The young man in my living room
is angry, raging
it takes all his self-control to not storm out forever
I wonder if he'd hurt me, and it would be justified

This is my son
the pain on his face is mine
I'm the main reason his heart has been bleeding for years
I'm the main reason for all this hate inside him

This is my son
I'd do anything to make him happy
and somehow that led to the opposite

I'm proud of him
for the way he deals with his anger
and confronts me with all that I did

And I wish
I could get down on my knees
beg him to forgive me
and let him love me again

but I can't

I just have too much to lose

We keep pretending making tea
like children with a playset
we keep pretending we are real
enough to drink and taste

We keep pretending we're in touch
like we have a real connection
we keep pretending we're not strangers
and we never even met

If you need someone
to help you fix your closet
I'll be here
anytime

I'll put a matrass inside it
bring you food if you let me
I'd do anything
to help you hide who you are

Walk down the stairs
keep walking
walking
walking
lower and lower
inside a well

No rest
for days on end just walking
downstairs, a step at the time
As long as numbness
still reigns your body
you're not low enough
to feel

Maybe gravity will crush you one day
or maybe
you'll even start crying

Wandering
inside my heart
I must be careful
after every corner may be something
I don't want to know about

Don't go there
it hurts
I can't have myself thinking about this
Lock the door
of this particular section
But my heart is so heavy with locks

I wipe my own memory
Every day
just do I don't remember lying
about almost everything
that could have been real

I don't know
how much I mean to you
just that you didn't even bother
to answer that question

But I also know
I care enough about you
to want you to be
the happiest boy alife

I must be delussional
people keep telling me the love of my life isn't real
and yet I talk to you
like every detail of my being
belongs to you

I must be insane
they tell me you've killed millions of innocents
and doomed even more
but I start smiling
whenever I think of you

They fill my head with arguments
reasons you couldn't be real
But my heart tells me
You're the one keeping it beating
You're the reason I'm alife

I must be delussional
believing a fairy tale?
But I wouldn't know
what to do
without
You