The slow killer that I can't escape.

It constantly waits

And waits

Waits...

For me to make my final move.

Each time I get closer, yet, each time isn't as soon..

As I hoped for it to be

Depression is killing me slowly

I just want to be free

Free from this feeling

From this world

The ounce of hope I have in my seed

Couldn't survive without me..

I can't live within me..

Let me be

Please let me be

I know I'm dying slowly

Why me..

You love me.
"Please"
Do you love me while I'm not the one on your mind?
Do you love me as you delete your guilty pleasures?
Do you love me when I'm empty inside because you keep breaking my heart.
To think that I loved you.
Have I not given you all my time?
I birthed your child.. the best kind of treasure.
Your stay at home wife remaining hidden from the outside world.
Too selfish to see how I am dying.
Much more than I care to admit
I'm tired of crying.
I'm TIRED OF YOU.
ALL YOUR ******* LIES!!
"Please PLEASE I'm going to try"
Multiple chances.
Chances have turned into chains.
I try to move but you keep me in place.
Please... pleeease..
Let me leave.
...
You love me..
Yet
You can't see how I'm unhappy.
I just want to be free.

One last trip is all I could ask for.
I want my giggles to turn my insides out.
Watching my cigarette melt while you look at me and smile.
Yet, I'm too busy in my own world to notice the beauty I possess.
The walls move along to the beat of my heart.
I can hear the drums in my chest.
They're watching my every move.
Kisses making my neck melt into you.
I ask for one last trip.
One last trip before my final destination arrives.
Suddenly a road that is leading somewhere.
I remember the flashing lights and the screams.
My giggles turned into cries.
I shouldn't of left.
Alone for hours screaming inside.
I tried.
Scars that I can't erase.
I realized..
I died.

My heart is full of words I'll never speak.
I will carry them with me to my grave even though they're slowing killing me each day.
That what if.. that I think of everyday.
Have all of my decisions led to this or is there more for me in my journey in this never-ending life.
Was every decision I made..
The right choice?
I'm not sure anymore.
I've lost my own voice.
My life is worth living due to holding my world in my arms.
Fragile being that looks up upon me
Eventually will call me mom.
Maybe my choices were destined to led me where I stand.
What about the what if's..
Is this my final destination or is there more that has been planned?

He welcomes me with a selfish grin.
Couldn't contain the thoughts he had within.
"My Lord I've waited until this day"
I shall join you and together we can play.
I will be another tormented soul as long as you personally torment me.
Send a fire up my spine.
Waiting for the day where you said "you're mine"
Hot embrace.
Smoke trickling down my legs.
Sudden realization of a ***** dream.
Until the day I do not wake
Then we can truly be.

Unbearable heartache.
Pierced trust.
She learned to cry in silence.
No one cared to hear her speak.
Her tears flowed in silence.
Distance being not even a few feet.
Cried so much she couldn't breathe.
Yet
She didn't make a sound.
False claims sworn by those that are lovers
Those that are friends..
Claims that are broken.
Leaving her at ends.
Heart beating out of her chest.
Tears now flowing down her neck.
She learned to cry in silence.
Deep breath
Crooked smile
Turnt over as though she wasn't crying all this while.

I wake up tired going on 9hrs of sleep.
Always tired.
Nothing wrong with me.
Left my hair in the bun that I slept in.
Haven't brushed it in weeks.
I just want to sleep.
It's nice outside today, but I'd rather stay inside.
The sun hurts my eyes.
Why do I always cry?
Thoughts in my mind are always on repeat.
Please cease.
Maybe I should eat.
Nothing to make so I go back to sleep.
Why do you haunt Me?
Leave me be.
Only thing to look forward to
Poetry.
And even then..
You too will leave me.