i don't think
you quite understand
how much
                            i need you
to get better
for me
to get better
            because i cant
live with another
         death on my mind
and he told me
                        to look after you
                        to help you
make it out
alive
                  so i am;
            i'm living for you
understand this
please, i'm just scared
to tell you outright
but it's true
                                     besides my best friend, with obvious reasons
     you're why
                           i'm fighting death
     you're why
                           i'm trying
     you're why
                           i'm waking in the morning
i know
this could be a pressure to you
maybe thats why i haven't said anything
but please, read between the lines
realize i'm helping you
to help me
                                           to get us both out
              of this self inflicted dungeon alive
    don't make my struggles worth nothing
help me
                  this team of two
     might just make it then
                                                   but i need you to pitch in okay?

9-11-2001

the ugliest numbers

the last minute good-byes

Sudden crash all red and black

Falling bodies thumping agonies screeching

No innocent nor guilty nor black nor white nor asian nor latino

no lines

just the blind eyes of death

fueling getting bigger becoming stronger eating and taking more and more and more and more

subdued quiet memorial

reconstruction better rise of the new

still

when this moment comes

red and black and dead

the ugliest numbers

9-11-2001

"She should have known better."
"She had it coming for her."
"It's just a joke."
"And you're just sensitive."

You're ignorance glazes over your words
Like paint.
Thick, glossy, and shiny
Words covered with a gentle haze
Of misunderstanding.

Hearing those words
Of un-acknowledged shaming
And saddening victim blaming
Stabs straight through my numbed Soul.

But you know what?
I'm glad you are blinded by your
Ignorance ever so blissful.
I am glad you cannot see
How misguided your word can be.
Because that means
That you have not experienced
The Horror
Of being sexually harassed.

Because if you had the opportunity
To feel that kind of
Helplessness.
Terror.
Agony.
Violation.
Degration.

Then you would have never said
She could have prevented it.

And I thank God up in Heaven
That you have never experienced
That kind of pain.

He couldn’t love her.
She was too dark.
Her insides were too twisted
and her brain was too sick.
Her bones weren’t sharp enough
and her soul was out of shape.
Her eyes were tired and blurry.
He couldn’t love that.
She couldn’t let him
love the Devil.

When I was younger,
innocent,
I wondered
"Why do people like those thing?"

And now,
I know exactly why
people like the things they do.

some ghosts roam Heaven dying
to live again
some humans roam Earth dreaming
to die for once