I'm not leaving you outside my heart
well I am,
but I'm not
not-telling you anything I know

there's walls inside my own mind I'm not allowed to cross
they don't have doors, I'd have to climb
and then jump
so I'd be falling
for a long time

and nobody knows how broken I'd be if I'd survive the fall

so unless
you know how to buy a parachute
and help me climb the walls
you just have to
accept
there're things about me you'll
never know

Down the hill
near the sea
Is a place
you'd have to see

Happiness
was ours each summer
me and my sister
and our sweet mother

The best times
were always there
but now memories are spoiled
it doesn't seem fair

When I close my eyes
I rewitness a terrible thing
it was a normal day
I was sitting on a swing

But then the war came
the bombings, destruction and defeat
There was so much chaos
I just remember dead bodies and heat

My sister was lying
to safe her own life
And then she had to leave me
become some soldiers wife

It was me left in rubble
Traumatised and lonely
Seen most terrible things
needed someone to hug me

And then a hand
suddenly grabbed mine
It was my dear mother
but she didn't look fine

A part of her skull
was blown away
She was dying in seconds
but had something to say

She was trying
but no words came to surface
She shed her last tear
we were both worthless

I was alone now
and didn't know what to do
no house and no mother
nothing to stick to

I left the little
house down the hill
And now thinking of my dreamhouse
makes me feel cold and ill

Everybody dies
That risk is part of living
We all walk around knowing our next breath
may be our last
But we're all hoping to be 85 someday
and die of old age
when living got boring anyway

You probably won't get there
your heart, is a timebomb
every heartbeat another tick
tick tick tick
running towards it's last tick
it's last beat, before your veins close around it
your body attacks it, because it isn't really yours

And the numbers ain't good
they talk years, maybe one or two decades
but it will be soon, when your timebomb runs out of time


If my own heart
connects with yours
if I make it beat faster
and give my extra ticks to you
do I buy you more time?

Is there a magical prayer
a bribeable doctor
another heart you can gain from a carcrash?

Can I blow my own life into yours
increase your lifespan with poetry
keep your heart going, for many decades to come?

I just met you
you're still the new guy in my life
I have no right to claim you
but timebomb inside you
please never explode.

I'm hoping someone dies today
maybe a carcrash or a shooting
someone to simply stop his breath

I'm hoping someone dies today
Friends to open their mouths in disbelieve
by this unexpected news

I'm hoping someone dies today
Family members crying
as they carry him to his grave

I'm hoping someone dies today
I'd never wish that on anyone
but my heart is failing.... and I want to live myself

When you're scared
and too scared to admit you're scared
Can't find the words to mention to anyone
your life is falling apart
where do you go?

When you're scared
and too scared to admit you're scared
Lie about the reasons you're not sleeping
and pretend everything is fine
what do you do?

It's a great comfort
that God reads all thoughts
and knows the things inside you
which you don't want to know yourself

It's a great comfort
to have a loving Father
to hold you, and guide you
And He helps to let go
of all the secrets inside

You're the minority
it's four against one
which means
we are right, and you should shut up

You're the minority
which means we make the rules
you're powerless
just live with it

You're the minority
and we think that's fair
because we all decided
it's nice how we treat you

This day
will be a tough one
the list of responsibilities and tasks already formed
but even getting up sounds hard

my bed wants to hold me tight
my body wants more rest
my mind is trying to make excuses
I shouldn't do anything today

They're threatening to win
I'm still in bed at 1 pm
but no, I will get up
take a shower to prepare

to be today's most awesome
version of myself