I build me a rocket
and flew to the moon
took enough oxygen to last a while
and i brought wifi, to stay in touch

There's no clouds here
i can allways see the earth
i brought my telescope
keep it pointed to your house

I could cover you with my thumb
but i hold you in my hands
and i'll protect you
i watch you, so i'm safe

You cannot hide from your own mind
the game of hide and seek may go on for a while but
sooner or later you'll find yourself at 3 am,
with nothing to do but staring at the ceiling
and you'll have to listen
let your mind point out every flaw and every little error
let it go on unmerciful about everything that hurts
and you'll have to listen
unless you want to flee on the internet
but in that case, you'll never sleep again

I always keep my nails long
long enough to don't need a knife
my skin is allways new and fresh
and not too far away from bleeding

I always write my dreams down
unless i have my nightmares
images i want to forget don't need words
they're burned on my mind forever

Sometimes when i chat
i do so, to not sell my soul
write words that make me likeable
pretend i am someone i wouldn't want to be

The things that never happened
are defining who i am
and even if i'd try to write them down they'd be boring
i wouldn't stay in your mind for a second
my story should remain untold

Never been perfect
always a mess
your list of ***** ups is
so much longer than achievements
And you walk through life
Like an unwritten tragedy

It's okay to be you
Because I love you
It's okay to be a mess
because we all are
and your biggest achievement is
how you are not hiding!
you show this world every day
how big your heart really is.

It's okay to be you
and not just because I love you
And you're not just a mess
but a work
in progress

i wish you missed me too

i know you don't
only so little time has passes

i know you don't
you'd be here if you did

and i'd wish
-oh, how can i know what i wish?
i've never seen a place more confusing then my heart

i wish you missed me too

but more then that
i wish i didn't miss you

If you were a flower
I'd press you in a book
dry you
save you in this moment

I could go back
forever
and you would still be
as perfect
as you are today

I could still smell you
enjoy your beauty
and be with you
just for now

If you were a flower, I'd save you and this moment forever
I could always pick up the book
start reading again
timetravel to the little time
you bloomed for me

but you're a snowflake
I can't hide you in a book about you
you'd melt within seconds
I will not be able to save you
I will never go back to knowing how it feels
to know you well

I don't even know you well
you're just a snowflake
and you will twirl in the wind
away

Just a few more meters
she tells herself, she has to
no one else will tell her what to do
this time, it's just her, lying on the floor

Just a few more meters
her leg immobolised
she has to lift it with her arms
but she has to get there soon

Just a few more meters
but every centimeter hurts
her tiny appartement suddenly grows
her phone is a thousand miles away

Just a few more centimeters
stretching as far as she can
her phone just out of reach
but she has to reach it soon

Just a few more minutes
when she reaches the table
and finally grabs her phone
the ambulance will finally
be here very soon

You were born to dance
run free in the wind
don't tie yourself
you shouldn't get stuck in one place

This kite
is not a dancer
it barely noticed the wind
for many many years

The kite is stuck
******* on a lamp post
cold and lonely
but scared to let go

Kite, cut yourself free
let the next breeze
lift you high
and let you be you

Laag na laag
verberg jij je
je verhult je
in fabels en verhalen
in halve waarheden
en stilzwijgend oneens zijn

Laag na laag
verhul jij je
totdat je zelf denkt
dat je een ui bent
pittig, maar stinkend
lekker, maar nooit om in de fruitschaal te doen

Laat jezelf zien
laag voor laag
onthul jezelf
laat zien wat jij te bieden hebt

Vouw je uit
laat eindelijk je kleuren zien
elke dag iets meer
en ruik
je eigen bloemengeur

Totdat jij eindelijk weet
dat je een roos bent
die in de mooiste vaas mag staan

Langzaam wordt het later
ik staar naar het plafond, de tijd gaat door
glipt uit mijn vingers
tot ik niet meer weet of ik hier minuten, dagen of maanden was
ik blijf maar wachten
de tijd lijkt langs mij heen te gaan

Later

zal ik misschien weer lachen

a leaf on it's way to the ground
is not searching for the meaning of life
it's just... falling
letting go it's one attachement

it's colours are not to amaze you
just a random biological process
stop looking for a reason
and just watch it blow in the wind

A part of me is still on that floor
lingering
where my body was
laying
I get cold when I think of the agony

A part of me is still over there
near my pc
desperately crawling
minutes going faster than meters
I couldn't stop myself from screaming

6 months later
injuries still healing
but a part of me
stayed down there
never got up

