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He slowly assembles his rifle on the barren rooftop as the
     wind blows through his light blond hair.
His long overcoat ***** and wraps around his thin long
He places his elbows upon the short wall in front of him,
     firmly kneeling on both knees.
Glancing into the rifle's sight, he focuses sharply through
     its cross hairs; he sees hundreds passing through the sight,
     men, women, children, and as he sees it, a maze
     of mass hysteria.
He thinks of his current desperate situation and with each
     passing thought, his heart pumps more hateful
     adrenaline through his expanding veins.
What am I?....He wonders.
"I am the orphan child too ugly to adopt!
I am the spit in the street you step in and curse!
I am the cockroach so many crush beneath their feet!
I wish to love and beloved, for I am ever so lonely,
     so empty.
I wish to give my whole self to someone to make them
     eternally happy!
To sacrifice all I possess, including my life, for the one
     I love,
but I am thoughtlessly branded a stalker!
I am the void in all broken hearts.
As a child, I only wished to be loved and appreciated,
but I was raised the invisible child.
There's a painful sore in my throbbing brain, the lethal
     virus of society'd disdain.
I'm insane!....I'm insane!...Give me peace, God if you exist
     Give me peace!
He glances once again through the sight's cross hairs,
catching sight of a young boy standing alone, mouth wide open
    with tears rolling down his cheeks.
He pauses.....envisioning himself, his blue eyes cloud
     with tears.
He pulls back back his loaded rifle placing it against the
     short wall,
realizing at the moment this wasn't the way to end his
     unbearable pain.
Reaching into his deep overcoat's pocket, his long fingers
     catch grasp of the cool surface of a 9 mm.
Pulling it slowly from his pocket, he raises it to his temple,
slipping his finger upon its tight trigger he whispers once
"God....if you exist,
Give me peace."
To explain this piece, I wrote it over 15 years ago. I was a child who was nearly beaten to death twice by the age of 5 years old. One thing I do remember was at the times I was being beaten, it was almost like I was observing it from outside my body. When I started school I was a skinny, poor, cross eyed kid who went from one beaten to another. I once wrote, that I was like Daniel walking into the lion's den, the kids hopped about me like kangaroos with wolves teeth, punching me, spitting on me, continuously mocking me. I became just a shell of a child and sadly hated myself like all others. Took me years to heal I was quiet, introvert, who couldn't even find a date; but with time, I grew stronger, for I had family that reached out and showed me I was more than a rag doll to to be tossed around. People, called me a saint and a great guy! But in the final summation, it was the bitterness of an unforgiven world and it's cruelty that made me a tortured soul, etched thoughts that bled into my wounded soul. I grew to love my father and I grew to see the good in people. I harbored physical and emotional scars that amazingly never weighed me down and when people spoke of the cruelty I suffered, it was a hind thought. It became someone else, not me. But realize that all people are molded with each day of their lives and that mold can always be molded to be destructive! Faith and openness are great healing tools, for confidence and soul.
Upon the highest mountains
soaring through the brightest stars,
I glanced quickly towards Mars
remembering you
     and the love we knew.......
The emotions we two shared
     How we cared and bleed for each other's needs.
How we freed each other of our painful inhibitions
    our intuitions always in tune
       like the moon to the Earth's sparkling seas.
If there is a rebirth,
      let it be in a sea of humanity that includes only you
           where I will never lose touch to your warmness
               and star filled smile
                   that illuminates all who see its beauty
                      filling them with your heavenly
                                   Your angelic grace......
It's been awhile......
Cold, sweeping wind, homeless man, unshaven, tattered,
     red plaid coat, young daughter in hand,
        daughter's question; "Daddy why don't people care?"
             "They would sweetheart, if they knew we were here,
                  I guess it's you and me, kid?"
"I love you, Daddy" she replies, "you mean so much to me."
     The two disappear down the noisy street whipped by the
           coldest winds, two hands joined in union till the bitter end.
Handsome politician, young and strong,
     totally convinced
         within my great city, there's nothing wrong,
              stands with open hands to collect the many dollars to meet
                  the endless demands of the political elite....
Elderly woman, wrinkled and gray,
     stares through her sun faded window with so little to say
         "I once had a large family" she recalls,
               "where did they go?
                     Oh! God" she tearfully cries
                         "Where! did they go?"
Old collapsing church
      rotting wood door,
         large sign in front warns
            "Do not enter no more,
                  this building is condemned and so are the souls
                       who decided to forget the love it holds."
A first snowflake falls,
      melts to a tear drop near a crumbling brick wall,
           where a red rose does lie,
                where a young child did die,
                     with a simple note asking,
                           Why? Dear God Why?
                               Must we continue to cry?
If I were the only living man
     upon a large distant planet
         surrounded by the most beautiful women longing for love...
The only thought I could hold dear to my heart
      would be the thought of you
             and I
                             in love.....
A special thought of true love.......
Your insanity traps me
    surrounds me with heavy darkness and loneliness.
         I welcome death, but then again fear it
              I'm so alone when her mind is twisted
                  Her tongue rips through my heart
                       causing my soul to bleed.....

Yesterday I was young and alive
     today I am old and dying.

She rambles in the distant room
     locked in conflict with her thoughts
          My heart beats wildly contemplating a better life
              a life which at times seems would only be a reality through my death.

     Charging into the room she switches on the blinding light
           blasting me for something I committed in her twisted mind.
A something locked from my view, my reality, very much etched in her burning brain.

I confront her to no avail for my uncommitted sin
     she flees the tense room
ever more infuriated, for my unknown heartlessness.
    I don't pursue remaining to relish in my painful loneliness.

I wish to escape...
     I want to leave; but my heart won't let me go...
         I remember the you that left, full of life and love
              She's the one I can't let go
                    She's the one inside of you
                        crying for rescue
                            but too far to reach....
Dealing with the insanity of a loved one, takes patience and a lot of grace from God.
As I blend with your heart and soul
    I feel the warmth that keeps me alive.
All tears I shed are those of joy
   for I've become the man I wished to be
      wrapped in dreams of security
          fueled by the undying love
              you shower upon me every waking moment together.

I can not thank God enough
    for this dream come true
             My dream.....
                  My dream.....
                        Come true!.....

My eternal friend
    holder of my heart
         flame of my soul
            my today
                 my tomorrow
                     my future companion in Heaven's realm
                            where we will run
                                    flower filled fields
                                        towards golden rainbows
                                            of eternity
                                                  of endless joy.........
Soldier alone,
     sheds tears that no one sees
          as he gazes into a smoke filled sky
              across the bluest seas....
Crack's of angry gunfire, amidst the blast of pain
      racks the world around him
          senseless and insane.
A thought of home
     a thought of a new life to be
          is the only hope he can grasp
              to set his spirit free....
Within this troubled world
    a prayer this day he'll say
        to a God of which he still believes
           exist in every way.
              "Dear God! of this I hope and heart-fully pray,
                   that you stand by my side and protect me,                                        
                     each moment
                       in each
                        in every way;                                                             ­                               
                         for the good of all I love
                            for my hearts desire this day
                            is to once again caress,
                                 the ones I dearly love,
                                   in my home, so far away.
                                      I beckon your spirit
                                         to  please!                                                                  ­                                                           Fill my entire soul.....
                                            May I live to see the day                                                                    when I can gracefully
                                                      and happily,  grow old...
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