You tighten your grip.
My little serpent.
Intoxicating me with your slithering tongue.
Too bad you weren't the only one having fun.
You wrangle and twist between my thighs and hips.
Sinking your fangs into my ***** lips.
Little do you know you fell into your own trap.
Rattling vibrations cling to my ***.
Twist your way in me as I make them clap.
Applauding your attempt to escape.
The harder you squeeze the better my ***** tastes.
Do hurt me my little serpent.
Better yet my little servant.
Continuously please me as you've fallen in my lap.
You told me you loved me as did I say the same.
Foolish to believe only one played this game.
Lies slither from a serpents tongue.
Too bad you met the mother of all of em.

Waking with rust in my throat.

The red stain on my pillow.

Just waiting to choke.

Aching bones

High pitched tones.

Pierced my head.

The living dead.

This illness.

Mentally..

Physically...

Let me be.

This pain

No endurance.

I can't tolerate..

It's taunting me.

Mouth full of red

Sensitivity to light

I'm dizzy.

No longer am I able to sleep.

Open sores

Bleed some more.

Drain me

Entirely

Maybe then I'll sleep peacefully.

Mouth full of rust

Heart with no trust

This pain engulfs me.

Aching hands

Broke mans land.

If only my rust could turn to gold.

The only thing I haven't sold

My dignity..

Just take me.

My muse where have you gone?
Unable to talk to you for so long.
I am lost, you are no where to be found.
The weight on my shoulders feels heavy now.
This life I'm stuck in..
I feel gagged and bound.
My muse where have you been?
I reach out in deep sorrow..
Lost and confused
I need you
My muse

I loved the way he bit my skin.
The way he choked me.
Had me pinned.
I loved every mark left by his hand.
Until those marks because bruises and the chokes became cries.
All because I call him out on his lies.
Still denies.
I'm dying inside.
I loved the way he called me stupid until his eyes said more.
The way no one could see what happened behind closed doors.
I loved the way he filled me.
Until everything began to flood.
All of the lies were too much.
He lacked emotion in his touch.
I loved the way he kissed my lips until the day the lips weren't his.

The needles in my arm make you disappear.
The high goes down and I'm out of here.
Snow dripping in my throat.
The taste of you makes me choke.
Tabs take me on a trip far away from you.
Needles erasing my memory of everything you do.
Snow numbing the "I love you" as I bite my tongue
Maryjane wraps me in embrace
She helps me forget the way you taste.
I'm leaving this place.
I shake. I shake.
My heart just breaks.
Of all the drugs I've used
You were my biggest mistake.

If only they knew the constant struggle of everyday.
People telling you it'll be "okay"
Waking up wishing that you wouldn't one day.
Starring into a distance slowly losing your self.
Not caring about mental or physical health.
If only they knew the smile on your face wasn't real.
If only they knew you were reaching the point where you couldn't feel.
Numbness.
Yes, that sounds right about now.
Sitting in silence.
But my thoughts are so loud.
The promise.
No longer feeling the need to keep.
Crying on knees.
"I'm weak."
Save me..
Next day nothings change.
I continue to smile so they don't see my pain.
I continue to act like everything is the same.
Continue to allow these thoughts to drive me insane.

Tangled mind,

Kisses down my spine.

Physical touch

Forbidden heart that I cannot reach

Your words..

Your actions..

Hurting me.

My dear nemesis, I love you so

You spew your "love" towards me so you can gain control.

Crumbling..

I fall.

Frozen as your hand hits the wall

I try to leave and you lower your guard

Just to leave me shattered as you become explosive

Shards..

Tearing me down, never missing a beat

I will take my leave..


And in the end, you will taste defeat.

Not me.

You grow inside of me.
My little seed.
I wish not to raise you in a world full of greed.
Decisions that are to be made solely left to me.
Do I uproot you or water you from within me.
Am I really ready to be your mommy?
What if you don't like me?
What if you also cry inside?
I want to be there for you.
The least I can do is try?
I'll ease your worries and stay by your side.
Your father and I are so glad
The new addition in our lives.
I want to wipe your tears so you'll know things will be okay.
Even if you still feel sad the next day.
I want to be there for you in your time of need.
To be there the way no one was for me.
I wish I could tell you that I can protect you from pain.
But the heart is something that no one can't explain.
Know I'll be there for you to ease what I can. Always a shoulder to cry on
or a helping hand.
My little seed.
I can't believe something so precious is inside of me.
I can't wait until your roots are grounded and you begin to bloom.
I can't wait until I hold you.
I love you.

