You discard them

Block them

As if I wouldn't notice.

I call 67

a female voice is noted.

She is quiet

In denial

She doesn't know you.

Numbers blocked in your phone.

"Going fishing"

Brings no fish home.

Addicted to your phone

Addicted to women when you aren't home.

I feel so alone

No warm embrace

Lack of tenderness.

Your sour taste.

Empty ***

Your anger explodes

No need to yell

Hit things

No need to pull a belt towards a 6yr old

My broken heart

Home of 4

Soon to be 5..

Fallen apart.

Everlasting lies drip from your rotting mouth.

Wanting to leave

But

No where to go.

Clinging to the past

Hoping hope will show.

Gnawing for a way out.

The weight you've left me with I will carry on my back

Once we leave there is no coming back.

Constantly throbbing

My kitty aches.

Feed me your **** for goodness sake.

You compulsive liar

Down room

Lit screen

Your primary desire.

Consume.


Next to me at night.

While I shower..

Your phone glares in another room.

All you do is consume.

Consume.

I do hope it catches up to you.

Wishing you a long limp journey.

Wanting to feel others hot seed fill within me.

You can watch with your small little ****.

The thing I ache for.

I hope it rots.

I want my happiness to be fulfilling.

Lucky you getting to watch multiple men fill in.

Constantly throbbing

Aches and desires

Starting to want more..

I'm growing tired.

You lie to your peers

They don't know how you behave behind a closed door

Your encore.

Twisted face

You painted man.

Is this part of your ever scheming plan?

Outside serenity

Hidden anger

Hard working "family" man

Inside you always combust

My soul

Rust.

Calm with them

A storm with me.

You are "happy"

While you're hurting me.

Your withering trophy.

I'm left to die.

Desperately try to leave.

Your grip tightening on me.

If only they knew.

The real you.

The quiver in your lip when disrupted.

Shaking our seed.

His lip busted.

Your anger out of control.

This home feels so cold.

The things you've done to me.

To our seed.

Taking our leave.

How I want your hunger to be exclusively for me.

I want your attention.

My selfishness..

Growing.

Is it bad to not want someone with wondering eyes?

Wants and needs,

I so desperately, need..

I want..

You to think of only me when we're apart

Apart from being between my thighs

Tires of being fed your growing lies.

I want to be desired.

I plead,

Envisioning..

Swallowing seed..

Feed me.

Only me.

Cravings,

Let me be.

The vacant touch

I hungrily ache for.

Your hidden secrets

I'm not her.

Your screen is your being

Within the same home

I'm left to wilt.

Gleaming,

I wait . .

I hungrily wait.

While you envision

Other women.

My body aches.

Is it too much to be desired by you?

Desired by others

I turn them down.

Only to be left alone

Your face buried while you turn down the sound.

Desired. .

I'm tired. .

My wants.. Needs..

Neglected.

You don't care

Hurting those you "love"

I cannot bare.

My sanity

I'll protect it.

Your lies

Can stay over there.

We can both have our secrets.

If that is what you choose.

I will be desired. .

And eventually I won't care if it's not from you.

Waking with rust in my throat.

The red stain on my pillow.

Just waiting to choke.

Aching bones

High pitched tones.

Pierced my head.

The living dead.

This illness.

Mentally..

Physically...

Let me be.

This pain

No endurance.

I can't tolerate..

It's taunting me.

Mouth full of red

Sensitivity to light

I'm dizzy.

No longer am I able to sleep.

Open sores

Bleed some more.

Drain me

Entirely

Maybe then I'll sleep peacefully.

Mouth full of rust

Heart with no trust

This pain engulfs me.

Aching hands

Broke mans land.

If only my rust could turn to gold.

The only thing I haven't sold

My dignity..

Just take me.

I know I am not the first person you loved.

You are not the first person I longed for.

We have both suffered loss in which..

The blood on our blades is thick.

Dealt with more scars than we have skin.

The sacrifices we've made..

No appreciation.

Our love came unannounced

In the middle of a cold January night.

The soil under us in which our first seed was planted.

Love came to us.

We took it for granted.

But we can heal..

Together.

I will write to the salt of sweet sweat that lingers on your skin.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars..

The ones that remain within.

