Your eyes are like a painting and I love getting lost in your art.

You ask me what I'm doing.
I reply "nothing", as I lay ******* smoking away my pain.
He makes me feel this way.
Insecure and unsure.
Fantasizing lips among breast.
Pressure upon chests.
Drowning out the pain leaving me soaking wet.    
Distant strangers.
Fantasy of someone that's not mine.
Constant aching all the time.
No attachment just attraction.
Smoking away your name.

I'm sorry that I took my life the night we had our last fight.
I'm sorry nothing I said ever came out right.
I'm sorry you still love me among others.
Please stop wasting your tears on me.
It's making me regret my decision.
I can't take this one back.
I'm not worth your tears.
I'm sorry if you thought I was selfish, but this was the only way to save myself.
From myself.
The path I was leading down.
Would've been the path to hell.
But you see killing myself has its benefits.
My soul is now gone.
What's left of a heart is protected.
I'm sorry I took my life because its hurting you.
But
I'm not sorry because I meant it.

I bid you all farewell.
As I make this journey on my way to hell.
Maybe if it does exist.

He welcomes me with a selfish grin.
Couldn't contain the thoughts he had within.
"My Lord I've waited until this day"
I shall join you and together we can play.
I will be another tormented soul as long as you personally torment me.
Send a fire up my spine.
Waiting for the day where you said "you're mine"
Hot embrace.
Smoke trickling down my legs.
Sudden realization of a ***** dream.
Until the day I do not wake
Then we can truly be.

Unbearable heartache.
Pierced trust.
She learned to cry in silence.
No one cared to hear her speak.
Her tears flowed in silence.
Distance being not even a few feet.
Cried so much she couldn't breathe.
Yet
She didn't make a sound.
False claims sworn by those that are lovers
Those that are friends..
Claims that are broken.
Leaving her at ends.
Heart beating out of her chest.
Tears now flowing down her neck.
She learned to cry in silence.
Deep breath
Crooked smile
Turnt over as though she wasn't crying all this while.

The trembling has begun again

I'm covered in a mist of sweat

Again.
Again.

Pounding in my chest

Can't forget your stench

Vague whispers

Venomous breath

Tears dripping down my face

While,

Sweet salt drips from another place

Warm fluids of ecstasy

Inside of me

Gone without a trace

I still shake

Everytime I still break

I can't even look at your face

1 in the chamber

Just 4 chambers to crack

The numbness amplifies the silence I'm about to give back

Hollow bones in an empty chest

Dying womb

Can't bring back the dead

Longing to join

Can't take the steps

So much closer to my last breath

Take me instead..

The fact that your no longer here.
Your presence stands besides me.
Residing on the tip of my tongue.
You linger.
Memories,Oh how fun.
Lifeless body.
Such cold hands.
I  long for the warmth of your lips Yet, I can't even feel warmth in your hands.
This wasn't part of my plan.
Falling for you..
Falling..
I continue to fall
Into the icy depths of hell.
You said you would catch me?
Yet, I continue to fall.
You lit the ignition deep within my frozen heart.
Now I'm burnt and you are no where to be found.
No where to be found..
Your lifeless body is all that's left now.

I wake up tired going on 9hrs of sleep.
Always tired.
Nothing wrong with me.
Left my hair in the bun that I slept in.
Haven't brushed it in weeks.
I just want to sleep.
It's nice outside today, but I'd rather stay inside.
The sun hurts my eyes.
Why do I always cry?
Thoughts in my mind are always on repeat.
Please cease.
Maybe I should eat.
Nothing to make so I go back to sleep.
Why do you haunt Me?
Leave me be.
Only thing to look forward to
Poetry.
And even then..
You too will leave me.

I am told that I have no idea of how far the limits of your love can reach.
Show me.
Show me the way to that love.
Embrace me with a stolen kiss.
What is there to lose from any of this?
I have no idea?
Then show me what's on your mind.
Why its so hard to miss.