Dew drops trickling down the grass.
Laying in this field with you and the times continues to pass.
Sun shining on my face.
I love this feeling.
I love the dew drops dripping on your face.
Singing to me softly, making my heart swoon.
Rolling around in poppy flowers, waiting for the moon.
Getting up running to get feisty.
"C'mon baby, get up and catch me."
Chase me. Chase me.
You know you want to taste me.
Beads of sweating glazing down my back and breast.
Rolling in a poppy field.
The sun begins to rest.
Poppy seeds. Poppy seeds.
When were done weak in the knees.
"C'mon baby, get up and catch me."
Moonshine and fireflies.
World's spinning around your thighs.
You make me feel alive.
*Baby you are my high.

My heart is full of words I'll never speak.
I will carry them with me to my grave even though they're slowing killing me each day.
That what if.. that I think of everyday.
Have all of my decisions led to this or is there more for me in my journey in this never-ending life.
Was every decision I made..
The right choice?
I'm not sure anymore.
I've lost my own voice.
My life is worth living due to holding my world in my arms.
Fragile being that looks up upon me
Eventually will call me mom.
Maybe my choices were destined to led me where I stand.
What about the what if's..
Is this my final destination or is there more that has been planned?

I know I'm not her.
Not the talented girl.
The one who peaks your highest interest then kicks you to the curb.
I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'm not her.
But I still have feelings.
That don't just occasionally occur.
I love to sing
Only when I'm alone.
When I sing anywhere can feel like home.
I love to paint pictures of raw emotion.
Nature has feelings too.
I draw and I write
When I'm upset it eases my pain.
Opening up to someone who hurt me has left me in shame.
I love deep conversation especially under the moon.
I love how at place everything felt when I started to fall in love with you.
But I know I'm no one special.
I know I'm not the best.
Every feeling I have comes straight from my chest.
I know I'm not perfect.
But could I be enough?
Enough for you to love.

Oh, "father" do claim me as your own? Claim me as your forgotten child, 17 years, alone..
A shame, you miss me grow. Turn into the beautiful woman that leaves men in woe.  
Oh, "father" I think I need some help. Words cannot explain to you the pain I felt.
Innocence lost of such a young age.
A father who doesn't even care whether his child's a victim of ****.
Knowing you are alive and you truly don't care.
What, do you think that a holiday card would get anywhere?
To make up for the things you've done.
No matter where I go, I have nowhere to run.
Oh,  "father" I wrote you just once, a call out of distress, a call from my heart.
The things I've heard.. is what they say true?
Should me being raised to hate you, truly be where  my heart subdues?
I wish to believe there is good in a "man" who roams around freely without grasping his child's hand.  
Oh, "father" I have it much more to say.. I'll leave the rest for another day.

"They Say Love Hurts" and "I Feel Sick"
Mere memories to what I'm feeling now..
What is this?
I was in love with you..
Ever so madly.
Willing to rip myself apart for you ever so gladly.
But now..
What is this?
Do we just exist?
Together again.. I still love you...
But am I in love?
I don't think I am.
Holding on to something that wasn't there for so long.
Moving on... In circles.
A cycle that never ends.
Why do I go back to him?
"Do what makes you happy"
What if I don't know?
Just going with the flow to the unknown.
My heart is an uncharted aybss that was once full of nothing but a heated bliss.
Now.. Nothingness.
He even called me cold hearted merely due to a small reflection of myself.
For a moment I became what was hurting me.
And God, did I ever feel so free.
Back to the question of love.
Should love feel like this?
If not please tell me.

I know I am not the first person you loved.

You are not the first person I longed for.

We have both suffered loss in which..

The blood on our blades is thick.

Dealt with more scars than we have skin.

The sacrifices we've made..

No appreciation.

Our love came unannounced

In the middle of a cold January night.

The soil under us in which our first seed was planted.

Love came to us.

We took it for granted.