I will love you.

I do love you.

Your warmth grips me at last

And the days ahead of us are within our grasp.

As long as you allow it to stay.

But I will not love you when you scorn me with a thousand blades.

Your words forever branded to my skin.

Trying so hard to hold onto you while you just pull away even harder.

The rope tearing my flesh

Shredding to the bone.

I can only hold on for so long..

And I'm afraid.

Not of your scars, but afraid of mine.

Afraid of wasting my time.

Our time is on the line.

My scars pressed against your scars.

I mean you no harm.

I know I'm not the first person you've loved..

I'm hoping to be your last.

Growing old with you

Our withering scars

All in a flash.

You aren't the first person I've longed for..

If given this chance.

You will be my last.

He called it love, while I stood here bleeding.

Pleading.. For this pain to stop.

"I love you, but I can't show it"

As your words dug deep in me like knives

Barely alive, numb to your touch

I'm dying inside.

Throat swells..

Bloodshot eyes

I have no more tears left to cry


Tired of exposing your lies

You still deny..

I still try...

I'm sorry..
My pride, my little sprout

These weren't my intentions

A broken family wasn't the plan I had planned out


I still try..

I still try, staggering with the will to survive for you

My seedling

My entire being

I've had enough of the constant bleeding

We'll be leaving

Sun on my skin

Envisioning him

Warm breeze flowing in my sleeve

Where have you been?

Down in dirt

Bury my knees

Grief,

Let me be..

I miss your embrace

The way your touch brought bliss to my face

But you're hurting me

Let me be

Buried to my knees

Cold wet nights

Trembling hands

What I would give to feel your warmth again..

You come with a shovel and weeds

I tremble

Your misdeed

You bury me

Warmth..

How I miss your embrace

Tears flowing

Blood draining

My body is no longer aching

Cold hands

My heart is no longer breaking

Tangled mind,

Kisses down my spine.

Physical touch

Forbidden heart that I cannot reach

Your words..

Your actions..

Hurting me.

My dear nemesis, I love you so

You spew your "love" towards me so you can gain control.

Crumbling..

I fall.

Frozen as your hand hits the wall

I try to leave and you lower your guard

Just to leave me shattered as you become explosive

Shards..

Tearing me down, never missing a beat

I will take my leave..


And in the end, you will taste defeat.

Not me.

You disgust me.

Wondering snake

Full of deceit.

I'll bound your hands and gut you out

Wretched, filthy, you stink.

You blinked

Cut your eyes open

You mustn't miss a beat.

Forced to watch as he hungrily stuffs me with meat

Warm and juicy he stretches me loosely

I moan
I cry


Laughing,
as I watch you die inside.


You weren't so displeased when the woman wasn't me?

Please

Don't stop looking at me.. Baby


Watch this bull take me for a ride


Hot fluid building up inside


Positions you were too small to reach


Forbidden territory

My juicy fruit dripping down his cheek


Laughing as I watch you struggle to touch your ****.

Your fantasy is finally a reality.

If only you didn't disgust me

Then it wouldn't be the last thing your eyes would see.

The trembling has begun again

I'm covered in a mist of sweat

Again.
Again.

Pounding in my chest

Can't forget your stench

Vague whispers

Venomous breath

Tears dripping down my face

While,

Sweet salt drips from another place

Warm fluids of ecstasy

Inside of me

Gone without a trace

I still shake

Everytime I still break

I can't even look at your face

1 in the chamber

Just 4 chambers to crack

The numbness amplifies the silence I'm about to give back

Hollow bones in an empty chest

Dying womb

Can't bring back the dead

Longing to join

Can't take the steps

So much closer to my last breath

Take me instead..

Observation and silence.

Our karmic vibrance.

Deceitful alliance.

Dimmed down trying.

Blades spewing from the mouths of phony commoners.

Heedless beings.

Reaching only for ceilings.

Heedless beings

You wonder why you're bleeding.

Ignorance is bliss

Ignorance is bliss..

Resolve with fists

Loneliness with a kiss.

Observation and Silence

Slowly unwinding.

The slow killer that I can't escape.

It constantly waits

And waits

Waits...

For me to make my final move.

Each time I get closer, yet, each time isn't as soon..

