1AM, i was
gently shoved
out of a dream
in which i was
thrown into some
type of parallel
where

you
      and
              i

had never spoke
more than a mere
"excuse me"
walking into school
one morning
holding a glass door
open

i have spent
the last 5 hours
trying to get
this scene out of
my head.

even in a universe
where you had
never squeezed my
hand twice, like a
pulse, or sat on
your porch with
your cigarettes we
shared and two
glasses of orange,
i left my lipstick
on everything
you'd have thought
i would be more
permanent --

even then
i spent the rest
of my dream
thinking
about how
7:45AM
looks so
good on
you.

his name
a match struck and lit against my throat
igniting white-hot anger,blinding

burned a little more each time

I am not okay with this

I do not want to marry a poet
I do not want sonnets written about the way
I take my hair down-
I do not want endless verses about depths within my eyes
I do not want descriptions of my lips
and metaphors about my pulse
for one who is too focused on the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss me
and no woman worth my life would ever
spend time alone, writing about me
rather than spend time with me,
making rhymes with our lips and
meter with our feet as we dance together,
alliteration in the way our hands entwine
and assonance in our limbs colliding-
letting our soft animal bodies love what they love,
because the only metaphor I will ever need is not a metaphor:
you are really here, we are really alive
and all before you has been a dream.

i hear you all the time
you NEVER go away
who said i wanted you here
why do you stay ?
you feed me lies and hurtful things
you make me have bad thoughts
so i take out the blade and cut
because that's all I've got
you tell me there's no god
you tells me there is only hell.
i know i need help
but who i gonna tell?
i hide it from everyone
i cover up so they don't see
how sensitive i am how crazy i can be
i never told a soul
now I'm gonna jump to death
"its only like 100 feet" you say
"just take your very last breath"
i feel me falling
falling away from the earth
so now that I'm gone no one will know that i was hurt
that i knew i was crazy i was truly insane
i knew i couldn't have help i know i can't be tamed
so here it goes bye
bye to my terrible life
because of the voice in my head
who told me i needed to die.......

i was diagnosed with clinical depression, and by clinical depression i mean that the weight of a ten-story building compresses my chest at all hours and my eyelids function like a broken door; i spend all day waiting until i can crawl back into bed and escape the world

the other day i got a D on a test and i cried because i'm not good enough not good enough not good enough

depression is when your lungs are not big enough and your head is not smart enough and you can't breathe can't breathe and can't sort things out

i do not belong here
i do not belong here

lightning doesn't strike the same place twice,
but typhoons and hurricanes do,
and just like the rain, i keep falling for You.

stripped
my skin laid bare to bones

pull away the flesh from my face
and expose my broken teeth

I will drink cold water
poured from pewter
into tall glasses

hold my still beating heart
in your hands
and wring the blood from this muscle

drain away what’s left of me
collected in a kidney  pan
of stainless steel
and feed me to the dogs

I will listen for the clinking sound
of your forceps falling on the floor