where is forrest gump when you need him?
glistening a pearl pine

hold me again
in your arms like a teddy
look down at me again
with that look
again, and again, again
put me onto your chest
'cuz you want me
close and never do you want
days without me
it only takes 8 hours into europe
when i look into your eyes i want to see them sparkle
i want you to smile down at me
i want you to shine
i want you to give me that look again
you know the one with daggers in your eyes
protective

for all the nights I've slept
missing the opportunity
to kiss you and hold you —
the spot on my mind, my forehead,
my third eye, that glows with a hunger
I ask you to kiss me there! right there!
kiss me there so I can melt the pangs
of distress to make my needs met,
unmet needs and kiss my forehead
plant your seed of love so that it
may grow in my dreams
visions of love and healing
tension relieving and unfurling

I tiptoe through your intricate patterns
it's in the sand, dune sand
khaki splotches burn into my eyes
something in it keeps us together
the color, maybe, the feel of sand in my eyes
just how desert sand feels warm at night
leaving me sandy, covering you in sand
sand on my shoulders, sand on my chest
sand crawling into places sand shouldn't be
sand climbs into stone that's high

my man fathers me
holds me carefully
i keep him close to me
as we lay in the breeze
the birds and the bees
are waving, they are friendly
we are safety

i wish, when he was green,
he'd think i'd look just like a dream
and maybe be the prettiest girl he's ever seen
from the cover of a magazine
and he'd just couldn't place his finger on
what it was about me, there's just something about me

i feel stupid
and a little duped
what was i thinking?
i'm kicking rocks and dust again
nothing in this world or life is secure
not even the man i'm giving my commitment and heart too
even then i have to stay in a battle to win his heart
and i thought i had it, i thought i already got there
and it hurt, knowing still he would let others and believes
others would have his instead: i've trusted him like i
haven't trusted anyone before, even one year comes up this
wednesday, and i thought i'd hear him say, that it was only me,
that it would be only me, that he'd only let himself have me
while it was only me -- isn't that what the commitment
we are making means?

I'd like him to
take my jaw in his hands
press his mouth on my lips
open mouths
tongues go in
he is so handsome and
in Spanish sun
on the sand
rolling clouds
day in and out
here we are in Madrid

i must surrender to life
i must surrender to myself
i must let go of control

i see colors and i see the sparkles in people's eyes
i see the curiosity of why the sky is blue
and why the ocean is so deep
i get tickled by the way the grass nestles against my ankles
i still blush at the moon
i welcome the sun when i walk
i still pick up leaves, rocks, flowers and hold
them in free wonder, examining the beauty
and spiral of nature: don't you too?
i smile and through my mouth echoes sounds
similar to a toddler who is so amazed at the world around them
and still i find comfort in rolling around on
a fuzzy carpet on a floor, freeing and free
while i roll on blankets and become wide-eyed
at the bluejay i saw once again. i love the colors
that rotate on my ceiling and wall; i feel
free within the confines of these four walls
because i can be free inside and outside
i feel free from those things outside, i feel
apart of every mountain, sea, and shore
the stomach pains and the body aches
are the same when the rain comes
and when the wind blows
and when flowers die and grow
still, i am free, free, free
always free, i am always free
the satin of my pillow the feel of water
free in my mind mind and heart
and when i am myself, curious
and soaked in colors, i am free from here

you have to take
me right now
from this dark
and scary life now
yes you
yeah you

you’ll put me into your
home and you’ll hold me
kiss my forehead and
you’ll help me be happy and
healthy, you’ll tell me that
we never have to be apart
again, and you’ll protect me
you stroke my hair
you call me your angel

rolling on my carpet
because i miss him
so much
talking to people
makes me miss him
so much
cutting vegetables
even though i miss him
so much
going out with friends
yet yearn to be home
because i miss him
so much

sweet pure ones
in the tub
with bubbles
lying on his chest
hairy chest
warm hugs
i look at him
happy and
in love
being here with you
our joy
in this tub
🛀 🛁

let me be your siren
pull you closer, deeper
come into my ocean
into green waters
my kiss gives you gills
my touch makes you swift
swim inside of me
swim deeper in me
how deep is your love?