As I hoped for it to be

Depression is killing me slowly

I just want to be free

Free from this feeling

From this world

The ounce of hope I have in my seed

Couldn't survive without me..

I can't live within me..

Let me be

Please let me be

I know I'm dying slowly

Why me..

You love me.
"Please"
Do you love me while I'm not the one on your mind?
Do you love me as you delete your guilty pleasures?
Do you love me when I'm empty inside because you keep breaking my heart.
To think that I loved you.
Have I not given you all my time?
I birthed your child.. the best kind of treasure.
Your stay at home wife remaining hidden from the outside world.
Too selfish to see how I am dying.
Much more than I care to admit
I'm tired of crying.
I'm TIRED OF YOU.
ALL YOUR ******* LIES!!
"Please PLEASE I'm going to try"
Multiple chances.
Chances have turned into chains.
I try to move but you keep me in place.
Please... pleeease..
Let me leave.
...
You love me..
Yet
You can't see how I'm unhappy.
I just want to be free.

One last trip is all I could ask for.
I want my giggles to turn my insides out.
Watching my cigarette melt while you look at me and smile.
Yet, I'm too busy in my own world to notice the beauty I possess.
The walls move along to the beat of my heart.
I can hear the drums in my chest.
They're watching my every move.
Kisses making my neck melt into you.
I ask for one last trip.
One last trip before my final destination arrives.
Suddenly a road that is leading somewhere.
I remember the flashing lights and the screams.
My giggles turned into cries.
I shouldn't of left.
Alone for hours screaming inside.
I tried.
Scars that I can't erase.
I realized..
I died.

My heart is full of words I'll never speak.
I will carry them with me to my grave even though they're slowing killing me each day.
That what if.. that I think of everyday.
Have all of my decisions led to this or is there more for me in my journey in this never-ending life.
Was every decision I made..
The right choice?
I'm not sure anymore.
I've lost my own voice.
My life is worth living due to holding my world in my arms.
Fragile being that looks up upon me
Eventually will call me mom.
Maybe my choices were destined to led me where I stand.
What about the what if's..
Is this my final destination or is there more that has been planned?

He welcomes me with a selfish grin.
Couldn't contain the thoughts he had within.
"My Lord I've waited until this day"
I shall join you and together we can play.
I will be another tormented soul as long as you personally torment me.
Send a fire up my spine.
Waiting for the day where you said "you're mine"
Hot embrace.
Smoke trickling down my legs.
Sudden realization of a ***** dream.
Until the day I do not wake
Then we can truly be.

Unbearable heartache.
Pierced trust.
She learned to cry in silence.
No one cared to hear her speak.
Her tears flowed in silence.
Distance being not even a few feet.
Cried so much she couldn't breathe.
Yet
She didn't make a sound.
False claims sworn by those that are lovers
Those that are friends..
Claims that are broken.
Leaving her at ends.
Heart beating out of her chest.
Tears now flowing down her neck.
She learned to cry in silence.
Deep breath
Crooked smile
Turnt over as though she wasn't crying all this while.

I wake up tired going on 9hrs of sleep.
Always tired.
Nothing wrong with me.
Left my hair in the bun that I slept in.
Haven't brushed it in weeks.
I just want to sleep.
It's nice outside today, but I'd rather stay inside.
The sun hurts my eyes.
Why do I always cry?
Thoughts in my mind are always on repeat.
Please cease.
Maybe I should eat.
Nothing to make so I go back to sleep.
Why do you haunt Me?
Leave me be.
Only thing to look forward to
Poetry.
And even then..
You too will leave me.

By the time I realised I loved you the stars had already aligned and our fate was written in stone. 
By the time I realised I loved you, 
I had realised that you hated me.
I hate me..
I was scared and I felt alone.
Pushed you to the side.
For a guy that led me to my demise.
I loved the energy and the sweet embrace in which you gave. 
I wasn't ready for love.
I dug my grave. 
My life is a spiral that led me to my son.
Undying love 
Beyond the moon and the sun.
The soft touch which before I oftened miss.
Now I look back at the memories and thank you for this.
You led me to a path that gave me the world.
I just hope that the path you chose led you to yours.