You constantly ask if I'm alright.
As if I don't say the same thing everyday.
"I'm okay"
But, you know I'm lying..
Although you don't know deep inside I'm crying.
"I love him so much"
Love him so much as I feel my blood rush.
You ask me if I'm okay..
Unable to mention being under the influence.
Being under him...
Friends I lose them...
Blacked out memories from that night.
I reach out to my lover..
Only to fight.
This isn't right.
"I'm not alright..."
Please stop asking me before I break.
Please your daughter's life is at stake.
Possibly a victim for a second time.
Yet, accusations are carved into her head.
She is always at fault for something she didn't do.
I didn't give anything to him.
He took away my choice.
I speak as loud as I can to get you to understand, yet, somehow you can't hear my voice.
Explaining why your opinion is a "fact"
Firm hands around my neck tightening their grip as I give my opinion back.

I never wanted to end my existence more than I did when you told me we should end it.
Two years of constant heartache and tears because I thought you would change.
Do you think everything is a game?
Am I even sane..
For still loving you.
My heart is beating out my chest.
You have my heart and you chose to eat it.
Now there's nothing left in me because you chewed all my pieces.

My heart aches not only from him.
My heart aches knowing you love me.
The way I love him.
My heart aches seeing you in pain.
The way I'm in pain.
You deny the fact that you're hurting.
I see through you.
You tell me I'm wasting my time.
I believe you are right.
You tell me to give you a chance.
I'm scared of ruining everything.
You tell me you love me.
But I love him.
You always smile when you look at me.
I notice because I see through your smiles.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
You tell me you love me.
When I can't even love myself.

Every time you look at me I swear my heart skips a beat.
Stop.
This feeling. Why do my knees get weak?
Why can't I speak?
Whenever I'm around you I swear I can't breathe.
But then I open my mouth and constant words fall out.
Unable to control my speech.
You don't realize what you do to me.
Feelings please leave.
Get out.
Your touch lingers on my skin.
The heat leaves when you move your hand and I am shivering.
Being told I don't have a heart.
"Always so serious.. why don't you smile?"
All they ever say.
But,
with you I could smile all day.
Melting..
All my anger melting away.
I could be with you everyday.
If only everyday wasn't so far away.

Inside I'm dying slowly.
All those around see my fixated smile.
Holding back tears, I've been drowning.
Head plunged into a bottomless depth.
Forcing a smile trying to keep out the water.
Unable to hold this fixture.
Everyone is beginning to see the actual picture.
Choking on words.
My vision becomes blurred.
Cold filling my lungs.
I can't breath I try to run.
Held down I can barely catch my breath.
Then splash forced back into the blue abyss.

I thought everything would be alright.
Maybe If I had passed away that night.
Look at me mom.
Don't you care?
Am I the only one who sees the blood everywhere?
I can't get up.
I'm drained.
I'm weak.
And to think you barely gaze upon me makes me think.
Was I just an annoyance?
Was I just another sin?
The water is still running and my throat is shut.
I can't speak mom.
Can't you see my blood?

I feel alone in this crowd.
I feel complete silence surrounded by infinite sounds.
I appear to you was happy when I am only filled with doubt.
You are too quick to judge, too quick to hold a grudge.
Do you think you know me?
Know who I really am?
Know what I've been through.. know what I've seen.
You see through societies eyes.
Absence from your own view.
When I think about it?
Do you really know the real you?

I watched myself falling in love with you.
The short distance felt like miles
A far stretch from your warm touch.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
When your voice soothed over the voices that told me harm
When I realised I could only fall asleep in your arms.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
The moment I cried in front of you for the first time
Being the first person in a while.
Tears flowing down my face
Your gentle touch wiping them away.
So why am I now watching myself fall out of love with you?
The constant reminder of hurt from my past again
The beginning of the cycle which killed me then.
Forever haunting me.
I'm watching myself fall out of love with you.
I don't know what to do.
I do love you?
Watching myself fall out of love with you.
When your kisses are a reminder of aching lies that you think you're hiding.
The child in my womb that has me crying.
Your kiss used to burn me with a burning moon.
Never too bright just enough to make me swoon.
Now your kiss is just a vacant space.
Each kiss from the lips of which lies trace upon me.
Am I really falling out of love with you?
I'm so confused.
Scared of being hurt again.
I'm having a child with you.

