i am frozen inside an ice box filled with dagger shaped icicles of what i’ve been trained to do right
yet i am hopelessly drowning in melted water with my unforgiving wrongs
my lungs are searching for the air in this rainy city

my actions have me disconnected

i am the chord wrapped around your thumb as you pace aimlessly on the phone
i am the six blankets and four pillows falling on my bed to hide my eyes that don’t remember
i am the scared child hiding in the bathroom when everything turns black from the storm

i am the one who turned off the light

now i can’t see where i’m pacing, my heart is blinded and it’s racing
the six blankets and four pillows on my bed are dark and suffocating
i need to see but i’m terrified to turn the light back on

how can one person possess so many feelings?

he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not
it only took a moment of magical laughter to know how full you make me
but still, the carousel won’t stop turning and neither will my stomach

vulnerability is a part of change

i am ashamed and afraid of how i want to be the best version of me for myself
confined by swollen eyes and wrinkle lines, i need to break out of this ice box
my emotion tattooed eyes are a filter only i can read. i’m disconnected

i refuse to be defined by others