I once knew someone who showed their love. Overflowing love that was too deep for me to swim in.
I did love him.
For other reasoning.
My comfort in my darkest hours, a friendly face.
The love for him was different.
Wasn't the same.
His love overcame the capacity I could hold.
I was hurt and broken.
Couldn't handle the love he was trying to give.
How could you allow someone to love you to their fullest when you can't even love yourself.
Everyday wishing you wouldn't wake so you can't see the disappointment in their face.
His love was a ocean and I couldn't manage a wave.
I was drowning, yet, he didn't notice because his love was coming in wave by wave.
I need to be able to swim in still waters before I could handle a ocean.
Never got the chance to give my explanation.

I watched myself falling in love with you.
The short distance felt like miles
A far stretch from your warm touch.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
When your voice soothed over the voices that told me harm
When I realised I could only fall asleep in your arms.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
The moment I cried in front of you for the first time
Being the first person in a while.
Tears flowing down my face
Your gentle touch wiping them away.
So why am I now watching myself fall out of love with you?
The constant reminder of hurt from my past again
The beginning of the cycle which killed me then.
Forever haunting me.
I'm watching myself fall out of love with you.
I don't know what to do.
I do love you?
Watching myself fall out of love with you.
When your kisses are a reminder of aching lies that you think you're hiding.
The child in my womb that has me crying.
Your kiss used to burn me with a burning moon.
Never too bright just enough to make me swoon.
Now your kiss is just a vacant space.
Each kiss from the lips of which lies trace upon me.
Am I really falling out of love with you?
I'm so confused.
Scared of being hurt again.
I'm having a child with you.

Maybe I'm overreacting
Maybe.. I'm just a loon.
But I hope that these feelings I have are wrong about you.
And I hope you prove them soon.

I gave myself to you.
Body and soul.
The opening of my legs
To you just a small hole.
You tainted my flesh,
Tainted my  mind.
Bound and twisted are the knots in my throat your mark left behind.
The memories of the hurt make me choke.
I wake up and can't breathe
Wishing this broken heart would just cease.
The tarnishment I carry with me at all times.
I gave myself to you
And you fed me lies.
Buried them deep within my aching thighs.
Aching for a touch that was not there.
The disloyalty I couldn't bare.
My heart doesn't beat the same because of you.
I ache all the time.
Knowing you were never mine.
I hurt,
I'm forever tainted.
With another, yet, my mind is vacant.
Overthinking
Utterly confused.
A broken soul because of you.

My muse where have you gone?
Unable to talk to you for so long.
I am lost, you are no where to be found.
The weight on my shoulders feels heavy now.
This life I'm stuck in..
I feel gagged and bound.
My muse where have you been?
I reach out in deep sorrow..
Lost and confused
I need you
My muse

I know I'm not her.
Not the talented girl.
The one who peaks your highest interest then kicks you to the curb.
I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'm not her.
But I still have feelings.
That don't just occasionally occur.
I love to sing
Only when I'm alone.
When I sing anywhere can feel like home.
I love to paint pictures of raw emotion.
Nature has feelings too.
I draw and I write
When I'm upset it eases my pain.
Opening up to someone who hurt me has left me in shame.
I love deep conversation especially under the moon.
I love how at place everything felt when I started to fall in love with you.
But I know I'm no one special.
I know I'm not the best.
Every feeling I have comes straight from my chest.
I know I'm not perfect.
But could I be enough?
Enough for you to love.

"Prove your love to me. Tear out your eyes."
I tore out my eyes, all for your lies.
I loved you and I was blind.
I 'was' blind.
My sight has been given a second chance.
A beautiful man who appeared in a glance.
Took me in and nursed me to health.
Cleansed my wounds and kissed my eyes.
Made me realise I am alive.
"Prove your love to me and look into my eyes"
I can now see the love and even though I 'was' blind.