wrap your arms around me
tell me you see me
open up, give all your secrets
come deep with me
we’ll go back up soon
but for a little, come deep with me
let yourself fall down here
you are safe with me
we have each other
can we experience our own
world for some time

experience what my love can give you
experience how i can make you feel
just open your eyes
close your ears
open your mouth
close your nose
open yourself
to our world
can we forget the other world for a little
just let it be us

call and see
the wounded goddess
any any time
don't let the words of pain fool you
when you're ready we can share the world
when you're ready you can see the real colors
that beam from me
when you're ready you can speak
the languages of love, chiama mi
when you're ready you can step into the bath tub with me
any time any place any where any way
any time any place any where any day
i'll always stay

i just wanna have fun
i like fun i like playing
let's play
i wanna be free, and know
you enjoy me while i'm vulnerable and free
put the sparkle back in your eyes!
get razzled! just don't lie to me,
make it genuine. say what's real,
say how you feel, make it real!
you are scared to go deep,
just so scared. i want to go deeper,
come after me. let me do this, let me bring you higher,
i'll take you higher. grab my hand
i can take you much higher,
much deeper, if you let me
i've read it in cards and in stars
how we will go, i've seen it all
i've read it all
my hand your hand
let's go
we can go, i have wings to fly
come on, let's go

I want you
to take me
as if I am
your own
treat me
like I am
your own
see me
as if I
am your
own

for the fifth time today
i walked near the road behind you
where you stood tall
goosebumps when you'd look at it
twirl and into the corner
head low eyes up
just wanting to have fun
wanting to have fun with it

tell me
please whisper in my ear
that i won’t have to live a life
of struggle anymore and
you will take me and
show me what relief is

“i wanna go to spain”

little black skirt
chiffon black blouse
spin me around in the
September sun
let Madrid pour on my skin
Spanish flamenco stews in the air
pull me in by my small waist
my hand upon your chest
sway our hips and glower at me
like that, glower like that
like the stars are in your eyes,
on the top of the moon above
Madrid in Spain, dancing around
swirling around like
a spinning top in Spain
on hot concrete that would burn
our feet and smells of
heat and the glow of your smile
kiss me

i throw away all my stuffies

it all seemed like
a bright sunny day out
in Madrid
but now I feel cloudy gray and
I want to walk out
into the sea with
bricks in my pocket

I love when he takes
me that way
when he wants me so much
that he feels he needs
me right then
right there
right now
yes, him
only him

I lay on the
bed naked and vulnerable
on my back and my petals
bloom in front of him
right then
right there
right now
yes, him
only him

I watch him as he
is a god in this way
the only time
I will ever say such a thing
about a man who is so
beautiful as him
his lips, his eyes
the way he stares
he takes me with his eyes
before his hands

put me on to your
privates, look at my pretty ****
do you see how dark she is?
fall into my night
fall into my dark night
let me be your healing
I can be real bad -- a bad little girl --
it will be good, let me, come on daddy,
be bad and keep you in me
so that you can be submerged
in me, together, we melt
into each other

we move together
my hips moving up
your body thrusts
and drives into me
I wear your sweat
you call me your angel

hot ribbons fill my womb
sweet nectar flows around your phallus
fall into me
I catch you

he can’t help it

I’m in his soft spot

he commanded

and I got weak

I follow obediently

wanting a bit more, a lot more

I take deep breaths in
and another breath out
my thoughts don't need to reflect my unwanted desires
my thoughts must reflect happiness
trust
security
positivity
I let go of all fear
I let go of all worry

I am trusting. I am worthy. I am positive. I am secure. I let go all worries. I let go all fear. I let go all insecurities. I am free. Trust. Love. Peace. Respect. Detachment. Detach.

