I didn't cry for two years,
Because I refused to let myself feel.
I promised that I would save my tears
for something that deemed my emotions real.

It was a method that helped me get by -
Not questioning why certain things felt so heavy to carry,
I never let myself feel the urge to cry,
Because the thought that I may never stop was an idea too scary.

And then I saw you
and I didn't know if anything would feel worse,
than the way you said my name
Or how your eyebrows raise when you curse.

You messed up my two year streak.
You interfered with my way of living.
And now I always let the water leak
from my eyes until my emotions are swimming.

So I'm sick of writing poems about you,
and I hate that you made me cry.
These are my last lines for you,
this is me saying goodbye.

I used to have a book, books,
that I scribbled in furiously
at work, at traffic lights
in the morning and at night
after I went to bed, I'd get up again
and bled upon a page
I'd be halfway through a shower
and I'd rush through top and toe
just to drip upon the page
so the feelings would not go away

now

I write mine freehand, in the dark
after my world has gone to sleep
I take another drink
and become part of all of me
I used to think carefully
about each syllable,
each carefully constructed line
but there is no time, no time left
for me to care what falls from my brain

I read everyday, every word said
I collect emotions of others wounds
and store them as prizes in my head
I love everyone you do, or, did
and I hate them for how they treated you
or, I did, until you forgave them
or, killed them in memory or,
flogged yourself stupid for their mistakes
I get it, you write what I've lived

I draw on memories that aren't mine
Emotions I've never allowed to cut deep
Promises that were left unspoken
and crossroads where we would never meet

Hence the darkness needed to write
because I'm afraid of the shadows
that seem to hide in the light
In the dark I can pretend to be alone
Just my drink, and my dog
which occasionally likes to sit on me
and I can pretend I mean something
to just anyone, kissing emotional lips
with a passion of memories
I don't seem to own

What if a shooting star
Granted all the wishes I've made so far
What if you could see
All that you really mean to me
And what you were to die
I'd die too and I don't know why
But what if all of my wishes came true
All I ever wished for was you

1026

The Dying need but little, Dear,
A Glass of Water’s all,
A Flower’s unobtrusive Face
To punctuate the Wall,

A Fan, perhaps, a Friend’s Regret
And Certainty that one
No color in the Rainbow
Perceive, when you are gone.

Excitement overtakes every inch of my body
Anticipation of your face, your smell your touch
No matter what length of time passes the feeling
never dissipates.

The constant feeling of joy like a kid on Christmas,
The overwhelming emotion that fills my heart and soul
at just the thought of you, the mention of your name.

Suddenly a smile has washed away all memory of the frown
that once resided permanently on my face.
The sorrow of loss, the torment of heart break has been replaced
by peace.
All the what ifs, the will I ever? The rambling of my mind that once
consumed me, left me sleepless to wonder through past and present
mistakes has been silenced.
Contentment, what a new and welcomed emotion.
Able to finally feel confident and comfortable in my own skin.
All because of you.
You ,who sees me the way I always wished I could
You, the voice that calmed the raging sea of my soul
You ,who when our eyes meet the world disappears.
You, whom I will never take for granted
Living, residing in each moment with you is all I will ever want or need.

She wonders
(more often then she'd ever admit)
Whether it might be worth it
(and she quietly believe it might)
To shuffle of this mortal coil
(perhaps earlier than she'd planned)
If only to escape responsibilities
(as she's dreadfully selfish)
And wonders how it is
That's she's kept herself so far
Tied to the ground
(Though honestly she knows)