You grow inside of me.
My little seed.
I wish not to raise you in a world full of greed.
Decisions that are to be made solely left to me.
Do I uproot you or water you from within me.
Am I really ready to be your mommy?
What if you don't like me?
What if you also cry inside?
I want to be there for you.
The least I can do is try?
I'll ease your worries and stay by your side.
Your father and I are so glad
The new addition in our lives.
I want to wipe your tears so you'll know things will be okay.
Even if you still feel sad the next day.
I want to be there for you in your time of need.
To be there the way no one was for me.
I wish I could tell you that I can protect you from pain.
But the heart is something that no one can't explain.
Know I'll be there for you to ease what I can. Always a shoulder to cry on
or a helping hand.
My little seed.
I can't believe something so precious is inside of me.
I can't wait until your roots are grounded and you begin to bloom.
I can't wait until I hold you.
I love you.

Thank you for the memories. The once wanted touch that is now a memory I wish to erase traced on my skin. The constant thought of you cheating on me.. grasping my throat I couldn't breathe. "I would never cheat on you, why don't you 'believe' me"... Cowardly "man"
You lie to get her thighs.
You lie
You lie
You ******* lie
Hatred etched into my heart.
I hate you so much, yet, I have a fresh start.
Admittance is all I asked.
But your own acceptance is what you lack.
Another pair of thighs to whom you also lied.
Rip out my eyes I'm tired of the treachery.
You lied to me to protect me?
Yet your lied killed me.

I loved the way he bit my skin.
The way he choked me.
Had me pinned.
I loved every mark left by his hand.
Until those marks because bruises and the chokes became cries.
All because I call him out on his lies.
Still denies.
I'm dying inside.
I loved the way he called me stupid until his eyes said more.
The way no one could see what happened behind closed doors.
I loved the way he filled me.
Until everything began to flood.
All of the lies were too much.
He lacked emotion in his touch.
I loved the way he kissed my lips until the day the lips weren't his.

Don't judge the lost soul.
In love with the devil.
Her heart he stole.
The sweet embrace of poison lies.
His slithering tongue between her thighs.
She loves him.
The opportunist embedding lies into her head.
Used her love to get her in bed.
Beautiful man with a sullen soul.
He held her, she felt whole.
Beautiful soul in one gulp.
Aware of his treachery the girl couldn't cry.
The devil took everything, inside she died.
Don't judge the girl with the lost soul.
When everything she felt, he stole.

The needles in my arm make you disappear.
The high goes down and I'm out of here.
Snow dripping in my throat.
The taste of you makes me choke.
Tabs take me on a trip far away from you.
Needles erasing my memory of everything you do.
Snow numbing the "I love you" as I bite my tongue
Maryjane wraps me in embrace
She helps me forget the way you taste.
I'm leaving this place.
I shake. I shake.
My heart just breaks.
Of all the drugs I've used
You were my biggest mistake.

I was beautiful until the day you told me I was.
The day I believed you and the look in your eyes told me I wasn't.
I was "beautiful" as I undressed myself for your pleasure.
I was "beautiful" when things went your way.
I wasn't beautiful when others would look my way.
I thought I was beautiful up until that day.
I felt beautiful as our flesh became one.
A connection of the soul to me was just your way of having fun.
I thought I was beautiful up until the day you broke my trust.
The day you broke me.
Painted faces couldn't fix the broken girl.
Looking in the mirror and all I could see were bagged eyes and the memory of the girl I used to be.
A broken girl tired of all his lies.
A "beautiful" girl who stayed up all night and cried.
A selfish man who continuously  lied.
Killing the girl he "loved" on the inside.
I used to think I wasn't beautiful
Until the day I left your side.

I was a prison to you.
My love wasn't enough to break the cold in your heart.

I was a prison to you.
I wanted affection and I was thrown in a cell.

Cold and broken down.

My love for you was profound.

But I was just a prison to you.

Your eyes became dark when I would ask for a confession of your crimes.

You lied.

I was your prison.

Holding you back from everyone else you wanted.

I was your prison.
I sat in place while another looked up at your face.

Your prison which you left untouched.
My emotions began to turn to dust.

"You monitor me"

You chained up my mind.
But I was your prison and your infidelity wasn't hard to find.

I was your prison.
Because I wanted commitment.

I am my sanctuary.
Too bad it took me awhile to see
instead of being your prison
I was your prisoner

Now I am free.

