The tragic path to a self made torment is awakened in me. The inevitable remains paramount to death. Just as with those who cause me pain, I cause them pain as well. The Lost Vision becoming more lost. The undeniable lover questioning her motivation to stay. Such love I regulate within my heart. But still, the strength to carry on fades to black. The biggest struggle I possess at the moment is that of the Lost Vision. The greatest promise I intend to keep is driving the Lost Vision into madness. It fears my departure and careless nature, though through all the emptiness, I do not plan to leave the Lost Vision's life.
I've caused so much pain, so much worry and insecurity.
As if I've stolen a key to the door of their heart, never again to give it back. A prisoner in my own soul; a build up of guilt now from the inevitably caused pain to others from myself. The essence of God still not being discussed, for I wait for that perfect stranger still. He came once, but I lost him amongst the hopelessness. I strive to escape this hole I lie in. But now this hole has become my home, my wasteland, my reality. I can't apologize enough to you, the Lost Vision, for making you feel that I will soon depart. I can reassure you I am not leaving you now.
But still, I cause many people grueling heartache. I am given so much love, so much that it's nearly overwhelming. Yet I still dream of ways to throw it all away.
So many tears I shed over a broken mirror, broken in spirit. It lacks the ability to reflect my happiness. For happiness was also lost to the hopelessness. So for now I continue my days, waiting for the end of heartache.
(Cole...1-23-12...11:04AM)

Within the endless void in which I constantly dwell, I struggle more and more to keep my sanity from escaping me. The more I dwell, the harder it becomes to remain from a vast, parallel reality, which opens up to me freely. My own home, a sanctuary of hate. For myself, for this life I "live." I cannot depend upon myself for happiness and consolation anymore. Only a few others can provide these essentials. The lost vision; the girl by the lake; the undeniable lover. As I listen to ecstatic waters, and look beyond the lake in front of me, I witness the sunset; its wondrous power to bring, give, and nurture life. At this moment, I feel as if I'm waiting. Waiting for that stranger, that perfect stranger, to walk by and discuss the essence of God. The bench I sit upon: empty. God does not provide a soul to bring it warmth. You may ask, "How can the bench be empty if you are perched upon it?" I will tell you, I am no soul bearer. I have given too much of myself to others to have an inspiration or warmth to give to this bench. For I am only temporarily using its space for myself. Those in my life are very much alike. Most are only there for a temporary time. However, there are those who will be present for a much longer time. Unfortunately, the inevitable is the death of a dream. Because even though they are here to console me, I'm afraid they inevitably cause me pain. But nonetheless, if they were not present within my life, I would have no life at all. But what is a life without a soul? Put your head against my chest and you will find there is an absence of sound. I pour my heart out for others, and it keeps me from knowing my self. So for now I will remain, dreaming with a broken heart.
(Cole...1-22-12...5:37PM)