i am fascinated with the unruliness of some girls' hair
the plainness around their eyes
the strangeness of their earrings
the smell of the cigarettes inbetween their fingers

i wonder at their worn brown boots
and slightly crooked teeth
and dry lips
and i think
they are the most beautiful things
i have ever seen
almost untouched
by things that beat me down
like the image of victora's secret underwear
and the world's first super model telling girls their thighs are too fat

i want to be one of those slightly unkempt women
they're like uncaged animals
i want to have what they have

but i am a product of this society
it is too late for me
i am destined to be unsatisfied
forever
i will always hate something about me
even if i don't mean to
i will always wear too much make up
and too low shirts
and preach the mainstream way of life

my fingernails will never be *****.
i will always be merely pretty
i wish i was
interesting

please don't leave me.

i thought this would be
easier, knowing months ahead,
but i'm scared that
b e i n g  a l o n e
will sound even quieter
than it used to
before i knew (and loved) you.

carved you out of me
and the cancer is gone.
i'll deny every word of it but
(i know we both look at the holes)

Believed I was Faust
Clever and young
Dangerous and dashing
I was wrong

I dealt with devils
And ate with kings
Devoured young maidens
I am the beast

Back from the dead
Stealing young dreams
Walking in stolen skin
Tricking the masses

Homunculus;
Dwarf in the bottle
Never in control
Devouring thoughts

I met Faust once
He passed me by
I stole his look and way
I believed the lie

the white moon lingers
in the pale blue morning sky
paper thin or thinner
like a piece of cloud torn off

there is only this;
the wind, slightly cold
the sun, slightly warmer

and the promise of something
we have yet to define

A week of watching
Time slip through my fingers
These days spent fighting
Acceptance like never before

As my heart digs its heels
Into the ground I leave behind

.
i am so tired of my bones being
romanticized; being made of
stardust does not make me infinite or
beautiful.

i wish you would try just one last
time to reach out, so that i could be
the one to walk away

(i'm so ******* proud of myself
for not loving you anymore)