How and why?
Jer can try
not got the eye
aim for any
and hit sky  
why for all
who are sad
all bad and mad
let you all
run out and fly

There once was a crazy nurse,
She drove around driving a hearse,
Whenever she hit a victim,
She would cry out "Admit 'em!"
The prognoses couldn't have been worse.

I was born out of a tunnel
the midwife found it a fight
I turned around and crept back up
wisty for the night
"who said I was to be moved?"
went through my baby head
"I am not yours to command
so I'll stay in here instead!"
Years have passed I'm out at last
in a time of stress and din
still like a child I fear the world
and yearn to climb back in.

I went into the woods today
to feed the little birds
the squirrel in his little  drey
and the roe deer in their herds
went in feeling confident
walked out tired and grey
now I need some counselling
and this is what I'll say!
Those little ******* birdies
had set a trap for me
dug a hole with mickey the mole
they knew I would't see
fell right down
and bashed my head
they laughed so much,
thought I was dead
all they wanted was my seed
No! not my *****!
Oh, please take heed
the rabbits kicked earth into the hole
****** lagomorphs got no soul
except for hares
they are classier
even though
the females are sassier
I climbed back  out
the birds got miffed
"there is no doubt,
he must be biffed!"
so into the fray
they sent their trump
a ****** great stag
to give me a thump
spent ten minutes dodging round
running like a good'un
until I ran into a tree
solid and pretty wooden
"my sodding nose,
that ****** hurt!
I'm bleeding down
into the dirt!"
tough they told me
with their eyes
that tree will cut you
down to size!
I got away at half past six
how was purely luck
I fed the stag some weetabix
and he got hit by a truck
So now we're having venison
and gravy for our tea
and if I go to the woods again
I'll take some friends with me!

Sleeping pills are kicking in
but one last poem still to spin
having too much fun to go
but drugs are saying "no, no, no."
What a special day this one has been
all the lovely folk I've seen
and on this site for such good fun
such a laugh from everyone
poetry is like a vent
for me it is like heaven sent
keeps me going when I'm down
helps to lighten up my frown
tonight I'll have a great big smile
keep it there for quite a while
so tomorrow if the day is tough
poems will save me soon enough.

My Nan just took away my nose,
she's got it in her pocket.
She did it 'cos she saw me
put my fingers in the socket.
I said "not me!" so she decided
to teach me quite a lesson.
And though her tactics I derided
soon I'll be confessing.
I cannot breathe without a nose,
cannot smell dad's awful toes.
Cannot sneeze, only cough
and my glasses will fall off!
So put it back, oh Nana dear,
and from the socket I'll keep clear.
And for a spare nose I'll be wishing,
in case the one you take goes missing!

Haggis the cat is quiet and gentle
hang on! No he is ****** mental
if you speak or touch he strikes,
and that's just people Haggis likes.
Fights with Vincent all day long
even when he's done no wrong.
Lets me stroke him when he's mellow
made a streak in me thats yellow
the other day he pinched my dinner
boxed my face like I'm a sinner.
Fought over my piece of lamb
one each end then Haggis WHAM!
Let me kiss him the other day
but I know soon he'll make me pay.
Yes, now I've crossed the Scottish border
I've found my place in the pecking order..
BOTTOM......