My phone was just too far

Doe je zorgen weg
er is genoeg wind
blaas ze weg
en vergeet ze

Haal die last
van je schouders
en voel weer
*** licht het is

*** licht je bent
als je alleen jezelf
nog maar dragen moet
Vederlicht

I'm here
because i want to be
this life, full of pain
i choose it every day

i welcome the bad days
they'll make hope for the good ones
and appreciate them
i welcome
the pain part of life

i'm not supposed to live forever
and i can't wait, until it's time to leave
but life taught me patience
so for now, i'll just live

When I was 12
I learned a hard lesson
killing oneself
doesn't just take a plan
it takes a lot of self-dicipline
to take that last step
to walk all the way
of the path that one started
to give oneself the final push

And when I was 12
or 25
I just wasn't good at
pulling trough

Now matter how much darkness takes over my heart
and no matter how depressed or lonely i may get
a little light keeps burning
the little light of everlasting joy

Even if i may not feel it
even when i'm lost in mazes filled with pain
sooner or later, i'll see it's glow
and know it's still there

and no matter how many tears i pour over it
it never died so far
and sometimes i try to bury it under my problems
but it burns right trough them

sometimes the light gets weak, and my heart grows cold
but there's allways enough to remind me
of the fires that will burn some day

I want to love you like
you
loves cigarettes

Whatever they give you
you mix it with the air
you're sending down to your longs
you must at least suspect they're poisonous
that doesn't seem to matter
they're going right into
your mouth

and that
is how much
I want to love
you

There once was a field,
filled with flowers
and a little girl

Little girls are the only onces
interested in daisies
they turn them into jewelry
trying to share their beauty with the world

Little girls grow up
Forget about the beauty they once held
They were only unimportant
daisies

It was me in that field
Nobody considered me worth a second look
the little girls trying to **** me
at least knew I was there

how could you say

******,

******, ******, ******,

******, ******,

******, ******, ******,

and still forget her name?

I look around
and i see you
but i'm not even
trying to connect

i have lost someone
did you too?
or didn't you have someone to loose to begin with?

i see your face, or your status
i wonder what is going on
but do i dare to ask you?

and if you try to
tell me your sorrows
would i listen?
would i dose of in my mind?

lonely people
i see you, but i don't
i hear your story like i hear background music
i cannot change your lonelyness

you see, i have lost someone
maybe you have too
but if i don't let you in
i will not lose you too

The moment i left you my eyes started washing my face
why not, since you are not here to show my strength
since you are that part of me far away again
i'm left to face my own life alone
and i didn't even have the curage to tell you i am scared
I didn't have the right words to tell you how much i'm hurting
And how i don't even feel at home inside my own heart

Maybe i gave you currage
or you have a power source i cannot reach
but every day i watched you
you look the world right in the eyes, and tell it who you are
But when you're tired of explaining yourself, it's my shoulder your head feels save
So how could i tell you i need some of your strength
So how can i tell your save haven is an ocean drowing within itself
the salt of it's waves reaches beyond my skin, i bet even my heart tastes salty from all my tears

But when my eyes get hazy, and i don't see the world
i'll picture you
And as long as you face another day
I'll be there.
I'll be there, and help you trough

Love is but a dream
no, not all love, i'm no cynic
but our love

As a dream it's fading away
leaving memories that get more and more confusing
When it's over, you cannot see it clear

Like a dream it seems to have fit between the blink of an eye
though at the time, it was forever

as in a dream, it was perfect
you were perfect, i was just good at
overlooking errors until dawn

love is but a dream
and i beg the universe
if i can go back to sleep again
scream at my pillow to drown out reality
cause i don't want to be
awake
ever again

Is it a crime
to ****?

Is it a crime to ****
an idea?

Is it a crime to ****
an imaginary friend?

But i didn't **** you
He did

But he didn't **** you
you just ceased to exist

Is it a crime to **** your daughter before she is born?
Is it a crime to break her mother's heart?

Is it a crime
to change the future
and make it all
just a dream?

when you died it was like
the world stopped for a while
everybody grieved and was sad
they all loved you

they've moved on in the mean time
and you're never mentioned anymore
but you were the one woman
i would go to and talk about this

it's not your room anymore
people took it over
changed everthing except walls and floor
but I swear I can still smell you
here
the clock is still a few minutes ahead
you once told me it was running too fast
and you often had to take a few minutes back
I wonder who took over that task
here
your desk is gone
as well as your tea collection and books
no plants and not even languïstic decorations
now it's just neutral territory
here
But you're still here!
your photo on the wall supports my memory
(that wasn't there when you still lived)
and from this day on
your name is on the door

i've been listening sad lovesongs all to long
and i'd gave them all to make things right
and i'd gave more
if i knew it still could change things

saying i love you won't be enough
saying i love you won't make it right
it won't be right again

i've been the biggest fool ever
having you in my arms and didn't even care
but the hard part is
i deserve this

and suddenly it all became this mess
i wish i could stop your leaving
i wish you left something behind

i'll never take you for granted again
i promise
i'll never not try my very best again
i promise

but promising isn't enough this time
and if you don't believe me, i can't blame you
i can't blame
it's all my fault

i wish i could take back
all

I don't want
a temple of mirrors
but what if I am
all alone
spirituality
could be just a part of me lying
arguments
could be misleading
reason
doesn't seem to make sense