But we can heal..

Together.

I will write to the salt of sweet sweat that lingers on your skin.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars..

The ones that remain within.

I will love you.

I do love you.

Your warmth grips me at last

And the days ahead of us are within our grasp.

As long as you allow it to stay.

But I will not love you when you scorn me with a thousand blades.

Your words forever branded to my skin.

Trying so hard to hold onto you while you just pull away even harder.

The rope tearing my flesh

Shredding to the bone.

I can only hold on for so long..

And I'm afraid.

Not of your scars, but afraid of mine.

Afraid of wasting my time.

Our time is on the line.

My scars pressed against your scars.

I mean you no harm.

I know I'm not the first person you've loved..

I'm hoping to be your last.

Growing old with you

Our withering scars

All in a flash.

You aren't the first person I've longed for..

If given this chance.

You will be my last.

Towards the house you can hear the yelling.
Walking in..
Why did I walk in...
Table broken.
Veins popping on a crimson face.
Suicidal tendencies.
The urge taking place.
Not feeling at home, in your own home.
Rushing upstairs you're better off alone.
Always something new, everyday.
Transcending into a distant place.
Old habits coming back.
Everything in a flash.
Acquire protection before it's too late.
Seems as though those around you control your fate..
Numb.
Always numb.
Bringing you down when you need them the most.
Perfect family?
It's all a hoax.

You love me.
"Please"
Do you love me while I'm not the one on your mind?
Do you love me as you delete your guilty pleasures?
Do you love me when I'm empty inside because you keep breaking my heart.
To think that I loved you.
Have I not given you all my time?
I birthed your child.. the best kind of treasure.
Your stay at home wife remaining hidden from the outside world.
Too selfish to see how I am dying.
Much more than I care to admit
I'm tired of crying.
I'm TIRED OF YOU.
ALL YOUR ******* LIES!!
"Please PLEASE I'm going to try"
Multiple chances.
Chances have turned into chains.
I try to move but you keep me in place.
Please... pleeease..
Let me leave.
...
You love me..
Yet
You can't see how I'm unhappy.
I just want to be free.

I am your prized possession.
Embedded words of what body parts belong to whom.
Who do I belong to?
You
Your trophy that never leaves her place.
While you are left to venture in search of another treasure you can't taste.
Your prized possession placed on a shelf.
Others gaze upon your prize with twinkling in their eyes.
Asking for a price which is of course denied.
Crimson turns your face as others find interest in your possession.
I shine for you, yet, I don't catch your eye.
Abandoned possession until caught by another eye.

Your smell still lingers from the last time you kissed my lips.
Including the one between my hips.
Beads of our sweat still stain my shirt.
All of the memories continue to hurt.
I push you away.. I allow you to stay.
Why am I feeling this way?
Emotions racing throughout my body.
Wanting you by my side..
If only you hadn't of lied.
I feel so empty.
Our "relationship" was always unhealthy.
I lost myself trying to hold on to you.
I'm lost....
You still don't have a clue.

I can't remember to forget you.
Forgetting you is nearly losing a piece of myself.
The piece that has been dealt for all the pain that I felt.
I can't remember to forget you.
Bruises placed upon my skin.
The memories in which I can't tell where they end and where they begin.
I can't remember to forget you.
My first love.
Scars etched in my heart.
I can't
Remember to forget you?
Can't remember to forget.
A twisted way..
I miss it.

I told myself that I'd be fine.
Can't believe I fell for my own lie.
For the thousandth time.
"I'm fine. I'm fine."
I tell myself the same thing.
Everything is fine.
All the time.
Every time.

It's after me again I can tell you that for sure..
Don't you hear the scraping of fingernails at the door!?
It's after me again.
Are you even listening!
It wants to hurt me again.
All I wanted was a friend.
Are you even listening?
For God's sake Yuki wake up.
Don't rolls your eyes at me little lady.
You sit here for 3 weeks and call me crazy.
"Morris, Lulu is at it again."
It's after me again.
Don't touch me you aren't my friend!
"What's that you say? You just want to play?"
Ha. I won't fall for that again.
Last time we played with the blade Morris was bleeding and I haven't seen him since.
You were at the funeral smirking the whole time.
We laughed at Morris when he packed his bags.
*"Suszana, I'll be back in a few days."
Why are we even here? Morris and his constant stares.
Just leave me alone. I can hear you.
Lulu you silly kitten.
You are everywhere.
It's everywhere.
Leave me alone.
I feel like quitting.