both stood bij the sofa
I am pressed against the ledge
and he presses against me
my neck crooning up to him
his neck craning down to me
a grin of adornment on his face
we look into each other's eyes in this silent moment
and I say, "They call this coup de foudre in French,"
he thinks for a moment, "Thunder ?"
I smile and fly up with my tip toes
bijna nose to nose, lips to lips
we kiss

orchids that scream are
under a hopeless beam
until the petals melt
and colors seem
to drip from a dream
until they're blue
orchids turn blue

like a drop of rain
splat on the ground by night fall
crystal dew in sight

and acacia curled up
and she cried
she grabbed her teddy bear
and into the soft brown fur
she cried into her own soft brown fur
and with the soft brown fur
tried to forget the blurry eyes
the clammy hands
the smells and the feels
but the smell became strong
and the memory of the touch became strong
and the way the wetness came out
and the way the ******* tingled
made her cry more and wished
to be removed from her body
so this no longer kept her
she touched her tongue to the ear
the furry ear of her teddy bear
and cried morning because this
is the same way it happened
why this little girl
why her, this poor angel
the poor sweet angel
curled up in a whisper
tears slowly falling and
her stomach becoming slowly nauseous
and the movements and memories repeating
on her lips, past her eyes
why did my mommy do this?
why did my family hurt me this way?
her body to be innocence
****** and vulnerable
in her papa’s arms acacia is safe
little acacia, the little angel, is safe
she wept to herself
pushed fingers inside of her
begging the fingers to make her forget
but she became more prone
more vulnerable and she cried more
into her teddy bear and all her stuffies
that were always there for her
and she knows she has sunshine in her heart
it’s always there, her papa’s always there
and she longed for the nights she could
rest her head in his chest and he’s wrap
his hands and arms around her ears and forehead
the way he did — now the numbness kicks
in and she must remember there’s sunshine
in het heart, it’s always there

get the **** out of my way
I'm going to get revenge
fellas if you can't afford it
you better video tape record it
I'll put on a show for my daddy
I move through fiercely, slowly switching
the pace with my face and I drop low on all four legs
do you like my *******? I know what you like
put your face right here while he's watching
tonight, that's right, we will bring him to his knees
watching us, watching me this way, grinding on you
and I won't regret until we get him to say my name
with his eyes in the way they look at me in the way
they do when he looks at me with his eyes like that
to the left, to the right, put your crotch against my yayo
I know this isn't right, but I want to get paid:
I can be a pretty woman for any other man
in this world, I can be the sexiest woman to them,
I know what to do, sluttier, sluttiest,
cross me one more time, I will get naughty: get the
**** out of my way, I'm going to get back at ya,
sipping on Jaegermeister hidden under my bed
held in your palm that way, pour it over my head,
make my brown skin glisten, let him see it
drip down my *****, I know what he likes,
make him beg for me to stop; I'm going to stay
naked,barelry, dancing on this stage, high heels,
barely walking and no balance but sometimes
in these nights I really like to party,
but not really partying, but I like to dance:
get the **** out of my way, I kick him down
with my heels, looking like a hottie,
does he see me like this? I'm vulnerable,
naked and ******, a sweetie that's vulnerable,
and you decided to scratch me, he decided to
hurt me a little, and in this moment
I drank more than I should only to
get back at him, out of spite,
only to make him worried, I know what I like,
I'll regret it when he says my name: but still
I really like his body and the way it does
those things I like

for the benefit of everyone
maybe it is for the best

that moment of love
drizzled onto me
as those forest mists
not a thick cloak
as those woodland fogs
a brief moment of warm sunshine
to greet my shoulders and upper back
not a burned foot
as from scalding sand
sweet soft lips placed upon mine in the action of a kiss
no wrestling, but long vowels softened by each other
an exchange of smooth color, well rested blending
to glide into my heart to be remembered throughout the day

on top circuloid hydration
white springed days stepped forward
as the older man sang to the purity that sat high on top
the purity on top regarded the song as worthy, hums and tapping
of the human's tongue. he bounced on one foot, the other foot, cloth-
-ing gyrating to its own melody and humdrum. the man settled with
a humble drawl.