I don't want
a temple of mirrors
I can't be all alone out there
not Good enough
to be a God

I don't want
a temple made of mirrors
I need
a window to look trough
and an almight God

and I don't want
to run
from the Truth

The poet
doesn't want to feel
is that an oxymoron?

The vegetarian eats meat
again

the once beloved house
abandoned
because I hated it so long

The future
wide open
too wide

I'm scared

The poet
abandoning her words
needs to learn how to

feel

You're the minority
it's four against one
which means
we are right, and you should shut up

You're the minority
which means we make the rules
you're powerless
just live with it

You're the minority
and we think that's fair
because we all decided
it's nice how we treat you

You never saw daylight
I kept you inside
safe
not for you

but for me
and the village and everything near me
and everything dear to me
and everything else

you never saw daylight
locked up in deep cellars
chained and held quiet
misunderstood

You never saw daylight
because if you would
you would fly over the world
spitting fire, wrecking everything

you'd be roaring and roaring
hurting and destroying
I don't trust your self-control
so I hide you inside

You're not a dragon
or a villain
you're much more dangerous
you're my own heart

There's a sea inside my heart
Tidal waves keep my eyes wet
That's only because of the moon
Even when invisible she pulls at me
So hard
I'm overflowing both grief and joy

it's okay to never listen to music because i'm oversensitive to sounds
i still have words. They can form stories or poetry
create worlds inside my head and
form orchestra's with sounds so bright i will never need my ears to hear them
just my sensitive heart

i'll go trough the world smiling in silence
while listening to the echo's of music that are still inside me after all these years
i'm never alone, and even when i have to stay quiet
my heart usually sings

I always know
I'll have to pay
so it's stupid
to come close
to you

but your melodies
always linger
my head keeps your music inside
And I just have to
go back to you
go back for more

I know your poison
you'll turn my head upside down
You'll make me weak, so weak
I won't know how to leave my bed
But despite all the pain you're causing
I'll be always
coming back for more

you keep talking word after word
and all i do is want to mute you
but instead i tell myself to
show consideration
let you know i care
and not let out the screaming
that tries to drawn out your sounds

this is your story
and you have the right to be heared
it's good you share your pain

but i can't share mine
i can't let you know i'm screaming
my secrets are not mine to tell
i guard an untold horror
so i have to sympathise
and comfort you
without telling that i really know
what it is you say

friend
my dearest
did you ever know
i was in love with you?

friend
my dearest
i never told you
about my desire

friend
my dearest
you never know
*** much i needed you

friend
my dearest
i'm very glad
we are just friends

The silence
between the lines we say is
as deafening
as the shouts of our last fight
the screams in the shower
the icecold water couldn't clean my face

you said you want me back, and yet you blame me
for every little thing you did wrong

i said i want you back, and yet i blame you
for every little thing you did wrong

Maybe i should take some of the blame - or the guilt - but when i try
i feel your angry hand around my wrist

i didn't mean to hurt you
i didn't mean to fly this far away from you
there are seas and continents between us now and skype cannot break this distance

what can you say when tears already flood from my eyes before you're starting
what can i say while i see your heart grow bitter and dark now that my light doesn't touch it

maybe this is nothing but us stopping pretending we can make someone happy
but maybe this is the beginning of the era where no star could ever shine and the sun fades away 'till a thin glow

i stopped crying, my love
one month without you, and my eyes are out of supply
my old life feels like a glove that never fitted
i don't believe you made my hands bigger

but my heart is smaller now
i still hear cracks of little pieces breaking
i still don't know where to go next

my heart is aching
it beats your name
it's asking me to
talk about you
but I have nothing left to say

my heart is aching
it's been months since it saw you
it's hard to keep on going
hard to stay alife

my heart is aching
it wants your touch
your voice
your hope

my heart is aching
I need your love

I hardly ever give anyone a piece of my mind
I want to keep it
I grew up believing smartness was all I had
and all I have to give

I'm learning about my heart the hard way
carried it around like a lump inside me
not understanding why it was so heavy
and not using it's capabilities

It had a room for love
but no one told me how that works
I put hate and grief in it instead
until it was so heavy I wore myself down

I have a big heart
and the stuff I put in wasn't light
but I'm cleaning up now
not planning on keeping it empty

I'm planning on learning how to love
and I'll share my love with everyone
so my heart
will never overflow

2 years, a month, and 9 days after I saw you last,
I found 'our song' on youtube.
Now I'm listening to it for the first time
since I'm not with you.

