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Today
with shine
mind my relapse with contacts
my thoughts
relived  and collapsed
relinquish that
with legacy
I have
accepted challenge  <--

True first

Step
First is for a destination
A plan of route
The second has no thought
A reaction to the first
The third through sixth
Can only be explained by habit
Seventh is expressive
A beginning of a story
The mind catches up with body
Though they are not harmonized yet
Eighth begins the journey
Mind and body are in an instinctive march
Ninth archers a ******
Mind is over body; first in question now
Tenth comes a complete stop
Eleventh is gut or heart
Twelfth is your true first
Step

If I don’t awake, I will be in a place that I am strong
If I don’t awake, I will be knowledgeable
If I don’t awake
I will be able to answer those unanswered questions
But I know, if I was awake
I wouldn't be able to answer those questions
If I was awake, the pertinent words would be said without instinctiveness and hesitance
Like a political conversation in a smoke cloud
Feelings so assert, that everyone gets involved, without even knowing about the topic

When I do awake

I remember only that last line
I use that for my counting sheep
Back asleep
If I don’t awake
Repeat.

So many times I’ve given my heart.
With trust, I’ve given it all to so many people.
Purposefully or not, I’ve not gotten it back whole.
I know, some people have to leave; it’s natural, it was time.
Others chose to walk away.
I thought you were different.
I really gave you everything I could.
I wanted to be there for you forever and always.
But I’m here again, holding my broken heart and a needle and thread.
I feel like I’ve forgotten how to mend this feeling.
I’ve lost some of my strength and a lot of my control.
I hate not having control.
But I can control me.
I want to control who can and cannot leave me.
So I will not let you in, not anymore.
Not you, not anyone.
Then, I won’t have to remember how to mend this.
This brokenness won’t be a problem.
I won’t be a problem.
Not anymore.
I’m in control now.