I still remember the day I ******* up.
The day I let down my walls.
Giving you access to my trust.
More like I fell off of my walls instead of letting them down.
My own walls blocking me out.
I don't know where I am now.
I'm am lost in my thoughts.
I hear this constant beating.
My heart.?
Why am I bleeding.
Preconceived ideas of us meant to be.
How could I have walked into this so blindly.
I trust you..
That's why this hurts.
My invulnerability.
Are you to any worth?

I no longer feel the need to care.
Blood.
Scattered everywhere.
"What happened?"
"Why am I here."
These feelings driving me insane.
After all I'm always the one to blame.
I wonder what happened here.
Looking around I freeze in place.
My body..
My brain scattered over the drapes.
My so called escape.
Trapped.
No emotion.
I feel numb.
I should've thought twice before I held that gun.

I tend to stay up at night with thoughts of you lingering in my head. Wishing I was dead? Wanting to be with someone else instead..
The constant fluctuation of emotions whisking away is too much to bare.
All I want is for you to be there.
Either loss of appetite or just gorging myself out of boredom.
One way or another I'm not right in the head.
Between wishing I was dead.
****** perversions thrusting around my head instead.
I lie down and wait for a reply.
The nose bleeds only started recently, but I lost track of the shaking with shortness of breath.
Hmm.. Better off dead.
Not that you would care about me feeling this way.
Telling me to leave due to a feeling you are controlling.
Leave.
You must really want me gone if you don't care enough to listen.
Maybe one day I'll stop caring and give that wish in.

Observation and silence.

Our karmic vibrance.

Deceitful alliance.

Dimmed down trying.

Blades spewing from the mouths of phony commoners.

Heedless beings.

Reaching only for ceilings.

Heedless beings

You wonder why you're bleeding.

Ignorance is bliss

Ignorance is bliss..

Resolve with fists

Loneliness with a kiss.

Observation and Silence

Slowly unwinding.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Memories just play back in your head.
Curling stomach.
Imagines of him in your bed.
Frozen at the thought about being hurt again.
Wanting to scream into a pillow and cry out loud.
You can't breathe.
Screams, nothing but streams down your face.
You can't move.
Your heart begins to race.
"Why?!!!"
Putting your all into someone and still getting hurt.
While trying to save what you had with them you lose yourself.
The "I love you" that once warmed your heart is now the reason you prefer to cry in the dark.
No one can hear your internal screams.
Ripping yourself at the seams.
Why can't you see that I've fallen apart?
Why can't everything just restart..
These silent tears will be the death of me.

The intimate touch and I flinch.
Thinking of your hand on every inch.
Retracing lines that were already drawn.
You don't mean me any harm.
Stretch marks.
Insecure.
"Relax baby, I love you more"
Imperfect, yet, in this moment it feels worth it.
Exposed bodies and souls.
Skin to skin.
Worlds unfold.
Gripping down my waist.
Kissing down my thighs.
Looking at each other eye to eye.
Lips upon my skin.
So in love with this guy.
Sweat drizzling down backs.
Stinging scratch marks.
Pulling hair.
I like that.
Skin to skin.
Warm breath from him.
The thing I love the most about falling asleep.
Falling asleep skin to skin

The slow killer that I can't escape.

It constantly waits

And waits

Waits...

For me to make my final move.

Each time I get closer, yet, each time isn't as soon..

As I hoped for it to be

Depression is killing me slowly

I just want to be free

Free from this feeling

From this world

The ounce of hope I have in my seed

Couldn't survive without me..

I can't live within me..

Let me be

Please let me be

I know I'm dying slowly

Why me..

Do my tears bring you mirth?
All of my pain, my whole reason for existence on this earth.
Look at me and tell me what you see.
I care not for my so called "beauty"
You are down, I am your savior.
Whilst I'm down there's no such behavior.
You think you fill my head with lies at ease.
Little do you know these lies don't appease.
Strike me down if you must.
Rather have you as an enemy, than someone that I falsely trust.
Sit there and mock me if you must.
I will not fall for your bluff.