You fell in love with my confidence then you took it away.
"I"...
was the one that changed.
As if I wasn't being hurt and lied to everyday.
"I"...
was the one that changed when she would call at 4am.
Your phone.
Quickly shuffled into silence.
You made things so obvious, yet, still tried to hide it.
Silly boy, bad at keeping secrets.
Silly girl, still loved him even though she could see it.

Bottled up emotion.
Beating of word.
Belittled woman.
Breaking her.

Rage rattling. Ripping  heart.  Renounced love. Rigid decisions.

Observations  of a oblivious man.  Obvious he won't.

Keen girl.
Kindling suspicion killing her.
Knowing he would.

Neutral balance.
Natures nourishes.
"Broken" girl
New life shall flourish.

Lie to me.
Cheat on me.
The usual things you do.
Hurt me.
Belittle me.
I know that's getting off for you.

Pay attention to me.
Love me.
Please, love me.
All I asked of you.

Built up courage to leave.
No longer tears on my sleeve.
Now I'm the one that's hurting you?

Pay attention to her.
Love her.
Please..
Love her the way  I loved you.

Your eyes are like a painting and I love getting lost in your art.

Amidst the storm your rain touched my skin.
Rain engulfing me in a sweet embrace.
Until the rain that kissed upon my lips and healed my bruises.
Turned into a downfall of acidic juices leaving me stuck in place.
Amidst the storm your rain burned my skin.
A few drops turned into a sea.
Leaving me suffocating in a sea of maybes.
Maybe the sweet embrace of your rain will come again.
Look beyond I see a clear path.
Whether I choose to take it there's no way back.
Amidst the storm I began to swim and with every kick the irritation was held back.

I am told that I have no idea of how far the limits of your love can reach.
Show me.
Show me the way to that love.
Embrace me with a stolen kiss.
What is there to lose from any of this?
I have no idea?
Then show me what's on your mind.
Why its so hard to miss.

I am your prized possession.
Embedded words of what body parts belong to whom.
Who do I belong to?
You
Your trophy that never leaves her place.
While you are left to venture in search of another treasure you can't taste.
Your prized possession placed on a shelf.
Others gaze upon your prize with twinkling in their eyes.
Asking for a price which is of course denied.
Crimson turns your face as others find interest in your possession.
I shine for you, yet, I don't catch your eye.
Abandoned possession until caught by another eye.

I'm sorry for I tend to speak my mind.
I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear.
I'm sorry I do not care much for politics.
Rather than why we are all here.
I'm sorry I tend to gaze up at the sky and wonder if the moon and ocean are distant lovers that cannot be.
I'm sorry that you think I don't make sense to you.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm sorry I believe in being faithful through the eyes as well as the heart.
I'm sorry I fell in love with you.
I'm sorry I still loved you as you tore me apart.
I'm sorry that we argue and I'm sorry you don't understand.
I'm sorry that I am a woman who understands the ways of a man.
I'm sorry that I can never be good enough for you.
I'm sorry you deny it.
I'm sorry that your heart wonders else where even though you try so hard to hide it.
I'm sorry I'm so observant.
I'm sorry I'm not a fool.
I'm sorry that I long to spend my life with you.
I'm sorry I'm incomplete.
Do you understand?
I'm sorry my explanations aren't good enough for you.
I'm sorry that I feel more than most.
I'm sorry for you.
I'm sorry that you can't see what's in my mind.
I'm sorry that you'll never experience what it's like to truly live.
I'm sorry you'll never understand my words of nonsense.
And you still don't understand?

I could cry to you a thousand times.
You wouldn't understand the emotion pouring out.

I would tell tales of the stars and the vast ocean.
You would say the ocean doesn't have feelings, that the universe isn't connected.

I could sing to you on my best of days.
You would prefer I didn't speak.

I give in to your deepest desires.
You throw me away after I'm done.

I would hurt myself in order to make sure you were okay.
Even though when I am hurt you're never there anyway.

I would give my last breath to instill the beating of your heart.
You would run in fear while I die.

I could look my best for you.
Yet I wouldn't have your attention.

I could give you everything you need and more.
You wouldn't be satisfied.