The words are still sweet,
but has the melody always been this sad?
And if it was, did we pick it, because we would always
know it wouldn't work?

I haven't seen you since august 3, 2014.
The morning that I got in an airplane.
The morning that I no other option but to leave you,
even though it felt like I was leaving my life behind.

You left yourself too.
Left your roommate to deal with the leftovers.
Your clothes, your laptop, even your both your passports.
Looking back, I have no idea which version was really you.

But when I left you,
I could have gone back.
I knew the airport, the bus, and the walk to your apartement,
forgiving you could have been my next mistake.

When you left you,
you left me too.
You left my backspace.
My loneliness had been finalized.

Even though we finished, it felt unfinished.
Weeks after I left you ceased to exist.
Your memory got hazy by my teary eyes,
and all the mist of your lies.

There are rumours,
you either became a boat refugee or got married.
You're supposed to be in both Greece and Germany.
And your real name, was even something else.

I suppose I stopped missing you, over time,
but maybe I never became whole again.
I left a part of me with you, and I will never know
where you are.

My pillow knows
My pillow is the only one who ever heared the echo's of the screams I never screamed because the unknowing are asleep
My pillow knows
My pillow is the first witness
to all my tossing and turning
my lies about having had an awesome dream
My pillow knows
My pillow knows I sometimes bite it
to stop my ******* tears

starend naar een grijze muur
behalve leegte, alleen maar leegte

starend naar de regen
niets natter dan mijn ogen

starend naar de lege fles
niemand ooit zo nuchter

starend naar de muur
zoveel leegte
zoveel hoop

Dit is niet echt
je mag het vergeten
Wat niet hardop gezegd
nooit hardop gezegd
bestaat niet
een herinnering
naar iets wat je droomde
je mag het vergeten
jij bent de schrijver
dit is jouw leven
als het niet echt is
is het niet echt
gebeurd zonder gebeuren
je mag het ontkennen
maar dat hoeft net
want het is al niet echt
als jij het nooit
hardop
toegeeft
zal dit nooit
echt
zijn gebeurd

the clock in my street is so happy about the passing time
every thirty minutes it stars singing a song full of joy
but only when there's people around
he's trying to share a message
he's trying to give us hope

I'm good at math
Whenever my mind gets bored
i practise multiplications
give myself math problems
I always solve them
correct

I tend to remember numbers
1,618033989 has been stuck in my head for years
And i once solve a rubik's cube
in 8.92 seconds

but no matter how good i may be with numbers
my heart is only in love
with words

i remember
the phonecalls
the screams on the other end of the line

the sirens
the doctors
the bad news
the hope

the phone
was ringing ringing ringing
no answer
why were you not there?

the doctor
trying to give me new hope
the machine breathing for my child

and after the nightmare
we went out
and ate pizza

oh, what a great pizza

one word
to describe
everything inside me

one word
to show you my heart

how could i ever?
what word would i use?

secret

desire

lonely

poetic

heartbeating

alife

but all these things i'm not
and all these words are just
denying who i am

You're so hard to peel
layer after layer
and all make my eyes tear

It's okay
if that's just how you are
But I worry you're afraid
your inside
has just not enough to give

I keep playing this game of hide and seek in which
i hide, nobody seeks
and none of the things i put deep inside my pain
is worth being found by strangers

which is all you all are, strangers
unable to connect with my most precious feelings
unable to even acknowledge this pain
unable to even wonder if there may be something wrong

but then i'll get a message, saying
'your poems sound depressed, are you okay'
and i lie my way out with honesty
and just have to find another place to hide the shame

and i'll just dig deeper
hide my madness farther away
and i'll even believe myself i don't know
why i'm not asleep

For those who are sad
for whatever reason
There is a God
who will wipe your tears

For those who need
justice
which this earth will not provide:
God will give it

And for the hungry:
God will provide
food
each day

For those who miss
someone who loved them
and now have to face this world alone:
God is with you

Don't be afraid for lonelyness
Because if you know the Lord
you will never be alone

I want a moment
a few minutes of your time
I'm not asking - I'm demanding
you'll have to listen to my gun
perhaps I'm crazy
psychotic - insane
but I'm sincere
you have to listen
I need to tell you you're in danger
you'll be protected by my gun