this whip is bright like lightning
black matted as a punchthrough void
i swim through brackish waters
to get to cleaner waters
to escape all of the sick dying fish around me
to flip my fins and get far
to feel the warm sun under the water
and the cool moonish nights
but in these vinegar waters
all i see is muck, coughs, cries, screams
broken fins, bottom feeders
in the clear clean waters where they laugh,
where they stay in schools, where they
lounge by coral anemones, out in that northern sea
soon i will be, part of their world

epeiric waters is where i belong
you have to take me right now
from these cold, foggy, murky lives now
swim me there, i can keep up

here i am
aware of my imperfections
through love
instead of remaining
perfect and unloved
i wouldn’t trade this
for anything

as hard as this is
to change into a better person
i wouldn’t trade it for a thing
for the love and peace
that comes with this
imperfection means more
than the loveless life
that comes with perfection

and i want a life of love
more than anything

for once I was believing in myself
believing there could be something I
could be good at, decent at, something
I didn't have to fail at: but before
I even got to do it I became interrupted,
obstructed in this belief: for once I felt
I could be empowered, I could explore
myself through something but now that courage
and confidence I thought I could grab
seems far away from me. I feel defeated
and broken before I could bloom.
Please, water me, so that I can continue on.
I know you cannot bloom for me, but please,
water me. Please give me sun.

She laid out before me as a lotus blossom
soft, warm, pulpy and inviting
until she began to spread before me as an anthill
stinging and splendid anthill
that gripped me and bit me
Her eyes rested beneath the sun, dark and wholesome
She floated around the space inside of me
in a form of limbo, otherworldly and skyey
like she could take the distant clouds
as steps and hop, twirl, and giggle into the sky
I could look up and see under the thin mesh indigo skirt she wore
no polka dotted underwear or thongs
nothing at all under that sweet skirt
just legs and the anthill that blossomed before me
between her legs was a bruised fruit, overripe too,
and stinking of aroma. But she bounced around
with a banana, a fruit the sweet nymph didn't like,
a nymph with I in a forest she pretended to be
as our bodies locked and tangled
juvenile and almost confused about her age
bereavement of her curls, tendrils of taboo
Beautiful multi-colored, she was multi-colored
the same way the Earth was: her skin ranged from
anger, happiness, sadness, mud, dehydrated dirt,
and sand; at times, the outer husk of a coconut and the sullied snow that rested on curbsides
but it was only her eyes that were creamy like
chocolate in my homeland, it was only the teats she bore
that were creamy and raw as dipping your hands
into a bucket of fresh cow's milk
To think her name rang uniqueness, damage, frizzledness, and a being drowning
an island woman drowning in the water
a woman with a daisy behind her ear
the most precious thing in the world
and the only person who has, like rubies,
made me want to take an easy route: for she is the straight and narrow path,
she is the mystery I want to solve, she has, somewhere on her palms sewn in as the patterns that are her prints,
the answer to what draws the sunlight to her, the answer to what draws
this old, boring, and flatted man to such a funny-looking, trainwreck, and addicting creature

You're the one I've chosen:
as an idiot, as a blubbering fool,
as untapped potential that spills out of my faucet,
your eyes low and puffed, deranged little woman,
my dear silly child, skin absorbed clouds, you're a mess here,
in a place like this, somewhere so absurd.

ik ben je hele liefde
en een paarse jas en dier
geel blauwe paraplu
nu, kijkt je hier

suppress intonation
heavy breathing
flushèd cheeks
eyes almost tinted muddied soil
sun light gazes over
five dimension face
lips spread apart

