminal thought
because i never thought
that anyone's special
everyone's special

trust is subtractive by nature
its purpose as random as nature
but i'm only willing to trade
what you might be willing to trade


so i trust what know
and i love what i don't
i use it as currency
in case of emergency

it can buy me your time
bit of yours, bit of mine
i love what i trust
and i know what i don't


at the end of it all it's human nature to seek comfort, and sometimes that happens at the expense of others, whether it's intentional or not.

but when it happens to me it turns the other way round, and i hate what i know, and i fear what i don't, and run devils in the dirt just to make it feel better, to make it make sense or even emulate better; get out of the way, let you have your own way, let you throw it away, hope you find your own way, or just flush it away, i don't care anyway, just in case you forgot.

the things that i hate don't exist
though memory says they existed.
the fear that i try not to feel
destroys me whenever i feel it.
i value the trust that i've earned
precisely because i have earned it.
the love i hold on to has worth
precisely because it is worth it.

the light
at the end of the tunnel
was actually a signpost that read
'maybe you should've chosen another tunnel'
so i took it down
because it didn't belong there
and carried on

it's not about how you look
or the clothes you choose to wear
or the way you make your face up

it's not about your heart
or how you choose to feel
or the way you let it get to you

it's not about what you said
or the fact that it was hurtful
or the circumstances that led to it

it's the fact that we can't communicate
that takes away all the beauty in you
a two-way dialog that says: hey wait
i really wanna get to know you
it's across this space that i postulate
how different life would be without you
the thing that harbors all this hate
is exactly how i'll remember you

and is it worth it? i don't know
there's still way too much of it on show

i am not a good poet
i just write them all down
but i found a way
to let things go

i didn't even know it
that time she shot me down
what she couldn't say
was let it go

she somehow wouldn't show it
but by pulling me down
the ball was in play
it needs to go

it was stupidly slow, it
presses me the **** down
just flick it away
and let it go... up

let it stay in the realm of consistency
this isn't what it means to be free
and if you're too contrived to see
then let it be

the love that we share
is something that i never
have to dream about

i would feel useful, i should
if not for the fact
that i am so used to it

there's a me that loves me
and a me that loves you
most times they're the same

but the demon in me
and the demon in you
are playing a different game

the me that's in me
and the you that's in you
don't have to be the same

but the you that's in me
and the me that's in you
are betting all the same

chasing walls
in the hope that
they'll catch up
is like admitting
that we put them there
in the first place

don't mistake my kindness for weakness
and please don't take me for granted
you'll know the difference
accept nothing less than what you see
you see
because
we all have a burden
and sometimes we could all do with a br ea..k ..
someone to talk to
someone who'll listen
it makes all the difference
between being taken for granted
and being that kind of weak

you're never alone
but you don't always know it
i know how you feel
but you don't always show it

seas of sometimes amidst winds of want
which would you choose?
years of yearning surround cans that can't
and scripted praise meets cryptic prose
like measured fame meets metered foam
safe, as safe is, as safe does
takes that quiet into its loneliness
and waits

the face of fiction shakes more from most
what did you choose?
flirting fantasies can damage dreams
where beaten fruit finds sweetened juice
and sudden breath finds sunken dirt
wish, as wish wants, as wish wants to be
loves that surprise so unconditionally
and waits

and we wait

the one who gave it away
or the one who had spoken
i wish i could say
to the dream that was broken
i hope that one day
your own comfort will open
might not be today
but hang on to that token

and into the breeze
i'll try and confess
try hard not to sneeze
at the sight of this mess
i'm down on my knees
but i'll settle for less
because here in the freeze
i'm unable to guess

and now that we're so far apart
i don't even know where to start

there's a kind of calm that happens
before you say okay
a calmness that allows me
to carry on this way
and carry on i will
it's all want to do
i love the way you tolerate
the things i share with you

and therin lies a small reward
that fills me to the brim
to be a part of what you see
to go out on a limb
and carry you i will
it's all i'll ever do
i love the way you celebrate
the wings i share with you

we're not alone
you nor i
we have words
and that's an implicit contract

but be careful
what you say
we have words
and they'll hurt you, in fact

it'll never be
up to you
we have words
they've already been hacked

you're not alone
if you want
we have words
and they're pretty exact

and that's why i take them so seriously
you'll never even know what they mean to me.

now i have a story to tell
because i always wanted to be a writer, and
i didn't worry about it
i watched the world spin past me, and
so i sat quietly in the corner
none of it was making any sense, and
i really wanted to document it
i wanted to figure out what went wrong, and
now it hurts like hell


some things go from bad to worse
and others can only get better
sometimes i wish it had been in reverse
or i'd read it the other way round.

yes i didn't mean it
yes i didn't mind
yes you get to keep it
yes, it was a find

yes i want the best for us
yes i think we're there
yes i am leviticus
yes, i'm going to dare

nothing seems so far away
nothing is what i feel
nothing bleeds and starts to fray
nothing, it will heal

yes i think i need some sleep
yes you beat me to it
yes i'm feeling pretty cheap
yes, you got me through it

nothing stabs a price to that
nothing i'll accept
nothing trades in *** for tat
nothing, except

yes

it's happened already, we know this, for sure
but nothing solidifies it more concretely
as when i hear you say it to your friends

it happened a year ago, completely, for sure
because when we both started acting discretely
i had already seen two different ends

one in which the path would straighten
and we'd grow the same way, as before
one in which we end up so far apart
that it wouldn't
matter
it might even have healed by now
but i didn't anticipate the third
or the fourth
or the fifth
nor the sixth
the seventh, eleventh
the eighth, the hate
the ninth, not mine
not even yours, surely

because i really care for you, and i don't want you to die
i just want us to be honest about what's left of you and i

i didn't ask, but you gave anyway
it wasn't weird, but you thought so
i tried to take it all in, let it begin all over again
but by then you were solo
so low
against the movement of the night
the resistance to the light
the opposite of maybe

you know, and it shows.