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acacia Oct 2020
its never enough
never black enough
never hood enough
never anything enough
never ever enough
never enough
im never enough
its never ever enough for anyone never
always
acacia Oct 2020
and i wish there was another world this neverh appened
drin
acacia Oct 2020
why do they play this song?
why do angels play that kalimba music box song round and round in my ears?
why do they play this melody, am i supposed to know it?
please tell me what in the world does this mean?
baby?
acacia Oct 2020
in a mariposa's gazes wings are fire, little dusty but the way she drinks the nectar is astounding: dressed in vinegar a knife flutters into the air, a butter catepeilalr and bread drinking soda from the foyer, pillars dust into a choppy circle breaking madness, haze of smoke screen i cant see ntohing else but dust: dust in heart and dust in lungs i breathe it in the mountain ring, holy forces holding me my lazy name comes onto a trampoline a bouncy house my little moments running out, i've passed all of this out and i've wasted my existence hurting others and being horrible: they've all come to hate me and i've done nothing except been a burden for their ailments they are soliders i was a healer supposed to be but i failed them i cant fight and i cant heal, i cant live but i can die and i can **** myself and sweep my legs away with dusty railroads .... trains are coming drinks are humming bees surround my nails though listening my mind is made up stars surround me like a halo
kalimba sounds like comets pitter patter on a rooftop, a slightly ring and sneaking things all over my facade: little briefs of dreaminess spread across it like a town and colonizes left and right and up and down the two-dee surface brought the food of no one / gun shot one and gun shot two  three four touch the ground and the sky is up there he looks up there she looks through in the East, no where down and no where West the rainbow boats a moist stone, roun and round the music box continues to go on the side of a rail road
acacia Oct 2020
i should just die instead
this is all too much
im too emotional for everyone
i hurt everyone i talk to
i want my lover and my friend
no one has to deal with it anymore
no one has to deal with it
no one has to know
i cant live up to anyone's expectations
i dont want to do this again
i dont want to live a million lives again
i dont want to do it again
i dont want o bbe in this body
or in this life
or in life / my existence has messed up, i have messed up this whole life: there is no coming back from this: ive hurt everyone and my life really is already ruined: my life really has been ruined i have ruined it already, no one really likes me and i really am never going to really help: nothing to really help. stuck in a ditch, going to die. going to **** myself again and again because these truths seems to tbe real
and it hurts yes my stomach hurts
eevrything is hurting
like singing a song
no one needs to know how i feel
i am just like a stinging eel
i dont have to tell cuz no one needs to know
im waiting for december and for some snow
si would only end up killing myself again anyway
i need to give everyone a break
always i need to give everyone a break
a lost hope a lost cause
yes a lost cause as he would say in passing
someone who wastoo dark they would say in thoughts
someone who was too emotional they would say in conversation
the only real answer is to **** myself
i sit here in my bed crying and the illusion of the happiness and pain ive felt buzz away and what is left is the solution thats presented itself in my hands for years: i see the movement of His silk, as he soothes me with images of my own knife going into my chest and my neck hanging from a rope and my skin bleeding and sliced: gone, a solution for me and the rest of the world.
i sit here and cry
acacia Oct 2020
i'll soak your mind enough so you write about me:
acacia Oct 2020
i hate that he makes me laugh when i hate him, my chest gets butterflies and my cheeks turn an aching red: i'm fed, and i'm dizzy
im a good ******* girl and i always act my best and i rest my head on his chest sigh
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