By the time I realised I loved you the stars had already aligned and our fate was written in stone. 
By the time I realised I loved you, 
I had realised that you hated me.
I hate me..
I was scared and I felt alone.
Pushed you to the side.
For a guy that led me to my demise.
I loved the energy and the sweet embrace in which you gave. 
I wasn't ready for love.
I dug my grave. 
My life is a spiral that led me to my son.
Undying love 
Beyond the moon and the sun.
The soft touch which before I oftened miss.
Now I look back at the memories and thank you for this.
You led me to a path that gave me the world.
I just hope that the path you chose led you to yours.

I once knew someone who showed their love. Overflowing love that was too deep for me to swim in.
I did love him.
For other reasoning.
My comfort in my darkest hours, a friendly face.
The love for him was different.
Wasn't the same.
His love overcame the capacity I could hold.
I was hurt and broken.
Couldn't handle the love he was trying to give.
How could you allow someone to love you to their fullest when you can't even love yourself.
Everyday wishing you wouldn't wake so you can't see the disappointment in their face.
His love was a ocean and I couldn't manage a wave.
I was drowning, yet, he didn't notice because his love was coming in wave by wave.
I need to be able to swim in still waters before I could handle a ocean.
Never got the chance to give my explanation.

I watched myself falling in love with you.
The short distance felt like miles
A far stretch from your warm touch.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
When your voice soothed over the voices that told me harm
When I realised I could only fall asleep in your arms.
I watched myself fall in love with you.
The moment I cried in front of you for the first time
Being the first person in a while.
Tears flowing down my face
Your gentle touch wiping them away.
So why am I now watching myself fall out of love with you?
The constant reminder of hurt from my past again
The beginning of the cycle which killed me then.
Forever haunting me.
I'm watching myself fall out of love with you.
I don't know what to do.
I do love you?
Watching myself fall out of love with you.
When your kisses are a reminder of aching lies that you think you're hiding.
The child in my womb that has me crying.
Your kiss used to burn me with a burning moon.
Never too bright just enough to make me swoon.
Now your kiss is just a vacant space.
Each kiss from the lips of which lies trace upon me.
Am I really falling out of love with you?
I'm so confused.
Scared of being hurt again.
I'm having a child with you.

Maybe I'm overreacting
Maybe.. I'm just a loon.
But I hope that these feelings I have are wrong about you.
And I hope you prove them soon.

I gave myself to you.
Body and soul.
The opening of my legs
To you just a small hole.
You tainted my flesh,
Tainted my  mind.
Bound and twisted are the knots in my throat your mark left behind.
The memories of the hurt make me choke.
I wake up and can't breathe
Wishing this broken heart would just cease.
The tarnishment I carry with me at all times.
I gave myself to you
And you fed me lies.
Buried them deep within my aching thighs.
Aching for a touch that was not there.
The disloyalty I couldn't bare.
My heart doesn't beat the same because of you.
I ache all the time.
Knowing you were never mine.
I hurt,
I'm forever tainted.
With another, yet, my mind is vacant.
Overthinking
Utterly confused.
A broken soul because of you.

My muse where have you gone?
Unable to talk to you for so long.
I am lost, you are no where to be found.
The weight on my shoulders feels heavy now.
This life I'm stuck in..
I feel gagged and bound.
My muse where have you been?
I reach out in deep sorrow..
Lost and confused
I need you
My muse

I know I'm not her.
Not the talented girl.
The one who peaks your highest interest then kicks you to the curb.
I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'm not her.
But I still have feelings.
That don't just occasionally occur.
I love to sing
Only when I'm alone.
When I sing anywhere can feel like home.
I love to paint pictures of raw emotion.
Nature has feelings too.
I draw and I write
When I'm upset it eases my pain.
Opening up to someone who hurt me has left me in shame.
I love deep conversation especially under the moon.
I love how at place everything felt when I started to fall in love with you.
But I know I'm no one special.
I know I'm not the best.
Every feeling I have comes straight from my chest.
I know I'm not perfect.
But could I be enough?
Enough for you to love.

"Prove your love to me. Tear out your eyes."
I tore out my eyes, all for your lies.
I loved you and I was blind.
I 'was' blind.
My sight has been given a second chance.
A beautiful man who appeared in a glance.
Took me in and nursed me to health.
Cleansed my wounds and kissed my eyes.
Made me realise I am alive.
"Prove your love to me and look into my eyes"
I can now see the love and even though I 'was' blind.