You're a page torn
From my diary
Keeping all my secrets
Accepting my demons
Calming my  3 am thoughts

Inks are smudged
Tear marks are dried
You kept them all
But you were the very
Reminder of all that's ****** up
in my life

You're a page torn
From my diary
Used, crushed, messy
Still, it's my biggest regret
To cut you off

This universe of ambiguity
brought you to me.
It was the happiest day
as we swim and lay;
along the shore where we
talk about our future earnestly,
of how you’d want me to be
with you and you only mine solely.

Then suddenly,

the storm came violently,
along with our promises,
our vows; the spaces
between us grew.
That’s when I knew,
I’ve lost you.

i don't have the courage
to spill my feelings
or even fight for you

but i also don't have the guts
to finally, cowardly,
and undoubtedly give you up

tethering hopelessly,
i am contented to never be,
contented within an arm's length
for i am yours to hold
but you're not mine to own.

it's heaven and hell
and everything in between

i feel so happy, excited, and anxious
on how my emotions, my hopes, and my dreams
delight and torment me
spilling their way towards you

the twinkling of my eyes,
my lips forming a smile
and the rumbling in my stomach
may all be caused by the butterflies
or maybe it was because of anxiety
for i know all too well
that we will always be
impossible.

these nasty intentions i tried to fight,
every ***** desire that should be kept,
i swear by the gods, must never come to light
chained beneath the depths of my secrets
where it will forever be locked
and imprisoned inside Pandora's box
that not even a glimpse
can be seen within the crevices
that not even my shadow will know
this ache crushing my soul

and with that, i would spend
my whole existence
resisting and indulging
every waking moment
of and with you

the fates are so unfair
catching me unaware
that i have sauntered vaguely downwards
but keep putting me in despair
because i will never be the one
the one you'll honour as your partner
the one you'll stand with at the altar
the one you'll take your vows with
the hand you'll hold on the street
the body you'll hug in your sleep
and the lips that you'll kiss deeply and sweetly

it'll never be me
we can never be
i will just keep longing
forever hoping
that in our next lifetimes
you'll finally be mine
finally, it'll be us always all our days
that despite the circumstances
you'll choose me anyways

sometimes i wish we never met
then maybe it wouldn't be this hard to forget
every little thing,
every good morning greeting
etched in my being
caressing my heart
wrenching my gut

we should never have met
maybe then, i wouldn't have things to regret
i would never have been upset
whenever you haven't replied yet

now, sleep even evades me
just thinking you're angry
and i force to repress the hurt
when i picture you with someone
cozying in your arms
or you listening and loving her being whiny
and coaxing her whenever she's sulky

'cause you do all those things with me
so how can i accept it?