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Damaged Dec 2013
Most nights there's something stopping me.
Keeping me from running my car into the guard rails.
Keeping me from just taking one pill to sleep.
Keeping me from making the cuts too deep.
I'm still somewhat careful.  
But honestly, why should care anymore?
Is there really any reason to stay on this earth?
If there is someone let me know soon,
Before mommy finds me dead in my room.
Damaged Jul 2012
This isn't how it should be.
Love.
Hate.
Tears.
All the years behind us mean nothing to you now.
You said youd never leave,
so where are you now?
I let you in and you tore me down,
but I still cant force myself to forget you.
Ive tried everything.
Music.
New guys.
Pain.
The only thing that makes you fade,
also fades me out.
How does that make you feel?
Do you even care?
If you do, tell me tomorrow.
My heads spinning.
Pounding.
My words, golden cursive.
A girl, sunken to the bottom of the bottle...
Trying to forget.
Damaged May 2012
Summer nights,
the nights I miss.
Those were the nights full of bliss.
Campfire talks,
card games and more.
Those were that nights I adore.
Days on the boat,
out in the sun.
Those were the days full of fun.
Water fights,
whipped cream wars.
Those were the good memories I have stored.
Pepperoni pizza,
mountain dew.
Those were my weakness, but that you knew.
Nights in the park,
gazing at stars.
Those were my favorite times by far.
I miss you.  I love you.
I can't wait to be home.
Those were the words you said before you left me alone.
Damaged May 2014
There's never been a stronger urge to just **** myself.
And don't doubt me that you've pushed me too far.
Damaged Sep 2013
The pain I can't handle overflows into the knife,  

I wear my brokenness on my arm.

I want to give up my life.
Damaged Mar 2013
Parents are supposed to build their children up.
So why are you tearing me down?
Parents are supposed to bandage the scrapes and cuts.
So why are you the one creating the scars?
Parents are supposed to calm their children down when they are upset.
So why am I more upset when you are around?
Parents are supposed to calm your fears.
So why am I more afraid when you are around?
Every time you open your mouth, another part of me breaks.
   I broke when you called me a freak.
      I broke when you told everyone; and made a joke out of me.
         I broke when you took my childhood away.
            I broke when you told me I'd never be good enough.
               I broke when you told me you gave up on me.
                  I broke when you told me I was a disappointment.
                     I break every day when you scream.
                        I break every time you don't say goodnight to me.
                           I break everytime I think of our relationship,
                              it breaks me because it shouldn't be this way.
Damaged Feb 2013
I almost said goodbye tonight.
I came this close.
Home alone
music blasting...
A simple note left on the counter.
Took a deep breath, and let the water rush over my face.
Soon, it'd all be over.
But then some of the soapy water got into my mouth.
I started to gag, sat up out of reflex.
Immediately, I started crying histerically.
"What am I doing?"
and as I sat there in the steam filled room,
so close to closing my eyes forever;
I came to the realization of how utterly ****** up I am.
Damaged Nov 2013
Someone just wake me up from this nightmare
Damaged Jan 2013
I'll admit it.
Im scared.
Scared to death
Scared shes going to forget me.
After everything.
She came into my life at my lowest point, gave me hope.
Saved me
Ive shared so much.
All my secrets, fears, accomplishments.
I just dont want her to forget.
But Im scared she will
Its happened to me too much, getting forgotten.
It happens the same way everytime.
I meet someone, I let them in, were close for a while...
But then they forget
Want nothing to do with me.
Please, just because we won't see each other much anymore after you graduate,
please keep in touch.
I look up to you more than you know.
Your friendship means more to me than you could ever imagine.
I cant stand to lose another friend.
Please dont forget me.
Please
Damaged Dec 2013
Sitting here looking out the window and the light
It goes on
Then off
Then on
Then off.
No ones near the switch.
On
Off
On
Off.
Is that you Opa?
Are you trying to tell us somethig?
Beg us to let you back in. Not forget?
Please don't worry, do not fret.
We're always going to love you.
We're never going to forget
Damaged Dec 2013
You see that's the problem.

