3 days of silence
of hoping
fearing
what's going on?

Your name
is so big in my mind
your silence
has never been this long

All I know
is what you told me
the promise I now hope
you didn't keep

All I know is
they will not tell me
if my fears are true

Silence
will be my last answer

This is my monster
my biggest weakness
my achilles heel
my fatigue

it's a tiger
inside me
always awake
I always have to be careful
walk on tip toes around it

this is my monster
it keeps me captive on the couch
it blames me
whenever I did something
I blame me
whenever I didn't do something

we're always fighting
I'm tired
of always battling my fatigue

It's me
I came for a visit
hope that's okay

No, I know
you don't recognise me
A strange lady
I bet you don't even like

But you and I
we have a lot in common
I'm you
but it's twenty years later

And it's time
it's finally time
I want to ask you
how you feel

How are you coping
with school and at home
I know you have friends
but why do you feel
so lonely?

And what can I do to help?

It's been years
since I saw you
I try to focus on my future
I don't like to think too much about you

But you're still here
you're with me
affecting my choiches
affecting my mood

I know you are lonely
so let me be your friend now
we'll deal with our presents
and we'll never be alone

A part of me is still on that floor
lingering
where my body was
laying
I get cold when I think of the agony

A part of me is still over there
near my pc
desperately crawling
minutes going faster than meters
I couldn't stop myself from screaming

6 months later
injuries still healing
but a part of me
stayed down there
never got up

My phone was just too far

Don't lie
it's not raining
it never rains
inside

The emotion
you never try to feel
it's here

This is just
you
crying
about the past few months


Don't flee
don't add today to the pile off
undealt emotion
don't add to your own weight
with chocolate

Don't hide
Accept that you are feeling
Accept that life is hard
stay in your emotions
and deal with them
today

If feel so lonely
the last time we didn't talk for 7 weeks
was before you learned
how to even talk

There's too many stories
I didn't tell you
Too many problems
I couldn't share

I made life changing decisions
without discussing them with you
So much is happening
but you have no idea

There's a wall between us
you told others to tell me
I shouldn't call anymore
I don't know
if that caused more anger
or pain

I can't reach you
I'm waiting for you
to give some signal
I cry every time
I miss our conversations

I can't break this wall
is it my stubbornness
or yours
telephones
versus what'sapp

If I could reach you
could I overcome my stubbornness
And tell you
how much I care

And if you
would try
to reach me
would I
pick up my phone?

Pain
is always
the worst
pain ever
right now

reality is
always
stronger than the past