I could tell you that I never loved you..
Even though I know it's a lie.
In reply you would say "same"

I'm sorry that I took my life the night we had our last fight.
I'm sorry nothing I said ever came out right.
I'm sorry you still love me among others.
Please stop wasting your tears on me.
It's making me regret my decision.
I can't take this one back.
I'm not worth your tears.
I'm sorry if you thought I was selfish, but this was the only way to save myself.
From myself.
The path I was leading down.
Would've been the path to hell.
But you see killing myself has its benefits.
My soul is now gone.
What's left of a heart is protected.
I'm sorry I took my life because its hurting you.
But
I'm not sorry because I meant it.

You constantly ask if I'm alright.
As if I don't say the same thing everyday.
"I'm okay"
But, you know I'm lying..
Although you don't know deep inside I'm crying.
"I love him so much"
Love him so much as I feel my blood rush.
You ask me if I'm okay..
Unable to mention being under the influence.
Being under him...
Friends I lose them...
Blacked out memories from that night.
I reach out to my lover..
Only to fight.
This isn't right.
"I'm not alright..."
Please stop asking me before I break.
Please your daughter's life is at stake.
Possibly a victim for a second time.
Yet, accusations are carved into her head.
She is always at fault for something she didn't do.
I didn't give anything to him.
He took away my choice.
I speak as loud as I can to get you to understand, yet, somehow you can't hear my voice.
Explaining why your opinion is a "fact"
Firm hands around my neck tightening their grip as I give my opinion back.

Crooked smiles.
Sadistic idols.
He never cries.
As suspected no emotion detected.
Ones heart is merely deflected.
Revealing there is more in the after life.
Velvet cascading down from the approaching shadow.
Hint of aromas.
Rose and sage.
Rich lavender.
A bird trapped in a cage.
Tampered wings one who never experienced flight.
Sheltered bird.
Kept in a satin cage all it's life.
Velvet transforming into fur.
Satin cage on fire.
Everything is a blur.
Reborn as a lone wolf waiting to attack.
Moonlight shining the subtle splash.
The caged bird took flight at last.

You tighten your grip.
My little serpent.
Intoxicating me with your slithering tongue.
Too bad you weren't the only one having fun.
You wrangle and twist between my thighs and hips.
Sinking your fangs into my ***** lips.
Little do you know you fell into your own trap.
Rattling vibrations cling to my ***.
Twist your way in me as I make them clap.
Applauding your attempt to escape.
The harder you squeeze the better my ***** tastes.
Do hurt me my little serpent.
Better yet my little servant.
Continuously please me as you've fallen in my lap.
You told me you loved me as did I say the same.
Foolish to believe only one played this game.
Lies slither from a serpents tongue.
Too bad you met the mother of all of em.

You beat me to a ****** pulp with the words you spew at me.

Standing up straight putting on my battle face.
I continue to walk down the line.

Each turn and zig zag that I encounter another wound.
Until I'm in an open space standing in front of you.

You look at me intensely then lean in for a kiss.

I froze still in shock as you slowly slit my wrist.

I tense up, blood profusely dripping from  my  fists.
I look into your eyes as you word "I love you" or was it I never loved you?

I cannot tell...

My vision has become blurry.
Seems like you've disappeared as well.

I need to get up.

I need to get on my feet.

The only one that can save me is me...

History just continues to repeat.

I never told you that I've been in love with you this whole time.
Never told you that when I was with you I felt secure and I felt safe.
I love you in a different way.
Different from how you loved me.
I was completely aware of your feelings for me.
The ways in which you loved me I had given much thought.
But the way you loved me, I loved him.
You in love with my best friend when my feelings for you became real.
I realized those feelings weren't what they seemed at first.
Feelings are a curse.
I know you hate me now.
It was intentional.
Move on with your life..
Rid your feelings for me.
The love we have is indeed mutal.
Just not quite the same.
Hearing of your love for me would tear mine apart.
Knowing I've been hurting you because someone else has my heart in the way I have yours.
I never asked you to love me and I'm sorry you did.
I said hateful things to help you forget me.
I just hope if you ever see this you can forgive me.

I never wanted to end my existence more than I did when you told me we should end it.
Two years of constant heartache and tears because I thought you would change.
Do you think everything is a game?
Am I even sane..
For still loving you.
My heart is beating out my chest.
You have my heart and you chose to eat it.
Now there's nothing left in me because you chewed all my pieces.