I need some love tonight.
But the mason jar up on my shelf,
It's all emptied out.
Crystal clear,
Like my tears.
God, why are you so emo?
So I smashed it up against the wall,
In a fit of rage.
Ha ha ha.

Head floating.
Thump thump
Thumping in your head.
Thump thump
You can feel every breath
Inhale
Dragging down your throat
Exhale
Each one a different texture
Inhale
Soft and cool, slipping down
Exhale
Climbing up, pushing out
Inhale
Your chest a vast cavern
Exhale
And every nerve attentive
Thump thump
Not being able to speak
Should I?
Nothing is important enough to say
Is it?
You are amplified and too focused
Am I?
Every thought decaying
Thump thump
You can feel the pieces falling
Thump thump
Making your heart quiver
Thump thump
And it goes on for hours
Thump thump
Which seems like years

Thump thump
And you can't hide your fears

Thump
They focus on you

Thump
And latch onto you

Thum
They love you

Thu
Don't let them go

Th
You need them

T
And they

.
need you.

I will not be yours.
I will not be yours.

in being too selfless
the word is most literal
you give little things away
like your favorite sweater
or your special lighter
or your heart
and next thing you
know, everyone
owns you.

I read something from a long time ago.
And it made me cry.
The thunder outside told me to shut up.
And then I realized it was raining.
But I stopped crying.
Because I'm not supposed to, cry, I mean.
And I grabbed a cigarette.
And my zippo that says lucky on it.
Made of '04.
I love that lighter.
I went outside and lit it.
But I didn't want my mom to come out.
And see how I was.
So I started walking in the rain.
I didn't want my cigarette to get hit by the rain.
So I stuck it underneath my shirt.
And then I walked.
And while I was walking, I tripped.
I accidentally burned my belly button.
How the **** did I manage that.

I'm so stupid

So I walked to the side of the house.
There is a little porch big enough for one.
I finished my cigarette with my eyes closed.
Just listening to the rain.
When it was done, I walked up to the steps.
And I sat down, still getting pelted with water.
I realized I couldn't keep sitting, I was shaking.
So I got up and started walking towards the back of the house.
I walked to the very back, towards the alleyway.
Making sure to drag my feet in the puddles, soaking my pajama pants.
I got to the back gate.
And I started crying again.

You are hopeless, this is hopeless, what are you even doing here?

The thunder told me to shut up again.

You are wasteless

I saw my old trampoline and started jumping on it.
When I was little, I used to sing to the rain.
I would sing good songs, to try and soothe it.
Never sing 'rain rain go away'.
That's makes the rain upset.
And the thunder says to stop.
So I jumped.
And I sang a little bit.
Then I laid down and closed my eyes.
Just got completely soaked, y'know.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Just felt the pitter patter of rain drops on me.
Tried to bury my zippo in my clothes so it wouldn't get wet.
Then I got up, cried a little more.
And I walked back.
I walked back towards the front of the house slowly.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Dragging my feet in puddles.

I miss you Grant, I hate you Sam, and I love you..Well, you know who you are.

Just getting completely soaked.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

And I went inside, smiled at my mom.
Went downstairs.
And changed my clothes.
Began getting ready for work.


You are going to be okay, everything is okay.





*You are not okay, everything is not going to be okay.

It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem
I wish you could breathe another breath
But, for some reason, instead of that,
You chose death.
And I'd love to hold you tight, shake your insides soft
As if filled by a million crashing waves
Every friend would whisper in your ear,
That you could live a million days.
*And that it wouldn't, couldn't, be bad all the time