my chest feels caved in
as i sit in the midst of chaos
in between a girl with heavy eyeliner and a neon pink bandeau
and a middle-aged man swaying
his eyes aglow

leaving me wondering

where did i go..

i get more sick
to my stomach
every time the
door opens and

it’s not you.

i packed my things
i had enough
it was pouring outside with a dreary overhead of clouds
the angels telling me

it’s not too late to turn back..

i had no umbrella
nevertheless
i took the bus that i got to soonest
and shut out the practicality
of the situation at hand.

“i have wanted many terrible, beautiful things,” he says. “the purest thing my hands have touched by far,” he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “is you.”

Lovely
Is what you are
you drive me to the moon
I can’t stop thinking about you
wondrous..

i took a marker to the beach
to sit on the hot sand
to ponder
and scribble all the sweet nothings i’d whisper in your ears
onto seashells
and throw them back into the ocean
in hopes of being retrieved by another..

distant waves flowed to and fro
windswept sand scattered across the land

and even if time would slow
your love and mine would never grow..

squeeze out my eyes
so i’ll no longer see
your repulsive presence.
torch my ears
so i may never hear you
approaching me with those
dark
     heavy
          steps.
cut out my tongue
so my gustatory senses won’t
be forced to taste you whole
whenever you
have your urges.

leave me for dead
for it is my
only means of
escape..