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 Apr 2014
Molly
I whispered your name into clenched fists
and cursed myself for letting you in.
I ground your fingerprints off my skin with sandpaper
and dug your promises out of my veins.
I cracked my ribs and ****** you out of the marrow.
I exhaled all your breath from my lungs like cigarette smoke.
I set fire to the rose you gave me
and left the notes you wrote in the rain.
I destroyed myself to destroy you
but it wasn't enough.

I called you at 2am,
I spit venom into the phone,
Do you have any idea how guilty you make me feel?
I broke my own heart over you,
I told myself you deserved this,
I made you feel sorry
oh, did I make you feel sorry...

It's 6am now.
He deserved it.
He deserved it.
I ruined myself.
I ruined you.
I made you feel sorry.

*I keep telling myself it was worth it.
 Apr 2014
Molly
They swear on your existence,
they place you above their nation,
they use you to decide right and wrong,
they thank you before meals,
they whisper your name into clenched fists,
praying that you will bless them,
praying that your divine grace will save them,
they respect you,
they fear you,
they love you.
They convince themselves you love them, too.
But if you love them you have a cruel way of showing it,
if you love them you need to start acting like it,
because if you are their almighty father,
you need to start treating them like your children.
A father wants the best for his children,
a father sees the innocence in his children's eyes
and wishes it would stay there,
a father carries his children in his arms when they are tired,
he tucks them into bed at night,
he kisses their forehead and tells them
he loves them.
A father does not test his children with cruel punishments,
disease is not a proper gauge of devotion,
disasters may bring those involved closer
but only because they are mourning the loved ones you stole.
When a child tells their father they hate him,
he waits,
because he knows they are young
and they are learning
and they love him.
A father does not **** his child
to an eternity of suffering
for not worshipping the ground he walks on,
a father does not need recognition for the good he has done,
a father does not need recognition,
God, if you are so great,
why do you need recognition?
If you are so high above them,
why do you need their reassurance of your power?
Why do you make them beg for your help?
God, why are you so insecure?
God, do you punish them just to hear them cry your name?
God, why do you hurt your children?
They love you,
can't you ******* see that?

Dear God,
you are a deadbeat father.
 Apr 2014
Molly
I held a match to the rose you gave me
but it wouldn't
*******
burn.

I tried so hard to leave you
but you wouldn't
let me
*go.
 Apr 2014
Molly
I remember when I was
thirteen and my aunt asked
if I had ever had my heart broken.

With the same tone of voice
I would have used if she had
told me to be safe on
my walk to school,

I said
my heart is indestructible.

Now I am afraid for my
life because they thought the
Titanic was unsinkable so
they drove it head on into
an iceberg and as the ship's
soundness was compromised
a number of the passengers were
so drunk that they decided
to stay on board.

I can only hope that when
I see an iceberg in my path I
will not let my hubris convince me
that I can handle it,

I can only hope that if
my heart begins to sink
I will not be so intoxicated with
my feeling of invincibility that
I do not try to save myself,

I can only hope that
when my ship goes down
I will not have made myself
so isolated that
there are no rescue missions
willing to find me.

— The End —