Off to the park a picnic yeah
three women a wean
and a man who don't scare
well not too easily...
as long as the swings
don't make him queasily
up the slide ok wee girl
she's gonna fall my toes all curl
nope she seems to have it dialled
little hurricane dynamo child
then the swings
for about12 seconds
three turns on the roundabout
maybe less I reckon
then back to the slide
God I am puffed
hasn't the wee girl had enough?
Ok I grab achicken roll
two bites its in a muddy hole
this picnic is turning out to be
endurance playing for Jeremy
tried the kids swing I got jammed
like wearing steel Y-fronts
my privates were crammed
ok so it was all my choice
I say in a funny high-pitched voice
"Jesus go up" I am told so I go
Only she calls me that now you know
where she got it who can guess
got an idea won't confess
(better than being a skinny Welsh Tw*t)
starting to flag like I smoked a ***
need an emergency sicky bag
go home soon and lie down quick
after picnic and playing I am quite sick

How come the world is good
when I am dumb as a plank of wood
worried that women are smiling at me
I'll run and hide up a big oak tree
some help my pals they push me on
"Make a move before she's gone!"
no I'll hide and pretend I am dead
or suddenly in a coma instead
all this girl stuff leaves me perplexed
I know they are sort of a different ***
nicer shape and not quite so hairy
though some back in Wales are really scary
it's not like I am truly fussed
for a perfect figure? a shapely bust?
no, find me a woman with spirit and love
like she fell off a cloud from up above
or grew in a glade in the great greenwood
she can banish my fears with her powers of good
she can bully and laugh and kick my ***
though the best of my friends she'll have to pass
but I guess if she can withstand both of those
she'll have earned her right to hold me close

Hopscotch

Girlfriends running, twirling, too.
Taking turns out in the sun.
Skip and hop across the board.
Leap over the marked one.


Twister.

Red right foot,
Bodies blend.
Green left hand
Twist and bend
Blue left foot,
Over extend.
Yellow right hand
In a body pile, again.


Chess

Pawns in play,
Knights abound.
King in check,
Queens around.
Pieces falling one by one
Check and Mate is the sound.


Tag

Tag! You're It.
Running wild.
Laughing, screaming,
Swift little child.


Jumprope

Rope atwirling overhead.
Jump when its under.
Singsong chanting
Sounds like thunder.


Checkers

Red men, Black men.
Jump on a diagonal.
King me, king me
Gonna jump a handful


Kick the Can

Running down the street.
Kicking that can.
Swarm of kiddies
Chasing past the man.

Today is a muffinless morning.
I shouldn't have ignored the clock's warning,
As I wouldn't have been nearly late for tea
And find out that without muffins I would be.

Next time I'll remember to wake up on time
For tea without muffins is simply a crime!
With a muffinless morning, the day isn't right,
But least I can have muffins at tea time tonight.

It happened tonight
I dare not clap
Haggis the cat
slept on my lap
watching a film
on the settee
Denise was sitting
next to me
he strolled along
looked at my pants
though "oh well,
I'll take a chance."
A stroke and a pat
I doff you my cap
Haggis the cat
slept on my lap

She doesn't feel her Angels
that was what  she said
but I saw her aura flaming
fiercely  all around her head
telling how she saved our friend
when he was down so  low
she might not see them lately
but I saw this angel glow

A cat came into my dreams last night
a great big ginger beauty
but instead of curling up
he lashed his tail all snooty
"I saw you thursday night"
he said, with a tear-stained muzzle
he wasn't pleased at all with me
but why? Wow what an awkward puzzle
"Haggis in your arms, that's what!
How dare you do this to me?
there's only space for one of us
upon your boney knee.
That lad is such a fighter
he chases me all day
he bites my **** till it is plucked
I try to run away!
Ok I sometimes taunt him
push my **** into his face
but understand you silly man
your lap is Vincents place!
Room for us both? That is not true!
Remember my huge belly.
Balancing me upon those legs
Is like juggling a jelly!
I know I snuggle up with him
when it's cold and mum's not there
but already Haggis is snuggling dad
I almost have to swear.
So keep away my skinny pal
from my naughty feline rival
'cos the battle to keep your lap for me
is like the struggle for survival!"
Hmmm..he has a point I guess
he was a wee bit worried
that Haggis causes him so much stress
I think he'd have him curried!
I  see them snuggle on the bed
and butter wouldn't melt
I know if Haggis comes to me
Vin will give me a belt!

A truce was declared last night
we all saw a remarkable sight
the dogged bruiser sleeping sweet
then rubbing all around my feet
his eyes were saying come on mate
no  stared disdain, no smoldering hate
so carefully I lifted Haggis
scared he might take it amiss
I wanted so long, I did it at last
I cuddles Haggis the King of the Cats!