The problem with bein the strong one,
The one who's always there for everyone else.

Once you need someone,
No ones there.
I've spent my whole life always being the one people lean on, and now as I look around when I'm at my lowest point... I can't find anyone
Damaged Apr 2013
Get your **** together and stop being sad*

What you do not realize is that,
that is exactly what I do everyday.
Just to please society.

Every morning I wake up and put on a smile.
The smile that hides all my pain and tears.
Because if I showed how much I actually hurt,
I would just be judged.

Sometimes I feel that is all our society is;
they're a bunch of judgemental ******.
That is why I have to hide behind this mask;
and sometimes...that isn't even good enough.

So you see,
I do pull my **** together.
Every **** day.
Just to please everyone.
Got a text from a teammate telling to that I need to get my **** together and figure out what Im doing with my life...Dont you think I am trying?....Venting thoughts
Damaged Apr 2012
Where do you turn when your path is straight?
How do you love when all you get back is hate?
Who do you talk to when everyone leaves?
In the middle of a war, how do you find peace?
Where do you find color, when your surroundings are black?
How do you find happiness when the only feelings you have are sad?
Who do you put your trust in, when everone else has betrayed?
In what do you find comfort in at the end of the day?
All of these questions,
I have yet to find an answer to.
If anyone has an answer,
Please come find me soon.
Damaged Jul 2013
One turns to two.
Then three.
Then four.
Soon theres a tiny puddle of blood pooled up on the floor.
But she still stands up,
cleans the mess and gets dressed.
No one can know how she really feels,
she's depressed.
She'll put on that fake smile,
and joke with you all day.
Though, the second she gets home the smiles fade away.
She reaches for someone only to find cold hard steel.
It's the only thing she has anymore,
leaving reminders of pain that was just to real.
Damaged Dec 2013
And the way she said
I'm fine
Was a little to quick
A little too quiet
And a little too often
Damaged Mar 2013
A semicolon is used when a sentence could have ended but then was continued.
Take a minute and realize,
this is symbolizing millions of lives out there that have survived near death by suicide attempts.

You were my semicolon.

I remember that night clearly;
alomost as if it was yesterday.
I was sitting alone in my room,
a gun in my hand.
All of the pain was too much for me to stand.
Music was blasting.
Tears streaming down my face.
A simple note on my pillow.

Mom and dad please, do not be sad.
This was not your fault.
I love you, I just can't take the pain.
Please be strong.
Tell my neices I love them.
It'll be better of this way.
-Your daughter,
Bryana

Suddenly my phone goes off,
a number on the screne that I have not seen before.
I decide to read it, thinking,
It's probably just another peorson telling me how useless I am
It would be nothing new to me.

I read the words you say,
to my surprise...
Someone actually cares.
"Hey,
I have noticed you have been sad lately.
I want to know whats up."

Wow, someone actually knows I exist.
Someone actually cares.
And better yet, it's the one I've been looking up to all season.*

Slowly I set the gun down

God knows how long we talked that night.
I opened up to you,
though, I barely knew you at the time.
That night, I never told you I was holding a gun in my hand.
But since that night,
I have never picked it up again.
Why?
Because I have had you by my side.
My semicolon in this crazy story I call life.
Damaged Nov 2013
Every time I look at you I see  so much of myself.
*And you have no idea how much that scares me
Damaged Sep 2013
I shouldn't feel this good.
I shouldn't feel this much relief.
Dragging steel across my skin,
then staring as it bleeds.
Damaged Jun 2013
My heart  sank to my stomach.
Tears welled in my eyes.
I got to the car just as my knees were about to buckle.
I climbed in and just curled into a ball in my seat.
I didn't care that it was hotter than hell.
I don't really care about anything anymore.
But I mean it's hard to care anymore.
Why care when no one else does?
You could spend all your time always trying to make sure someones okay.
Trying to make sure they feel loved.
Making sure you're always more than nice...
And all you'll get in return in silence and avoidance.
Almost like they don't even care.
#32
Damaged Nov 2013
Laying here in the middle of the road just looking at stars and to be completely honest
I wouldn't even care if I got hit by a car
At least then I could finally be with you up there wherever you are.
Damaged Oct 2013
There's many different reasons I've herd for why a person cries by them self.
No one can know we are hurting.
No one can see our pain.
We don't want anyone to know that we are weak.
We don't want to be judged.
And maybe also, because no one looks cute when they cry.
Damaged Jul 2013
Have you ever loved someone so much