Souls.
Intertwined.
Longing.
A force keeping souls apart.
For what reason?
Bodies are separate, but souls are whole.
When the spark of the soul is ignited, you can try your hardest, but you can't fight it.
An internal spark of friction.
Always some sort of confliction.
Severe asphyxiation.
Hearts beat.
Logic depleting.
Hearts may want what they want, but souls are bound as one.
Some cases an unfortunate love.
The feeling of one.
You know that they are in love, but they can't be.
Abiding, endlessly.
Destined lovers who cannot be.
Love.
The greatest tragedy.

You look into my eyes.
I feel as though you gaze upon my soul.
Hair aside.
Touching lips.
The slightest touch, what lies ahead is untold.
Slow breath.
Hand and hand. Placed upon chest.
Heart beating.
Everything at rest.
Sudden seconds, feeling like eternity.
Flesh to flesh.
Heavy breath.
Arms caress.
Endless.
From bite marks placed on the  cheek to the attempt of tickling of the feet.
Untold.
Tiny giggles, trying to hold back.
In balance, everything I lack.

Hot breath.
Leaving me restless.
Slow heartbeat.
I lay out in defeat.
Messy hair.
Clothes everywhere.
I fall asleep and to my surprise when I wake..
You're still there.
Looking at me.
Gazing into my eyes
"I'm falling in love with you" is the first thing you say.
My heart tells me to run away, but I lay unable to move.
Then the craziest thing happens..
"I already fell for you"

I have the same dream.
The dream that excites me.
Waking up, do I scream?
Not wanting your in-between.
Twelve years old.
Walking alone.
Three approach me.
Starring at the graveyard trying to look away.
Hoping for avoidance.
Starring up and down my legs.
Passing by, heart racing.
The smell of liquor and your misguided tongue.
Asking a twelve year old for a little bit of fun.
Running, pulling hair.
"Where do you think you're going?Get back here."
Stone wall meeting lips.
Legs shaking.
Pain between hips.
Blade illuminating, turns being taken.
Taken.
Reliving the memory.
Waking up.
Exciting.
What's wrong with me?
Please old memories.
Stay away from me.

Steaming shower I begin to drift away.
Hot water flowing down my body.
Sensations I can't describe.
****** tension, I feel alive.
Pleasure coursing through my vains. Burning water, I love the pain.
Biting me along my waste.
You look like you could use a taste.
Push me against the wall.
Water dripping down me.
My little waterfall.
Bite my neck and grip my ***.
This feeling I long for to last.
Wanna go for a dive?
Grip me hard between my thighs.
Tying the rag so you stay in place.
Shower heads don't go to waste.
Begging for a little taste.
Eyes roll back in ecstasy.
Just whisper how badly you want me.

I feel the temptation taking over me.
One more time.. come on
"You know you want me."
Inhaling blissfully.. exhaling realizing..
I'm empty.
Old habits, just let me be.
Popped two or three.
Stumbling on my feet.
Temptation dominating.
Wanting you in me.
Unable to control myself leaning towards your lips.
Surprised when you reach for the kiss.
Pressed against me.
What shouldn't be.
Becoming reality.
In me..
Your force pulling me in.
My personal Jinn.
Willingly giving in to You.
Giving my soul to you.
Him. My Jinn.

A faint breath as I held the gun to my head.
Attempts were made before.
Never before have I been so sure.
So insecure..
Stolen gun and a stroll in the night.
The night that I took my life.
Everything seemed so right.
Heartbeat no longer fast.
I had to hurry up and act.
Before they got back.
I was losing track of placing notes alongside their bedroom doors.
Notes that has been written months in advance.
Never had the courage.
Always had the chance.
Letter to my lover which I kept by my side.
What's the point of being alive if you don't feel alive?
Maybe it was all a mistake.
Who will know.
If only they paid attention they would've known.
The funny part is most will think this is just a poem.

