Hesitation
Observation
Contemplation
Yanks me back and forth

Running
Bounding
Chasing
Never sure which way to sway

Ticking
Flowing
Finding
New truths each day

Thinking
Wishing
Hoping
My life isn't a waste

Never have I been able
to place my finger on where
my trouble sits
deep inside my flesh
lodged in like a weary traveler
finally able to rest,

I do not know the reasons
for why he entered into my life
holding great felicity
delicately as if it were
the only precious gem in the world,

I ponder the answers to why
I will never hear another tap against
my window pane
or hear him speak the syllables
of my name,

For he is gone and the one
to never return with
jouissance dwelling in
the palm of his tired hands.

Sadness such as not felt for some time
A heavy, brooding melancholy
Swinging like a pendulum
To the tick tock of my mechanical heart
This is gravity's territory
Light snuffed and stuffed into black holes
Packaged up in best sellers of dime store self help
Flying off the shelves at Christmas time
To people looking for that quick fix
Those tid bits of instant mix wisdom
Just add water to change your life forever
Why address your character
When your cult of personality will get you laid
And get you paid by other poor suckers
Trying to cut corners on the road to enlightenment
Heaven sent, heavy set and rent in pieces
En Lighten Me N(o)t
Lighten my load
Lighten my leaden heart
Set me alight so that even in my darkness I may light the path for others
Sometimes the best you can be is a warning

Heart is breaking

I was sitting next to you on a ledge
overlooking the Hudson River
and the orange sun seemed to stare at us
as it fell, like it knew something
sad and terrible was about to happen
maybe a joke was being played on us

in the back of a dimly-lit Japanese restaurant
we cowered behind white makeshift walls
and sipped crystal blue sake, and you whispered something
and I smelled you and the smell was strong
like crushed feathers
and dead roses
such a lovely fragrance
and my heart swelled in its wake

and then a snapshot
and a white fist
and a heaviness
and a fleeting thought I’m too ashamed to disclose
and soon, you
were in between me
and your rough voice was crying
it was crying dangerous things
and then I watched you
drive your hands through worn walls

and now you are cracking
and I am weeping and I am running
through beams of lights and buzzing highways
and I am watching your hulking form disappear behind
a metal barrier, and my eyes roll back
to the orange sun that stared at us
as it swept beneath the same river
you are about to plunge in

I have snow white scented lillies blooming
golden rods within
your fragrance
i imagine
your skin