now that my tears have subsided and
anger has swirled down the drown the drain during my
hot shower,
i can say that
i miss you.

not in the way that i usually do.

kindve like i feel your presence here but you seem distant.
like how we were both in a room and you were just on your phone
leaving me in an awkward position.

are we still the same kids who had long calls from the night to the morning-
going to sleep and waking up together?
are we still the same kids that brag to our friends about each other?
are we still the same kids and if not-
is that wrong?

in my dream
i heard you
telling me a joke

i woke up at 12:33 in the morning
giggling and reminiscing

of how many others have missed out
on my prized possession

..
and there was this tranquility that
draped over both the decaying dead and alive bodies
like a thin blanket attempting to reassure both sides
that there is more to life than this..

Love looks
Like the spaces
Between his fingers
Being filled
With mine

..
and my heart knew what it wanted
my mind knew what it needed
my mind knew what it went through before
my eyes remembered those nights that soaked my pillows of drunken tears
..
but my soul painted murals of beautiful scenery and
cute moments and
and late night calls and inside jokes

starring us and it seemed so real i could just touch it
if i could just reach
close enough
i’d be
really ha-

just got out of the hottest and longest shower
cuz i felt like i could possibly make my problems swirl down the drain.
there was no towel so f00k it-
i walked up to my room and took a nap in the nudee

i woke up to a paper under my pillow
i felt the crisp feel of it and i ripped it out of its hidden place.
It read:

“Longing is the joy of being sad-..”

i-i didn’t understand..
in smaller font than you usually write
it said..

“..i’ve been longing for so long i couldn’t describe..
im limiting myself with you..you wouldn’t understand..
i had to go... i hope you still love me..”

i peeked out the window beside me and your car was gone..
as usual.
i just laid back in my bed
and tucked myself in
and fell asleep to the sound of my world falling apart.