I will be your lady of the night
eyes with some moons
bosoms blossom with milk
tear drop shaped
swear it’s all for you, savory and dark (my)
enriched from sugar cane
cornmeal so I don’t stick
weaving the grains in my hair
plaits to connect to the sun
plaits to beat the sun
and I bend down to pick things for you
dear Master, do you see my rear
through this mesh dress? see-through fabrics,
slave, and most abundant,
and I tell you I mean it,
swear it’s all for you, present and future (my)
lower lip plump with whimpers
from whispered and simmered
cries I’ve held in my chest
put into my mouth to
pacify my yellows and placate me
with your blue more often
hard **** returns to your mouth, sir
these sunkissed goods
receive your kindness, and sir,
I ask for one more chance
to prove these hips you see are
round not for no one, not for no one but
you, stop this hell of my life you’re making,
watch me walk and you’ll know
I’m yours for the taking, and I tell you
all the time, swear I know it,
I’ll crawl to you from my post, sultry eyes
and I put my face between your legs,
powerfully planted within the dirt bed
my face lies there to gestate and
we fertilize (my)
— let go and let me surround you,
an earthly good you have now that
you have me, I can be real good,
though on this plot of low land
where I wear your silk around my
wrists and ankles, in our world,
you belong to me and I am your master

MY IMAGINATION SPURS
something gets kicked
and fluttering, my pretty lady down there throbs
I'd pay to hear all night
say any and every thing to me
your breath, your pauses,
the trill and slight accent
the tip and top of you
BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH

reckless eating, juicy fruit rips against my teeth: fleshly pulp proceeds to rot and digest. white pin eyes inside, heightened I would die, lightened tie-dye sky, ripe tight tartened pies, riptide time rode high, a little disingenuous and her skirt rode up her thigh, hands pronounce the word dreams and you spell it outside an eight-sided die

wanting to bring out the violence in you with your rubber eyes, taking back my confidence, in you, and now putting inside of me so you can take it back with your self, fall inside me, follow up inside me: harmonies ring back my head, the sun rises while you drift too. eyes stare like wide moon setting down, lifting back your hips and you ****** inside of me: I don't think I can wait; I don't think I want it, but I want it now, yes now. hear my screams, you said it was music to your ears; use some violence, play some games, make me cry and breakdown, then build me up and kiss me, I see the gentle force in your eyes, somewhat gray, looking somewhat gray in there: hands stretch out, palms outreached with, inside, outside you stare, upset angry, smoke and wine, **** in your hair for 90 days: I need some, all your attention, unconditioned, it's all I'm missing: am I missing? poster, carton: night time. resting back inside, my mind and you take no time, we take the 1 Line, boy you look fine,

let me be your healing
I can be real good
let me hold onto you
please embrace
all of these crazy minds and times
that you get the under the bus
and my skin breathes you take on me
please just embrace
please just accept
I look away as  I write
this as not to see the way you break me
and that I love you and how you build me
bouw:bouwen:bouwer, builder, my lover,
you be.  human. human first. a man a human. first
woman a man human, first, yes, human. being, you are something.
types. just take your time, roll up and blaze, come up in side you
don't you know, too, I know?

something in me meshed with the lava
merely escapign through a point, a getaway
where did  you be-gin? where di I end/
did you fall through the void? did you fall through
to get to me? did you run up there to go me?
did you run up there to get to me? rolling my tongue
across your face, lifting up your chest to see
your breast: inner breast, let me lick you up, let me
sing to you: listen to my rolling hills, you said you like my
curves: rolling glistening clouds on my skin
and my shoulders laugh inside of the shower
laced with ribbons upon and wrapped your mouth
your neck
retires by mine: something in you goes off,
doesn't want to loosen your grip. no, you like it,
you wnat it raw, you like it raw and hard, rough
and something short and small: just like me. the fat
stays and you look by me, and you still deny it,
don't have me feeling stupid and, don't make me
look foolish: admit it, don't deny, the gentle
sadomasochism on you reeks and it stenches,
you can't deny you're world yet, your order, You are World:
yet, you are somewhere there. I point somewhere
on the map: maybe the card, maybe the woortel, did you see?