*that you forgot to love yourself?
Damaged Jul 2013
I've spent hours contemplating the right words to say to you but I have come to the conclusion that no combination of any twenty six letters could possibly begin to describe the way I am feeling right in this very moment.
Damaged Jun 2013
Every day.
                      Every hour.
                                             Every minute.
                                                                        Every second.

I hate myself more and more.

                                                                                                     But every time I try to run away,
                                    
                                                        I get trapped by the truth;

                                                                                                                                                                     *
That
                                                                                                                                                      everyone
                                                                                                                                              else
                                                                                                                                                      hates
                                                                                                                                                                me
                                                                                                                                                                      too.
Damaged Mar 2013
I haven't eaten barely anything in two days.
I'm sick to my stomach all day,
just the smell of food makes me want to *****.
I'm tired beyond belief;
but I cannot sleep.
Everytime my eyes close I see you.
You haunt my dreams.
It really isn't fun to wake up screaming.
All day long you consume my thoughts.
Every little thing remind me of you.
Suddenly, I feel sick again.
Maybe I'm being selfish,
I mean maybe I should be happy for you.
At the same time though, I wish it were me.
I wish I was the one holding you at night.
I wish I was your goodmorning kiss.
...I wish I was the one having your baby...
I wish I didn't get so sick thinking of you.
Running out of church in the middle of service,
breaking down in the bathroom;
crying on the floor...
Thats not me.
Ive always been the one to hold it together.
I never let anyone see my hurt.
I guess you're my weakness.
My sickness.
If you wanted to,
you could be my cure.
Damaged Feb 2013
If my life was to end today,
it wouldn't change the world in any way.
Im wearing this smile that I dont believe in,
inside I feel like screaming.
Damaged Apr 2013
Theres just something about you.
Something I just cant put my finger on.

     Maybe I'll come back to write about it later.
Damaged Apr 2013
I really do just want to scream

and shout

and let it all out.

*But I can't because people won't understand.
Damaged Jun 2013
It's the last week of school
And I'm sitting here in bed crying because I'm scared.
And I'm scared because you'll be leaving.
And I don't want you to leave because you've been my hope and strength.
I don't know if you fully understand either
The way I look up to you.
All the locked messages from you on my phone.
The way my eyes scan the crowd for you between classes,
just hoping to make eye contact; maybe to reassure me that you havn't forgotten me.
Do you understand why I text you so much?
I simply want to just talk to you.
I feel like were not going to talk much soon, so I feel a need to get it all in now.
Maybe if you don't fully understand why I do all that I do,
think of the way you think about Bug.
Now do you understand?
I feel bad*
Because I want to get you a really nice graduation present,
but I just don't have the time to do what I was planning.
And I feel bad because I've gotten mad at you when I shouldn't.
And I've said things I shouldn't have, and I probably hurt you.
So I feel bad.
And I feel bad because I think I'm being selfish.
Not wanting you to leave.
Am I?

