Little sister
teach me how to write poems
I write with words, but you make my heart jump
I suddenly want to believe in Lily's

Little sibling
I keep reading you over and over
I thought I had talent, but compared to you
I barely exist

Little sister
I often feel the younger one
you seem to be so much further
in figuring out Life

Little sibling
I often worry
I wish I had the hope
I feel I need to give you

Little brother
you're the man of my dreams
and if you'll ever get your own world
please take me along!

English is not the language of love
the reason my boyfriend left me
is still trying to win my heart
'can love if i'm' are his broken words

life forced him to learn too many languages
when he was fleeing from country to country
from the people who murdered his family

I wish I could let him flee into my heart
but it's not a safe place
I am warground
grenades of trauma's and lost love still wound me
Don't try to come inside my heart
I closed my borders
don't give asylum

I'm not safe
It wouldn't be fair to you
to let you in
for I would wound you
like 'he' wounded me
while you saw us
breaking up

English is not the language of love
My heart often got lost in translation
My heart often fell off a plane while
trying to place itself in another country

How many times
didn't I confuse my lovers
with language new to them?

And how many times did they
not get to transfer a message
because the words were too hard to translate?

English is not the language of love
our hearts aren't native speakers
the translations
keep us too far apart

God is a coma patient
awareness His secret
no ability to communicate
with whatever outside His head

Imagination
is His only weapon against
centuries of nothing
that's how He became God


Imagine His boredom
lying in that bed all His life
wouldn't you als create 7 billion imaginary friends,
if you were smart enough to think them?

Imagine His brilliance
creating the universe
then somehow stepping inside
His own creation

Imagine
how great the real world must be
if one simple coma patient
can create Ours

Romance
without love
awesome?
or tragic
confusing
or just
another way of doing things?

In reality
my dream prince didn't have a horse
couldn't even ride a bicycle
had no money for a car

His eyes weren't blue
or dreamy
But even browner
than his skin

And happily ever after
lasted only until
he kicked me out

I don't want
a temple of mirrors
but what if I am
all alone
spirituality
could be just a part of me lying
arguments
could be misleading
reason
doesn't seem to make sense

I don't want
a temple of mirrors
I can't be all alone out there
not Good enough
to be a God

I don't want
a temple made of mirrors
I need
a window to look trough
and an almight God

and I don't want
to run
from the Truth

the poems
I inspire
are much better than
the poems
I write
Thank goodness

De spin
hangt aan een zijden draadje
hij heeft dat draadje zelf gemaakt
nu maar gewoon er niet aan denken
dat dat draadje niet stevig is

I want to run away
this is good for me
I want to hide somewhere
But it's good for me
I want to cancel the appointment
lie and say I'm sick
But I won't
because it's good for me

the old man
looks tired
of balancing
the stones
on his shoulders

the old man
would like to
sit down
and rest a bit

that he can't do
what would be easy with a big rock
is impossible,
if you carry pebbles

There once was a field,
filled with flowers
and a little girl

Little girls are the only onces
interested in daisies
they turn them into jewelry
trying to share their beauty with the world

Little girls grow up
Forget about the beauty they once held
They were only unimportant
daisies

It was me in that field
Nobody considered me worth a second look
the little girls trying to **** me
at least knew I was there

I don't want to move on (anymore)
time is ticking
every second increasing the distance
but i can't let you fade away
just because we're over
(and no - I don't want you back)
doesn't mean you should be leaving
every second farther away
don't fade yet love! I need you
i don't have you, but I need your
memories

I do not speak much

well, okay I do, but I also don't
I can tell you about the weather
engage you with a story

but this

is me trying to say something real
this is me screaming inside my years of silence
realising I need the world to know I'm here
if I want it to change for me
if I want it to change me

this is me screaming
inside my silence
trying to break it
I just need real words

take another breath
it's poison
and you know it
but every day
you let it win
cause long-term doesn't matter
if right now it's happiness
let it in

I carry my heart around
like a balloon
filled with rocks
and somehow... the rubber ain't breaking

and my heavy heart may slow me down
but it doesn't stop me
because i'm going to where they sell helium
and then i'm going to fly

we use poems to mask our silence
and then also speak about the poems
hé Daniël, I got
another thousand views on hellopoetry
like it would matter
like we would write less, if no one would ever read us