licking my lips and looking up at the sky
you're so wrong for that
listening to your tunes while I watch that crack
listening to your body and I loosen
my grip so the sand can fall through
I seem to like the taste of unbleached bamboo rolling paper
afterfollowup on my tongue and near the
back of my mouth, it seems like
I did it right: while you sit and stay fired
right up: way to a chimney, back and forth, then
break: Zwarte Piet life's lake is a book, and birds
ring me. I look toward on the track.

they've all found comfort and home in the obscene
the acknowledgment of the obscene yet not the bathing in it, they bathe in the obscene and preach the delights of its stench and of its roughness, they throw its slosh to (a)utres, attempting to land in someone's face the turnover the world faces as it dives into more and more filth: the world has gone to ****, the West declines! yet we must honor the ***** and relish in the garbage, the very garbage that drives us downwards to impotent matter only, leaked and dry of potential, lacking in spirit. or, full of carcass. existentialize your trauma and *****, hedonize the great syzygy for your karma: the human attachment, hedonizingly distance yourself from it and open your mouth, to truly eat insects, as you lick the velvet and touch the furs. you kiss the feathers and squeeze fake pearls. devalued and denatured. lost. they, as a trench lurker, the flounder of Mariana, of the Challenger, sop up the muck and swear it as caviar: mixtures of relativism, depression, pain, and pseudo-gnostic death-obsession. swear it as gold. swear it as a true holy. ephemeral ideologies for defunct genitals. dysfunctional inner ***. root and sacral blockages, yet somehow found a faux-freedom in forgery, obscenity, and pretentious "thinking"; precious intellect becomes shattered by the foot of myth, legend, poetry, feeling, spirit, moving, flow, WATER. ye forced the aurorea off of their heads, the acrylic and oil glory around the crown: ye tipped it off, to expand into the buiten en binnen, yet have become so paralyzed because of the flashing lights outside, the illusionistic flashes, you find solace and comfort in polyamorizing your genitals.

I threw everything around my room only to break down and slam my fists against the carpet
he looked at me and said he couldn't believe the person behind these eyes was his
and I finally believed for once that he felt lucky to have me that he believed I was his favorite
and possibly, in his world, the most gorgeous woman there was and now he seemed to ruin me
with that tease, I wished to slap him and make him regret it: my mind began
to laugh at me, the world was darkened and I called out to spirits and I began to
see visions, feel a higher energy tingle around me, kicking a hole in the wall
while smashing my fist against my pillows and to sleep, no sleep, wanted to stop eating
thoughts of suffocating myself with the blankets under the pillows,
no one would find me: my mind colored grayscale, thoughts no onewould miss me, thinking he would
move on, ******* eyes, want him to need me; now I can and I will make you need me,
I will be more terrifying: the faces you made as I rode you and slammed
my big derriere on you, that look you made when you thought about me, the one behind
these eyes, is truly yours, the way your eyes softened to see my hair out,
cleavage out, crawling around towards you: ten more times, feeling
rings around your mouth, make him need me. it will sting, it will hurt,
it will feel good. you will live. i will make you alive. resuscitate. he likes that,
he likes that. really I just wanted to bruise him again, leave myself on him again,
on him again, leave myself, once more, to leave my mark on him, physically this time: I said I would no
longer claim, but I will leave myself on him, let him see my love on him, let him release; oil and acrylic
make him kiss my pacifier, kiss my ring, he said it, himself, I can do anything to him,
blossom wherever I want, no more sorries, **** the nightstand, resembling: he will start to show me why he believes, almost wanted,
for months I floated around wanting to be his little girl, for once
I finally, felt he had took me in as his own: tongue, hands, eyes,
he's beautiful, beautiful and beautiful, his eyes, his cheeks turn red, he smiles
to ask for those linens, silks, raf simons, antwerp six, show me that quality and that price tag you so condone, not out of a want for material, but for proof and for repentance of your sins to me
circustry, tentistry, ancestry, history, recently