Ive 'nunquam magis sentiuntur solus* is Latin for
                                 I've never felt more alone.

I only learned Latin because
For some reason, I think that if I say things in the root of most languages,
I'll find most of the roots to these feelings.
But... Cogitationes strangulatus.
It's funny. Saying "thoughts stifle" in latin, merely sounds like cognitive strangles.
                                Not that it's any different, really.
It just sounds so much more like what I want it to be.
The English language has a hard time
Catching the depth of things
without sounding like it's trying too hard.
I want to be able to say something once, just once,
and be done with it.
To stop ruminating on you and find peace knowing that when I say
Reliquum aliud nihil est dicere
I don't just mean "there's nothing left to say."
I mean that *I've said everything I needed to say.

Tired, sleepy eyes,
That refuse to fall asleep
While laying in bed
Endlessly counting sheep.

Toss and Turn
Throughout the night
Sleep does not take me over
At least the bed bugs won't bite.

In and out
What a tireless doze
I'm frustrated and hot
Why won't my eyes close?

Heavy eyes
I Awaken to my chill
Winter drafts cooling my bare skin
The clock counts down to its shrill

Finally asleep
but not for long
MRAA MRAA- the alarm clock yells
Guess I'll drink coffee that's extra strong...

You'll love her with all your skin, tongue and lungs.
The way that the air is just so much more crisp whenever she's in proximity to your hands.
It turns the scattered dust in the atmosphere into magnifying glasses
Aimed directly at her
Spotlighting everything you wish you could put into words but can't
Because she's just too ******* unbelievable
That even if you tried, you would offend yourself and the gods with how little it compares to
The love she makes you feel in reality.

You would do everything for her.
Hold her until your bones start to crack
So that she'll understand just what you mean
When you tell her that you'll never let her go.
But she still doesn't get it.
She'll never understand that when you tell her that you want nothing more
Than to let your dust be her dust, her words to be in your cheeks
Her nose to be your daughters nose
You mean that you want nothing more than to keep her forever.

But you never will.
Because you never stood a chance.
You thought that by giving your whole self over to her she would offer you the same respect.
That's not how this world works.
It never was.
These valiant efforts of yours are now dubbed selfish and inconsiderate by others
For not taking her feelings into account.
Because she doesn't know what true love is.
She never felt the need to have you near.
For her daughters smile to be your smile.
For your hands to cradle her head when she's sad.
To let you talk for hours without listening to a single ******* word you're saying,
Because she's lost in the sound of your voice.

Because she doesn't know how to accept anything she isn't willing to give.

I have come to believe all the things that I’m seeing
On magazines and TV, of every single perfect being
All the girls with perfect bodies, and such amazing skin
Oh how I would **** to live the life that they are in
I’ve been trying to lose weight over that past couple of weeks
Throwing up after meals, on the rare times that I eat
But that isn’t enough, I still need to do much more
To get this guy to notice me, people wonder what for...

There’s so much room in my tummy that it isn’t funny
I don’t wanna be people’s dummy, but either way I feel dumpy
Most of the time I am left here, thinking to myself
Oh god is this worth it, or do I need some help?

I’ve been used by guys, I’ve been hurt by girls
I’ve been hit by my mom, and cursed by the world
So I keep losing weight, just trying to be perfect
I’m waiting for somebody to tell me that I’m worth it....

God give me strength,
So I can lift myself up
And please god, please,
Never let me give up

I'm a soldier at heart,
I come up when I go down
I keep my head above water,
Because I refuse to drown