what i find beautiful were the breathed conversations we shared between the kisses we shared and this whole situation is reaching into my cavities and contorting my heart into places of infinite joy and infinite sorrow and infinite apologies maybe you will never feel the same way but i do and god the way you hold me will be imprinted on my skin on my flesh on my left ventricle forever because **** i miss you and **** i miss your companionship but i cannot ask for you back and now all i have are three perfect weeks of a simulation of how it could be like and how we could have driven each other crazy with our thoughts and our love but i guess it is always like this right the most beautiful things are the ones that exist in your head and never manifest into reality because reality is messed up and this is why all of this is an absolute beautiful mess.

And the sadness gradually grew
A vast ocean stretching endlessly
I then hated myself for I hated my sightless eyes, my paralyzed limbs,
And my inability to be brave enough.

You remind me of blues
Wading through infinite navy depths of your soul
Your bright laughter brings cyan to mind
The perfect azure of your comfort

You remind me of greys
The almost lilac of your tenderness
Your steely perseverance slicing my indifference
Silverware sparkling like your smile

You remind me of blues and greys
Constantly shifting tones and intensities
That colour me helpless and awash in your love

why do i hope when all i know is disappointment
why do i live when all i feel is loss
why do i love when all i see is failure
why do i dream when all i sense is deterioration

because these streets don't hold anything but you
because bits of you exist in the nuances of my language
because I wonder for what reason are you in my life
because your eyes are the brightest light in my sky
because you're my angel though I reject religion
because every simple walk feels like an adventure
because time doesn't mean anything
because opening up to you didn't feel scary
because every night I pray that you stay
because I love you even though I thought there was nothing left in this heart to love to need to want to live for
because I do, I do always