They say some people come and go and have little impact.
Others leave footprints on your heart.
I hope you know which one you are.
You have changed me in a way I will never be able to describe.
You have been a way better friend than I deserve.
You are beautiful and you are going to go far.
I believe in you. I love you. And I thank God for you every single day.
Half of this probably doesn't even make sense
Damaged Feb 2013
To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever.
The pain fades over time.
There are new people,
but the gap never closes.
This hole in your heart is the shape of the one you lost.
No one else can find it.
It's been almost five months,
and every day it still hurts the same as the night I heard the news.
The news that, you had gone to your true home.
Flying high above us.
Watching over us all.
Guardian angles.
Though I know you're in a better place,
I still miss you like crazy.
I wish you were still here.
I will never forget you.
Not even for a minute.
Damaged Jan 2013
Alone.
Door closed.
Sitting on the floor.
Music blasing;
So no one can hear the sounds of her final goodbye.
Damaged Apr 2013
I guess it just goes to show that the only person I can trust is myself.
And half the time,
I can't even do that much.
Damaged Jan 2014
Cute boy moves in next door.
Girl falls for boy, nothing you've never heard before.
The cute boy that moved in up the road
He's really quite cute and and cares about her, it shows.
The boy and girl, they start to hang out.
Girl falls for boy without a doubt.
Now what happens next some of you may ask?
Well the boy and girl grow closer as time goes past.
Staying up late.
Sneaking out.
Empty bottles.
Pipes all around.
One thing leads to another,
Three beers turns to four.
But neither of you pass out,
Just wait there's more.
The couch is too small so they move to the bed.
His candy sweet words fill the girls head.
The hours pass by.
Two fades to three.
The sun starts to rise as their eyes meet.
A final kiss before they close their eyes.
A girl and the boy next door,
Sleeping peacefully side by side.
Damaged Jun 2013
I'm caught somewhere between the person I am,
and the person I want to be.
The hard part is,
I don't know where to run.
Damaged Apr 2013
I wasn't even out of my car yet and I broke down.
We made eye contact; for me it was painful.
No wave.
No nod.
No smiles.
From either of us.
It hurt me because now I realize I overreacted,
I should've stayed more calm when I talked to you.
I shouldn't have let it get to me.
Why did this upset me so much?
I saw you again in the locker room.
I know you saw me too.
Again;
nothing.
No smile.
No wave.
From either of us.
You may not know but the simple and enthusiastic "Hi Bree!" with a warm smile after,
well that really brightens my day.
I tried talking to you, but got no response.
Maybe your phone was dead? Or maybe you got it taken away in class?
Or maybe I ruined things.
Maybe I shouldn't have even responded in the first place.
Responded in the morning and said I was just asleep.
Maybe all these thoughts running circles in my head are useless;
but if I know one thing for sure it's that I don't want something this stupid to come between us.
And if I know anything else, it's that I was stupid and I'm sorry.
Maybe you'll see this maybe you won't. Maybe you'll say something maybe you won't. Maybe we'll be okay maybe we won't. But I hope to God I didn't **** things up too bad.
Damaged Mar 2014
Not feeling anything is a pretty attractive option when you don't like what you're feeling.

*Perhaps death will hurt a lot less than life
Damaged Aug 2014
She has many hidden talents,
She never let's anyone see.
But her biggest talent is hiding herself from the world,
She can't let them see.
Too tired and delusional that this probably only makes sense to me
Damaged Mar 2013
Be honest.
Are you trying to push me away?
If you want,
just tell me and I'll be out of your life.
I will leave you alone for good.
But I can't stand wondering all the time.
Don't lie to me.
That's something I cannot stand.
So just tell me.
I need to know if I should keep holding on or just let go. Either way I know I'll hurt. But the sooner I know the sooner I can heal.
Damaged Feb 2013
Today, I actually felt a little happy.
Wanted.
Loved.
But you noticed and couldn't let me have my happiness could you?
"Freak with all those cuts and scars"
Do you really think that made me feel better?
You took my happy day and turned it to ****.
I hope you're happy now.
Because Im not.
Damaged Jun 2012
You took my hand
You held me tight
You told me everything would be alright
You gave me courage, when I was afraid
You always find ways to brighten my day
You make me believe, that I am not alone
You understand me more than anyone I know
You came into my life at the perfect time,
And you understand whats running through my mind.
Im so thankful to have someone like you in my life.
Sometimes your words are all that get me through the night ♥
Damaged Jan 2013
I hope you know,
and I hope you'll never doubt how much you mean to me.
You may never know how much your friendship means to me, but honestly
it means the world
All the little smiles as we pass by each other.
All the late night talks;
always txting me back no matter what time it is.
Picking up the phone when Im crying my eyes out.
And just listening.
Talking to me, calming me down.
Your tight hugs.
They're so comforting.
You get me. You make me feel like Im not crazy for feeling this way.
Your always there to listen, no matter what it is. Even if you've heard the same story before.
Because you're a good friend.
No...
A great friend.
And I couldnt be more thankful for you.
Damaged Apr 2013
I feel like a bomb.
More like a time bomb.
My fuse was lit years ago.
Every day it gets shorter and shorter.
Slowly burning up.
One of these days I'm going to snap.