I once knew someone who showed their love. Overflowing love that was too deep for me to swim in.
I did love him.
For other reasoning.
My comfort in my darkest hours, a friendly face.
The love for him was different.
Wasn't the same.
His love overcame the capacity I could hold.
I was hurt and broken.
Couldn't handle the love he was trying to give.
How could you allow someone to love you to their fullest when you can't even love yourself.
Everyday wishing you wouldn't wake so you can't see the disappointment in their face.
His love was a ocean and I couldn't manage a wave.
I was drowning, yet, he didn't notice because his love was coming in wave by wave.
I need to be able to swim in still waters before I could handle a ocean.
Never got the chance to give my explanation.

Drip. Drip. Drip.
Rain is normally a tranquility.
Yet, today my insomnia is taking over me.
I close my eyes..
Drip. Drip. Drip..
Wide open again.
Torment
Another night of sleep taken from me.
I begin to slip back into sleep.
Drip.
Lighting up Jamaican incense.
Thinking about nothingness.  
I swear the rain is bringing out the affliction, bringing out the pain.
I stay awake thinking about you.
Wishing you could feel my pain.
Thoughts driving me insane.*
I can't sleep.
I love the rain, but tonight my insomnia is taking over me.
No longer able to sleep.
I run outside letting the rain drench all over me.
Oh how I love the rain.
Thank you again, Insomnia, my dear friend.

Amidst the storm your rain touched my skin.
Rain engulfing me in a sweet embrace.
Until the rain that kissed upon my lips and healed my bruises.
Turned into a downfall of acidic juices leaving me stuck in place.
Amidst the storm your rain burned my skin.
A few drops turned into a sea.
Leaving me suffocating in a sea of maybes.
Maybe the sweet embrace of your rain will come again.
Look beyond I see a clear path.
Whether I choose to take it there's no way back.
Amidst the storm I began to swim and with every kick the irritation was held back.

The way you look at me and tell me it's okay.
The way you kiss me, upon my cheek, gracefully.
The way your heart beat corresponds with mine.
Falling asleep, losing track of time.
The way you look at me, moving my  hair out of my face.
It's the little things you do that take me to another place.
Kissing and biting along my neck and breast.
When we kiss and you are short on breath.
The slight gasps, when you flinch.
Wanting to kiss you, all over, every inch.
Laying next to you.
Looking you in your eyes.
You make me forget about any other guy.
The way you giggle when I kiss your neck and chest.
Giving me security.
Letting me feel at rest.
The way my insecurities melt when I am with you.
Wishing I knew more, so much I want to do.
The way you wrap yourself around me,
holding me,
ever so tightly.
Making me feel like everything is  right.
How you have me so emotional.
Opening my scars.
I'm not used to bleeding through.
Slowly losing myself in you.
The way you make me feel is so hard to explain.
The little things you do, that drive me insane.
I hope one day I'll be able to tell you how I feel.
Until then,
let's just live,
let's just feel.

They tell you that you're beautiful.
They tell you that you were strong.
But what they don't seem to understand is that they have it all wrong.
They tell you that you're flawless.
Yet you only see your flaws.
You see the scars that remain hidden.
Sweaters every day, Who am I kidding.
Behind your smile your life isn't worth while.
"you're perfect"
"Am I even worth it?"
They tell you that they love you.
You've heard it all before.
Every broken heart that you've ever endured.
You deserve the best as what they say.
Yet your ridiculed and mocked almost everyday.
They tell you..
"You mustn't fall, you can't be defeated."
Somewhere along the line.
You begin to think they really mean it.

I'll never tell you how I wish I could end my life everyday.
A coward some say.
Unable to fulfill the deed.
I've always just wanted to be happy.
How hard can that be?
I've wanted to tell you how much I really love you.
"I love you" cannot even begin to explain how I feel.
Being with you was once the escape in with I would long for.
Yet, something is different.
I noticed its not the same for you.
This depression, the not caring.
Seeing things for how it really is.
I wonder..
Do you really love me?
The way you say you do.
Not just him, but all of you.
So much greatness that I have in store.
When I've fallen knees to the floor is anyone really there?
Never showing that you "care".
"I'll get over it. I get over it."
Okay I ******* get it. You don't want to listen.
Listen to the pain that you inflicted.
"I get it"
So many things I'll never tell you.
Thinking I'm doing just fine.
You only care for the empty "I'm okay"
Would you care if you were the last person I spoke to before I threw my life away?