I would, anyway
and if no one would read me anymore
I might get honest
I might start to be vulnerable
I might open up

maybe one of these days
I'll find the curage
to tell you
about your name
and what it means
to me

It's really dark outside thise train
but there's a country
landscapes made by not God but humans
fresh water inside the former sea
where am I going?
what did I take along?
the darkness now surrounds me
not a single light outside this train

long nights
short stories
dreams don't last long
hours, slowely passing
just a room, a bed, and me
lying still, but also lost
not going to admit how scared I am
not going to admit I'm still lonely
not going to sleep until I do
Some vivid dreams followed
by more hours of being awake
then daytime
which is even worse
than trying to fall asleep

words can be hallow
empty
you can take the essence away
Not every word means what it means
Not every song is music
Not every church is devoted to God

sunday morning
finally some time of
and even the king
gets to slack of on the internet

this daycare
a world
all children abandoned by fathers
does he come back?

a phoneline
we keep talking
what we hear back is static
what we believe is love

does He come back?
did God just leave us for a while?
are we orphans?
did our father ever exist?

this world's
a daycare
and we're trying so hard to keep believing
we'll be picked up at the end of the day

how to manipulate my past
i need you back
i have to change things
to make you never let me go

sometimes you're here
as the ghost of what could have been
suddenly with me
i take my feet of the couch to make you room

we touch
may kiss
i hold you close to me for now
in this darkness, you seem real

ghost of what could have been
please, never visit me again
but also, never leave me
the real you is gone, so can your ghost atleast

stay?

it's hard to tell your story
life needs to make at least some sense
to be put into words
words are usually on my side
but in this case
my words are forests where my emotions can hide
in this case
silence
is my only sound

it's hard to open to a stranger
the words
the stories
things happened long ago
how do you tell them?
and what lights do you use

do you want to shine on your own role like
a victor
a victim
a bystander
what's my part of my life?

i answered the answer of why my life is falling apart
with silence
i have nothing to say
but silence masking my pain

my biggest fan is off
gone somewhere
other people are cooler now

i see no longer
his turning blades
but this new silence makes me concentrate

i lost someone
but it's okay
a fan just moves air anyway

Do not open your eyes
convince yourself it's night
just stay in bed
don't think too much
keep the world at distance
you can't be blamed for being asleep

I created the sea
a thousand years of crying
of staring at the skies

Now I'm swimming
trying to learn
a way out of my pain

I want a moment
a few minutes of your time
I'm not asking - I'm demanding
you'll have to listen to my gun
perhaps I'm crazy
psychotic - insane
but I'm sincere
you have to listen
I need to tell you you're in danger
you'll be protected by my gun

I **** at living
imaginary weights pull me down
hold me prisoner
it's s hard to leave my own bed

I **** at leaving
it's like i'm standing at the station
watching trains go by
not knowing how to get in

I stuck at staying
my mind wanders of
creates enough distance to be
alone

yesterday
two years ago
i didn't know

then we met
i laughed when you told me you loved me
and i would love you too

but you were right
somehow you made me open my heart
to let you in

but i was always scared to lose you
until you promised you would never break up with me
which you didn't

until you did

yesterday two years ago i didn't know
about the boy  who'd steel my heart
just to break it
and let me fall apart

my heart is aching
it beats your name
it's asking me to
talk about you
but I have nothing left to say

my heart is aching
it's been months since it saw you
it's hard to keep on going
hard to stay alife

my heart is aching
it wants your touch
your voice
your hope

my heart is aching
I need your love

Time changes you
a memory, a story
my lips start to forget how you felt
my mind still repeats your phone number, but it doesn't work
you're unreachable now
a memory, a story

a boy i once loved
a man i shouldn't have trust
but i would give anything to see you again
or just to know
how you're doing
did you move on?
or are you also,
crying at midnight
begging the universe to turn back time
do you also crave for a moment with me?
are you trying to remember my smell?
the softness of my hair?

when i lie in bed,
i dream you in my arms
i hold your head against my *******
and my voice finds the words to calm the storms inside you
because that's what i want most
forget everything you did, and just hold you
give you some hope and happyness
just hold you
inside my arms
hold you
make you happy
hold you
until you sleep