*And it won't be pretty.
Damaged Nov 2013
Make it hard to fall asleep because when I close my eyes
I remember
That night last week.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I remember the way you looked at me.
I remember the way you said my name.
I can still feel the hot prickles of your skin against mine.
I remember the taste of your kiss upon my...
              Lips
                  
                   Neck

                          Hips....

It wasn't supposed to mean anything...

    **So why do I suddenly still care so much
Damaged Feb 2013
Death
Such a small word.
Though;
filled with so much power.
Power
Everyone wants it.
Some get it.
Few severly abuse it.
Abuse
It hurts.
It kills.
Many simply turn the other cheek.
They choose not to help.
Help
Everyone needed it.
No one gave it.
No one ever even offered.
They were too scared.
Scared**
Scared of death.
Scared of the power.
Scared of being abused.
And terrified to offer any help.
Written in my world history class. But I feel it relates to so much more than just the holocaust
Damaged Feb 2013
To have a friend like you has altered my life forever.
When I was drowning,
you reached for my hand.
When I was in the darkness,
you showed me light.
When I needed a friend,
you never left my side.
When I needed to laugh,
you always had a joke.
When I was lonely,
you showed me I wasn't really alone.
When I wanted to give up,
you gave me hope.
You are the bestfriend I could ever ask for. Whenever we are apart, please know you'll always be in my heart
Damaged Sep 2013
I hope you know.
I really hope you know that right now,
you're by far one of the only things keeping me holding on.
I hope you know that the simple little things you say,
they make my day.
My bestfriend doesn't even say things like that to me.
I hope you know you're keeping me holding on.
Damaged Dec 2013
I'm not the same girl I used to be.
I barely even recognize the face in the mirror staring back at me.
I used to walk with my head held high.
Not a worry in the world, all seemed right.
I always had a genuine smile,
And a laugh so loud.
I used to stand out, a unique gem in the crowd.
Before I could sleep peacefully through a night.
Dreaming sweet dreams, never waking in fright.
Then somewhere along the road,
I must have taken a wrong turn.
For how I live now is nothing my heart yearns.
No longer is my head held high,
My eyes point towards the ground holding back tears to be cried.
Instead of never worrying, I flinch at every sound.
I constantly wonder how much longer people will stick around.
The smile that used to shine so bright, I only do it now to please people.
It fades away every night.
My laugh used to fill an entire room,
Now I drain my energy trying to act like I'm amused.
I never used to cry myself to sleep.
Clutching my pillow saying  
Why me
Now every night my sleep is interrupted,
Unpleasant dreams that leave me horrified, confused, and even disgusted.

Things never used to be the way the are now.
A series of events has turned my life upside down.
The thought of death used to make me scarred...
But now,
I couldn't be more ready and prepared.
Damaged May 2013
It's so much easier to just let the red water flow
than it is to bother you and admit I can't do this on my own.
Damaged Dec 2013
Why don't you want to have a party or anything for your birthday?*

**Because it won't be a party for me it'll be a funeral instead
Damaged Jul 2013
There's a difference between wanting something and needing something.
You're that difference.
You see, there are a lot of things I want.
I want my parents to be together.
I want them to be civil.
I want my medical problems to go away.
I want more money.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I could go on and on but honestly,
I think I would run out of room to write.
There's a million things in the world I want..
But you,
*I need you
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