Deranged words
Will never make my heart sing
If never heard
By those who make life worth living

I split my confidence in to thirds
Then decide I better dispose of everything

My ego might bring me higher than expected
Yet inevitable failure keeps me from spreading my wings

For I have to act like I don't catch "your drift"
To stay away from lethal heights

Though through my memories I do sift
Seeking for a large enough weight

To keep me from taking lift
Thus in the beat to my life, there will always be a rift

I have no justification for prolonging the process of accepting my fate
Though who would want to see themselves alone

So instead, I rant through my souls gate
Leaving in my footsteps
A sad excuse for a poem

The only thing left unknown
Will those tracks lead to a body,
Or abruptly, disappear?

"And said,
'Naked come I
Out of my mother's womb.
And naked shall I
Return thither:
The Lord gave,
And The Lord
Hath taken away;
Blessed be the
Name of The Lord."
Job 1:21
We used to go
To church as
A family,
Down at St. Mark's.
But when Mark died
He became my saint
God hath taken away,
And he gave me
A scar that could
Never heal.
So I left God
To find my way
Without any light.
I am self medicating,
So I can be numb
And be devoid of feeling
When I remember
What The Lord took
Away from me.
On the day I
Graduated and
Saw young men
With smiling fathers,
All I could hear were
The words I would
Never hear.
I'm proud of you, son.
So if I tell you
Not to take it for granted,
Forgive the envy
In my voice,
And the stains
On my cheeks.
I am self medicating,
So I can be numb
And be devoid of feeling
When I remember
What The Lord took
Away from me.
Forgive me for not
Being able to fix a car
Like your father showed you.
Because all I remember
Are the brief flashes
Of a man and his son
Fishing at the river.
By the time he died,
He smoked Marlboros
And used to drive
A ******* Pepsi truck,
Too young to give a ****.
Then a branch broke
And a family was devastated.
I am self medicating,
So I can be numb
And be devoid of feeling
When I remember
What The Lord took
Away from me.
I can't remember
The sound of his voice
And I can't feel the joy
Of having him say
How proud he is
Of what I have become,
Of the man he raised.
I am self medicating,
So I can be numb
And be devoid of feeling
When I remember
What The Lord took
Away from me.
So count your blessings
As I flush the pills
Because I'm fifteen
Fathoms deep, and counting
As I try to remember
The sound of his voice
And what The Lord took
Away from me.
If I thought
That there was
An afterlife where
I could meet him,
I would be flushing
My life instead of pills.
The Lord hath taken.

Of all the things I gave up
You hurt the most.
I needed you day by day
You were my walking cane
Helped me through each step.

But you threw it all away
Stopped caring for me.
For how was I to know
Your interest had waned?
You couldn't tell me to my face.

If you do love me
How is it that you hurt me
Time and time again?
It's like you don't care
About my needs and pain.

And so I set you free
You don't owe me anything
If you have somewhere to be,
Go.
Just stop breaking my heart
I deserve better.

You love how I dress up for you
All skin and heels.
Making a pirouette
Striking a pose.
You call me your Muse
Because I inspire naughty thoughts
From the depth of your soul
I drive you crazy with desire
All you want is to hold me tight
and have your way with me
Sometimes I tease you first
Drive you to the edge
I like playing with you
Cause I see how much more
you're dying to have me.

I sit in silence, trying to bring the
spirit down to meet me face to
face, so I can shake the hand that
made me

I sit and listen for the voice, but
my tarpaper heart keeps singing
in my ear about all the love its
found... it sticks to memories and
grows with every smile and
                                    gentle sigh

This heart of mine remembers
everything and reminds me of the
times when I was pure naked
awareness...
                        I try to get back there
but I am stuck remembering and
grasping at the past which I forget
is still here in front of me, the
newborn babe of the present
which everything has conspired
                                            toward

I sit in silence and remember what
it was like to bathe in the ocean of
souls... to see all of life in the water
of the clouds
                           before I had a body
          
                                            I was this

A river, uninterrupted and
                                           unending

Cant we be broken together?
Our jagged parts could make a picture
Our rough edges could make a life
That we would both be better off living

For all intents and purposes we live in different universes