The hardest part about death.
Is letting go of who we used to be.
Sometimes we cling to these memories with every fiber of our being.
And that holds us back.
It holds us back from all these beautiful things life has to offer.
We are stuck living yesterday- today, tomorrow, and every day after.

You can still love them, and you should love the hell of them.
But please, don't carry them as a burden.
Carry them as a beautiful piece of the new you.
They are a part of you now.
Always, and forever.

I've been so up and down these past few days. The anniversary of your suicide is this month. I sit and have to convince myself, that I did the best I could at that moment in my life. I tried to get you to stop drinking. I tried to get you to take care of all of your court ordered classes.

I'm angry, I'm sad, and I'm lost without you.

I can't forgive myself. I can't. I don't know how. The more I sit on these thoughts the more it hurts. The more I want to leave in the worst possible way, so I can either come see you, or feel nothing at all.

I carry on, with my heavy soul. Bound here. In this place you left. I'm not angry with you. Quite the opposite. I love you. I also understand why you did what you did.  I am sad, because I know what it is to feel that low. And I am lost because you felt like the missing pieces, to the puzzle of my life.

Storm.

I had a moment.
When I thought about her beating me at connect four.
They way she laughed and taunted me.
I smiled, I really smiled.
And felt genuine joy about that moment.
We sat in a restaurant that didn't matter.
Playing a game that didn't matter.
What did matter was her, and the way she made me feel.
And how the memory resonated within me.
I want more of those moments.

When we can move past our pain, and grief.
And enjoy the memory.
I feel like that's what it means to honor their life.
That is what I need to do.
Stop crying.
And start smiling.

I look out into the world.
And wish I was someone else.
I wish I was everything I don't have.
Most of all.
I wish I was love.

A broken girl from a broken home.
A broken god left her all alone.
He tried to fit his pieces to make her whole.
She could stay in this place.
She lost all of her faith.
And she took the biggest part of him away.
The belt was tightly around her neck.
It is a thought he'll not forget.
Now all that is left his regret.
A broken man a broken home.
Wished the world would leave him alone

Your smile held the world.
While your green eyes.
The constellations.
Imagine looking at the world.
Without people, or animals.
Imagine looking at the sky.
Without stars.
When you took your life.
This is what I'm left with.
An empty planet
And a black sky.