Maybe I'm overreacting
Maybe.. I'm just a loon.
But I hope that these feelings I have are wrong about you.
And I hope you prove them soon.

I never told you that I've been in love with you this whole time.
Never told you that when I was with you I felt secure and I felt safe.
I love you in a different way.
Different from how you loved me.
I was completely aware of your feelings for me.
The ways in which you loved me I had given much thought.
But the way you loved me, I loved him.
You in love with my best friend when my feelings for you became real.
I realized those feelings weren't what they seemed at first.
Feelings are a curse.
I know you hate me now.
It was intentional.
Move on with your life..
Rid your feelings for me.
The love we have is indeed mutal.
Just not quite the same.
Hearing of your love for me would tear mine apart.
Knowing I've been hurting you because someone else has my heart in the way I have yours.
I never asked you to love me and I'm sorry you did.
I said hateful things to help you forget me.
I just hope if you ever see this you can forgive me.

It's been a few weeks since I've been deprived of sleep.
I can't help but love being on the edge.
Your smell no longer lingers in my room.
I was sad at first, but now I feel nothing.
The next girl can't be me...
Oh God. Oh God.
What's wrong with me?
I still think about you.
You don't make this easy for me.
I need to drop a few tabs and leave this reality.

As I scroll with the intent on reading beautiful poetry. I see nothing but people arguing with one another. Why is there so much hate and negativity. Hello Poetry is supposed to be a place where people can enjoy each others work. Relate to others, yet, I see constant arguing and assault. Please take it else where. It is unsettling. It is petty.

Would you still love me if I told you that his lips still linger on my skin.
If I told you that I thought of you while I was with him.
That he made me feel alive while you were killing me inside.
Constant affection that was received.
All I ever wanted from you..
I begged and pleaded...
I'm not a priority I was just something you thought you needed.
Until that need was a had and I was thrown away.
Would you still love me if you found out I was hiding things from you?
Someone else having my attention other than you?
I highly doubt you would love me..
The way that I loved you when that is exactly what you put me through.
Would you still love me if I confessed how tired I am of being hurt by you.
How I stare at him wishing his face was between my thighs.
Fantasies of another guy.
Every time you lie.
Did you ever really love me?
It's so easy for you to lie.
Your "I love you" has no meaning to me anymore.
"Sure"
Would you still love me if I told you that I was falling out of love with you?
That my heart no longer had a beat.
That you were the one that killed me.

Thank you for the memories. The once wanted touch that is now a memory I wish to erase traced on my skin. The constant thought of you cheating on me.. grasping my throat I couldn't breathe. "I would never cheat on you, why don't you 'believe' me"... Cowardly "man"
You lie to get her thighs.
You lie
You lie
You ******* lie
Hatred etched into my heart.
I hate you so much, yet, I have a fresh start.
Admittance is all I asked.
But your own acceptance is what you lack.
Another pair of thighs to whom you also lied.
Rip out my eyes I'm tired of the treachery.
You lied to me to protect me?
Yet your lied killed me.

Young and invincible.
Do you really think the bullet is going to miss you?
Preconceived ideas.
The time flies by in these young years.
You think you are young and invincible, no one is invincible.
Death is a fate in which we all share.
Don't think you were superior due to an outfit that you wear.
So you think you are invincible? Here, hold this to your head. Pull the trigger.  
I can guarantee your death.
Oh, why are you shaking?
Why the heavy breath?
I thought you were "invincible", superiority at it's best.
Death is something you can't escape.
Talk about invincible, Death is our  fate.

You lie to your peers

They don't know how you behave behind a closed door

Your encore.

Twisted face

You painted man.

Is this part of your ever scheming plan?

Outside serenity

Hidden anger

Hard working "family" man

Inside you always combust

My soul

Rust.

Calm with them

A storm with me.

You are "happy"

While you're hurting me.

Your withering trophy.

I'm left to die.

Desperately try to leave.

Your grip tightening on me.

If only they knew.

The real you.

The quiver in your lip when disrupted.

Shaking our seed.

His lip busted.

Your anger out of control.

This home feels so cold.

The things you've done to me.

To our seed.

Taking our leave.