No ordinary being.
The light in the darkness.
You.
Her silent tears at the thought of you leaving.
Heart stops beating.
To her.
Her everything.
So many feelings
But..
You don't see them.
Loving you more than herself.
To her.
Her poison and her remedy.
Her smiles and her tears
To her..
Loving you...
Her greatest fear.
You leaving.

You said you'd love me like there was no tomorrow, yet, tomorrow is here and you are gone.

One last trip is all I could ask for.
I want my giggles to turn my insides out.
Watching my cigarette melt while you look at me and smile.
Yet, I'm too busy in my own world to notice the beauty I possess.
The walls move along to the beat of my heart.
I can hear the drums in my chest.
They're watching my every move.
Kisses making my neck melt into you.
I ask for one last trip.
One last trip before my final destination arrives.
Suddenly a road that is leading somewhere.
I remember the flashing lights and the screams.
My giggles turned into cries.
I shouldn't of left.
Alone for hours screaming inside.
I tried.
Scars that I can't erase.
I realized..
I died.

Feelings unbalanced.
The heavy weight of what I want and what's good for me.
Parts of you drift in my mind.
The sanctions of time, I just wanted you to be mine.
I deserve better and I know that.
But parts of me still feel your impact.
You came rushing towards me creating feelings I cannot describe.   You were my high, I always wanted you by my side.
Please.
Release your grip.
Loving you is toxic.
I feel my lungs collapsing.
Why do you get me like this.
Knots and twists.
Then again there's another.
Feelings pure and alike.
How am I still stuck on your poison when he is granting me eternal life.
You are slowly killing me and he is keeping me alive.
I'm stuck between what I want and what I need.
Help me.
I'm unstable, parts of my heart shattered and loving you was just a fable.
Merely hearing your name and the memories begin to choke me.
Sort of how you would provoke me. I regret everything left unsaid.
All of this uncertainty coursing through my head.
The heavy weight of what I want and whats good for me?
Why won't your presence just let me be..

Your stare burns at my flesh.
Biting my lip I try not to blush.
The fact that you are starring only makes me hot.
Turning the sensations within my ***** into a continuous motion.
The thoughts begin to surpress my mind.
**** I think to myself.
Exactly, ****.
All I want in that brief moment.
Push me against the wall while holding my arms up.
Own me.
Pull my hair and **** my chest.
Just **** me.
Are these thoughts some sort of test.
No longer able to remain still my legs begin to quiver.
Biting my lip, I long for your lips down on my lips.
One quick shiver.

Lie to me.
Cheat on me.
The usual things you do.
Hurt me.
Belittle me.
I know that's getting off for you.

Pay attention to me.
Love me.
Please, love me.
All I asked of you.

Built up courage to leave.
No longer tears on my sleeve.
Now I'm the one that's hurting you?

Pay attention to her.
Love her.
Please..
Love her the way  I loved you.

The fact that your no longer here.
Your presence stands besides me.
Residing on the tip of my tongue.
You linger.
Memories,Oh how fun.
Lifeless body.
Such cold hands.
I  long for the warmth of your lips Yet, I can't even feel warmth in your hands.
This wasn't part of my plan.
Falling for you..
Falling..
I continue to fall
Into the icy depths of hell.
You said you would catch me?
Yet, I continue to fall.
You lit the ignition deep within my frozen heart.
Now I'm burnt and you are no where to be found.
No where to be found..
Your lifeless body is all that's left now.

I was beautiful until the day you told me I was.
The day I believed you and the look in your eyes told me I wasn't.
I was "beautiful" as I undressed myself for your pleasure.
I was "beautiful" when things went your way.
I wasn't beautiful when others would look my way.
I thought I was beautiful up until that day.
I felt beautiful as our flesh became one.
A connection of the soul to me was just your way of having fun.
I thought I was beautiful up until the day you broke my trust.
The day you broke me.
Painted faces couldn't fix the broken girl.
Looking in the mirror and all I could see were bagged eyes and the memory of the girl I used to be.
A broken girl tired of all his lies.
A "beautiful" girl who stayed up all night and cried.
A selfish man who continuously  lied.
Killing the girl he "loved" on the inside.
I used to think I wasn't beautiful
Until the day I left your side.