Langzaam wordt het later
ik staar naar het plafond, de tijd gaat door
glipt uit mijn vingers
tot ik niet meer weet of ik hier minuten, dagen of maanden was
ik blijf maar wachten
de tijd lijkt langs mij heen te gaan

Later

zal ik misschien weer lachen

There's a sea inside my heart
Tidal waves keep my eyes wet
That's only because of the moon
Even when invisible she pulls at me
So hard
I'm overflowing both grief and joy

The moment i left you my eyes started washing my face
why not, since you are not here to show my strength
since you are that part of me far away again
i'm left to face my own life alone
and i didn't even have the curage to tell you i am scared
I didn't have the right words to tell you how much i'm hurting
And how i don't even feel at home inside my own heart

Maybe i gave you currage
or you have a power source i cannot reach
but every day i watched you
you look the world right in the eyes, and tell it who you are
But when you're tired of explaining yourself, it's my shoulder your head feels save
So how could i tell you i need some of your strength
So how can i tell your save haven is an ocean drowing within itself
the salt of it's waves reaches beyond my skin, i bet even my heart tastes salty from all my tears

But when my eyes get hazy, and i don't see the world
i'll picture you
And as long as you face another day
I'll be there.
I'll be there, and help you trough

Maybe we are doing it wrong
every time we start talking
you ask me how i am
and i have to face that impossible choice
lie, and make you happy?
or use honesty to tell you how ****** up i am

'how are you?'
'well, i'm good.
I still cry myself to sleep but at least
i haven't be tempted to cut myself today.
I'm doing fine.
It's just the case my heart feels so heavy i fear my body may collaps.
And then an awkward smile, and us trying to get back to normal conversation.

Next time, we meet,
don't ask me.
Let me ask you instead.
'How am i?'
and you just tell me what you said today:
'you're okay.'
Because in a way, i am.
And if you repeat it to me every day,
i will start to believe that.

the only flowers you ever gave me
were plastic
but i still smell them
they smell of plastic, candlewax, and maybe even a little of you

if you had given me flowers
the real kind
would i have sprayed them with something, or dried them?
i would
i would have tried to save them, just like i tried to save our love

it would have been fairer if the flowers you gave me were real
cause maybe i would have seen them die, slowely
despite my efforts
maybe it would have prepared me for the death of our love
maybe i would have realised, before it happened

and maybe, i wouldn't be staring at plastic flowers now

He said: step out of your comfort zone
She said: fill out this questionaire
They said: get some help
We made up your mind, and you're not coping

The white dragon stares at me
mercyless, asking the next question
I could take your life, but I want to take the hard stuff
I want what you could never give

The white dragon
holds me with his eyes
forces me to dig around my soul
but the truth,

he'll never get

I build me a rocket
and flew to the moon
took enough oxygen to last a while
and i brought wifi, to stay in touch

There's no clouds here
i can allways see the earth
i brought my telescope
keep it pointed to your house

I could cover you with my thumb
but i hold you in my hands
and i'll protect you
i watch you, so i'm safe

I know
my pain is real
when hours pass
and i get silent
then i finally hear
my heart
gasping for air

I know
when art is good
my heart whispers
lines of beauty
between breathing

I know beauty
when my heart
stops beating
until i take in what i watch or hear

and i know
suffering
doesn't seem to make sense
and i would do less of that
with a smaller heart
but my heart just won't stop growing

My heart allways says
and allways screams
and often cries
until i give it the pain
mine and yours
and even the pain of the people on the news
and sometimes even pain from fiction

And my heart gets heavy
so heavy i think
it can't beat anymore
my limps ain't strong enough
to carry around all this pain inside me
my muscles are screaming to close off my heart
stop entering pain because we just
can't take it anymore
But my heart keeps adding
my heart keeps going on
'you think this is pain?
just wait for the day you get cancer
or your mother dies.
Or nature finally finds it's way to your city
and show you what real pain is all about'

every time i feel like collapsing
(i may even consider to leave life
and search for a world without pain)
my heart beats
that single knock, really saying
'I am the one carrying oxygen
and life
to every vein and ever muscle
if you think you are alife,
that's just because I turn your pain into something else
every time you hear me beat
you feel me shaking inside you
that's the sound of me fighting your pain
I chop of it's head
create life, by turning it into something else
I TURN YOUR PAIN INTO LOVE

And yes, my heart get's heavy
i look at it
and lose all hope
i am just one person
how did i collect so much pain
and how can i bear this kind of suffering?

'don't look at the pain'
my heart says
'look not at what I take in
look at what I let out
look at every day I make you get out of your bed
look at the words I make you say
turning a smile on someone's face
look at all the small acts of kindness you will do
making life a little better'
my heart says 'it's all small steps
but every time I beat, I make this world better
every time I beat, I create a little love'

'and this is all just baby steps
I am still growing up
practising
I'm learning of what I am capable
I'm preparing myself
and when I'm done
I'll show you so much love
that you'll forget
what pain even looks like
don't even ask me why you're here, because
I am beating
until I have given

All my love'

I know the rules
i've played before
pawn to D4
let's do it

it goes fine for a while
but then i blink
and lose a bisshop
my horse walks right into a trap

i can't figure out
how i get here
but my whole life
looks like a mess
i've lost logic
did i have a plan at some point?

king hiding in the last save corner
queen fleeing for a pawn
i can't figure out
what my next move is
how do i deal with all this chaos in my life?

I keep looking for people to pray to
Someone around whenever i need help
Someone to help me trough the tough days
the tough days, when i cannot carry my own shoulders
and can't even face the weight on them

I keep searching for people that have inner lights
bright enough to sunlight my dark days
with a love so strong i could cling to
and a consience clean enough to be praised

But i haven't found a person yet i could turn into my god
i keep looking in all the wrong places
shouldn't there be someone around strong enough
to help me trough my life?

I keep looking at all the wrong places
people aren't God, and have no sacret power
if i ask them to pull me up, they'll allways let me down
so i should move around my horizon,
and finally ask the only Person strong enough
to change my life forever

I like a little company
there's moments i am home alone
and too sick to leave my room
but there's internet
it helps me trough
i connect with a random stranger
share a few kind words
or get to know them
i made a few kind friends this way
people to look forward to 'seeing' again
or so i thought
and then,  suddenly
right at the center of my screen
an image i'll have to erase later
make my mind clean again
but can never be unseen
my mind exploding in anger
while in the same loosing a potential friend
you wouldn't walk naked on the streets
so please, keep your pants on too on the internet
(or at least the tiny part of internet that involvs me)
i really do not want to see any ******
would it be too hard to respect me?

my spine is bruised
with lonelyness
time and company will heal it

part of it will never go
it will allways be my sensitive spot
i will allways remember
who caused my pain

I'm not allowed to call my own brother a boy
got angry looks all over the christmas dinner
'you shouldn't encurage her' my mom said
'she's just crazy' said my father

and i'm not allowed to call him by his 'boys name'
they won't give him the phone to him until i say 'Tamara'
just say they don't know anyone that goes by his name
and claim they just raised daughters

He has to live with them
every day the same battle
i can't even imagine how hard it must be
to have to fight to be your own gender

my parents may never accept this, but
i have a little brother
and he's awesome
because he dares to be

Himself

They left their dishes around like something that could slap me
'just look Corina, this was our weekend
just smell the plates, imagine how much we enjoyed it
imagine all the fun we created
by not inviting you'

you
you're not a poet
and no matter how hard you try, you'll never be one
but what you are, is even better
you're a poem

everytime i look in your eyes
i see new lines, freshly written

when i touch your face
echo's of ancient words are heared deep inside my soul

i haven't made love to you yet, and i can't even imagine
the poetry i will feel that day

so even when you will never be a poet
you'll be the only poem i ever want to read

God
became human
allmighty
helpless baby

and i will never
write a poem
or find the right words
to thank Him enough

Now matter how much darkness takes over my heart
and no matter how depressed or lonely i may get
a little light keeps burning
the little light of everlasting joy

Even if i may not feel it
even when i'm lost in mazes filled with pain
sooner or later, i'll see it's glow
and know it's still there

and no matter how many tears i pour over it
it never died so far
and sometimes i try to bury it under my problems
but it burns right trough them

sometimes the light gets weak, and my heart grows cold
but there's allways enough to remind me
of the fires that will burn some day